Feeling Disconnected from Two-year old DS

[sste]

Not sure if this is normal or not. I have been having some chronic, minor health problems that have resulted in alot of fatigue and generally feeling ill. They are resolvable but it is going to take several months to get it straightened out.

Meanwhile, DS had this big transition to being a super-active two year old. He was a very late walker (19 months) and was really just a huge baby for the longest time. And I loved the baby stage and was good at it. Then, just as I start to have these health issues he now needs to be chased after every minute and demands (understandably) to interact with us every minute from daycare pick up to his new, later bedtime of 9pm (caused by daycare's two-plus hour nap policy).

I am so tired after work and I force myself to play and read to him but it is not fun. In fact, alot of nights if feels torturous. I think he is picking up on this and becoming more clingy. And I am so sad that we seem to be losing what was a terrific bond.

Has anyone felt disconnected or not enjoyed parenting at particular stages, including two years old? Any suggestions?

[elektra]

The actual months are kind of a blur but the majority of the two's were really hard for me. I think it was just DD doing the whole "terrible two's" thing. I was also pregnant for a good portion of that time so I was also feeling ill alot too!
I just recently noticed that over the past 2.5 months or so things have really gotten better. I don't know if it's because she can communicate verbally better or what, but she is so much more fun to be around now! ( I know of that torturous feeling.) And I don't think DD was the most horrible 2-year old, but in contrast to her super sweet 1-year-old self, it was a big change.
I do hear that 3 can be worse than 2 but for us, 2 years and 10 months seems like a good age for us! I am hoping things won't turn sour again come March!

[mommylamb]

the 2s are tough. We're there now, though I don't have your health problems. But they can be very demanding of your attention, and there are times when I'd like to take 15 minutes after getting home and just talk to DH about our days.

But, I think the fact that your DC wants your attention, wants you to read to him, etc, means that your bond won't go away. He wants that relationship with you.

[Melaine]

To me, it sounds a lot more about your health than about DS (which is a good thing). Just because your symptoms are minor doesn't mean that it doesn't totally drain and discourage you mentally and physically. I've had a lot of relatively "minor" health issues (and some not-so minor) that I think were somewhat related to my anxiety disorder. Things like upset stomach, exhaustion, heart racing, dry mouth, headaches. When I am dealing with them, I feel so drained and exhausted and just plain stressed that it is very difficult to give what I want to give to my children. My fuse is SO short then. I would sometimes pull into "survival mode" and sort of just go through the motions of parenting. Being chronically tired really changes my personality and not in a good way.
One of the worst things for me about my anxiety, is that it makes me so self-focused. I can't help it and I try to fight it, but I am so much "in my head" and just not "present" in my life the way I want to be. Sorry to get OT and also rant about my own issues. I'm not at all saying you have anxiety or the same issues that I do. All I am saying is, don't underestimate the effect that physical symptoms can have on your mental health and relationships. I hope you can just focus on feeling better, getting rest and then I feel sure that things will go more smoothly with DS. Again, this is probably just self-reflection on my part so sorry if it really isn't applicable.

[arivecchi]

The 2s are exhausting and it is hard to find energy after a full day's work. I know it's hard now with the weather, but when it gets warmer, I love to take the kids to the park near our house after work. They get to play there and I get to relax a bit after work. (Hey, maybe we can go together to a park?) Can you find some activities for him to do by himself while you relax for a half-hour/hour? It will get easier as my 3 year old pretty much entertains himself now.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Btdt. Some ages I have just clicked better with but you'll find your groove. :)

Beth

[Katigre]

Every parent has certain ages that are more draining and challenging for them. I would try to find a few bonding activities you guys do together - and they can be low-energy (like cuddling with him while he falls asleep and you sing him songs, or him sitting on your lap to eat breakfast in the morning, or going somewhere special together on the weekend like the bookstore with a train table).

[maestramommy]

I had this issue with Dora shortly before Laurel was born, and it peaked after she started school in the fall. I think it's "normal," but it's good that you are aware of the change. Don't have any answers though, except that things are getting a little better. Just a combo of my getting a "little" more sleep, and Dora just settling down.

[Nooknookmom]

I have chronic health issues that won't go away but I am trying to manage tham as best that I can (ugh!).

It is very hard to tend to an active 2 yo while not feeling well. I do feel disconnected to DD2 every now and then, mainly when I am feeling crappy and she doesn't *get* that I need to rest (which is normal, b/c she IS only two-I get that).

A difference is that in your situation, you are gone ALL day, when you come home, DS wants his Mommy. No matter how you feel, KWIM? If you are not all "there" physically & mentally to enjoy that time as you did before, he definately will pick up on that and it may thrust him into terrible-two overdrive. Which in turn can make you crazy, and make you feel distant from him.

They really pick up on our energy, DD2 especially. Seems like when I am having a bad day (like today) her behavior is worse than on days that I am more like myself. We started having battles this morning before 10 AM, *sigh*.

Hopefully, you will feel better soon and this new phase with DS will settle into it's own little 2 yo track. :)

[BabyMine]

I am so sorry about your health problems. I can relate to the disconnect.
TT is extremely active and there are times when my health isn't great. I gather a bunch of toys around me and sit or lay down. He is happy being by me and I get to rest. I also resort to TV. I did this with M also.

I wish I could help you out. It's great that it will resolve.

[ThreeofUs]

It's hard. And I guess the first thing I'd say is that I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you feel better soon.

FWIW, the thing that saved me was making time to really concentrate on doing ONE thing with full attention with DS1 and 2 each hour. The rest of the time I might be spaced or feeling awful, but for 10-15 minutes I'd concentrate really hard on them.