Did Moving (geographically) Make you Happier?

[sste]

DH and I moved to our city for his education and seven years later I realize that I am not well-suited for the extreme cold and gloom here and limited access to outdoor activities. We do however have two great jobs here and our city is a nice place to live (i.e., we certainly don't hate it except perhaps from late January to March).

We are debating moving in the next five years to a location with more sun and outdoor activities and a little more of a granola-crunchy vibe to the population. This would quite likely mean a severe step down for one or both of us in our careers.

For those of you who have moved for similar reasons, were you happier? I am struggling with this question of does happiness come primarily from within or can moving geographically have an appreciable difference on your happiness and well-being?

Any opinions?

[ourbabygirl]

DH, in particular, and I would love to move somewhere warmer (we're in the upper midwest), but we (I) don't want to be far from all our family. Also, I love the changing seasons, but as I write this, we're in the middle of a snowstorm, which gets a little old by February (and March and April)! We wouldn't want to move somewhere where the people are much different, though (diff. values and way of living), and I'd worry about other natural 'disasters' if we were to move somewhere with much nicer weather (hurricanes in FL; earthquakes, wildfires, droughts, etc. in CA). And I love the idea of OR or WA, but don't think I could handle the gloomy rain and fog.
But again, the main reason is that I want to be close to family, to see my parents, have a bit of their baby-sitting help, and for our kids to get to know their gparents and grow up with their cousins. I also think we have a good education system here (both public and private schools, as well as good colleges), lots of job opportunities, and just a good standard of living. :)

Good luck with your decision!

[TwinFoxes]

When I moved from DC back to California I was happier pretty much immediately. I can honestly say I didn't miss anything other than the museums, the pandas and Metro. Now that I'm back in the DC area I feel that my happiness level has gone down, but not as much as the first time. Oddly, my DH who loved DC actually seems to be more homesick for California than I am! :confused: I think geographical location can have a huge impact on happiness. I had a couple of colleagues quit very good jobs because our company wanted them to leave our LA bureau and come back to DC.

This isn't an anti-DC thing, DC has tons going for it, and I know there are tons of people that would rather poke out their eyes than move to LA. But I really think if you have a chance to move somewhere you'll love, do it!!

[arivecchi]

DH and I moved to our city for his education and seven years later I realize that I am not well-suited for the extreme cold and gloom here and limited access to outdoor activities. That would decide it for me. We have long rough winters and if they make you that unhappy, I would definitely consider a move. It sounds like it would be relatively easy for you to find new jobs so if your financial stability will not be affected, I would honestly probably go for it. Having sunshine makes a really big difference for some people. As someone who grew up in the Caribbean, I can tell you that sun and warmth makes a huge difference in the way people are and live. Where are you considering moving?

[bluestar2]

I think it is a combination of both, really. If you and your DH feel happy within yourselves, with your relationship, making a move to a place with better weather and a different lifestyle could be a wise choice assuming your pay cuts would enable you to live comfortably in the new location. It also depends on your priorities, the things that make you happy. Would you be leaving family and friends whom you are close to? Would you be willing to start from scratch, making new friends and establishing a new community? Would you be leaving jobs that you find fulfilling? If not, making a move could give you a fresh start. I find it rather exciting myself. But, if there are unresolved issues which haven't been addressed within your relationship, there is a pretty good chance that uprooting, moving, finding a new home and new jobs etc could add a tremendous amount of stress and make it worse. Or, the initial move could take your minds off the issues for awhile, but they have a way of creeping back once things have settled down. If you and your DH can see yourselves happy where you are for the foreseeable future, but moving would bring you a step closer to a lifestyle you envision for yourselves, it could be a good thing.

[sste]

Thanks everyone!

For the movers, did it make a difference whether you had more friends in x place or y place? In other words, was it the geography/climate/lifestyle or did it really come down to your social connections in a place?

As for me, we don't have family in this city. We have some good friends but our oldest and dearest friends are spread across the country. I am a little unclear about where to move to!! We have family in the northeast but almost as cold as my present location, the Pacific Northwest is outdoorsy but I don't think I could deal with the greyness (I think I have some seasonal low-light SAD-type issues), I have had it with the midwest, I am worried we might not fit in in the South, and I am pretty fair and can't take extreme heat (I thought about Tucson for a bit). I guess that leaves me with California, parts of the West that aren't too hot, or agreeing to deal with the cold in exchange for cold weather outdoor activities!

ETA: I completely agree with bluestar2 that your problems follow you! I am very much trying to get a handle on the seasonal affective stuff and DH and I are def. still working through some things in our relationship, esp. with respect to work-life balance. I do want it to be a situation where I am moving from a position of strength, not running away from problems that will follow me.

[egoldber]

We lived in the heart of the midwest for awhile and were infinitely happier when we moved to the Northern CA. More like minded people, more friends, etc. The mild climate was another huge asset. I find winter weather and snow very stressful to deal with. OTOH, I think it would have been very hard to be a parent there: long commutes, heavily underfunded schools, etc.

When we moved to DC area it was not so bad. Weather still pretty mild (current blizzards notwithstanding). And as a new mom, I was able to find connections with local new moms. I think it is harder as your kids get older to move to new areas. Even at school, people have tended to find their "group", so to speak, and are not always looking to expand or grow their circle of friends.

ETA: In terms of social connections, that makes a huge difference to me. I'll trade better social connection for slightly worse weather.

[fivi2]

Thanks everyone!

For the movers, did it make a difference whether you had more friends in x place or y place? In other words, was it the geography/climate/lifestyle or did it really come down to your social connections in a place?

As for me, we don't have family in this city. We have some good friends but our oldest and dearest friends are spread across the country. I am a little unclear about where to move to!! We have family in the northeast but almost as cold as my present location, the Pacific Northwest is outdoorsy but I don't think I could deal with the greyness (I think I have some seasonal low-light SAD-type issues), I have had it with the midwest, I am worried we might not fit in in the South, and I am pretty fair and can't take extreme heat (I thought about Tucson for a bit). I guess that leaves me with California, parts of the West that aren't too hot, or agreeing to deal with the cold in exchange for cold weather outdoor activities!

ETA: I completely agree with bluestar2 that your problems follow you! I am very much trying to get a handle on the seasonal affective stuff and DH and I are def. still working through some things in our relationship, esp. with respect to work-life balance. I do want it to be a situation where I am moving from a position of strength, not running away from problems that will follow me.

What are you worried about wrt not fitting in in the South? It is a pretty big and diverse area you are ruling out there! :) Just curious? Maybe some of us can give you suggestions based on your concerns?

[TwinFoxes]

Thanks everyone!

For the movers, did it make a difference whether you had more friends in x place or y place? In other words, was it the geography/climate/lifestyle or did it really come down to your social connections in a place?



Well, hmm. I grew up and lived in California most of my life, but not LA. When I moved to LA I didn't know a single person there. And I had some really good friends in DC that I was very sorry to leave. But, we worked for the same company, so they came out to LA periodically, and I went back to DC for big stories like elections and inaugurations, so we saw each other a fair amount. I traveled up to the Bay Area more often when I lived in LA than when I lived in DC, so I got to see my college friends more. Very sadly, my mom passed away suddenly about 2 weeks after I moved to California, so our dream of spending more time together didn't come true. :cry: I'm not close to most of the rest of my family, but did get to see them occasionally.

So my situation was a little different...I didn't know anyone in LA when I moved there, but in a way it didn't matter because I was able to still see old friends still. Oh, and eventually I did make LA friends (work friends mostly, but we're still friends even though we don't work together any more).

[hellokitty]

I think geography can make a difference if you really hate certain kind of weather for certain areas. However, like other pps have mentioned, your social network can make a HUGE difference. Since being married, DH and I have lived in 3 different states. One down south, that we thought we'd really love, but we hated it, b/c it was too hot and worse yet we had so many problems trying to make friends, so it made it even more miserable. Then we moved to another state and hated it for different reasons, not for the weather, but basically the attitude of the ppl in that region drove us nuts. We DID make friends, but b/c the place was such a crappy place to live, everyone we made friends with were basically using it as a stepping stone for their career, so they would leave after only 1-2 yrs. We became extremely unhappy when we realized that basically almost all of our friends eventually moved away and then my DH's hrs were awful. Where we are now, I do not like the actual area, there is nothing to do since it is very rural. The biggest difference though is that DH's work hours are actually good, good enough that I cannot complain for the most part and also I joined a mother's group where i have a made a lot of friends. The social networking this time around has made it, so that if my DH were to feel the itch to move, I would have to think about whether or not I'd want to leave my social network. Our family members live an hr away, but they are not helpful at all. So, there is nothing stopping us from wanting to move away from them.

[mmommy]

Heck yeah I've moved to be happier. But I know I need 3 things to coincide: good relationships, good job, good location. One of the places I was happy to move away from would seem like paradise to most people. But I hated my job there and didn't find it a friendly place to be.

[bluestar2]

Thanks everyone!

For the movers, did it make a difference whether you had more friends in x place or y place? In other words, was it the geography/climate/lifestyle or did it really come down to your social connections in a place?



..............

[JTsMom]

DH and I have been much happier since we moved from S. FL to GA. The weather is definitely better- we have 4 seasons, but the winter is very mild- we average 1 small snowfall a year, so enough to look at pretty white snow for a day, but not enough to have to shovel. :) I really love fall and spring as well. Summers are pretty hot, but better than FL summers IMO. I'm very fair too, and I hate the heat. I do tend to spend most of the summer indoors, but the evenings are usually pretty nice, so it's not a total loss.

People are so much more friendly and welcoming here, and that is the biggest plus for us. It just feels like home.

We live closer to my parents now than we did when we were in S. FL, but they are still 4 hours away, and we don't have any family right here. That part is rough, but the trade-of is still worth it. I could never live my parents do- even they hate it there.

I love the style of the homes here (and that our money goes a lot further), and that we're close to the mountains. It's much more of a central location, so if we want to go somewhere for the weekend, we can.

There are lots of family events, especially around holidays.

One downside is that this particular area is much more conservative than we are, so it's hard to fit in in that sense, but most people keep their opinions to themselves, and I don't feel like an outcast typically, so it's fine. If this were a more hostile, no-outsiders allowed area, I'd never survive.

Before we moved to the south side of town, we were on the north end, and it was a bit more balanced. I also liked that there were more stores/restaurants/services on that end, but there was also more traffic.

I grew up in Pittsburgh, and I couldn't handle that type of weather, so that's out. I can't picture myself being happy anywhere out west that we could afford, so that's out too. I don't think I could handle midwest weather. Anyway, yes, moving did make us much happier. It's not perfect, but I doubt anywhere is.

[Ceepa]

If you don't already know someone in the area you can't really tell whether making friends will be difficult. So my first priority would be to make sure you and/or DH have a stable work situation because without that everything else suffers. After that I would consider the location that appeals to you (regional climate, schools, activities). But I find it's a balancing act. Not everything is ideal but we focus on what is good and work on finding the positives in the rest.

[sste]

You guys are amazingly helpful - - and tolerant of me!

We are looking for a small to medium sized city or not too isolated college town. We currently live in a very large city and the commutes are an issue.

Hmmm . . . glad to realize Portland is not too grey. I always thought it was as grey as Seattle.

As for the South, these may be my stereotypes but my concerns are that I am very liberal, opinionated, occasionally hyper, atheist, and in a few discrete ways my personality is much more stereotypically masculine than feminine - - I am goal oriented, ambitious, not great with small talk, deal with all the finances in our home, etc. My husband and son are jewish and DH is easily verging on socialist in his personal life philosophy. The times I have been to the south the places I visited seemed more conservative, christian, mannerly, and well "normal" than DH and I!

[JTsMom]

As for the South, these may be my stereotypes but my concerns are that I am very liberal, opinionated, occasionally hyper, atheist, and in a few discrete ways my personality is much more stereotypically masculine than feminine - - I am goal oriented, ambitious, not great with small talk, deal with all the finances in our home, etc. My husband and son are jewish and DH is easily verging on socialist in his personal life philosophy. The times I have been to the south the places I visited seemed more conservative, christian, mannerly, and well "normal" than DH and I!

LOL, I 100% understand. Here's the thing with the south, IME. Some parts are exactly like the stereotype. Some aren't. The city of Atlanta is pretty diverse. There are even very very liberal pockets- like Decatur, GA. Before the election, most yards there had Obama signs. I know we have a lot of triangle are (SC) moms on this board, and they'll tell you they have similar areas.

Then there are the small towns (like we currently live in). I joke that I have to escape to downtown every once in a while just to remind myself that there are gay/Jewish/different types of people in this world! LOL (but, seriously, I'm not kidding) Our area is growing and changing though, and I'm hoping for the better. I would like to see a bit more variety here. In the meantime though, I really don't encounter the types of things I was afraid I would. I don't hear people regularly spouting racist/anti-gay/anti-Yankee stuff. I don't regularly have anyone question my religious beliefs, or push theirs on me. There are a few people who do those things, but that's probably true anywhere. The fact that this is a MYOB kind of town really works in my favor.

Our neighborhood is mostly transplants. We have people from all over the US, and there are less than 50 homes. If I wanted to find an area where there were only locals, I easily could, but there are other options.

My parents, on the other hand, hate where they live, and they feel like total outcasts. People are very big on the, "Ya'll ain't from around here, are ya?" attitude. They say that almost all of the transplants they know have the same impression.

So, don't throw the baby out with the bath water. The south is neither all bad, nor all good. It just depends on where specifically you look.

[Seitvonzu]

sste-- would you consider texas at all? the austin area sounds like it might be a fit--- pretty crunchy, lots of outdoorsy stuff nearby, beautiful fall/spring, mild winter, friendly (lots of young professionals and families), stuff to do, access to a big university and the perks that go with that, etcetc.

i went to school in austin (actually highschool in the burbs of north austin and then college at the university of texas). i would go "home" in a heartbeat. my brother actually based his law school choice on getting back, and they love living there. lucy & i just got back from a visit and even though this winter is a lot drearier than is typical-- we still got some quality outside time in-- my maryland baby would longingly say "SANDBOX!!!!!!!!!" all day and night while we were there :) she just loved being outside playing :)

cost of living in texas is very reasonable, even in austin which is on the high end for texas. i'm always struck when we go out to eat and the prices are so reasonable. and the food is AMAZING. i seriously am never disappointed when i eat out in austin, even if i'm just picking up a pastry at a coffee stand or grocery store (austin has some amazing grocery stores-- home of whole foods and central market (upscale of the local HEB regional
chain)). i'd be a thousand pounds if we lived in austin....the tex mex alone. ugh. :)

oh - and no state income tax :) (but highish property taxes, but no worse than my parents in IL, that's for sure)

my dh & i met going to graduate school at penn state. it was SO dreary in "happy valley." but i did love it up there-- so quaint! by april i would plunge into a depression at the sight of a flurry though-- i was SO over it! hubby is from CT, but he would love to go more south.... over our recent snow-pacolypse he's been talking more and more about chatting up his boss. there is a possibility for us in central texas and we're going to get there eventually.

where we live now doesn't jive with our values and people aren't welcoming at all (suburban maryland, north of baltimore). i have made some very good friends who i'll miss, but i've already told them they need to start taking their vacations in texas when we move! :) my family is in the midwest and my husbands family is in new england. they aren't a daily source of helping anyhow.... and if we were in texas, my parents might end up there (since my only sibling is already there).

we haven't btdt yet, but it's in the five year plan. we just can't see ourselves as lifetime marylanders even with lots of friends.

[JustMe]

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[StantonHyde]

Moving out west did wonders for my happiness!!!! Huge plusses were:
1. massively decreased commute time
2. I could get to the ski slopes here in less time than it used to take me to get to work!
3. Way less traffic/congestion in general
4. Every outdoor activity imaginable is easily accessable. (I can be in a designated mountain wilderness area in 30 minutes from my door and in 4 hours I can be in a desert that people come from all over the world to see)
5. At the time, the economy was really good so I found a good job quickly. I took a $10K pay cut.
6. I was able to afford a home
7. I was close to family (3 hours away vs 3,000 miles away)
8. Everyone around me did outdoors stuff vs. before when people thought I was crazy to go back packing
9. The dating pool for people who like what I like to do and were more similar to me was greatly expanded
10. The lifestyle greatly decreased my stress level
11. I have made great connections through daycare for the kids etc.
12. I got rid of humidity!!!!!!!!!

What I miss about the east:
1. Spring with rhododendrans (sp?), may apples, azaelas, etc.
2. Green
3. Lots of fall trees/color
My friends and other family.

[maestramommy]

We moved here from SoCal 1.5 years ago. Primarily for affordable housing and better schools, different place to raise kids. To answer OP's question, I'll say yes. And no. Yes, because we were able to afford a wonderful home with plenty of space for our growing family. The schools are great, the community is wonderful, etc. We're both really glad we made the move, esp. when we did.

The only part I not happy about is that most of my family is now completely inaccessible, except for occasional visits, I haven't made any close friends yet, so it's pretty lonely. OTOH, my MIL is now close enough to visit whenever she wants and can schedule it in. We've also seen SIL's family more than before (they live in the same town). We have extended family just over the border, and while we don't count on them per se, we've actually hung out with them more than we used to, which was never:p

We like cold snowy winters, but with little kids, it's hard to get out, which is a must unless you want to turn into a hermit for 4-5 months.

Rather longwinded, but just my way of saying, it's not ideal right now, but hopefully it will be in the future. If not, nothing ever really is, and I think it's really what you make of it. Of course, Dh blocked out other career avenues because I said I absolutely didn't want to move to certain regions of the country. If we didn't have any choice and ended up there anyway, I might've been miserable for a while, but I'd probably eventually get up off my butt and do something about it:p

[edurnemk]

Yes it did! Of course your personal problems won't go away, but switching to a better lifestyle has a great impact.

I didn't know anyone, but I had no trouble making friends through activities I joined, wives of DH's friends at grad school, etc. I was very happy, loved everything except the long winters, but everything else made it worth putting up with that.

Now we moved back to our hometown, for DH's job, much against my will although there weren't too many options. I feel miserable. I love being close to my parents but that's pretty much it, everything else I hate and it has had a negative effect in me, even in my health. Life here is just so stressful and I feel it's not a good place to raise kids.

[JTsMom]

sste-- would you consider texas at all? the austin area sounds like it might be a fit--- pretty crunchy, lots of outdoorsy stuff nearby, beautiful fall/spring, mild winter, friendly (lots of young professionals and families), stuff to do, access to a big university and the perks that go with that, etcetc.



Oh yeah, Austin! That might be a perfect fit for you. Everyone I know who has lived there positively raves about it!

[gatorsmom]

sste-- would you consider texas at all? the austin area sounds like it might be a fit--- pretty crunchy, lots of outdoorsy stuff nearby, beautiful fall/spring, mild winter, friendly (lots of young professionals and families), stuff to do, access to a big university and the perks that go with that, etcetc.



This is the first place I thought of. Austin sounds like a good fit for you.

[brgnmom]

For the movers, did it make a difference whether you had more friends in x place or y place? In other words, was it the geography/climate/lifestyle or did it really come down to your social connections in a place?


My DH, DS and I are moving in a few months from the New England area back to the west coast (California). My DH fortunately was offered a fellowship position there, but there were many other reasons why we decided to make the move. For us, we really miss our social connections back on the west coast--all our relatives are there (both in the bay area & in southern CA), and we would like our son to have a close relationship with his grandparents in particular. And of course there are the benefits of warmer weather throughout the seasons and not having to deal with harsh winters. In addition, my professional connections are in the bay area, and so I would have more options in terms of working part-time in my field... which has been challenging to find elsewhere.

I would strongly encourage you to consider the idea of moving in your case, since it sounds like it would make you happier. Best wishes on your decision. :)

[rlu]

I'd worry about other natural 'disasters' if we were to move somewhere with much nicer weather (hurricanes in FL; earthquakes, wildfires, droughts, etc. in CA).


I think just about everywhere you go, there will be natural disasters. We were relo'd from CA to TX (DFW metroplex) for my job a bit back. We were between two tornado bands.

The weather just about did us in - the cold cold winter (no snow though) and the humid hot summer (and DFW is not that humid I realize) determined for us that we would not move to the South again. The people were nice, and many people I worked with were transplants, but within 5 minutes of meeting my new director she asked me if I found a church yet. If someone in the Bay Area had asked that HR would be on their tail in minutes. I was uncomfortable with some of the attitudes and language we ran into there. We did make friends but our plans regarding DH's work in Texas failed so when I saw a chance to relo back to CA (and family) we took it in a heartbeat.

FWIW, the CA wildfires are localized and our building codes make most quakes mild entertainment. Drought is a way of life here. Also, CA is huge, and has every type of setting (mountain, desert, slough, forest, etc.) you can imagine. No swamps I can think of, though.

eta: Initially we were very excited about our move. We had always lived within 30 minutes of our extended families, so being on our own (we were over 30) and truly relying on ourselves was heady. We moved from a little track house to a huge 2500 sqft house on 1.79 acres and were reveling in our abandon if you will. But DH's work didn't pan out, we didn't make as many friends as we'd hoped, I didn't find a local church in my "flavor", the fire ants and thunderstorms terrified the dogs (and DH's bane was the chiggers in our yard), and then we had DS and were quite ready to go home again to a support network we relied on heavily and happily.

It's hard to make it here in the Bay Area, the cost is unbelievable, but we do have a support network to help with DS and we're making do. We can't imagine not living on the West Coast, and I'm not that into rain, so we're thinking we'll be in CA or Oregon most of our lives. That's the plan anyway. Did we give TX a fair chance - I don't know. OP has given their location a 7 year chance, given that, I would move if I could.

[brgnmom]

We are looking for a small to medium sized city or not too isolated college town. We currently live in a very large city and the commutes are an issue.... As for the South, these may be my stereotypes but my concerns are that I am very liberal, opinionated, occasionally hyper, atheist, and in a few discrete ways my personality is much more stereotypically masculine than feminine - - I am goal oriented, ambitious, not great with small talk, deal with all the finances in our home, etc. My husband and son are jewish and DH is easily verging on socialist in his personal life philosophy. The times I have been to the south the places I visited seemed more conservative, christian, mannerly, and well "normal" than DH and I!

Have you ever been to the bay area in California (it includes cities like Palo Alto, Sunnyvale, San Jose, Mountain View)? I think you would probably love it there-- it's very diverse, liberal, and family-friendly. My DH and I would move there in a heartbeat since we grew up there. The school districts are great there, especially in Palo Alto, Cupertino and Saratoga. There are also many different hiking trails, spacious parks, and museums (Tech museum in San Jose, Exploratorium in SF). The only drawback I can think of is the high cost of living there (housing), but I know that Mountain View has some more affordable homes and apartments.

[rlu]

Have you ever been to the bay area in California (it includes cities like Palo Alto, Sunnyvale, San Jose, Mountain View)? I think you would probably love it there-- it's very diverse, liberal, and family-friendly. My DH and I would move there in a heartbeat since we grew up there. The school districts are great there, especially in Palo Alto, Cupertino and Saratoga. There are also many different hiking trails, spacious parks, and museums (Tech museum in San Jose, Exploratorium in SF). The only drawback I can think of is the high cost of living there (housing), but I know that Mountain View has some more affordable homes and apartments.

I second all the above (I'm biased though, see my previous post). Look at the schools when you decide on a general area. Cupertino announced they are going to 30-1 ratio for the young classes although DH thinks it may be a ploy to get a bond passed and then they'll come down in line with most of the other local schools at 23 - 25 kids per teacher next year.

[Zansu]

<snip> ... I and can't take extreme heat (I thought about Tucson for a bit). <snip>

Given what you've mentioned in your other posts, Tucson would actually be a pretty good fit. I understand the heat is a concern, but you go from an air-conditioned house to an air-conditioned car to an air-conditioned office. The only time you get really hot is getting back in the car in the afternoons. But you learn, very quickly, which direction to park and you *always* use a window sunshade.

Kids play in the mornings or evenings, and all of the childcare places use misters and have huge sunshades over their play equipment. Everyone wears a sunshirt and hat at the pool, and a number of the pools also have sunshades over the shallow end.

There's a vibrant Jewish community here, with synagogues to suit every taste and a great JCC. The university offers everything you could want culturally, as do the orchestra, museums, theater groups, etc.

We're an hour from Mexico, but parts of the city could easily be transplanted to Sonora, so there's great food and lots of wonderful activities. The university draws from around the world, so we have Afghan, Ethiopian, Malaysian, name-your-cuisine restaurants.

It's a very child-friendly place, and very little here is formal. No one wears hose, and you only see suits in court.

Schools vary by district, but we have open enrollment, and there are many great charter schools, as well as private schools (Montessori, Waldorf, parochial, non-sectarian). We have two of the top high schools in the country (University High and BASIS).

Politically, people range from Minutemen to socialist. The best way to meet people is by getting involved in volunteer work.

I grew up in LA, and went to college in the Bay Area, and have travelled extensively. When I first moved here (to attend grad school), I always thought I would head back to California as soon as I could. But the desert grows on you, without you being aware of it.

So don't discount Tucson too fast :)

[Aishe]

Hmmm . . . glad to realize Portland is not too grey. I always thought it was as grey as Seattle.


I have to respectfully disagree with this assessment. It's all a matter of perspective, of course, but I have lived in Eugene and Portland and I would be very, very apprehensive about living there if you have any degree of SAD. I have plain old depression and I don't think I could live in the PNW again. Those skies are gray for a loooong time. It's beautiful and it does have a very liberal, progressive vibe, but there's no getting around the gloomy weather. But it has a lot of other great qualities so you just have to figure out if it has the right trade-offs for you. Just my two cents from a PNW native.

[fivi2]

Well, as an opinionated liberal atheist who grew up in Atlanta and now lives in Austin, I don't entirely agree with your assessment of the South ;) Sure there are areas you would want to avoid, but most major cities tend to have a good mix of people. You might want to investigate Atlanta, Asheville, Charlottesville VA, the triangle area of NC, or Austin. But, I don't want to try to talk you into somewhere - your experiences might be different from mine :)

As far as moving in general, I think it can help but it depends on the reasons for the unhappiness. And don't forget that moving itself can be a huge stressor, even if you are happy about the move. I do get the urge to move every now and then, but I would want to pick somewhere I know people. It can be hard starting over!

Good luck!

[cvanbrunt]

Well, I guess it would depend on how big a hit career wise you are talking about. A big step down in a great area would still leave me unsatisfied at work. If career is important, I'd worry about that. I wonder how much a great town could make up for a crappy work situation.

I did move to be happier. As much as I will offend some, I had to leave the south. I lived there three times for a total of 11 years. I lived the negative sterotype. When I finished grad school, I wouldn't apply for any positions in the south. That being said, Texas doesn't count. I'd move to Austin or San Antonio in a heartbeat.

[MamaKath]

For the movers, did it make a difference whether you had more friends in x place or y place? In other words, was it the geography/climate/lifestyle or did it really come down to your social connections in a place?

The lack of family here has been the most difficult thing about having moved here (outside DC). Our family is about 5 hours away (NJ/NYC area)- too far to be supportive if day to day things are needed, though close enough to have regular visits. We make friends each place we have lived, but it is not the same. The kids especially miss cousins, godparents and grandparents. We make the most of our trips up and go visit neat places, but when we are in DC it is hard. Many folks in this area are also transplants and the level of happiness amongst them all seems lower than those who are "from here" and have family/friends from childhood here.

[niccig]

I moved around the world, and I've been asked how difficult it was. I do believe you can make a home in many places. You have to work out what you need most, and then work to make that happen A crappy job in a great location will make you unhappy, so you have to fix the work situation. Starting afresh and no friends - you have to work at making friends...and that doesn't happen immediately. I've been in LA for 8 years now, and the first 2 years were difficult, I couldn't work until I got my green card, so I volunteered at 2 different places 3 days a week, joined the barns and noble book club etc....I did things to get out of the house and be around people.

I do need sunshine. I was miserable in London with grey skies. I don't particularly like the cold, but I think I could live in Boulder, where DH's uncle lives. It's cold, there's snow, but there is sunshine. I could not live in Detroit where the ILs are...I can visit for 2 weeks and no sun, but that's about it.

DH and I would move out of LA if we could,- we've had escape LA fantasies like many of our friends. But DH's work is here, so this is where we are. And we're making the best of it. DH would prefer to be someone with closer access to outdoor activities - we've found places within an 1 hour drive, so we can do it...we just have to work a little harder. We have no family here, but neither does most of our friends. We help each other out as much as we can. One friend needs someone to take her son home after school this week, so he's coming here for a playdate. I know she will repay the favour to me at some point. I will say that I have a pretty good support network to help me out in a pinch, and it's because I help them out when they need it.