WWYD - creepy worker at daycare

[mctlaw]

Background - The preschool/daycare DS goes to has hot meals catered in. The catering truck is usally there around the same time I do drop off in the AM. The same guy is alway unloading/delivering the food, so I am used to seeing him but have never had a conversation but say hi if he is right there, he sometimes holds the door, etc.

This AM - he was not there when I arrived with DS but as I was leaving he had arrived. He walked over to my car and said along the lines of "When you were carrying your son inside I made a nasty comment about you and felt like I should apologize." I told him I had no idea what he was talking about as I had not carried my son in, plus he was not there when I arrived. I told him he must have me confused with someone else.

THEN he said "Oh, this was several months ago." He again stated he had made a nasty comment when I was carrying my son in (without specifying said nasty comment), and now he felt like apologizing.

I then realized a time literally months ago when I was carrying G in during a hard drop off when he was still getting used to his new teachers and did not want to go (thus the carrying), and I heard him say something under his breath, but I blew it off because I didn't really hear him and wasn't sure that whatever it was was directed at me. I am guessing he probably called my DS a brat or something.:irked:

Anyway-it totally creeps me out that he has apparently been thinking about this for months, plus I have to say he really did not seem sorry at all in the manner in which he said this to me.

So, I just did not acknowledge that this occurred to me, and I just left. I was the only parent in the parking lot to me and I felt very uncomfortable.

I decided I will report this to our director, but am concerned about the possible reaction once this weirdo finds out I complained about him. I don't think what he said was termination-worthy necessarily, but I feel I should report it mainly because he totally creeped me out. Anyone think I'm overreacting?

If you made it through this novel, thanks and WWYD?

[liz]

Yes, definitely creepy. And yes I would say something to the director. I don't think you are overreacting at all.

[pinkmomagain]

Hmmm...it is weird but could've been something that bothered him/felt badly about.

I don't think I'd "report" him, but maybe I'd casually mention something to the director just to kind of check him out or check her impression of him.

[LMPC]

I'm not saying that it's not good to be cautious, and if your gut is saying "creepy" then go with your gut. But there might be other reasons for his behavior (not excuses, but reasons). Some people are very socially awkward but yet completely harmless. Perhaps he truly was sorry for the comment but had a hard time expressing himself. Not everyone is able to express appropriate affect either.

I'm just imagining a scenario where he felt bad about the comment and couldn't get it out of his mind. Someone might have said to him "Why don't you just apologize to her?" And so he did. Albeit in a creepy way.

I hope I am making sense here....I also think if his behavior has been appropriate up 'til now, then maybe it was a more benign situation.

Whatever you do, do what makes you feel comfortable KWIM. It's easy for me to sit here and "suppose" away.... :waving4:

[mctlaw]

Thanks for the feedback. He did seem creepy but I guess it may be he is just socially awkward and truly did feel bad. I still feel that I should bring it up but I don't mean to get him in trouble. Really one thing I am interested in is if the catering company does thorough background checks.

Can suggest a way to bring it up straddling these lines? Thank you.

[ThreeofUs]

Creepy to me! I'd say something to the director and tell her how - in a very nice and calmly casual way - it made me feel odd. Just talk to the director without being strident. She/He will get the point and can be watchful.

IMHO it's really inappropriate for anyone in a daycare situation to be making nasty comments in the first place. To display such awful social skills as to bring it up months afterwards and press on when the person you've insulted says they weren't - that seems somewhat aggressive to me. But that's just me.

[BabyMine]

I have done stuff that haunts me. It's not that I am thinking of the person more like the event. I don't know if I would appologize months later. I wouldn't be worried about him. You have to base it on your comfort level. I wouldn't report him just be more cautious.

[hillview]

I think you have to go with your gut here. It could totally be a harmless situation where he is maybe mentally challenged or otherwise socially ackward and just needed to say it. OTOH it could be a red flag. If you intrepreted it as a red flag then you need to mention it to the director. I'd just tell the story and say that while it could be totally harmless it felt uncomfortable to you and maybe the director could ask the company what their hiring policies are as they are a day care and they need to do an audit of service companies to report to parents etc.

good luck!
/hillary

[MMMommy]

I'm not saying that it's not good to be cautious, and if your gut is saying "creepy" then go with your gut. But there might be other reasons for his behavior (not excuses, but reasons). Some people are very socially awkward but yet completely harmless. Perhaps he truly was sorry for the comment but had a hard time expressing himself. Not everyone is able to express appropriate affect either.

I'm just imagining a scenario where he felt bad about the comment and couldn't get it out of his mind. Someone might have said to him "Why don't you just apologize to her?" And so he did. Albeit in a creepy way.

I hope I am making sense here....I also think if his behavior has been appropriate up 'til now, then maybe it was a more benign situation.

Whatever you do, do what makes you feel comfortable KWIM. It's easy for me to sit here and "suppose" away.... :waving4:

:yeahthat:

There have been times from some time ago where I regretted saying or doing something. You do need to go with your gut feeling, but think he may have been harboring some guilt. He probably thought you had heard his less than kind comment months ago and might have been put off by that comment. He might sincerely be trying to make amends for saying something he regretted. Reporting him could get him in trouble (possibly be reprimanded or lose his job even?) so I would tread carefully. But again, you need to follow your own instincts.

[TwinFoxes]

When I first read this I thought that A) he thought you had heard his comment and felt bad about it and/or B) has OCD and couldn't let it go that he had made the comment. But, I agree with pps that you should go with your gut.

[vonfirmath]

It seems to me that the very fact he apologized seems to answer a lot of your concerns

1. He apologized because it has been bothering him all this time that he did that. So the reason he was thinking about you all this time is guilt. And he wanted to try to make it a right. That's a good thing. Not something to punish a person for.

2. Since when is an apology a "Creepy" thing? If you report him and he loses his job over it, what will the lesson be? Not to say nasty things? Or not to apologize for them?

[Reyadawnbringer]

It seems to me that the very fact he apologized seems to answer a lot of your concerns

1. He apologized because it has been bothering him all this time that he did that. So the reason he was thinking about you all this time is guilt. And he wanted to try to make it a right. That's a good thing. Not something to punish a person for.

2. Since when is an apology a "Creepy" thing? If you report him and he loses his job over it, what will the lesson be? Not to say nasty things? Or not to apologize for them?

:yeahthat:

I guess you really have to be there to know, but I didn't really see anything creepy about it.

[DrSally]

I think you have to go with your gut here. It could totally be a harmless situation where he is maybe mentally challenged or otherwise socially ackward and just needed to say it. OTOH it could be a red flag. If you intrepreted it as a red flag then you need to mention it to the director. I'd just tell the story and say that while it could be totally harmless it felt uncomfortable to you and maybe the director could ask the company what their hiring policies are as they are a day care and they need to do an audit of service companies to report to parents etc.

good luck!
/hillary

I agree with this (and similar sentiments already posted). It's hard to know wo/being there, but my take is that either he's incredibly socially awkward, perhaps b/c of some mental challenge, and/or it was a sign that he is a really creepy person that you should watch out for. A large part of it is based on your gut reaction, and I would trust that. You can mention it to your director in that it made YOU feel uncomfortable/seemed odd to you. It would be prudent to ask what background checks they do on those interacting with the daycare. It's not like you're asking to get him fired, but looking into it further might give you more peace of mind.

[liz]

I agree with this (and similar sentiments already posted). It's hard to know wo/being there, but my take is that either he's incredibly socially awkward, perhaps b/c of some mental challenge, and/or it was a sign that he is a really creepy person that you should watch out for. A large part of it is based on your gut reaction, and I would trust that. You can mention it to your director in that it made YOU feel uncomfortable/seemed odd to you. It would be prudent to ask what background checks they do on those interacting with the daycare. It's not like you're asking to get him fired, but looking into it further might give you more peace of mind.


:yeahthat:

[marit]

I am going on a wild guess here.

Maybe he is in a 12-step program and one of the steps calls for making amends. Maybe it felt awkward because people in early recovery sometimes do.

If you truly feel threatened (do you feel that he's stalking you? was there anything sexual in his come-on) then you should report, but if you don't, please consider that this might cause him to lose his job, because he came over to apologize.

[arivecchi]

I think you have to go with your gut here. It could totally be a harmless situation where he is maybe mentally challenged or otherwise socially ackward and just needed to say it. OTOH it could be a red flag. If you intrepreted it as a red flag then you need to mention it to the director. I'd just tell the story and say that while it could be totally harmless it felt uncomfortable to you and maybe the director could ask the company what their hiring policies are as they are a day care and they need to do an audit of service companies to report to parents etc.

good luck!
/hillary:yeahthat: I agree with this. If it bothered you I would mention it to the director. I would not feel guilty about bringing it up. You are not asking that they fire him, just making sure they have acceptable hiring policies. If I were in your shoes I would have been a bit freaked out too. Plus this is Chicagoland, not the boonies. Plenty of weirdos here.

[pb&j]

It seems to me that the very fact he apologized seems to answer a lot of your concerns

1. He apologized because it has been bothering him all this time that he did that. So the reason he was thinking about you all this time is guilt. And he wanted to try to make it a right. That's a good thing. Not something to punish a person for.

2. Since when is an apology a "Creepy" thing? If you report him and he loses his job over it, what will the lesson be? Not to say nasty things? Or not to apologize for them?

An apology is a creepy thing if the comment/interaction never should have happened in the first place. To me, a contract worker who is clearly watching and paying attention to the comings and goings of parents with children is, in fact, quite creepy. And that he's been mulling over his (inappropriate) interaction for months? Doubly creepy. I would absolutely bring this to the attention of the daycare.

[GGrn]

I agree with going with your gut and also with the posters who mentioned he probably just truly felt bad for his comments. HOWEVER, no one knows if this was innocent or not. This worker obviously knows what your child looks like and where he attends daycare. This fact alone would make me tread very carefully. Definitely address this with the director but I would make it clear you do not want his fired or reprimanded, just monitored (for now).
If this guy is a loose cannon, I would hate to think he may take it out on you or your son if he were to lose his job.

[pinkmomagain]

To me, a contract worker who is clearly watching and paying attention to the comings and goings of parents with children is, in fact, quite creepy.

From the OP it was my understanding that he delivers the hot lunch everyday (or at least is one of the workers who does this, so "often") to the daycare. And it seems like he/they use the same set of doors in & out as the parents. Faces do become familiar...I don't think there is anything creepy about that.

[mctlaw]

IMHO it's really inappropriate for anyone in a daycare situation to be making nasty comments in the first place. To display such awful social skills as to bring it up months afterwards and press on when the person you've insulted says they weren't - that seems somewhat aggressive to me. But that's just me.

First, thanks to all for the responses. I wasn't able to check back in until tonight. This poster captured what made me feel creeped out, to answer some of the other poster's questions about what seemed creepy.

I previously summarized the interaction to keep it short. After I denied the comment was with regard to me, he said to me "Isn't that your Avalon right there?" Then he proceeded to tell me how the comment was months ago. It did feel somewhat aggressive and not like a "real" apology. And while there are familiar faces, I thought it was kind of odd that he knew my car. There are all kinds of Toyotas that park in that lot.

Thanks again for those who responding. I'm still mulling it over but am thinking about bringing it up in a low key way in reference to the policy on background checks.