UPDATE POST 11: Am I evil? Would you be out of town for SIL's visit?

[crl]

UPDATED IN POST 11

My SIL drives me nuts, mostly because she expects DH to help her and she never returns the favor. The list would go back to their childhood and extend to the present day, but in the interest of shortness, I'll just summarize it as he's (and we've) helped with money, labor, time, advice (asked for advice), knowledge, etc, etc, even when it has been really inconvenient for us. And she just does not reciprocate.

She stayed here recently while in town for a conference and it was horrid. I was so mad by the end of it that I did things like give her a map of the nearest ATM rather than offer to drive her (she had turned down previous opportunities when we were already out and the walk was only about 1/4 of a mile).

Anyway, she's supposed to be coming back in a couple of weeks. I'm thinking of taking DS out of town. I've been thinking about doing it anyway. He wants to go to play in the snow. DH is insanely busy at work so we're going to have to do it without him if we want to go. So, I'm thinking maybe I should just schedule it for when she's going to be here and miss her visit.

Does this make me evil? (If it makes a difference, my kid would want to see her, but she does NOT interact with him well--mostly she just says no to whatever he asks her to do with him.) Would you do it?

Catherine

[citymama]

It absolutely doesn't make you evil. I'm sorry you're put in a position that you have to leave your own house though - it doesn't seem fair. She overstayed her welcome the first time; can't she just stay at a hotel or something? (I'm assuming she is traveling on work since she is here so often!)

Anyway, if you have something planned anyway, I would completely understand why you'd want to time it with her visit. How does your DH feel about being stuck with her on his own - does he like having her visit?

[tmarie]

Definitely not evil. Unfortunately I'm famililar with that dynamic. If she drives you nuts and you're out of town, it might work out better for everyone. Go for it!

tmarie

[crl]

She's just opened her own practice so even when she's traveling for work, it's not like there's a firm to pick up the bill.

I haven't approached DH about this yet, but I think he'd be happier to have me gone. He's not thrilled with his sister's behavior, but it's not going to change and it's probably a lot easier for him to deal with the whole thing if I'm not around getting pissed off. So as long as I take DS with me (so DH doesn't have to worry about needing to work and not having anyone to take care of the kid), I think he'll say I should do whatever I want.

Thanks for the feedback,
Catherine

[bubbaray]

I don't think it makes you evil.

[JBaxter]

I think it brilliant :) I would also email her a week before and let her know

[crl]

I e-mailed DH and he e-mailed back that he thought it was good idea. So, once he gets her exact dates I'm going to see if I can get reservations.

Thanks,
Catherine

[hillview]

I might do 1 day of overlap so they get to see each other and have some sort of aunt/nephew relationship. It does NOT make you evil.
/hillary

[fivi2]

It doesn't make you evil, but my first thought is that I wouldn't want her to have the opportunity to be alone in my house and snoop through it. If she will be there while dh is at work, and if you guys have a bad relationship, I wouldn't put it past her to go through your stuff. I'm not sure what that says about me, but that would be my biggest worry!

[crl]

I think part of what made me so mad during this last visit was how bad she was with DS. I kind of don't want her to see him, at least not without a lot of other people around to dilute it. She's not exactly mean, but I don't know, somehow not nice. For example, he brought a couple of books in the car and asked her to look at them with him. He was polite and it was definitely a time she wasn't doing anything else. She kept saying no, it was too dark in a really irritated voice. He didn't ask her to read them--just look with him. I finally snapped at her (not my finest moment) to just pretend.

Hm, I hadn't thought about her getting into my stuff. I doubt she would, honestly. At any rate, she's already had plenty of chances. She stays up later than we do so she was awake while we were asleep and then I was out of the house while she was here alone, presumably she was sleeping, but I don't know for sure.

Anyway, assuming I can get reservations somewhere with snow, I'm going to take DS and go.

Catherine

[crl]

UPDATE:

Well, we went to the snow and missed SIL. She stayed in a hotel, but had dinner with DH twice. DS and I had a lot of fun playing in the snow and I think this worked out best all around.

Thanks for the feedback!
Catherine

[malphy]

good for you!