Would you say anything to the school? If yes, what?

[Laurel]

Long-ish, sorry. I am a little concerned with how DC's elementary school handled a couple pick-up issues yesterday.

Some background info: This is a rural school with a small student body. Even though our child is in K, DH and I are both very well-known on campus as is the other parent involved. There is a definite "it takes a village" mentality here. Parent involvement at school is high and we love the community.

Yesterday a parent called me during the school day and asked if I would like her to pick up DC from school for a playdate. I said yes, we know this family, and I knew DC was dying for a playdate, however, my child has never been in this mom's car or home before. Pick-up at school is done by a drive-up line, an adult/teacher puts each child in the car.

Issue 1: When I called the school to give them a head's up that the other mom would be picking up DC, I could not get through. I was expecting a call, as we are supposed to give permission for this type of thing. No call, they just let DC go home with this other mom. Not sure how I feel. On the one hand, school knows I am friends with this parent, etc, etc. On the other, they did not know I had given permission. It sounds really simple, like the school was negligent, and I am bothered by it, but not freaked-out angry like I would be if my kid was sent home with a stranger. Our teacher (who put DC in the car) has had three of this other parent's children over the years and knows this woman well. What to say? Especially in light of:

Issue 2: When I went to pick up DC from the playdate, the other mom was in the middle of an urgent situation/really important phone calls. It was close to the time for her older children to be picked up, so I offered to just take her car and get them. Her older kids don't really know me. The school let me take the kids, no question, along with another child who was coming over for a playdate. In this case, the other mom had called the cell of a third parent who was at the school who confirmed that I was picking up the kids, but I was still not 100% comfortable with how it was handled.

So, WWYD? I'm leaning towards mentioning it as a place for the school to be more aware/prudent of their policies, but I'm not actually that angry, given the circumstances.

ETA: I am certain that they would not have sent DC home with a stranger, just wanted to make that clear.

[infomama]

I would be concerned about that especially if they have a policy that states written/verbal permission must be given prior to the child being released to a non custodial parent.
Just because you aren't angry it doesn't make it a non issue. I would have a talk with the Principal and express your concerns.

[bluestar2]

I would ask them to call and confirm next time.

[ezcc]

My dd's preschool is also fairly lax about this, they know which parents are friends- I generally give a heads up at dropoff or text the teacher if there is a change of plans about pickup, but I wouldn't be too upset at the situations you describe. They are very careful if it is someone they don't know, require id, permission from parents. it also depends on the ages of the kids I think.

[m448]

This would not sit well with me. It's not usually the stranger that commits crime against children, but people they and we know.

[Laurel]

This would not sit well with me. It's not usually the stranger that commits crime against children, but people they and we know.

Yes, I am well aware of this. I guess what I want to say to the school is even though I was not actually concerned for DC's safety in this specific situation, I am concerned that ignoring policy on this could be very very dangerous. I am also sure that if this had been two Dads involved in pick-up that they would have shown a lot more caution- basically I got the message that it would be easy for a well-known mom at the school to abduct my kids.

I was also surprised that all the kids went so willingly with an unexpected driver, but that is a separate topic. The two little girls I picked up actually talked about bad people who take kids with me without making the overt connection that they had gone home with a relative (to them) stranger.

ETA: Not that it makes a ton of difference, but more background, I am a credentialed teacher and this is also known to all parties involved.

[mamicka]

I'd be very concerned that this happened. The details don't matter, IMO. I wouldn't necessarily be angry, but I'd be on a mission to talk to the right people so this wouldn't happen again.

I don't know if this would have happened at our elementary school (we don't attend anymore). The default is kids are bussed to/from & parent drop-off & pick-up is the exception. (It's a very rural school in an area where walking is not safe.) Supposedly their policy is that written notice is required (phone calls are not sufficient) to change the pick-up procedure. So, if you plans changed mid-day & you (or someone else) needed to pick-up your child from school, you (a parent) needed to go there & sign them out. Don't know if this is really what was enforced as we never were in this situation, but they seemed pretty strict about it.

[ellies mom]

I'd be very concerned that this happened. The details don't matter, IMO. I wouldn't necessarily be angry, but I'd be on a mission to talk to the right people so this wouldn't happen again.



I agree with this. I probably wouldn't be angry but I would be concerned. I wouldn't want my kids going home with anyone else unless I have said it was OK. I would probably just mention it.

[m448]

Exactly the details don't matter because even though you are a credentialed teacher only I as my child's mom am able to decide who has privileges like spending unsupervised time with my children. Sometimes someone who hasn't been caught yet doing anything is setting off my radar, sometimes it's my child who is uncomfortable, regardless the school needs to tighten up on their policy.

[m448]

I'm thinking of many shades of gray situations that would increase that school's liability severely. One I heard recently was a MIL who was allowed supervised contact with the grandchild but one day took the child out of school and to the pedi to get looked at when the parents have suspected MIL to have severe hypochondria and feared she was now involving the grandchild in her issues.

Let's say a relative not familiar with the child's allergy issues but the school let them go with that person anyway. A person who doesn't respect the parent's desire for extended five point harness use and then ends up in an accident. Too much to go wrong and the reason for those policies to be enforced across the board.

[Laurel]

I'm thinking of many shades of gray situations that would increase that school's liability severely.

This is exactly why I feel I must say something.