Tips for transitioning from 1 DC to 2 DC

[jgenie]

DS2 is 4 weeks old already. Up to this point we've had Grandmas here to keep DS1 occupied. He hasn't really missed me because he's been so busy with them. Starting Tuesday we'll be on our own - Yikes!! I'm looking for tips from others that have BTDT. I'm especially looking for ways to include DS1 and not have him feel too displaced by DS2. I'm exclusively breast feeding so DS2 is pretty much glued to me throughout the day. DH works late so it will pretty much be the three of us until just before bedtime. TIA

[Momof3Labs]

A good sling. Seriously. You need to be able to wear baby while having your hands mostly free for your toddler. It is amazing what you can accomplish with baby in a sling!

[DebbieJ]

Well, I've got a bigger age span between my two, so my transition has been different. DS1 is in full day kindy, so my biggest challenge was and still is getting him to and from school everyday. It seems that pick up time is always in the middle of a nap.

I am with Lori on a good sling. I love my Kozy carrier for my 17 lb 5mo. When you're wearing the baby, you have your hands free to deal with kid #1.

I hear ya on the nursing thing. My butt hurt from sitting so much that first month or so. Can DS1 sit next to you and read with you while you nurse. Or maybe sit on the floor and he can color or play right next to you? And there's always the tv/dvds. You gotta do what you gotta do. :)

Congrats!

[rgors]

I created a nursing toy box. It was filled with little toys that my DC1 had not seen before and she was only allowed to play with this stuff in this box when I was nursing #2. I tried to make that time special for her.

My hardest challenge was keeping #1 occupied unsupervised in a fairly safe way but not in the same room while I put #2 down for a nap. For this, #1 watches TV in our babyproofed livingroom in full earshot, or, plays with safe toys in her room. Up to 4mo I didn't have this problem but when #2 was 4mo, he started wanting to watch everything #1 was doing and so the distraction was too much to have her in the same room.

DC1 and DC2 are 2y2m apart, btw.

I tried using a sling but DC2 was not happy in it until about 3mo. I used the baby swing a lot for him.

Usually #2's immediate needs came first, but remember it is ok to put down #2 for five minutes and let him/her cry, to attend to #1 (get a snack together, help potty, etc). No one wants to let a newborn cry but your first child has to win the tug for your attention sometimes.

Make lots of crockpot meals.

Accept, even solicit, offers from friends to come over and play with #1.

If #1 is old enough, help them learn little chores like bringing you a diaper, a blanket, a binky, etc.

I find that as both kids get older, the challenges change with their developments. Overall it is getting easier. #2, however, is not mobile yet. I hear that when #2 is mobile then it gets much harder again.

[hellbennt]

something that Tanya from Kangaroo Korner slings once posted on the yahoo babywearing group (this was before the babywearer! she and Kelly of the Kozy were 'regular' posters!) has stuck with me and I find it's the best advice:

do not ever blame the baby for whatever it is, rather, blame your hands...
how it works:
instead of saying "I'll be right there, sweetie, I'm changing the baby!"
you would say," Mama's hands are busy sweet girl, I'll be right there!"

sounds very minor but I cannot tell you how this helped me!

I told this to my dear friend and she 'used' it then had to tell me one day, laughing, that when she called for her dd1 (after a few months of using 'hands are busy'), her little toddler hollered back, "I can't come right now, Mama, my hands are busy w/ my dollie!":ROTFLMAO:

[firstbaby]

mine are 27 months apart and my DS1 was obsessed with cutting paper around the time DS2 was born. He would sit next to me while I nursed the baby and use child's scissors to cut white paper into little tiny scraps. We talked about shapes, etc, but really he just loved to cut. It would last an entire nursing session. So that's a possibility for you if your DC is interested.

I also would tell him that when I finished nursing DS2, him and I would have some "special time". I knew that I could safely put DS2 down for a few minutes and do a puzzle or something one on one with DS1 and the baby would be content. :)

Playdoh is another idea, or any type of art medium. New coloring books, stickers, etc are always a hit in my house.

It can be challenging during those nursing sessions to keep everything balanced. Good luck!

[alexsmommy]

sling
easy meals planned out (as in five minute prep - did tortellini soup last night and doing frozen hamburgers, french fries and steamed broccoli tonight, pre-made frozen enchiladas tomorrow and ordering pizza Friday,)
easy toddler snacks (i have cheese sticks, grapes and apples I've already cut, cheddar bunnies)
new dvd's - I feel no guilt using dvd's to help
seek toddler out the minute I'm not nursing and initiate ten minutes of fun interaction or snuggles
make a big deal of times the baby has to wait his turn while I help DS2 "Sorry DS3, its DS2's turn for mommy to help him eat/get a new diaper/get kisses/take a bath/get his pj's on."

deb - i hear ya - I'm dreading taking on getting DS1 back and forth to school. for now my dad is kindly doing it. pick up is during DS2's nap and DS3 seems to be nursing then too. so ready for when its warm and it won't involve winter gear

sorry for typos nursing of course