do your kids know the names of their private parts?

[AnnieW625]

Some posts have got me thinking about this. I might be naive, but as a child the only parts I knew were nipples and bum. I'll hide under a rock and admit that I didn't know the official name of my vagina and vulva was that until I was in sex ed. . I remember being shocked when I saw Parenthood (the movie) when I was in jr. high and the little kid was saying vagina all of the time. I thought that was not normal, but maybe it was; just not at my home. It was always just my private parts, and I knew that no one was suppose to touch those, by bum, and my nipples. I did know that my brother had a penis and that was nothing to worry about but I guess my parents thought vagina and vulva sounded too adult.

So DD knows her butt is her butt, bottom, or bum. And she knows that she does show her panties to the boys and she knows that her nipples are nipples. Would I be a bad parent if I just called her vagina her private parts? DH has also called it her potty area, which sounds weirder than private parts.

[happy2bamom]

As a kid I had nicknames for my vulva.

As a parent I think that it is important for my kids to know the proper names of all of their body parts. I think that if you have a nickname for some parts of your body that it could send a negative message about those parts of your body (IMHO). I do it to empower my DC and hopefully encourage pride about all areas of their body.

From a practical standpoint I also think that if there is ever a problem (physically) with their private parts that they'll be able to articulate that to me and/or a doctor. I've also heard of courtcases when kids testify and use nicknames and it makes things less clear to the judge. It could also potentially discredit their testimony. (I know that is an extreme situation, but I think about worst case scenarios a lot)

That's my 2 cents.

[codex57]

DS knows the phrase, "where's your penis" in DW's language. I think I'll stick with that.

[awoodm]

DS knows that his is called a penis. That said, he has a speech issue so it sounds like "peanut," which cracks us up every time. Now, he just calls it his peanut. haha. Will definitely note that in the baby book for later.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

DD says "gachina" for vagina, boobies, nipple, butt or booty, and penis. I am pretty straightforward, so I don't do nicknames for body parts.

[Minnifer]

My 21 month old came running into the bathroom this morning, pointed and giggled and said "mama's 'gina!" I don't know why I started w/"vagina" rather than "vulva" and I didn't expect her to pick it up so quickly. We also say "tushie" and haven't had occasion to talk about "penis" yet but we will at some point if it becomes relevant. Oh, and she does say "nipples" and "booby" (that's a holdover from me and my big mouth during our nursing days - I want to switch that over to to "breast").

[m448]

Yup they do. V*lva, v@gina, , bre@sts, pen!s and finally an*s are words they are familiar with when they bathe themselves and from witnessing the birth of their siblings (as well as going to prenatal appointments and answering their questions in between).

*words not typed out correctly so google doesn't have a field day with indexing.

[wencit]

We call DS's penis a penis, not pee pee or wee wee or anything like that, as I might have done if I hadn't read this forum. I think someone here once relayed the story about a little girl who called her vagina by a nickname and was trying to tell an adult (maybe it was a teacher?) that someone was touching her "vee vee" (or whatever nicknamed she used), and the teacher didn't pick up on it. After reading that, I decided it would be wise to teach DS1 about his penis.

[malphy]

dd knows the proper words for them but she also knows they are her "privates"

I do not want her to feel any shame or confusion about her body so I am honest with her. But i also call her parts by the common nicknames so that she knows what other people are talking about if kyim?

[jent]

I did teach DD anatomical names, and it does feel weird to me since my parents used euphemisms too. Funny thing though, even though I told her names for all her parts, she thinks everything is her "labia" and that's the only term she uses.

[crl]

Well, I don't have a daughter yet and those parts are a bit more complicated. But, we do use the "correct" words with DS and will also do so with future children. Both because we don't think they are anything to be embarrassed about and because we feel it's important for DS to be able to communicate clearly to others if necessary.

Catherine

[mecawa]

Some posts have got me thinking about this. I might be naive, but as a child the only parts I knew were nipples and bum. I'll hide under a rock and admit that I didn't know the official name of my vagina and vulva was that until I was in sex ed. . I remember being shocked when I saw Parenthood (the movie) when I was in jr. high and the little kid was saying vagina all of the time. I thought that was not normal, but maybe it was; just not at my home. It was always just my private parts, and I knew that no one was suppose to touch those, by bum, and my nipples. I did know that my brother had a penis and that was nothing to worry about but I guess my parents thought vagina and vulva sounded too adult.

So DD knows her butt is her butt, bottom, or bum. And she knows that she does show her panties to the boys and she knows that her nipples are nipples. Would I be a bad parent if I just called her vagina her private parts? DH has also called it her potty area, which sounds weirder than private parts.

I was the same way, and my DD1 just knows it as her private area, I don't know why, I just have never got in to the technical name, maybe because my parents didn't with me.

[Jo..]

My 1.5 yr old DD knows butt and vulva.

My 3.5 year old DS knows breasts, butt, and penis, aka wiener. :rotflmao:

[JTsMom]

DS does know the proper terms for his parts, although testicles is a newer term- they just don't seem to get referred to much. He has heard me use the word vulva, but that's about it for the girl parts so far. My policy at this stage is if he asks, I answer. We also use the term private parts, b/c I think it's useful for emphasizing that those parts are private. He'll also still refer to breasts as nummies, which was our word for nursing. He knows they are also breasts or boobs, but old habits die hard I guess. LOL Now if he bumps into me there, he'll say, "Sorry for bumping your food, baby brother!" to my belly. :ROTFLMAO:

Sometimes, the proper words do feel a bit awkward b/c I grew up thinking everything was a pee-pee, but I think it's important for kids to know the correct words, so I just suck it up.

[lizzywednesday]

My parents believed in teaching the correct, anatomical names for the parts of the body, including the private parts.

I used the term "vulva" and "vagina" at a very early age because my mother was comfortable with those terms. My dad, despite being bashful about anything relating to that, always used those terms as well.

I haven't discussed this with DH, but, honestly, I'd prefer to teach our children these proper names as well when they need to be taught.

[lizzywednesday]

....

Sometimes, the proper words do feel a bit awkward b/c I grew up thinking everything was a pee-pee, but I think it's important for kids to know the correct words, so I just suck it up.

There's an episode of Scrubs that deals with a lot of people's anxiety about this topic. Sure, it's played for laughs, but it's a very real issue!

(Episode title is "My Dirty Secret" and it's episode 9 from season 3.)

[veronica]

I am a firm believer in teaching the correct words. When I took DD to her 2 YO well visit , the ped. asked her "where are your private parts?" I was shocked but soon read a post here that mentioned a story where the child was being abused but because they did not know the correct anatomical names, people thought they were refering to them just playing with a family member.

Since those two occurances, and DH teaching High School where a girl only know to call her vagina her "muffin", I am adamament about using the correct words!

[MamaMolly]

Ok, I need some help with this. I really want to teach DD the proper names but :bag I'm not entirely sure *I'm* calling things by their correct names. FWIW we referred to our parts as 'parts' growing up.

So far we call boobs 'nursies'. I have a friend who used the term and I thought it was very nice because it described what they are actually USED for, IYKWIM.

We started calling the lower area Woo-woo, but I think that is silly. I also don't think it is correct to call it her vagina because that is more the interior parts, and as we are potty training right now we are mostly talking about the outer parts. So is it correct to call the area we dry after urinating her vulva or is it labia?

The rest I'm pretty clear on. TIA!

[lizzywednesday]

Ok, I need some help with this. I really want to teach DD the proper names but :bag I'm not entirely sure *I'm* calling things by their correct names. FWIW we referred to our parts as 'parts' growing up.

So far we call boobs 'nursies'. I have a friend who used the term and I thought it was very nice because it described what they are actually USED for, IYKWIM.

We started calling the lower area Woo-woo, but I think that is silly. I also don't think it is correct to call it her vagina because that is more the interior parts, and as we are potty training right now we are mostly talking about the outer parts. So is it correct to call the area we dry after urinating her vulva or is it labia?

The rest I'm pretty clear on. TIA!

The whole area is the vulva. The labia are parts of the vulva.

[MommyofAmaya]

We call the genitals "gentles" or the "gentle area". I figure they can add the middle syllable later without much effort. The breasts are boobies..... and somehow so are bikini tops (which we don't wear around here).

[LexyLou]

My children are 4 and 2. I really don't think they need to know anatomically correct verbiage for their private parts just yet.

They do know it's a nipple-only because DD2 used to call it a belly button.

We call our vagina a VV and really that's because that's what I called it as a kid. My mom told me it was a vagina but I couldn't say vagina so called it VV and it stuck. My mom and I still call it that as adults not because we're afraid to say vagina but because we can talk about it in public and no one knows what we're talking about. LOL. So my kids picked up on that and call it a VV too.

We call our butts our tush or tushie because we're Jewish and that's what we do. :)

I've told them that boys have penises. But my 4 year old names it a wee-wee. I don't know why. I don't call it that, but she does and it doesn't bother me.

[Tondi G]

My boys know correct terms. They have a Penis ... they know testicles but refer to them as their balls. They know mommy has a vagina ... they both just called it a 'gina till they were a little older... then of course it sounded like Ba-gina for a while. They know I have breasts or boobs/boobies and they know we all have nipples.

When I was little we had a nickname for our private parts but I also know I had a vagina. Our god daughter called her vagina her "peaches" and I laughed. interesting nick name. I guess her grandma called it that so it stuck with her daughter and now grandkids!

I like my children to call things what they are! If they walked into their teacher and said "so and so touched my peaches" would their teacher know what they were talking about?

[Tondi G]

We call our butts our tush or tushie because we're Jewish and that's what we do. :)


LOL my DH is Jewish and my MIL calls the boys bottoms their "tushies" too! It's a jewish thing!

[citymama]

I am a firm believer in teaching the correct words. When I took DD to her 2 YO well visit , the ped. asked her "where are your private parts?" I was shocked but soon read a post here that mentioned a story where the child was being abused but because they did not know the correct anatomical names, people thought they were refering to them just playing with a family member.

Since those two occurances, and DH teaching High School where a girl only know to call her vagina her "muffin", I am adamament about using the correct words!

Don't you find this is more complicated with girl parts than boy parts? With boys, it's easy. Penis is both correct and widely accepted as the word for ... well, a penis. Girls have a lot more parts. Do they need to know (as preschoolers) the correct name for each part? As in: labia, vulva, vagina? Vagina is often incorrectly taught by parents as the general name for a girl's "privates," but that's inaccurate since it refers to a specific, internal part.

Now I totally get that it's important and necessary for kids to learn the anatomically correct terms. And why family nicknames aren't helpful. But I think it is challenging to figure out how best to proceed with teaching names of girl parts in particular. For e.g. no one in DD's preschool uses anything but "pee pee" which would make it more challenging - but not impossible -- for her to start saying "my labia" or vulva.

I don't see how sexual abuse could be ignored if a child said an adult was touching his/her "pee pee" versus penis or vulva. Or their "butt" as opposed to their rectum or anus. "Muffin," I agree, is ridiculous, but there are widely accepted terms for body parts that are not ridiculous, but also not the ones taught in anatomy lessons.

Anyway, I would love to get DD learning the anatomically correct terms - heck, she knows at less than 4 that a male fertilizes a female egg to produce a baby! (but not the details of how that happens ;)) - but I also am curious to know a) what specific terms folks have taught their DDs and b) how to deal with the fact that other kids, peers, teachers, family members may not be using those terms.

[veronica]

Don't you find this is more complicated with girl parts than boy parts? With boys, it's easy. Penis is both correct and widely accepted as the word for ... well, a penis. Girls have a lot more parts. Do they need to know (as preschoolers) the correct name for each part? As in: labia, vulva, vagina? Vagina is often incorrectly taught by parents as the general name for a girl's "privates," but that's inaccurate since it refers to a specific, internal part.

Now I totally get that it's important and necessary for kids to learn the anatomically correct terms. And why family nicknames aren't helpful. But I think it is challenging to figure out how best to proceed with teaching names of girl parts in particular. For e.g. no one in DD's preschool uses anything but "pee pee" which would make it more challenging - but not impossible -- for her to start saying "my labia" or vulva.

I don't see how sexual abuse could be ignored if a child said an adult was touching his/her "pee pee" versus penis or vulva. Or their "butt" as opposed to their rectum or anus. "Muffin," I agree, is ridiculous, but there are widely accepted terms for body parts that are not ridiculous, but also not the ones taught in anatomy lessons.

Anyway, I would love to get DD learning the anatomically correct terms - heck, she knows at less than 4 that a male fertilizes a female egg to produce a baby! (but not the details of how that happens ;)) - but I also am curious to know a) what specific terms folks have taught their DDs and b) how to deal with the fact that other kids, peers, teachers, family members may not be using those terms.


Sorry-guess I typed slower than my thoughts. To clarify , I use either vulva or vagina when speaking with DD and breasts and anus. I don't think we all have to bring out the map and go over the details but it beats muffin, pee pee and hiney! IIRC, the incident here was about a child referring to her cookie and that is a far cry from correct.

I think most adults would be hard pressed to describe differences in labia, vulva and vagina so I don't expect my DC's to. I just think it's good for parents to encourage the openness/naturalness of these parts and treat them with respect rather than shame.

[MamaMolly]

IIRC, the incident here was about a child referring to her cookie and that is a far cry from correct.

My ex stepmonster called her privates her cookie and taught my step sister to do the same. I thought it was the most vulgar thing in the world. So I guess 'cookie' isn't entirely uncommon.

[MamaMolly]

The whole area is the vulva. The labia are parts of the vulva.

Thanks Liz! We dry off the vulva. Labia included. :) Got it!

[elektra]

Don't you find this is more complicated with girl parts than boy parts? With boys, it's easy. Penis is both correct and widely accepted as the word for ... well, a penis. Girls have a lot more parts. Do they need to know (as preschoolers) the correct name for each part? As in: labia, vulva, vagina? Vagina is often incorrectly taught by parents as the general name for a girl's "privates," but that's inaccurate since it refers to a specific, internal part.

Yes! Penises are so much more straightforward!
For instance, when I was reading DD her potty book, there is a line like, "Prudence makes pee pee out of her (blank)." But what should you say for that? Definitely not vagina. But vulva doesn't sound right either. Urethra? I just went with vulva, and that's what I call "it" for DD.
DD knows several words for different private parts. DH for one, cannot bring himself to say vulva. He said some other word for it the other night when DD was in the tub and I can't remember what it was now.
Everyone knows what a penis is in our house though. And for the first month or so after DS came home. DD like to announce to everyone that DS had a penis. She seems to be over the fascination now though.

(totally did not know that "tush" was a Jewish thing!)

[MamaMolly]

We call our butts our tush or tushie because we're Jewish and that's what we do. :)


Ever read the children's book Mrs. Katz and Tush? My first grade students giggled madly through that one, but it is a cute book!

[mommylamb]

Ha Ha... not only does DS know what his penis is, he also loves to talk about it, to point out that he has one, mention that I don't, tell DH that he has a penis too, but his is smaller than daddy's. It's kind of funny. Ever since we started pee pee on the potty, it has been penis all the time for DS. I've told him (when he points out that I don't have a penis) that I'm a girl and I have a vagina (maybe I should use the word vulva instead... never used that growing up so it just sounds strange to me even if it's more correct), but I'm not sure he really understands what that is.

[lizzywednesday]

Thanks Liz! We dry off the vulva. Labia included. :) Got it!

For this tidbit, I would like to thank my parents.

[sariana]

Labia means lips and refers to the folds of skin at the opening of the vagina. There are outer labia and inner labia, IIRC.

[lizzywednesday]

Labia means lips and refers to the folds of skin at the opening of the vagina. There are outer labia and inner labia, IIRC.

Yes, but the term "vulva" encompasses all the external parts, including the labia.

If you're going to teach a DD an appropriate name for her external parts, vulva is the least complicated and most accurate. You can get down to the nitty gritty as puberty approaches.

[mrshalco]

DS #1 has known his Penis is a penis from the time he was little. Now that he's in Kindergarten he calls it his "privates". I'm not sure why but I think it has to do with getting in trouble with the principal for saying Penis in the cafeteria :nono:

I explained that at school, sometimes it's not appropriate to talk about penis' but that he won't be in trouble for using that word at home or at the nurses office.

[soontobe]

this thread is very empowering! Growing up my parent's didn't really talk about anything except for "private parts". Not really sure why, but my mother was always uncomfortable talking about this topic. She tried really hard to get over it so she could teach me about periods, tampons etc. but it did come accross that is was uncomfortable for her and I really picked up on it. (don't get me wrong, she's the greatest-this was just hard for her)

I try really hard to be more comfortable with this stuff and being preg. and going to the OB/lamze classes talking about things with DH have really helped me, but I really don't want to do this to my kids!!!

[carolinamama]

Yes, DS1 knows the anatomical names of his parts. He also knows the names of my parts as he is an inquisitive one. He's never misused them and I feel very comfortable talking to him about it. We haven't gotten to those body parts with DS2 yet but we'll handle it the same way. DH did not grow up in as open a house as I did so sometimes he isn't as comfortable with DS1 talking about babies coming from my vagina, but he's gotten more comfortable as time goes on. DS doesn't really know much about my vagina/vulva, only that it's between my legs near my bottom.

[tarahsolazy]

We use vulva for the external girl parts, because that's both the appropriate anatomic term, and its an easy one-word name to use. I dislike using vagina, since that smacks of male centered sexuality, ie that's the only important female sexual structure. Since little girls really are referring to the whole area, vulva, works great.

We use penis and scrotum for boy parts, but he does know testicles, he just doesn't use the term much.

I'm not a fanatic, we'll say bum and "girl parts" or "boy parts" sometimes, but in the tub I say, "wash your vulva", etc.

[wellyes]

I plan to teach vulva and penis. I've heard from several adult women who know vagina but don't know vulva and that's silly.

But I'll didn't know labia until college when our local women's gay group named itself LABIA meaning "Lesbian and Bisexual Alliance" LOL.

[sariana]

Yes, but the term "vulva" encompasses all the external parts, including the labia.

If you're going to teach a DD an appropriate name for her external parts, vulva is the least complicated and most accurate. You can get down to the nitty gritty as puberty approaches.


Yes. I was just clarifying what the labia were, as previous posts had not done so, saying only that the vulva included them.

Why does the word vulva have to sound so ugly? None of the other terms sound ugly to me.

[citymama]

Yes! Penises are so much more straightforward!
For instance, when I was reading DD her potty book, there is a line like, "Prudence makes pee pee out of her (blank)." But what should you say for that? Definitely not vagina. But vulva doesn't sound right either. Urethra? I just went with vulva, and that's what I call "it" for DD.


Yes, urethra would technically be correct! But possibly confusing to a little one. We are a complicated gender!

[JBaxter]

Im a big believer in teaching children the correct terms. I have always taught my boys the words penis, testicle, anus, vulva etc. We do use the term butt or hiney and boobies but my boobies have nipples.

I never understood what the big deal was actually saying the correct term or writing /typing it.

[neeleymartin]

i am sure that my post with the term "weiner" got you thinking. penis makes me giggle. ds knows the correct term. but i feel weird posting it. maybe it's b/c i don't own the equipment.

[StantonHyde]

I don't think vulva sounds ugly--think of Volvo!!

The terms are awkward for many people. One time I was subbing for a professor at our local U--I was supposed to teach the anatomy lecture. I had an entire class of 100-200 people repeat "vagina" until they could all say it without mumbling!!!

As an outreach speaker for Planned Parenthood, I can assure you that it is VERY important that children know the correct names for their parts. Why? Well, how often do you call a nose a schnoz or eyes "peepers". There isn't even another name for elbow. Kids need to know that all of their parts are ok and that they are not embarrassing and that it is ok to ask questions about them. This simple act teaches them that parts are not dirty or shameful and it opens up communication with you.

Most kids get some sort of puberty lecture in health at some point and they need it. I just wish they could all get a follow up lecture in high school on anatomy and what it looks like. I get questions from adults all the time because their parts don't look like magazines etc or they look different than their friends. People need to be comfortable with their bodies and empowered about their health.

Sure, there is nothing wrong with calling it a bum etc, but I stick pretty hard and fast to penis and vulva. And yes, it does backfire sometimes!! DH took DD to use the bathroom inside a McDonald's playland. At the end, she yelled "Don't wipe my vulva" so that EVERYONE could hear it. oh well. Fortunately, my kids go to a daycare that is sponsored by the hospital where I work so they are very used to hearing the "correct" terms for lots of things! (DD told the teacher the other day that one of her playmates was a dog and was "quarantined because he has rabies".)

[maestramommy]

Dora and Arwyn know bum, vulva and nipple. They don't know vagina, because frankly it would confuse ME to explain there's another hole in the middle. And actually the only reason they know vulva and nipple is because Arwyn kept asking. MONTHS ago:p

I think those 3 are enough to go on for now. They can learn about penis in sex ed:rotflmao:

[SnuggleBuggles]

I am a believer in knowing the real names for things. Since I have boys it's simpler though. They know the correct terms for the 2 main parts that boys have and they know breasts and we say butt.

Beth

[JBaxter]

i am sure that my post with the term "weiner" got you thinking. penis makes me giggle. ds knows the correct term. but i feel weird posting it. maybe it's b/c i don't own the equipment.


Penis makes you giggle and weiner doesnt? I dont feel weird saying it .. I may not own the equipment but I birthed 4 boys so I figured I grew it I can post it :).


We taught Nathan vulva which he pronounced volvo for a long time. THANK GOODNESS I did drive a volvo because the told every one I had a volvo

[SnuggleBuggles]

i am sure that my post with the term "weiner" got you thinking. penis makes me giggle. ds knows the correct term. but i feel weird posting it. maybe it's b/c i don't own the equipment.

Weiner makes me cringe. That's a hot dog. Even that I prefer to call a hot dog. :) My ds1's 2nd grade teacher refers to it as weiner and it drives me crazy since I feel like I have worked hard to enforce the proper name.

Beth

[jent]

Yes, but the term "vulva" encompasses all the external parts, including the labia.

If you're going to teach a DD an appropriate name for her external parts, vulva is the least complicated and most accurate. You can get down to the nitty gritty as puberty approaches.

Yes, I wish when I was talking to DD way back when about parts, I had just left it at vulva. I did try to use vulva with her, but I also described all the parts and used the word labia, and somehow that's the word she prefers, despite me trying to correct her to vulva. It's not too wrong either, b/c the labia majora (the outer labia) do cover the whole thing.


...I dislike using vagina, since that smacks of male centered sexuality, ie that's the only important female sexual structure. Since little girls really are referring to the whole area, vulva, works great.

My pet peeve is using the word "vagina" to mean the vulva. I like to be correct and it bugs me that that's just not correct. (Plus, now that you point it out, it IS a very male centric term.) I do remember as a kid that my mom taught me the word vagina, then when I would say that pee came out of my vagina, she would tell me that wasn't right. But she wouldn't tell me (maybe didn't know) the right words, so she would just say I was wrong and leave it at that. Very frustrating. (FWIW, pee does come out of the urethra).

Oh and Liz, I forgot to quote your other post, but I know EXACTLY that Scrubs episode and it is hilarious! I thought of it right away when I first read this thread.

[megs4413]

we use the proper terms. the only thing that made me a bit uncomfortable with our practical, matter-of-fact approach to the whole "sex" thing is when DD INSISTED she only had two holes. *sigh* I was not ready for that conversation. she asked if babies came out from the same place as pee-pee, though, and I didn't want her to think that was true. i did NOT show her that she for sure had 3 holes, i just listed their names for her...she still doesn't believe me. *rolls eyes*

[MamaMolly]

You can get down to the nitty gritty as puberty approaches.

Wellllllllll as much as I'd love the delay, I don't know if it will wait for puberty. DD is potty training and doing quite a bit of...UM...exploring while she sits there, so we have been naming all the parts but I just wanted to be sure I had the right terms for what we dry off. So to speak.

[m448]

Not to go on a philosophical tangent but I also believe that words have power. Teaching children the proper terms makes them normal and fearless. When our children grow up even past the risk of child molestation letting them become comfortable with their bodies can only enhance their adult intimacy and the ability to verbalize what they want without baggage about using proper terms or the cutesy terms.

Also in the case of molestation the discomfort that surrounds the terms is what holds children back from telling as well. That feeling of "there are things we don't talk about" can certainly undercut any parental effort to tell a child that they should come tell us when they have been touched inappropriately. By letting them become comfortable with these terms in the context of a loving family they are demystified and also stripped of any negative association.

[malphy]

Not to go on a philosophical tangent but I also believe that words have power. Teaching children the proper terms makes them normal and fearless. When our children grow up even past the risk of child molestation letting them become comfortable with their bodies can only enhance their adult intimacy and the ability to verbalize what they want without baggage about using proper terms or the cutesy terms.

Also in the case of molestation the discomfort that surrounds the terms is what holds children back from telling as well. That feeling of "there are things we don't talk about" can certainly undercut any parental effort to tell a child that they should come tell us when they have been touched inappropriately. By letting them become comfortable with these terms in the context of a loving family they are demystified and also stripped of any negative association.

ITA!!:yeahthat:

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

DD hasn't mastered V, so until she does we will say vagina over VulVa. , Vagina is from the cervix to the vulva, so I don't think it is a horribly anatomically incorrect term, although vulva is more correct.

[Piglet]

I also grew up in a very "private part" house, and it didn't help that English was my 2nd language so I really didn't know any terms for anything growing up. When DS1 was a baby, I fell into the bad habit of calling his penis his "front bum". Yeah, young and stupid mom, LOL. Well, next thing you know, DS2 at age 1 is in daycare and he comes home very proudly telling everyone that he has a penis. He was the one that taught DS1 (at age 5, LOL). Oh, and he still pronounces is "peanus", like peanut with an s instead of a t. Then along came DD and I had the whole freak out about what to call all the girl parts. Enter DS2, who taught her that she has a vagina. Well, thanks to DS2, all the kids now know the proper terms (even though I would rather DD called it her vulva, but whatever). I am going to recruit DS2 to teach the birds and the bees next :)

[kijip]

Yes.

Toby has read "A Child is Born" very carefully (the parts that interest him are the fetal development parts).

I really dislike nearly all substitute words so we taught him to use the original terms, from the beginning.

[sariana]

The post about girls having 3 holes reminded me of our ultrasound when pregnant with DD. The tech assured us we were having a girl because she could see the three holes lined up. I thought that was interesting because I had always been told boys were pretty definitive but there was no way to be sure about girls. I guess it depends on the position of the baby, though. Apparently our DD had her legs wide open. Better talk to her about that.

[gatorsmom]

We use nicknames a lot of the time but my kids do know the proper names for their body parts. I quiz them in the bathtub :ROTFLMAO:. I know Sisi knows the names for her body parts because when she's fresh out of the bath she runs around naked laughing hysterically and pointing and showing everyone her bagina. After 3 boys, DH doesn't really know how to react to her!!! :hysterical:

[JTsMom]

Also in the case of molestation the discomfort that surrounds the terms is what holds children back from telling as well. That feeling of "there are things we don't talk about" can certainly undercut any parental effort to tell a child that they should come tell us when they have been touched inappropriately. By letting them become comfortable with these terms in the context of a loving family they are demystified and also stripped of any negative association.

Very well said. :thumbsup: I think (hope) that establishing that comfort and trust at a young age will carry over into the adolescent and teen years as well. The thought of DS learning about anatomy, sex, birth, etc. from some other 10 year old is too scary to think about. I want him to be able to come to me or Dad if he has questions, and know that he'll be given accurate info, and not have to feel weird about it.

[michellerw]

I think it's really important that kids know the proper names and not be coy about it for a lot of reasons. A friend of mine is a foster parent and told me a heartbreaking story about a little boy who was being abused and who kept saying his "puppy was being [pet]" or similar for months and no one from DCFS understood that he was explaining abuse because of the codewords that were being tossed around.

So in addition to there being clearcut reasons for children to understand the proper names for their genitalia, I think it's important to teach kids early on that they aren't shameful or dirty, just private.

[lizzywednesday]

Very well said. :thumbsup: I think (hope) that establishing that comfort and trust at a young age will carry over into the adolescent and teen years as well. The thought of DS learning about anatomy, sex, birth, etc. from some other 10 year old is too scary to think about. I want him to be able to come to me or Dad if he has questions, and know that he'll be given accurate info, and not have to feel weird about it.

This is part of the reason my parents were so open about appropriate terminology and the reason I got the full sex-ed talk at age 9.

My mother remembers being embarrassed by her peers because she didn't know where babies actually came from ... she really, honestly, and truly believed that sipping from your husband's beer glass was what made you pregnant. She didn't want me to suffer the same humiliation at the hands of my peers. So she told me EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING.
Then I kicked her out of my bedroom and didn't speak to her for a week.

While I appreciate the sentiment and the information, I'd like to learn how to talk about it in a few more stages rather than all at once like she did. Someone HAS TO HAVE written something about that, right????

[mommylamb]

It's so important to explain the birds and the bees, and everything else in between to them. My aunt got her period when she was about 11-- my grandmother had never even considered having that discussion with her. My poor aunt thought she was dieing and was afraid to tell her mother.

[michellerw]

I went to Catholic school and I remember the fairly starchy nun who taught my 3rd grade class was just completely disgusted with most of the parents when it came out that the majority of the kids in the class still didn't know how babies were made.

This all came about because the Family Life curriculum was being introduced to our parish school that year, and 3rd grade was one of the years that talked about "how your body works and how babies are made." 3rd grade eased you in; 5th grade, IIRC, gave you the full details.

Anyhow, the nun in question pretty much made it clear that the parents had homework and she wasn't doing all the heavy lifting herself -- that those parents had fallen down on the job. My mom had already prepped me a year or so prior, with the help of some great books by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective (the same people responsible for Our Bodies Ourselves).

[egoldber]

the reason I got the full sex-ed talk at age 9

I'm curious what you mean by the full sex ed talk? My older DD was asking very explicit questions about where babies come from a couple years ago and we talked through the process. She knows that a penis goes into a woman's vagina and sperm from the man fertilizes an egg in the woman, and that this fertilized egg grows into a baby.

I found this book very helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763613215/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266589568&sr=8-1

This one is for younger kids:

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b

Honestly, it is a LOT easier to talk about this stuff when they are younger, so they just grow up with it vs having a "talk" when they are older. Also, the women in my family get their periods early. I got mine at 10. For her 9th birthday I am getting Sarah the American Girl book about bodies and puberty (The Care and Keeping of You), which I think is very well done.

[lizzywednesday]

I'm curious what you mean by the full sex ed talk? My older DD was asking very explicit questions about where babies come from a couple years ago and we talked through the process. She knows that a penis goes into a woman's vagina and sperm from the man fertilizes an egg in the woman, and that this fertilized egg grows into a baby.

I found this book very helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763613215/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266589568&sr=8-1

This one is for younger kids:

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b

Honestly, it is a LOT easier to talk about this stuff when they are younger, so they just grow up with it vs having a "talk" when they are older. Also, the women in my family get their periods early. I got mine at 10. For her 9th birthday I am getting Sarah the American Girl book about bodies and puberty (The Care and Keeping of You), which I think is very well done.

I mean my mother told me exactly what happens in an almost explicit fashion using specific examples from her own sex life.

I could handle general terminology at that age, but I think what was disturbing for me was her level of personalization (i.e.- not using "a man's penis" but rather "your dad's penis", etc.) and the fact that, in retrospect, I think she was a little turned on by the descriptions. (Mom usually means well, but she's got some, um, communication difficulties.)

[egoldber]

using specific examples from her own sex life

:eek: Um, yeah, probably not. That book is really good though. ;)

[JTsMom]

:eek: is right! That sounds pretty traumatic. I totally agree it's best to talk about it in stages instead of setting up some huge "talk". I like to explain this sort of thing just like I would anything else- a little at a time, at an age-appropriate level.

We haven't really gotten into how babies are made beyond "you started off teeny-tiny, so small we couldn't see you, and inside of mommy you grew and grew until you were so big, that you were ready to come out." I thought DS would have more questions with me being pregnant, but he hasn't really asked much yet.

He is, however, convinced that we bought him at "the baby store, off the Jason shelf", and then put him in my tummy. I think he's watched Toy Story 2 a few too many times or something. ;) DH told him that there is no way to buy a Jason, since he is definitely a one of a kind, custom-made model. LOL In all seriousness, I have tried to explain that fertilized eggs are not bought at stores, but he's just not ready for that info yet I guess, and I don't think pushing it on him would be right, so as he becomes more ready for info, I'll keep teaching.

[MissyAg94]

My DD is four. We say "privates" or "private parts." She's no worse for it. We are very open about our bodies in our home so she is comfortable talking about it. I don't think it's necessarily the words that we use (within reason) when we have the conversations, it's the fact that we actually have the conversations. We don't shame her for touching herself or asking questions. That makes a difference IMO.

[lizzywednesday]

:eek: is right! That sounds pretty traumatic. I totally agree it's best to talk about it in stages instead of setting up some huge "talk". I like to explain this sort of thing just like I would anything else- a little at a time, at an age-appropriate level. ... In all seriousness, I have tried to explain that fertilized eggs are not bought at stores, but he's just not ready for that info yet I guess, and I don't think pushing it on him would be right, so as he becomes more ready for info, I'll keep teaching.

I think that experience is part of why I think about how to discuss it with my own kids in the future. Even though the point is completely moot for me for a while yet!

I like the talking in stages, using age-appropriate information (i.e. - you can talk about teeny-tiny embryos without having to discuss exactly how the sperm got to the egg, etc.) so that by the time you're ready for the whole discussion, you're not embarrassed, but communicative.

Pushing information a kid's not ready for isn't a good idea, IMO, but getting your kids to understand that you have information (or if you don't have it, you'll find it) and it's OK to ask questions and learn from you is a good idea.

Thanks!

[StantonHyde]

Just wanted to add that I know adults who think women pee out of their vaginas!!! Seriously. It never occurred to them that women have 3 holes. So eventually teaching people that concept is a good idea!

Also, a PSA for Planned Parenthood education resources. You can check out books and really good videos that you watch with your kids and it talks about communication and growing up. All very age appropriate.

And, yes, you want it to be an ongoing series of talks and discussions vs. the one big talk.

Despite all this I really think I would rather trade off with another Planned Parenthood educator and she could talk to my kids and I would talk to hers!! But that's it--this isn't about my discomfort as a parent, its about my children needing open honest communication. DH and I are truly thankful to our parents for giving us the information we needed to take care of ourselves.

[Nooknookmom]

Two year olds saying "I have a vagina/penis" just sounds odd to me. Probably b/c in my house it was "Privates".

DD2 says boobies, tush and cha-cha (don't ask, don't ask, but one day she was dancing around naked, doing the cha-cha, and it stuck).

When they are in school I teach them the proper names. When I woked at a Preschool, I heard it ALL, lol.

[klwa]

I just use the term "pee-pee" for my son, rather than penis. He has HEARD teh term penis from my brother, but I don't feel comfortable with him using the proper terms, in all honesty. It's not something that would come out of my mouth on a regular basis, why should it come out of my child's? And I figure, in the case of abuse, if DS said that someone touched his "pee-pee", everyone would know what he meant, KWIM? So, I like the "private parts" logic better. (I rememebr Kindergarten Cop more than Parenthood, with the kids talking about stuff & just being freaked out taht a little kid would talk that way. And yes, I was another who never used any of those words in front of her parents, and would still be ickified to have to mention them in front of my dad.)

[wellyes]

Just wanted to add that I know adults who think women pee out of their vaginas!!! Seriously. It never occurred to them that women have 3 holes. So eventually teaching people that concept is a good idea!

Me too - well men only, undoubtedly making assumptions based on how their bits work.

Threads like this make me really happy. When I was in college I talked to a bunch of people & it was the same story over and over.... most only found out how things work by a combination of movies, friends telling them stuff (who knows how accurate) and finding a secret copy of "Our Bodies Ourselves" or something similar. Most of us DO figure it out eventually -- but the secrecy, sneaking, whispers, etc all make the whole genital area something vaguely shameful. I think it can be really hard for a kid / teen / adult to understand boundaries and self-respect if they all their thoughts around the topic are colored by the sense that they're doing something wrong or that they should feel guilty or embarrassed about.

[JTsMom]

Just wanted to add that I know adults who think women pee out of their vaginas!!! Seriously. It never occurred to them that women have 3 holes. So eventually teaching people that concept is a good idea!



Yep, I think that is, unfortunately, all too common. I've talked to several adults- both men and women- who were confused about what was what. I think that's especially sad for women- not knowing what is going on with your own body is not good.