Would you care if your child was homosexual?

[BabyMine]

DH have discussed this a couple of times. We have had homosexual friends in the past so it doesn't bother us. We just hope that if either or both DC are homosexual that they feel comfortable about being who they are and not want to hide it. The only thing that I wouldn't like about having a gay child is that society is cruel at times. I want both of my children to find love and be happy regardless of the gender. I don't want people to judge my DC and treat them any different.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I wouldn't care in the least.

[crl]

Well, I think it is still unfortunately harder to be gay than straight in our society. So I would care because I would worry a bit for my kid's happiness. But other than that, no I wouldn't care at all.

Catherine

[kijip]

I would not mind in the least. You are who you are, plain and simple.

I would be worried about the legal and social inequality that they would face as members of society who are gay.

I have a gay aunt on one side of the family and a gay uncle on the other. My brother is trans (FTM) and gay-identified partnered with a bio gay man, with 2 children. So we are used to gay people in the family. It would not be shocking to me in the least nor would it impair the possibility of grandkids.

[JBaxter]

Yes I would care it would break my heart but I would love them none the less. Maybe thats not PC but its honest.

[catroddick]

I would have no problem with it. As long as she finds a happy, healthy love, that is all I need.

edit: OK- one modifier- I would like her to have a kid. Though I will never pressure her. My mom is getting to have a blast with my baby- so I need to be able to have fun with hers! A long, long time from now. And that can be done in any relationship.

[malphy]

I have no problem with it whatsoever. She is my child no matter what.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Nope, I wouldn't care so long as they were happy with themselves. I just want them to find someone who loves them and will be good to them. One of my worst fears is that my boys will wind up being with someone that treats them badly and/ or that he never finds love, happiness and acceptance in life.

I do want grandkids though so hopefully they'll make that happen regardless. :)

Beth

[kozachka]

I would not mind in the least. You are who you are, plain and simple.

I would be worried about the legal and social inequality that they would face as members of society who are gay.

:yeahthat: I could not have put it any better. I would also hope that my child finds a stable, loving partner no matter his sexual orientation. I don't know any statistics but some of my gay friends have had more trouble with that.

[Tondi G]

I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as my child was happy, I love them regardless of their sexual orientation.

My DH has a gay aunt on one side and a gay uncle on the other. It's part of our family already and DH and I have no issues with homosexuality.

[MMMommy]

I would love and support my children no matter their sexual orientation. Would I prefer it? Honestly, no. I wouldn't want them to have to experience the prejudice and discrimination that might come with it. But no matter what, I would support them, love them, and stand by them.

[elektra]

I would not mind in the least. You are who you are, plain and simple.

I would be worried about the legal and social inequality that they would face as members of society who are gay.

:yeahthat:

[sarahsthreads]

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I hope both of my girls find themselves in happy, loving, stable relationships. Bonus points if I can have a grandchild or two as well!

Sarah :)

[LexyLou]

No, not in the least.

[giavila]

I would love and support my children no matter their sexual orientation. Would I prefer it? Honestly, no. I wouldn't want them to have to experience the prejudice and discrimination that might come with it. But no matter what, I would support them, love them, and stand by them.

:yeahthat:

[jgenie]

I would love and support my children no matter their sexual orientation. Would I prefer it? Honestly, no. I wouldn't want them to have to experience the prejudice and discrimination that might come with it. But no matter what, I would support them, love them, and stand by them.

:yeahthat:

[blisstwins]

Honestly, I would be sad, but I would never let my child know and I would get over it quickly. I am trying to think of why I would be sad and it is mostly the anxiety over difficulties gays and lesbians face. I think it is a harder route in life and I want my chidlren to be happy, confident, and to have children, etc. I know all those are possible, and I feel sick when I think of parents not accepting their children no matter what, but in our world it is easier to be straight.

In thinking about this more, I should add that I would also be sad if my children chose my profession (too hard, no money) or were so passionate about art or another interest that I knew pursuing it would make for a harder life, even though I respect that pursuing those passions are essential for happiness. Does that make sense?

[katydid1971]

Honestly, I would be sad, but I would never let my child know and I would get over it quickly. I am trying to think of why I would be sad and it is mostly the anxiety over difficulties gays and lesbians face. I think it is a harder route in life and I want my chidlren to be happy, confident, and to have children, etc. I know all those are possible, and I feel sick when I think of parents not accepting their children no matter what, but in our world it is easier to be straight.

:yeahthat:
One of the big things that goes through my mind when I think about gay rights is how would I feel if it was DS or DD who was gay and wanted to marry, have children etc. I don't understand how any parent could not support gay rights.

[citymama]

I would not mind in the least. You are who you are, plain and simple.

I would be worried about the legal and social inequality that they would face as members of society who are gay.



My thoughts precisely. All I want is for her to be happy and loved and healthy and safe.

Sure, I would worry that she would face prejudice and discrimination, at least the way things stand today. But I sincerely hope society and laws are much more accepting of LGBTs by the time our kids have grown up.

[ellies mom]

I'm having some really big feelings on this topic at the moment. It is kind of complicated but basically I had a conversation with a patient this evening on the topic that near about broke my heart.

No, it would not bother me. Not in the least.

[nfowife]

what MMMommy said.

[tnrnchick74]

I would not mind in the least. You are who you are, plain and simple.

I would be worried about the legal and social inequality that they would face as members of society who are gay.



Would it be my 1st choice for my child? No, but honestly I think its more "nature" vs "nurture" so my choice has nothing to do with it...and neither does my son's "choice".

You are who you are.

And I'm already a member of P-Flag working to help gain same sex equality.

My Mom is lesbian. It's ridiculous that in the event of a life threatening emergency, my brother could theoretically "override" my Mom & her partner's wishes and block the partner from the hospital or making choices. But that's why I'm her health care surrogate...

[mommylamb]

I would have no problem with it whatsoever. Obviously, I don't want my child to face discrimination, but I can't shield him from everything and he will face hardship for one reason or another at some point in his life. As for the legal barriers, that is problematic, and I'm fully in support of gay rights in general, not just gay marriage but I think Title VII protections should be extended to sexual orientation. In fact, I think think the lack of Title VII protections is even more problematic than the lack of gay marriage rights. But, I also think society is getting more accepting in general and I believe that a lot of progress will be made during my son's lifetime.

[egoldber]

Well, I think it is still unfortunately harder to be gay than straight in our society. So I would care because I would worry a bit for my kid's happiness. But other than that, no I wouldn't care at all.

:yeahthat:

[MamaSnoo]

I care that she is happy and that her rights are respected in society. I think that our society has come a long ways on this issue, and will come further in her lifetime. Personally, no, I would not care at all.

[Nechums]

Interesting responses so far. More people are okay with it than I would have thought. I would not be okay with it and would struggle to try to understand, but in the end I hope I would come through for my kid's sake. Just being honest.

[maestramommy]

I would care in so much as I would worry. Worry that my daughter would face a lot of discrimination and social cruelty. I don't know what the world is going to be like by the time this becomes relevant, but I hope it's more accepting than it is now.

I do hope that if my daughter/s was gay she would feel comfortable telling me and Dh.

[Cheburashka]

You are who you are. I just hope that by the time my daughter is an adult, this question is considered as un-PC as asking if you would care if your child dated outside your race.

[Corie]

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I hope both of my girls find themselves in happy, loving, stable relationships. Bonus points if I can have a grandchild or two as well!

Sarah :)



I completely agree with Sarah!! :)

[Corie]

One of the big things that goes through my mind when I think about gay rights is how would I feel if it was DS or DD who was gay and wanted to marry, have children etc. I don't understand how any parent could not support gay rights.


I agree. This saddens me too.

[infomama]

"To thine own self be true"
I want them to be happy and feel the kind of wonderful love that DH and I do.

[wellyes]

No, it would not.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Nope, I wouldn't care so long as they were happy with themselves. I just want them to find someone who loves them and will be good to them. One of my worst fears is that my boys will wind up being with someone that treats them badly and/ or that he never finds love, happiness and acceptance in life.

I do want grandkids though so hopefully they'll make that happen regardless. :)

Beth

ITA 100%, very well said. it would not bother me in the least if he ended up being gay..then that means we could go shopping together. :)hehe. i mean, as long as he's happy and with someone he loves, why should it bother me?? it would break my heart if my boy ended up with a wife who didn't treat him well, cheated on him, and he was unhappy.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

You are who you are. I just hope that by the time my daughter is an adult, this question is considered as un-PC as asking if you would care if your child dated outside your race.

:yeahthat: great response, i agree..i hope so too.

[JTsMom]

I wouldn't care at all. Like a lot of people mentioned, I would worry a little about discrimination, but everyone has challenges to face. I love my son for who he is, period.

[lchang25000]

I would love and support my children no matter their sexual orientation. Would I prefer it? Honestly, no. I wouldn't want them to have to experience the prejudice and discrimination that might come with it. But no matter what, I would support them, love them, and stand by them.
:yeahthat:

[jacksmomtobe]

One of our closest couples friends are two Moms. They have been together 20yrs+ and have 2 kids who are the same age as ours. I hope if either child came to the conclusion they would use our friends as a great resource. DS often talks about marrying his 2 best buddies (one boy & one girl) and making a family that will live next door to their 2 sisters and one brother who will be another family. I also hope that the world will have evolved enough by the time our kids reach that age that it is no big deal. It's nice to see on this board so many parents who love their child enough to support them no matter what and that the only issue that has arisen is the desire to see their kids go through no pain.

[shawnandangel]

Believe me, it's not that I love my child enough to support her no matter what. I do.
I worry for her mental health as well as her physical. I love her no matter what. A parent doesn't have to support a child's decision to still love them unconditionally.

[Fairy]

No, it would not upset me. As a pp said, I would prefer he was not gay. I would feel a natural concern that my child would not have the same kind of tacit life that heterosexuals do, meaning he'd have to struggle more for certain things. And I'd wonder if I was getting grandchildren, but it's not like a given even if you're heterosexual. But if DS is gay, then he's gay. That's ok with us.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Believe me, it's not that I love my child enough to support her no matter what. I do.
I worry for her mental health as well as her physical. I love her no matter what. A parent doesn't have to support a child's decision to still love them unconditionally.

Mental health? Just looking for clarification on what you worry about.

Beth

[trales]

It's a non issue. You are what you are so of course I would support her. I want her to find some she loves and treats her well and she treats well. A lot of our friends are gay so I hope she grows up seeing that gay/straight/black/white/whatever it does not matter, it only matters the kind of person you are.

[daphne]

Not at all. I adore all of my guy friends, who are gay, and think they happen to be exceptional men. They are devoted to their mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers and are fantastically supportive friends. I certainly understand the concern, though, about them being discriminated against...makes me so sad & angry.

[nov04]

Sexuality is completely unimportant to me in anyone. I'd more be more interested that they be with someone they love.

[jse107]

As long as my kids are happy and are able to find healthy relationships in their lives, I'm totally fine with it.

This is actually one of the questions I asked DH when we were dating in college--how would he feel if we got married, had kids, and one of our children was gay? It's actually kind of a deal-breaker for me. He looked at me as though I was nuts just thinking that far ahead, but responded that he guesses it really wouldn't matter and he would accept them for who they are.

[MommyofAmaya]

It would pain me only because of the potential problems it may cause in his/her relationship with the IL's. They have copies of the Focus on the Family magazine on their coffee table. At this point and I would expect up until that point, they have been the most caring and generous grandparents (and ILs) I could ever have dreamed of. Although I believe they would eventually "come around", I think it would be a difficult experience for all of us.

[Fairy]

This is actually one of the questions I asked DH when we were dating in college--how would he feel if we got married, had kids, and one of our children was gay? It's actually kind of a deal-breaker for me. He looked at me as though I was nuts just thinking that far ahead, but responded that he guesses it really wouldn't matter and he would accept them for who they are.

Smart girl.

[GlindaGoodWitch]

I understand & respect the honesty and the reasons behind those it would bother.

For me personally, there are so many awful things that your child can be - a non-functioning member of society for example - that "being gay" doesn't even make it on my radar. I want my children to find love & happiness and I could care less with whom they find it.

(Edited because that didn't come out right.)

[MelissaTC]

Non-issue for me. I just want him to be happy. I love him. He is my baby. He will always be my baby. I want him to find the love and happiness I have found with his father. I hope that if he is, the world will be a more accepting and loving place.

[elliput]

Nope wouldn't care. I would rather have a child be true to their heart and happy than feel they have to hide their real self and be miserable.

[shawnandangel]

Mental health? Just looking for clarification on what you worry about.

Beth

Well DH's family has a lot of mental health issues including schizophrenia. So I worry that she might develop schizophrenia or depression. Both run in his family. Specifically I worry that she wouldn't take her medicine. It killed her great uncle.

And also along the lines of mental health, if she is a lesbian or if she is heterosexual I want her to be strong, independent, and confident. It's my job as a parent to foster these in her.

[alexsmommy]

Nope, wouldn't care. When dating DH one of the many parts of me knowing he was the one was the fact that although he could make jokes, it was very clear that at the end of the day he didn't care either. He just wanted his children to turn into happy, productive, ethical, independent adults, who were in relationships with good people - gender did not matter.
I do agree that any emotional ambivalence I would have would be about the way our society is, but not about my child hisself. I am hopeful things will change and being gay will not have the same societal challenges that is currently has.

[vludmilla]

It would not bother me a bit. I would love my daughter no matter what. I've thought about my love for DD a lot and I believe I would love her dearly even if she did something awful (talking about things other than being gay, like crimes, obviously being gay is not an awful thing). It's a funny thing the love a parent can have for their child. It is so powerful. How could my child's sexuality change that love? Anyway, I agree with PP's who said they would worry about society's inequitable treatment of LGBT individuals and really, that is all I would worry about if DD was gay or trans.

[arivecchi]

Non-issue for me. I just want him to be happy. I love him. He is my baby. He will always be my baby. I want him to find the love and happiness I have found with his father. I hope that if he is, the world will be a more accepting and loving place.:yeahthat: Total non-issue for me as well. My brother recently came out and it did not bother me in the least. People are who they are and I do not think being gay is anything negative to begin with. I feel exactly the same way for my brother as I did before he told me he was gay and I will support him no matter what.

[citymama]

The answers to this thread kind of choke me up. Not because of the attitudes towards homosexuality (although that is refreshing) but the unconditional love being expressed. It's what every kid deserves, straight or gay.

I really wish the real world could mirror the (generally) good-heartedness of most on this forum - now wouldn't that rock?

[tnrnchick74]

The answers to this thread kind of choke me up. Not because of the attitudes towards homosexuality (although that is refreshing) but the unconditional love being expressed. It's what every kid deserves, straight or gay.

I really wish the real world could mirror the (generally) good-heartedness of most on this forum - now wouldn't that rock?

Yep...and I bet if you would poll the "general population" that more and more people would feel the same way. I hope that the legalities will eventually get figured out. Whether you want to call it same sex marriage/union/agreement or whatever else - I hope that same sex couples get the same rights that everyone else experiences.

[Globetrotter]

Not at all, as long as they give me some grandchildren :loveeyes: We won't tolerate anti-gay talk at home, when the time comes.

I also think my feelings are flavored by the fact that we live in a progressive area where homosexuality is not a big deal. That would be my only fear - that they might experience discrimination or outright hatred :nodno:

[g-mama]

Yes I would care it would break my heart but I would love them none the less. Maybe thats not PC but its honest.


:yeahthat:

[hellokitty]

It wouldn't matter to me if they were gay. I would worry that they would face challenges b/c our society is not accepting.

[klwa]

I'll admit it, I want grandbabies. And that's a LOT harder to do if they're not hetero. I have friends who are, but it's not something I want my children to have to deal with.

[Raidra]

I'm sure part of me would mourn.. mainly because it means my child would most likely have a more difficult life ahead of them. But everyone has difficulties, and in the grand scheme of things, I think that the challenges gay people have to face are not so bad.

I don't have any moral or religious objects and wouldn't care at all from that aspect. But it would be like any 'obstacle' my children might encounter.. I'd feel bad and wish I could protect them from any difficulties they might have. I wouldn't wish them to be straight, more like I'd wish that society was more tolerant.

[momof2girls]

I'm sure part of me would mourn.. mainly because it means my child would most likely have a more difficult life ahead of them. But everyone has difficulties, and in the grand scheme of things, I think that the challenges gay people have to face are not so bad.

I don't have any moral or religious objects and wouldn't care at all from that aspect. But it would be like any 'obstacle' my children might encounter.. I'd feel bad and wish I could protect them from any difficulties they might have. I wouldn't wish them to be straight, more like I'd wish that society was more tolerant.

:yeahthat:

[Corie]

I'm curious...

to the women who will mourn or have their hearts broken if their child is
gay, is this a moral or religious objection?

Or is it simply because you know that your child's life may be harder and people
won't be as understanding?

[creativelightbulb]

yes I would mind. Being a minority in our society is challenging enough. Add homosexuality on TOP of that and you're really swimming up stream your entire life in most situations...

I can say I'd have a bigger problem with my DS than my DD just because of the stereotypical characteristics that are "assigned" gay men in our society...

[katydid1971]

I'm curious...

to the women who will mourn or have their hearts broken if their child is
gay, is this a moral or religious objection?

Or is it simply because you know that your child's life may be harder and people
won't be as understanding?

I would mourn not for any moral or religious reasons, I think gay people are just as moral and religious as anyone else. I would mourn because I have a picture of what my children's lives will be. They will go to college, have a career that they find rewarding, meet a nice husband/wife, give me beautiful grandbabies. I know my dreams for them are my ideals and if any of it changes I'll mourn a little but I want whats best for them and to be themselves and be happy is whats best. If I could pick, they would be straight (but not narrow;)) but I'll love them no matter what.

[g-mama]

I'm curious...

to the women who will mourn or have their hearts broken if their child is
gay, is this a moral or religious objection?

Or is it simply because you know that your child's life may be harder and people
won't be as understanding?

For me it is a moral and religious objection. That said, I will love and accept my children no matter what.

[JBaxter]

I'm curious...

to the women who will mourn or have their hearts broken if their child is
gay, is this a moral or religious objection?

Or is it simply because you know that your child's life may be harder and people
won't be as understanding?

Yes I will always love my sons but I have both a moral and religious objection.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I'm Agnostic, so maybe my complete acceptance of homosexuality stems from my lack of religion. Although as far as morality, I feel love is never wrong between two consenting adults. Isn't love the greatest gift we can give/receive? I have never understood the argument that homosexuality is immoral, against some religious beliefs yes, but immoral, never.

[tarahsolazy]

I'm Agnostic, so maybe my complete acceptance of homosexuality stems from my lack of religion. Although as far as morality, I feel love is never wrong between two consenting adults. Isn't love the greatest gift we can give/receive? I have never understood the argument that homosexuality is immoral, against some religious beliefs yes, but immoral, never.

I'm with you, very well said. I'm not an agnostic, more of a Christian, but I think you said it very well. Not immoral.

I really wouldn't care if one or both of my kids were gay, other than that it might make life harder for them due to societal bigotry.

[MontrealMum]

No, I would not care. You are who you are. And I am happy that I live in a country where same sex marriage is legal. I would hope, however, that we might be a bit further along when my DS is an adult in terms of bigotry and societal censure.

[MamaMolly]

I'd love and support my girls no matter whom they choose to love (so long as that person is kind and treats them well, you know?) but as many have said I would have concerns. Life is hard enough before you toss something like being gay into it. Of course we'd choose a smooth life path for our children, and being gay is not easy.

[bubbaray]

I would care, only because I would prefer that my children had a less-hard/complicated life path.

[Laurel]

:yeahthat:
One of the big things that goes through my mind when I think about gay rights is how would I feel if it was DS or DD who was gay and wanted to marry, have children etc. I don't understand how any parent could not support gay rights.

This is us too.

[LMPC]

I would not care in the least if DD is gay. In fact, I correct people when they say something heterosexist about her even now (e.g, people might say "when she starts dating boys" and I say "or girls!"). I see being gay as a part of a spectrum of healthy, normal sexual orientation. If and when she realizes that she is attracted to girls, or boys and girls....if she doesn't feel like she can immediately tell me because she knows how I feel...then, I would be heartbroken!
[stepping of soapbox now]

[Jacksmommy2b]

Not at all, as long as they give me some grandchildren :loveeyes: :

Exactly. I don't care who you love as long as I get sme grandbabies!

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I would not care in the least if DD is gay. In fact, I correct people when they say something heterosexist about her even now (e.g, people might say "when she starts dating boys" and I say "or girls!"). I see being gay as a part of a spectrum of healthy, normal sexual orientation. If and when she realizes that she is attracted to girls, or boys and girls....if she doesn't feel like she can immediately tell me because she knows how I feel...then, I would be heartbroken!
[stepping of soapbox now]

:cheerleader1: I also hate when people assume because my dd is a girl she just plays with dolls. Well actually she does, she plays catch with them, using them as the ball. I am not gender specific, she has as many "boy" toys as "girl" toys. Train tables, trucks, etc. are not just for boys!

[g-mama]

I would not care in the least if DD is gay. In fact, I correct people when they say something heterosexist about her even now (e.g, people might say "when she starts dating boys" and I say "or girls!"). I see being gay as a part of a spectrum of healthy, normal sexual orientation. If and when she realizes that she is attracted to girls, or boys and girls....if she doesn't feel like she can immediately tell me because she knows how I feel...then, I would be heartbroken!
[stepping of soapbox now]


So is it common for people to put it out there as an equally advantageous choice from such a young age? My kids don't even know it's a possibility because we don't have any friends or family who are homosexual, they just know what they live with at home and their aunts and uncles and friends, etc. I had no idea that people discuss it as in, "When you grow up and marry a man or a woman one day...." That's really interesting to me.

[dcmom2b3]

:cheerleader1: I also hate when people assume because my dd is a girl she just plays with dolls. Well actually she does, she plays catch with them, using them as the ball. I am not gender specific, she has as many "boy" toys as "girl" toys. Train tables, trucks, etc. are not just for boys!

Too bad we live so far apart, Belle. I think your Bumbee and my Bunny could have a rip-roarin', doll-throwing heck of a good time together, they sound like birds of a feather!

I want her to be happy and healthy, to build a life with someone else who also is happy and healthy, who loves her and treats her well. The gender of said person is lowest on my list of concerns.

I don't want her to have a harder life than necessary, but I see the solution to that problem is to push for equal rights for the GLBT community rather than hope that my kid isn't gay. She went to her first gay rights march last fall, and we'll probably go to the more family-friendly Gay Pride events this spring.

I wouldn't wish that she deny any part of who she is to avoid discrimination, whether her African American heritage, or her French heritage, or her sexual orientation, if things shake out that she's a lesbian. That would be internalizing others' prejudices/problems. And that's never a good thing.

[Jo..]

It would concern me, but I would love my gay child 100% as much as I would if he/she was straight.

If I had my way, I would like them to do all of the things that make their life easier: be heterosexual, date the opposite sex, go to college, work, get married, have children.

Anything outside of the norm (and there are a million variances) might cause my babies to have a tougher life, and THAT makes me sad.

[trales]

So is it common for people to put it out there as an equally advantageous choice from such a young age? My kids don't even know it's a possibility because we don't have any friends or family who are homosexual, they just know what they live with at home and their aunts and uncles and friends, etc. I had no idea that people discuss it as in, "When you grow up and marry a man or a woman one day...." That's really interesting to me.

DD spends about 20 hours a week in a gay household, so as far as she is concerned two mommies, a mommy and dadday, all the same. You just need parents to love and take care of you.

She has asked where her other mommy is and where her friends daddy is, we just say, she has two mommies, you have a mommy and daddy. She accepts it. Just like she accepts that E and D are white and their kids are hispanic and african, that S and M are white and have korean kids. M is white, E is black and their kids are in between.

[g-mama]

DD spends about 20 hours a week in a gay household, so as far as she is concerned two mommies, a mommy and dadday, all the same. You just need parents to love and take care of you.

She has asked where her other mommy is and where her friends daddy is, we just say, she has two mommies, you have a mommy and daddy. She accepts it. Just like she accepts that E and D are white and their kids are hispanic and african, that S and M are white and have korean kids. M is white, E is black and their kids are in between.

I can see what you're saying. My kids (who are multiracial) do not know of any gay people, but live and go to school in an area where white kids are the minority. They don't question it at all, it doesn't even occur to them that this is not how it is everywhere. Many moms on this board have mentioned that there is little to no cultural diversity in their childrens' lives, so what it comes down to is that everyone's environment shapes what's considered "normal" to them as they grow up. It's not a topic of conversation I've initiated because it would be out of context for them and it doesn't seem necessary when they're not even thinking of romantic relationships - period - right now.

[Corie]

I can see what you're saying. My kids (who are multiracial) do not know of any gay people, but live and go to school in an area where white kids are the minority. They don't question it at all, it doesn't even occur to them that this is not how it is everywhere. Many moms on this board have mentioned that there is little to no cultural diversity in their childrens' lives, so what it comes down to is that everyone's environment shapes what's considered "normal" to them as they grow up. It's not a topic of conversation I've initiated because it would be out of context for them and it doesn't seem necessary when they're not even thinking of romantic relationships - period - right now.


My kids' schools have very little diversity but we still discuss it. In
fact, tonight while watching "Sonny with a Chance", my son was saying
how much he liked the 'Nico' character. He said he really likes Nico's cool
shirt and his hair and his skin color. Then he asked how many skin colors are in the world. I said, TONS!! He asked what color is my skin? I said I don't know, what do you think? He said, maybe peach? I said, Sure, sounds good.

My kids also don't know any gay people but we still discuss it.

I'm actually very open and honest and willing to discuss pretty much anything
with my kids. You can ask my kids what it means to be gay and they'll tell you.
I have discussed gay marriage with them. I have discussed loving someone
of your own gender. I hope by discussing it that they don't see gay people
as being "wrong" or "different". It's just a minor detail about who they are
as a person. It's a non-issue.

[LMPC]

So is it common for people to put it out there as an equally advantageous choice from such a young age? My kids don't even know it's a possibility because we don't have any friends or family who are homosexual, they just know what they live with at home and their aunts and uncles and friends, etc. I had no idea that people discuss it as in, "When you grow up and marry a man or a woman one day...." That's really interesting to me.

I don't think it's "common" -- I definitely realize that I am in the minority here when it comes to my approach as an advocate for LGBT communities (a role I fully embrace). I also think it's becoming more and more rare for kids not to be exposed to people who identify as gay or lesbian...or bisexual or transgendered or...well, you get the idea. And it's a conversation that will definitely come up for my DD since there are same sex couples in my parents' group...and she has two gay grandpas....and I get the Advocate each month...and I have a big fat HRC sticker on my car :D

[MontrealMum]

So is it common for people to put it out there as an equally advantageous choice from such a young age? My kids don't even know it's a possibility because we don't have any friends or family who are homosexual, they just know what they live with at home and their aunts and uncles and friends, etc. I had no idea that people discuss it as in, "When you grow up and marry a man or a woman one day...." That's really interesting to me.

Well, we aren't putting out any choices at this point mostly because I still see DS as a baby! He's only 2 1/2 and really doesn't get the concept of togetherness, or dating, or whatever. He does like his stuffed animals to have a mommy, or a daddy, or sometimes both, so I'm sure we'll have to broach it soon - especially when he's talking more.

But our acquaintances are quite varied in their partners, race/ethnicity, religion, which parent stays home etc. etc. And our downstairs neighbors are a married gay couple. With a teenage daughter. So DS has been around "differently formed" couples since his birth and doesn't really see that difference yet. It's our job to make sure he continues on that path.

[kijip]

So is it common for people to put it out there as an equally advantageous choice from such a young age? My kids don't even know it's a possibility because we don't have any friends or family who are homosexual, they just know what they live with at home and their aunts and uncles and friends, etc. I had no idea that people discuss it as in, "When you grow up and marry a man or a woman one day...." That's really interesting to me.

I don't put it out there as a choice, because it is not something I consider a choice. It is a state of being and that is how I present it, it's not shocking to my child (1 is too young to notice) because it is normal. Some people have straight hair (most) and some have curly (fewer, but common). Some people are attracted to the opposite gender (most) and some are attracted to the same gender (fewer, but relatively common). Homophobia and discrimination is shocking to T because it seems absurd. When I told him that the BSA does not allow gay leaders, he exclaimed that is was "totally ridiculous" and his response to other discrimination is about the same.

My gay friends have been gay as long as I have been straight- we were each born that way and simply knew that who we were attracted to when we started to notice being attracted to people.

I don't say "start dating boys or girls", I usually say "start dating".

Hope that explanation is helpful.

[egoldber]

Our approach is very similar to Katie's. We discussed it pretty early with Sarah because we attended the wedding of one of my college roommates (who is a lesbian) when she was 5. She was saying things about "the bride and groom" and we had a very similar conversation to what Katie said.


Some people are attracted to the opposite gender (most) and some are attracted to the same gender (fewer, but relatively common)

These are almost the exact words we used.

[wellyes]

So is it common for people to put it out there as an equally advantageous choice from such a young age? My kids don't even know it's a possibility because we don't have any friends or family who are homosexual, they just know what they live with at home and their aunts and uncles and friends, etc. I had no idea that people discuss it as in, "When you grow up and marry a man or a woman one day...." That's really interesting to me.90% of people are straight, so to me it's pretty safe to use opposite-sex assumptions when talking to your kids. But by the same token, there are as many gay people as there are left-handed people. You might be surprised that you know one or two.

I grew up in a somewhat conservative area. 2 of the teachers in my elementary school were gay and I didn't know at the time. And shouldn't have, I suppose, any more than any other teacher's sexuality.... one of the reasons I'm have mixed feelings about "Mrs." but that's a whole different topic. Anyway, I later learned that the music teacher was a gay man who died of AIDS in the late 80s. Another teacher went to dinner, movies, socials with her roomate and over the course of many many years became known as a gay woman. Ended up being not a very big deal with the woman, and nothing but very sad about the music teacher.

[Gena]

I'm curious...

to the women who will mourn or have their hearts broken if their child is
gay, is this a moral or religious objection?

Or is it simply because you know that your child's life may be harder and people
won't be as understanding?

I would have a hard time with it, for moral and religious reasons. But that does not change the fact that I will always love and accept my child for who he is.

My child is not perfect. He was not born perfect. As a parent I struggle with and have had my heart broken by many of my son's traits, whether they are part of his personality (ie aggression), his neurological make-up (ie ASD), or are otherwise biologically based (ie visual impairment). But none of that keeps me from loving him unconditionally or seeing the many, many things that make him a wonderful, delightful, sweet, and loving person.

We do the best we can as a family in the face of whatever challenges come and we will continue to do so.

[kransden]

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I hope both of my girls find themselves in happy, loving, stable relationships. Bonus points if I can have a grandchild or two as well!

Sarah :)

:yeahthat:

[kransden]

So is it common for people to put it out there as an equally advantageous choice from such a young age? My kids don't even know it's a possibility because we don't have any friends or family who are homosexual, they just know what they live with at home and their aunts and uncles and friends, etc. I had no idea that people discuss it as in, "When you grow up and marry a man or a woman one day...." That's really interesting to me.

My dd's godparents are gay. So I tell her that boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls, but it isn't typical. We have always said that at even a young age, but we have reason to because of the godparents.

My DH and I look very conservative. The lesbian neighbors invited us over to look at some tile work. We were new in the neighborhood. DD was about 4 and asked where the other girl slept. The look on the faces of the women were priceless. What were we going to say??? I just shrugged, and said they were married to each other like her godparents, and DH nodded. DD said "Oh". and we moved on.