Freak dancing at Bat Mitzvah

[strollerqueen]

and grinding chains is what I saw at a Bat Mitzvah last night. These were 12 and 13 year olds! Although they wore more make-up than most of the moms there. Many of the girl's dresses barely covered their behinds, and in some cases, missed the mark. Most were completely strapless,and the girls had to keep tugging at them to keep them up, since they didn't have enough up top for them to stay up on their own. And they also wore these dresses to temple earlier. And then...ay yi yi on the dancing! It was just like "sex with clothes on". There were cameras and professional photogs everywhere, and a DJ of course, and they all seemed to be kind of encouraging it. No one, but no one, said anything. And OK, I was really bothered. Especially because my 11 year old was watching all the action intently, (but didn't join in). Would this bother anyone else? Or, do you think, as some of the moms said, "It's just the way things are now. What are you gonna' do?" And what would you have said/done?

[elliput]

I'm usually a pretty liberal minded woman, but this sounds like one thin line from child exploitation. I'd rather see every mom at DD's school in their pajamas.

[tnrnchick74]

As a Jewish Mom who will be hosting a Bar Mitzvah party one day - YES IT BOTHERS ME!!!

[kijip]

Someone, presumably a parent, paid for the DJ. Someone, again a parent, bought the clothes and let their children wear them and it was parents that did not stop the dancing. So I see a lot of things that could have been done. I can see it becomes harder for one or a few parents to disallow stuff if "everyone else is" but frankly, I remember something about not jumping off a cliff just because everyone else is...

[LexyLou]

I just want to say that as a parent that TOTALLY disturbs me BUT I remember freak dancing at Jr. High dances in 1990, so it's not a new phenomenon.

There was also some freak dancing at my Bat Mitzvah in 1991. Nothing out of control because I was too afraid to do it in front of my parents...but freak dancing has always been popular in the 12-13 year old set.

I don't know...maybe they think it's a grown up thing and they want to be grown up? I don't know. But I look back now as an adult and shudder.

[strollerqueen]

GAH, it just made me cringe! To see these little girls, and yeah, I still think they are, sticking their butts out to boys and wiggling them around, and then having said boys (who looked even younger than them, because they weren't wearing make-up and hooker dresses) stick their pelvis' up against them and thrust...it seemed like child "sexploitation" at it's worst. I was really, really, hoping there were no pedophiles or perverts there, because they would have been in heaven. There were, however, lots of parents who stood around the dance floor, staring intently, like they were watching a show.

[alexsmommy]

Yes.
I had bought a dress for DSD to wear to a friends Bat Mitzvah when she was 13 and luckily I just happened to pull around the corner as she left from our neighbors house, wearing one of her friends strapless, somewhat low cut, but at least just above the knee dresses. Um, no. She was pissed and embarrassed when I made her go change. The sad thing was the friends mom - who usually has great judgment, was driving them and was like, "Oh you don't like the dress?" I had to politely say it was a beautiful dress and I appreciated them lending it to her, but I was raising her to believe that you are covered in a HOUSE OF WORSHIP. Honestly, hadn't occurred to the mom (we live in a very liberal town, mix of races/religions, though like most areas, mostly Christian). I said she could wear the dress to the party, but not to temple. So the other mom made her daughter change too - there was a three hour gap b/w the service and the time the bus took the kids to the city for the party so plenty of time to change. I can only imagine what was going on at the party with regard to dancing - but that is an issue with the parents IMHO. Even if you don't disagree with that behavior form 13 y/o's, there is a time and place and this is not it. We talked about it later and DSD said she even in the strapless dress, she was very comfortable "compared to what some of our other friends were wearing." Meaning barely cut to cover their butts. Sigh.
I will give DSD credit, she did later admit she also did not think about the fact that temple is the same as church and she would not have worn that dress to church. She's seen me frantically run out to the mall get something to cover my shoulders/lower cut cleavage dress for a wedding. She said when she saw the other adults and children of more conservative adults at temple she was glad she had changed.
I was also the evil mother who didn't allow make-up until she was 14. Which means instead of going to school looking like she was a 21 y/o made up for nighttime clubbing (the preferred teen look), she was "just" sneaking mascara in eight grade - which she thinks we don't know about lol.
Sigh. It's hard to set these standards when other kids are allowed really inappropriate adult behavior by seventh grade. She's older now and I try to walk the line b/w not smothering her and causing rebellion and some degree of modestly, self-respect and class. I look the other way when she walks out the door in her low rise skinny jeans and remind myself that there was a time I left the house in leggins, an oversize sweater belted like a dress and pleather flats with just as much make-up as she is wearing and mine included things like blue mascara.

[jenfromnj]

Yikes! I know this is comment is not really adding anything productive to the discussion, but posts like this make me glad that my kid is a boy!

We have a junior high bus stop down our street, and I cannot believe the clothing that the 11-14 y/o set is wearing, especially in the dead of winter in NJ with 2+ feet of snow on the ground--some days, I feel like I'll have to cover DS's eyes as we drive past, LOL.

[strollerqueen]

Yikes! I know this is comment is not really adding anything productive to the discussion, but posts like this make me glad that my kid is a boy!



OK, BUT, don't forget that it was the boys who were thrusting their pelvis' against the girl's behinds. They were also in the grinding chains, and were jumping in between girls to make a 'sandwich". There was even a form of grinding in which two kids faced each other. Watching that, I felt icky, like a voyeur. I really had to just look away.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Well, the first Bar Mitzvah I went to when I was 13, a guy tried to get a hotel room with me since it was being held in a hotel! The whole crew of guests our age were absolutely over the top in that department. And, no, I did not go with him!

Beth

[jenfromnj]

OK, BUT, don't forget that it was the boys who were thrusting their pelvis' against the girl's behinds. They were also in the grinding chains, and were jumping in between girls to make a 'sandwich". There was even a form of grinding in which two kids faced each other. Watching that, I felt icky, like a voyeur. I really had to just look away.

You are so right--I wasn't even able to get past the scantily clad pre-teens to the other issues. The thought of DS, at age 12, grinding up against a girl, is just too much for me to even process!

[buddyleebaby]

The thing is that their generation has really not been taught to dance any other way. If you look at hit music for the last twenty years, it's booty music. It's not as if they have been taught to dance the jitterbug and dance that way instead.
When I see twelve and thirteen years old dancing like that, it justs look ridiculous to me. Roll my eyes kind of ridiculous. The same way I roll my eyes when I see older teens in miniskirts and uggs walking in a large group across the street, each one looking just like the others, against the light, as sloooooowly as possible, talking way too loudly.
But I know that at one time, I was one of those teens walking slowly against the light, probably annoying moms who sat in their cars waiting for me to pass and thinking how ridiculous teens are. And I know I did my share of booty dancing. I think I was still too shy at 12 and 13, but by 14/15, yeah, not so much. And it didn't mean anything. I wasn't having sex. It was just fun.
I do agree that there is a fine line...and sometimes kids take it too far and parents need to step in. I respected myself enough to not let it get to that point. I hope to teach my daughters to do the same. I am also teaching them to dance to salsa and :boogie:merengue and vallenatos and bachatas. But that's Plan B. :wink2:

[Tondi G]

It's really scary! I have an almost 9 year old and was just talking to my sister about the fact that he will be in Jr High in no time and I am SO not ready for all that comes along with it!

The parents should have stepped in rather than sitting back and watching. I agree that what most kids see/know is a whole lot of grinding but they can still dance other ways. The DJ could have gotten them all set up doing the electric slide or other dances that didn't require them to be all up on eachother!

[liamsmom]

I agree that what most kids see/know is a whole lot of grinding but they can still dance other ways.

This reminds me of the scene in Mean Girls where Rachel McAdams' little sister is dancing in the background while watching MTV. In another scene she is seen lifting up her shirt just like the girls on spring break! I can't imagine why some parents didn't tactfully break up the grinding and model some appropriate dancing for these kids.

I don't think a strapless dress for a 13-year-old is necessarily inappropriate, but it really depends on the function--church or temple are obviously no-nos--and the length and cut of the rest of the dress.

I remember when I attended my friend's brother's Bar Mitzvah when I was either 16 or 17. Someone had to intervene for me and rescue me from the dirty old men that kept talking to me. ick.

[strollerqueen]

OK, here's a funny...there are some littler girls at my house right now who were there at the Bat Mitzvah last night. They were SO indignant at the dancing, LOL! That is the first thing they started telling me, how those bad kids were GRINDING last night. One girl said, "it was so disgusting!" Then they proudly told me how they ran and told their parents on them. (Except for, um, the parents were there watching too. And how do they know what grinding is, anyway? ) I told the girls, "We'll see if you'll be doing that in four years, and they said "NO WAY!" And they were also going on and on about how short the girls dresses were, and how ridiculous they looked. So maybe there is hope yet??? :wink2:

[fortato]

One day these kids will look back and realize how stupid they looked.

I think about how my friends and I danced at their age... right around the time that "Dirty Dancing" came out... so, we were acting like Johnny and Baby. And, we looked stupid, and I hope there aren't any videos of it.

A majority of the Bar/Bat mitzvahs I've been to recently had kids dancing the same way, and a lot of the kids didn't have their parents there....so who's going to correct them?

Whatever. All I can do is teach my son not to Booty dance with the girls, and have fun.

And... Think back to the songs we listened to at their age... "Do Me!" by Bell, Biv, Devoe.

[TwinFoxes]

I just want to say that as a parent that TOTALLY disturbs me BUT I remember freak dancing at Jr. High dances in 1990, so it's not a new phenomenon.



I agree with this (and I'll just pretend I was in jr. High in 1990!) the difference was there's NO WAY my parents, or any of my friends' parents would have looked on and not said anything. It's something we would have tried to get away with at a school dance, or if we managed to have dancing at a birthday party downstairs while parents were upstairs. Tweens want to play at sex, it's my job as a mom to stop them!

[dcmom2b3]

Yeah, the phrase "Back to being chained to the radiator for you, young lady!" comes to mind.

I think I'm remembering correctly that (at least some of) their parents were there too? That's the sticking point for me. We wouldn't have left the house together with that kind of attire and makeup, and I fear that I would have embarassed DD by cutting in and teaching her grind partner how to waltz, swing, hand jive, salsa, meringue, polka, whatever.

And then chaining her to the nearest radiator.

[gatorsmom]

The thing is that their generation has really not been taught to dance any other way. If you look at hit music for the last twenty years, it's booty music. It's not as if they have been taught to dance the jitterbug and dance that way instead.


I said the same thing for a long time. I grew up in Wisconsin and never learned a dance that I could do at weddings other than the polka. And it wasn't really the polka. I never did learn how to dance with an actual partner. Then I moved to Houston, Texas when I was 25. And I was amazed to find bars where young, beautiful people were dancing the waltz, polka and 2-step! Really handsome, young men would politely ask if they could dance with me and then twirl me around the dance floor without grinding, groping or doing anything inappropriate. It was soooo refreshing and romantic. I took dance lessons in Houston and can proudly say that since DH (who's a 2-steppin Texan) and I moved to Minnesota, often times at weddings up here, we are the only ones that don't look like we feel awkward on the dance floor.

I'm definiltely making my sons learn to waltz if nothing else. There is just something so timeless and romantic about the waltz. Maybe they won't grind-dance if they have other options. :)

[elektra]

Ugh. I keep thinking back to the bar mitzvahs I've been to and I don't remember that at all! I never went as a kid but my college boyfriend was a junior high teacher and he got invited to several bar/bat mitzvahs that I tagged along on. (They were great parties!)
All the ones I went to had tons of adults and the kids were more into the ice cream bar than grinding on the dance floor and they just all seemed so young to me. Nothing like what you were describing. I would be disturbed too. Maybe many of the other parents felt like you did, but since no one else was saying anything......

[jenfromnj]

Yeah, the phrase "Back to being chained to the radiator for you, young lady!" comes to mind.



LOL at this! I grew up not far from our parish's convent. Whenever my sister and I would do anything my dad deemed inappropriate (he was super protective, so it included wearing any skirts above the knee, talking to boys on the phone for too long, etc etc), he'd threaten to drop us off at the convent and *maybe* pick us up when we hit 18.

[strollerqueen]

The thing is that their generation has really not been taught to dance any other way. I


The thing is, these kids HAVE. Ballroom dancing instruction is mandatory here, starting in the 5th grade, lol! So these kids know how to waltx, fox trot, meringue, etc. However, to your other point, the booty music being played by the DJ didn't exactly match that style...

[liamsmom]

the booty music being played by the DJ didn't exactly match that style...

Just wondering, what kind of music was playing? I assume it was the typical Top 40/pop/hip hop stuff, but were the lyrics suggestive? It's got to be hard to waltz to Bootylicious. It sounds like the DJ was just as bad (or really worse) than the kids!