Birthday parties - do I have to invite the whole darn preschool class?

[citymama]

For the last 2 years, we've only invited a handful of DD's daycare/preschool classmates to her birthday parties - maybe 4 or so. The rest have been neighborhood friends and kids of our friends.

However, in recent months we've been invited to an insane number of parties for kids in her school - it seems like most/many families invite the entire class, and even some kids from other classes. DD and I made a list of the kids she wants to invite for her party, and she named about 9 or 10 out of 16 kids in her class. That's fine with me - she doesn't really want to have our friends' kids attend, she'd rather have her classmates. Great. But now what about the other 7 kids - is it rude not to invite them? And kids in older classes who invited DD to their parties? I don't know if parents talk among themselves or carpool for these parties or something. I don't even know some of the younger kids in her class. For all I know, some of those being invited might be close friends with those not being invited. What to do?

We're having the party at a playground, so it's not like there's a space issue. But it does mean more food, goody bags, and many more people! At this age, most kids attend with 2 parents and sometimes a sibling too. So we're talking at least 20-25 more people if I invite the whole class. I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with that at 7.5 months pregnant!

Would appreciate any advice or guidance on bday party etiquette so I don't offend any parents but can also retain my sanity! Many thanks.

[egoldber]

DD and I made a list of the kids she wants to invite for her party, and she named about 9 or 10 out of 16 kids in her class. That's fine with me - she doesn't really want to have our friends' kids attend, she'd rather have her classmates. Great. But now what about the other 7 kids - is it rude not to invite them?

I don't think you can invite more than half the current class and not invite the whole class. Most likely all will not come.


And kids in older classes who invited DD to their parties?

That's a little odd. Do they share after care class space or take a different class together or something? But I woudl not feel obliged to ask them, even if they invited you if they are not in her classroom.

[maestramommy]

Dora just went to a bday party of a classmate. It was a princess party, and only the girls were invited. Even though making swords was one of the craft options :p

[Ceepa]

If it doesn't cost much extra to you, personally I'd invite the other 7 kids. Chances are not everyone would be able to attend anyway.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i personally don't think it's rude at all to not invite the entire class. first off, its can get very expensive very fast...i think in this day and age many parents would be understanding of that and would not get offended. it's not just about cost either, it's about your own sanity..i think anyone would go crazy dealing with that many kids at a party. also, i think it's often too much for many kids to have so many people over at the same time. i went to a friend's party for her son's first birthday and for the most part he was crying his head off b/c he was so overwhelmed/overstimulated (they had invited his entire daycare class, so we're talking 25 one-year-olds, their parents, and siblings..scary.) i've been to other 1st birthday parties for children of coworkers in which only a handful of people are invited and it seemed like everyone in general (kids included) had an easier time.

[crl]

This is just my opinion, so take it for what it's worth. I think when you get to over half the class, it's best just to invite the whole class. I really doubt they will all come. DS has been to 4 or 5 all class K parties this year and out of 22 kids only about 8 or 10 have shown up.

I don't think it is strictly necessary to invite kids whose parties you went to, but I've been told I'm wrong about that. With a playground party, I'd probably go ahead and invite them, figuring again that not all of them are really going to come.

Catherine

[stinkyfeet]

This is just my opinion, so take it for what it's worth. I think when you get to over half the class, it's best just to invite the whole class. I really doubt they will all come. DS has been to 4 or 5 all class K parties this year and out of 22 kids only about 8 or 10 have shown up.

I don't think it is strictly necessary to invite kids whose parties you went to, but I've been told I'm wrong about that. With a playground party, I'd probably go ahead and invite them, figuring again that not all of them are really going to come.

Catherine

I agree with this poster. If half of the class is invited, it would be nice to invite the other half to not make the other kids feel excluded. I am sure kids talk about the party the Monday after and a good number of kids would feel left out. However, I do think that it is appropriate to invite just the girls (or boys) as a pp mentioned. HTH!

[smilequeen]

I think it's perfectly appropriate to invite a few kids and not all. But I agree if you get to the point where she wants more than half the class it's best to invite everyone. I've always invited everyone myself. I think preschool is a great time to be inclusive anyway. It was more of a pain this year though as we started Montessori and there are 30 kids in his class at all different ages, but some of those 3 year olds were totally psyched to be there. Only about half showed up anyway.

[WatchingThemGrow]

If you do things simply, order out for the food, skip goody bags altogether or just do something very simple (just the basics), it should be okay. I'd lean toward inviting the whole class, knowing that most people are pretty busy on Sat. anyway and they won't all be able to come. We did a book swap for DD's 3rd b'day - when I was 9mos pg - with 50 people - at our house (back yard). People helped cut the pizza for the toddlers, set up the tables for food, kids, etc. Someone offered to hang the banner ahead of time, etc. It was a really fun time right before we were stuck inside with a new baby for months.

[sste]

What is your DD's personality and how does she handle large groups?

When I was growing up, my mom firmly believed in inviting the class so no child would feel sad or excluded (I think she had some of her own bad experiences in childhood regarding this). And she thought it worth the expense and inconvenience even though our family budget was always very limited. Anyway, it was a wonderful lesson to me growing up and something I think about to this day. And the parties were very exciting with the entire class walking home with me. *But* I will say that I was a shy child and I think that in some ways a smaller party would have been more fun for me. Though I guess without the lifelong lesson attached . . .

Not sure if this helps at all. I am still undecided about this issue too.

[MMMommy]

I would invite the whole class since you are already inviting more than half. Kids talk and usually don't know better about not talking about parties at school. I think not inviting the remaining 7 may result in hurt feelings on the part of the uninvited kids.

As for the older kids who had previously invited DC, I wouldn't feel obligated to invite them.

I also think an all girls or all boys party is fine, where the whole class wouldn't be invited. But if it is a mix of boys and girls, and you invited more than half, I would definitely invite the entire class.

[citymama]

This is eye-opening and good to know! DD's personality is very gregarious, and she does fine in large groups - as long as she has her share of cupcakes and treats! And it isn't too crazy to buy more pizza and make a larger cake.

The reason this is strange for me is that I don't even know the names of some of the new little ones in DD's class - the school has rolling admissions, so there are some brand new 3 yr olds who started just last month, whereas DD is turning 4 and about to move up to the 4-5 yr class right after her b'day. (This is why some of the older kids have invited her to their parties in the past.) But I agree that I don't want to hurt any feelings by leaving kids out, so better to err on the side of being more inclusive.

DD would *love* an all-girls party, but 11 out of 16 of the kids in her class are boys, and almost all our friends' kids are boys, so it would be a very tiny party if it was all girls. Maybe next year, if we have it at home, we can do a girl themed little party. Thanks for the advice! Now if anyone has advice about inexpensive party favors, let me know!

[crl]

Ah favors. Well I once did gertie balls for a playground party. I bought them in quantity off of kidsurplus for about $2 a ball. I put them on the playground for them to play with during the party and then at the end, I said "grab a ball to take home with you." You could do the same with hula hoops, I bet those are pretty cheap.

I recently bought a bunch of easy readers off DS' scholastic book order for use as favors at a future party. Again, they were right in the $2 range.

At one of the recent birthday parties we went to, the mom handed out pez dispensers still in their packaging with some of the pez candy.

I like not having the bags--saves money on buying them, a bit better for the environment, and that much less work putting stuff together.

Catherine

[JustMe]

I am not one to think you need to invite the whole class (unless the school has rules which state that you must). However, I do agree that once you are inviting more than half the class the whole class should be invited.

I personally am not a fan of doing girls only (or boys only, if that case may be) parties as I feel I do not want dd to get the message that she should only be friends with girls, that girls are closer friends, etc. (not criticizing anyone who does this, but it would not be my choice).

One thing I have in the past is to not invite anyone from her class, have the class party in school, and have family friends/friends from outside the class to her home party. This year now that dd is in first grade I had to stop this, as it just didnt fit anymore, but it seemed a good solution for a while. Dd did have some "good friends" from school other years, but I just explained that since they went to the school party, they did not need to go to the home party.

That said, with the option of having a party in the park (not an option for us weather-wise), I might just find ways to cut costs. For dd's party favors, I went to the dollar store and all we bought were those "crazy straws", (the plastic twisted kind). I think they came about 6 in a package for $1 and that's all I gave. Also, if you can time the party right (I am a fan of parties that start around 2:30 or 3), you can just have cake and not "regular food", which also cuts down on costs.

[alien_host]

I tend to agree with PPs, since you are inviting 1/2 the class you should probably include the whole class. My other thought is unless you know the 1/2 class well enough to send the invite to their home then you should probably invite everyone since the invite would have to be distributed via their cubby at school.

For favors how about a bottle of bubbles or you could buy a big tub of sidewalk chalk and divide them up and put them in cellophane bags and tie with a ribbon.