What do you consider "anxiety?"

[almostmom]

With the threads about happiness and other stuff, it got me thinking about the anxiety I feel on a regular basis. And I think of it as something I just have to deal with, but I guess I'm looking to see what other peoples experiences are.

My life is really good, and intellectually I know I have so much love and beauty and laughter around me. I'm basically happy I guess, most of the time, especially when snuggling with DH on the couch at night, or watching DC play together or share their lives with me.

But I have a lot of anxiety over little petty things, and it definitely cuts into my happiness. Sometimes it is easy to know what caused it, other times not. Like making decisions about home purchases, I hold my uncertainty and regret inside as anxiety (or I think that's what it is) for days or even weeks. I was anxious about a carpet I chose for our new basement last weekend, and DH asked if I would stop worrying about it for him, and I said yes, but ultimately I couldn't get the pit out of my stomach that I made the wrong, and expensive choice. Yet intellectually I know this isn't a big deal in the scheme of things! I also feel this way after going out with girlfriends, thinking about things I wish I said, or didn't say. I've never had an anxiety or panic attach, just a feeling that is really annoying and there.

But sometimes at the end of the day, I am sitting on the couch with an unknown pit in my stomach, feeling like I didn't do something as well as I could have, or anxious about something coming up, but not anything in particular. Just feeling unsettled.

So thanks for getting through this! I guess I'm wondering if these feelings are normal for most busy moms, or if it is unusual and there is something I could do about it.

Thanks.

[sste]

I think this anxiety at a level that is higher than typical - - and really the key issue is that it is cutting into your enjoyment of your happy and fulfilling life. Who needs that! Cognitive-behavioral therapy is extremely helpful for anxiety. I just started this for anxiety and it teaches you a variety of techniques, including a way of challenging your automatic thoughts.

So, your thought is "I just spent all this money on the carpet and its probably all wrong," and you feel anxious and your thoughts and feelings are pretty strong (lets say 7 on one to 10). Then you identify which one of a variety of common thinking errors that you are committing. In this case, you are probably jumping to conclusions and magnifying a small issue. Then you do things like examine the evidence, think about the costs and benefits of feeling bad about X, etc. (e.g., dh and I both agreed on the carpet for a reason, I have made other good decorating decisions in my home, if I decide later I don't love the carpet I add some cute kids area rugs, this anxiety is making my stomach hurt and interfering with my enjoyment of my new home and its just a bunch of rug fiber). Then you try to reformulate the thought. For example, "It is going to be hard to tell how much I like the carpet until the basement is all set up and if I don't love it then I will consider some throw rugs, bright pictures, or fresh coat of paint). Then rate how strong this new thought is.

A friend of mine has a therapist who told her to treat this as if she was a limited "Worry Budget" each week -- like dollars. And to think about, is the rug (or whatever) worth spending my limited amount of worry for the week? Some things will be worth it but many probably won't.

Sorry for the long-winded explanation. I would look for a cognitive-behavioral therapist. Good luck!

[egoldber]

I do think that what you are describing is anxiety. I totally agree with sste about seeing a CBT therapist. We recently started my older DD in CBT for her anxiety, and those techniques are what they are teaching her: recognizing when the thoughts get out of control, how to stop the destructive cycle, how to replace the "worry thought" with a happy thought, giving yourself a limited worry budget, etc. And also rewarding yourself for not worrying and moving on.

I definitely have a tendency to doubt and second guess myself as well, but I think that I have learned to recognize when I am doing it and am able to stop myself.

[almostmom]

Thanks for these answers. I actually forwarded them to DH so he would know that I am actually concerned about this! He was super supportive. It's such a relief to know that there are techniques to use, and these ones really resonate with me. I'll look into therapy, though I don't know if I could afford it after the carpet (kidding!), but in the meantime, I'll think about some of these techniques you mentioned and use them. Thank you.

[egoldber]

There are many books out there. I've only read through the ones for kids ;), but the techniques are simple and you could give it a go on your own. :)

[mecawa]

There are many books out there. I've only read through the ones for kids ;), but the techniques are simple and you could give it a go on your own. :)

:yeahthat:

I'm actually using one of the CBT books right now (for adults) to do on my own. My therapist recommended it for me, I haven't done any of this with her yet though.

I would recommend to the OP getting help, or starting on this now, while you are not to bad. I've always been anxious, had a really really bad year last year, and my anxiety went from always hovering around a 5 to making it all the way to a 10 (had 4 major anxiety/panic attacks within a month, almost went to the hospital and had to see my PC because it was at the point of causing physiological stress on my body), if I had taken care of it from the beginning (or if I communicated my feelings lol) I wouldn't have gotten as bad as I did.

Definitely look into CBT, I've heard good things, I just started it and so far so good!!!! Good Luck!!!

[Melaine]

:yeahthat:

I'm actually using one of the CBT books right now (for adults) to do on my own. My therapist recommended it for me, I haven't done any of this with her yet though.



Can you share the name of this book?

I agree that it's something to address while it is in manageable stages. I think if I had recognized the anxiety in myself at an early point I could have saved myself a lot of struggle and possibly nipped it in the bud before it got so out of control and to the point of panic attacks, heart palpitations, etc.

[mecawa]

Can you share the name of this book?

I agree that it's something to address while it is in manageable stages. I think if I had recognized the anxiety in myself at an early point I could have saved myself a lot of struggle and possibly nipped it in the bud before it got so out of control and to the point of panic attacks, heart palpitations, etc.

The book I have is The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety by William J. Knaus, there are ton of other ones out there too, I spent about an hour at Borders a couple of weeks ago just flipping through different ones and they all looked pretty good. Another one I got that isn't related to CBT but helped a little bit was Anxiety and Depression: A Natural Approach by Shirley Trickett That one just helped explain how it effects you physiologically and not just psychologically (I was freaking out that I had everything medically wrong with me but after bloodwork, tests, etc, they found nothing, this book was just an eye opener because every symptom I had can be attributed to anxiety and panic) She also had some good tips on meditation, massage, exercises, as well as explained SSRI drugs and how they work, etc. It was informative.

[graciebellesmomma]

What you describe sounds like anxiety to me. The first thing to do is get your
thyroid checked. Hormonal imbalance is the number one cause of anxiety.
I have several friends that go in and get blood work done when they start to feel
the anxiety creep back in. 9 out of 10 times, they need to have their thyorid meds
adjusted. It's no way to live.

I just posted on the happy thread about an amazing woman,
Claire Weekes. She's got some great tips on how to get rid of anxiety
and panic/fear. Just google her name....I did add some links on the
other post.

Meditation for 30 minutes in the am, really helps me start off calm. I sometimes find
that I need to do it before bed, as well. I use a guided imagery meditation, but sometimes the
music is enough to get me breathing peacefully.
I highly recommend, http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Andrew-Weils-Mind-Body-Toolkit/dp/1591794102/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267658737&sr=1-10

Another thing is CBT, and there is a doctor up at Reno who
seems to be quite knowledgable. He wrote a book called,
Get out of your Mind and into your Life. I'm doing the workbook
now.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572244259/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1558742905&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1CW2PYVHRWSVS6PMBYCB

I contacted him and he has referred me to student of his who, that has since become a colleague and specializes in Post Traumatic Stress....which is my main issue, among many!

Now I just have to find the courage to call the woman and set an appointment!

Hope this helps!

[lmh2402]

per my "happy?" post, i feel so overwhelemed with anxiety on a constant basis...over everything...that i don't even really know how i would try to define or quantify it

but i think i'm going to explore perhaps changing my therpaist and really seeking a strong CBT

and i'm having a consult for medication

good luck. i hope you feel better.

[Toba]

Hormonal imbalance is the number one cause of anxiety. I have several friends that go in and get blood work done when they start to feel the anxiety creep back in. 9 out of 10 times, they need to have their thyorid meds adjusted. It's no way to live.



I never knew that ... I wonder if my polycystic ovarian syndrome (which I am not treating at this time) is fueling my anxiety and panic attacks. I have been diagnosed with severe panic disorder, general anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

To ME, and take this with a grain of salt because I am not a doctor and I'm just going with my own experience and diagnoses, you definitely sound like you have anxiety AND OCD. I get obsessive thoughts and what you described is on a little bit lower scale than my OCD. I will get something in my head, whether it be a worry or a thought or a noise or ANYTHING, and it just spins and spins and spins until I make myself bat**** crazy and have to take medication.

I am now being treated by a psychiatrist (this will be my fourth in about three years) and a cognitive behavioral therapist since two weeks before Thanksgiving of 2009. My therapist was trying to wait until I was stable on a medication before starting on CBT, but as I said in another thread, I have severe drug resistance/tolerance and getting stable on a med that WORKS is a long, drawn out process. I just started the CBT last week even though I'm not stable on a med (long story short, I am now on an old school anti-depressant that must be monitored through blood work so I am sllllllowly being upped to a therapeutic level ... and I'm already over the max dose and not even halfway to the therapeutic level in my blood stream yet) ... my CBT has me working on a journal right now and next week we start to go over it and get into the therapy.

Just an FYI, I was seeing another therapist a year or two ago that claimed she was a CBT. When I explained her methods to my psychiatrist and current therapist, they said that no way what she was doing was CBT. I am very stubborn and I need someone firm that will not let me get off topic or go into a tangent. It's a weird process and I pray everyday that it's going to work. For me, I can go back and see when my symptoms first started and then when they went spiraling out of control. I've seen my younger sister have the beginnings of a panic attack three times and I gently tiptoed over the subject with her ... she told me she only gets that way when she, my mother and I are all together. I told her that I used to only have one panic trigger too once upon a time and wished I could go back and get help then as opposed to now when pretty much anything can set me off the panic attack cliff. I wish you the best of luck because I definitely know what you're going through. If you need someone to talk to and commiserate with, PM me. *** HUGS ***

[wellyes]

I'm *not* trying to diagnose you online but when I read your post I thought GAD - see http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/generalized-anxiety-disorder. Just point it out as something to read because you might identify with it. Knowledge is always better than just vaguely thinking something is wrong, since it's so easy to view that as personal weakness, instead of something a lot of people deal with.

For me I'll say medication changed my life, absolutely, for the better. When I first tried Paxil I was astonished -- absolutely astonished -- that I could live day to day without constantly repeating self-doubt to myself and questioning wrong choices. I have a mix of obsessive disorder and GAD. Hope you can find peace.

[almostmom]

Just want to say thanks again for all these posts. I'm going to look into all these different avenues, and try to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse. That web md link was interesting - I definitely have some of the symptoms, especially the irritable and edgy piece, and being easily startled and worried. Luckily, sleep has never been a problem for me. In terms of OCD, I don't think it's in my nature. I'm not a really neat person, I go to bed with dishes in the sink and clothes on the floor most nights, and am really low maintenance when it comes to most things. But maybe my perception of OCD is off.

I'm also going to talk to my MIL who is a social worker/psychologist, and a good friend, and get her advice on how to proceed. Mostly I think I'm glad to know that I can change this part of my life, most likely, but a little intimidated that I should delve into this, and the fact that if I don't, it might get worse. But I think I was looking for this advice when I posted - a way to "get out of my mind and into my life."

Thank you BBB friends.