S/O: Do all your DH's love working?

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

Just reading through the SAH of school age kids thread. I'm wondering, does everyone's husbands really enjoy working? Especially the ones with the travel and the long hours.

I guess I'm wondering because everyone is talking about all the great things they'll do with their free time. Are the DH's not interested in doing that sort of thing? Or ?? Also as sentiment of how working is not that fufilling and does not define a person (which I do agree with to a point). In that case, are the DHs fufilled?

Just seems like such a dichotomy.

[Melaine]

No. My DH does not love working and does not enjoy his job. He hasn't really figured out what he wants to do with his life. Part of the issue is he is an introvert and really doesn't like being a manager, which he is incidentally very good at. We talked tonight about him going back to school (he never finished his degree) but he is still not completely sold on that idea. I really wish he could find a job he loves. He's excelled at everything he has done, just doesn't particularly enjoy working for other people. I think he'd like to own his own business and work at home.

[hillview]

DH LOVES to work. LOVES it. He has worked to find a balance. Work is a passion (not the only one;)).
/hillary

[pinkmomagain]

Hmmmm..."enjoy" probably isn't the term he would use. His sense of self is very tied to (encompassed by) work. So he is very motivated to be successful at work because it gives him a strong, positive sense of self. He complains, he get stressed...but there is a very big payoff for him.

[newg]

DH seems to really enjoy his job.........I know he would enjoy being home with DD, but I don't think he could handle it FT.........he is a very social person and I think he would go a little stir crazy just being around DD all day (even with playdates and such...).......
DH needs a little variety in his life.

[newg]

he is very motivated to be successful at work because it gives him a strong, positive sense of self. He complains, he get stressed...but there is a very big payoff for him.

this too :)

[egoldber]

My DH does not enjoy as much travel as he does, but he LOVES his job and what he does. And he is very, very good at it. He hates being a homebody and while he loves his children he does not enjoy household management tasks.

[Ceepa]

He loves working, though right now his job is bugging him. He's really good at what he does and gains a lot from his career.

[wellyes]

No, DH doesn't like his job very much, but he does define himself by it more than I do mine.


I guess I'm wondering because everyone is talking about all the great things they'll do with their free time. Are the DH's not interested in doing that sort of thing? Or ?? Also as sentiment of how working is not that fufilling and does not define a person (which I do agree with to a point). In that case, are the DHs fufilled?Interesting point. I think most adults would prefer to pursue fulfilling personal projects and volunteering for causes they care about vs. having hours, deadlines, a boss, etc. For a variety of reasons -- gendered expectations, choices we make in college and professionally, the biology of breastfeeding, etc etc - women do have more opportunities to find a balance in life than men (as well as to make less and stall professionally during peak promotion years in many cases, of course). I guess men are more conditioned to view themselves as their job, so that does help.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I would say my husband likes working. He certainly doesn't LOVE it. He is good at it and successful. However, he would really like to have more time to do things he enjoys, such as projects around the house.

He is really good at household management type stuff and therefore we really split household duties. His dad was also great at taking care of the family and was really a role model in that area. He is a great cook, was always involved in teaching DH things and took care of DH & his sister for 7 years while DH's mom was in the US getting a green card.

It just seems men don't get a lot of choice in this. Is it because men typically are paid more or have more high-powered careers?

[niccig]

DH enjoys his work. He says it's not his passion, but he finds it challenging and satisfying. Sometimes it's a PITA for him.

DH's work has an earlier retirement age, so he feels that he will have his time then. I'm SAHM for now, and will return to work at some point (when I work out what I want to do). DH wants me to be around for DS as his hours mean he can not do it. The plan has always been for me to take over working as his career winds down. We're OK with taking it in turns, as that's the most practical way for our situation.

I think I understand the dichotomy you're talking about. A couple of friends have discussed where to live and one mother told the other that she has to be happy. The "if the mother isn't happy, then no one is happy" line of thinking. BUT, DH is friends with her DH and he has complained that what his wife wants, means he has to work extra hours, get a new job that pays more etc. I don't think that is fair at all on the DH. I do think it's stressful for the sole income spouse to know it's their salary and that's it. I'm very conscious of our spending for a number of reasons, but one is so that DH isn't stressed to work more/earn more. And I'm very grateful for the hard work that he does to support our family. Just my $0.02 on DH and work stress.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

For a variety of reasons -- gendered expectations, choices we make in college and professionally, the biology of breastfeeding, etc etc - women do have more opportunities to find a balance in life than men (as well as to make less and stall professionally during peak promotion years in many cases, of course). I guess men are more conditioned to view themselves as their job, so that does help.

Thanks welleyes. We cross-posted. Interesting to think about.

[g-mama]

Hmmmm..."enjoy" probably isn't the term he would use. His sense of self is very tied to (encompassed by) work. So he is very motivated to be successful at work because it gives him a strong, positive sense of self. He complains, he get stressed...but there is a very big payoff for him.


:yeahthat: Dh doesn't really enjoy his job but he does enjoy the successes and the challenges. He would prefer to own his own business and be his own boss. He is great at what he does but is bored by it.

As far as time to do what he wants....he would love to have more of it. He works very hard and many long hours, many of which happen after our children are in bed so that he can get home by 7 to see them for two hours. The man will sacrifice endlessly and NEVER complain. Me? Not so much. ;) He actually is very happy to be able to provide in a way that allows *me* to pursue my interests and encourages me to do so far more than I do.

[fivi2]

dh appears to really enjoy his job. If we won the lottery ;) as far as I can tell, he would remain in his field (maybe not at the exact same location). He is not happy staying at home with the kids for any long periods of time. Of course he gets stressed on occasion, but overall, I think he enjoys it.

Because of the dichotomy you bring up, I do "allow" him a lot of free time. (okay, that isn't the right way to put it ;) ) he is able to do his hobbies now to a much greater extent than I do. He goes to all of his team's home games, he has a weekly poker night, he plays golf and has other outings fairly often. Way more than I go out or do things without dc. So other than sleeping in more often, I feel like he has a lot of time for the fun stuff he enjoys. shrug. he isn't the best communicator, so I could be way off! :)

[sewarsh]

Yes, my DH is a financial advisor adn LOVES his job. He really enjoys the interaction with people and helping him. I envy him for loving his job so much.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I so wish that I had a career that was as profitable as dh's because I know he would love to be a SAHD. It would make me very happy to be able to give him this experience.

Beth

[tarahsolazy]

I love my job, but it does drive me crazy at times as well. Part of me would love being at home, I could just channel my energies elsewhere.

I like that even though my job has long crazy hours and is very intense, the payoff is human, real, and lasts a lifetime. We save lives in the NICU, and my research should advance human milk and breastfeeding nationwide. So that seems like a reasonable thing to give a lot of myself to. I think that if I were in corporate America, I'd resent my job more, because I'd be away from my family so I could make money for investors, which doesn't have the same draw for me.

[jent]

No. He seems to be the opposite of a lot of your DH's: not in an upward trajectory, works fewer hours than I do, doesn't feel any need to advance his career. Yet, he does seem to enjoy doing _something_ and doesn't want to be home FT with DD either.


women do have more opportunities to find a balance in life than men (as well as to make less and stall professionally during peak promotion years in many cases, of course).

See, now, with all my friends IRL (most who WOTH full or PT), it's the woman who is struggling to balance home life and work and the guy who has plenty of leisure time.

[Toba]

My DH goes through phases and has a love/hate relationship with his job. He's been at the same company for 21 years, since he was 19 years old. He started out as a biomedical tech, then the manager and is now the director of the department (he's been in this position for about 14 years now, shortly before we married). For most of his time there, he answered to this one person ... and this person was a bit crazy. I don't want to into details but he DEFINITELY crossed the line on many occasions. I remember a time about four years ago that DH was rumbling and looking into headhunters. The reality is that everybody wants that piece of paper (degrees).

A little less than a year ago, he got a new boss (the old one finally retired) and this boss is much further up on the ladder so he has way more power behind him than my DH's old boss. My DH is like the golden boy at work (and always has been) ... he gets things done, has awesome ideas and is very level-headed ... AND, most important, saves his employer (a semi-major hospital) a ton of money each year (double digit millions, seriously). He has been through so many meetings with cost/efficiency consultants and EVERY SINGLE TIME, the consultant raves about my DH and says they couldn't even touch his department without substantially raising costs (he's actually gotten a few offers from these consultants' companies). Obviously that's a big ego boost to DH, but since his boss is now so far up the ladder, the CEO and board of directors all know about DH now (his old boss would routinely take credit for many things that DH did).

His new boss approved a 100% tuition reimbursement with no limit (policy is 75%, with a cap of I think $2500 a year), AND did not make him sign an exclusivity contract (which is standard for any training or schooling that his employer pays for). He's going for his MBA, but his boss is anxious for him to get at least to the Masters level because he wants to put him in a VP position (there are several people in these positions that are near retirement age) ... so he's hoping for the MBA, but might have to cut it short and stop at Masters if his employer has an opening that he's offered (something about going into the MBA program as opposed to the Masters program allows him to carry over more credits or something like that; I'm completely clueless about that stuff). He's got a 4.0 GPA and was just told by his advisor that he should be accepted into an MBA fellowship (which pays for part of his tuition, which would be money in our pockets because work is paying for it already).

Obviously, I'm extremely proud of him ... he's awesome. It is definitely a strain on our family (and my sanity) with him taking so many classes (4 classes this semester, working full time, with a 2 hour daily commute roundtrip) AND being on call one to two weeks a month, but he's just awesome and flows with it and keeps telling me to look to the future. His biggest complaint now is that work is an hour north of our house and school is another 30 minutes north, so on the two nights that he has to go to class this semester, he doesn't come home until 10:30 PM (and gets up at 5 AM for work). So, yeah, there were definitely years that there was major griping about his job (and I couldn't blame him), but his new boss has really made him enjoy his job again. He listens to his ideas, thinks they're great and the board and CEO LOVE how much money he saves each year. And it is very nice to know that his job is very stable.

That said, as someone above said, if we won the lottery, I don't think he'd have any problem quitting his job. He is very into the outdoors and has had to give a lot of that up because of his hectic schedule, especially since DS was born. He would definitely find a way to keep busy. He's one of those types of people that excels at pretty much anything he tries. Before we got married, we talked about it and decided that I would definitely be a SAHM as long as it was financially possible and I feel blessed beyond belief that we are able to do that. It's funny because my DH has MANY first cousins, all but one are male, and all the cousins' wives are SAHMs too, even ones with kids in school full-time. DS is in half day K right now, but DH said he would support whatever I wanted to do when he starts full time next school year ... whether to remain a SAHM, continue my education, get a job or whatever. I feel very, very lucky.

[wendmatt]

My poor DH retired from the army as a mental health counselor, which he was very good at. He now has a job as a research assistant, all computer stuff and HATES it, he is miserable. I really feel for him, but we're both happy that he has a well paying job right now. He needs to be busy so not working would not work for him, but I wish he could find something that made him happy.

[bubbaray]

My DH would rather be a ski bum or a beach bum.

He enjoys his job, but its just a job to him.

[StantonHyde]

DH's job is truly a calling--he loves it and it comes first. I knew that when I married him. Yes, he gets frustrated. He would NEVER make it as a SAHD, I mean NEVER. He can barely handle one day with them. He loves them, but he couldn't organize anything other than sitting in the dark, eating pizza, and watching Star Trek. At work, its a whole different story.

I love, love, love WOTH. I get an immense self of self actualization out of WOTH that I just do not get with SAH--I have tried both. I am now PT which allows me to accommodate DH's odd schedule. I gave up a lot to have kids, but I love them so much and have reconciled myself to having had a career and now having another chapter in my life. I am VERY lucky to have a professional PT WOTH opportunity!!

[Jo..]

DH loves work. He gets bored and antsy on vacation and constantly checks his iphone/email for updates or issues. He wouldn't know what to do if he was off for more than a week or so.

[crl]

You know, I can't really say he loves it. Sometimes he really likes it and sometimes he's tired. But I can say that he always, always, always ends up working long hours. He's changed jobs telling me that the hours will be better, but no, they aren't. At least in this job he's getting paid for it.

When we got married, the plan was for me to work and him to stay home with the kids. Then he decided to go to law school. And he was still in the Marine Corps when DS came home so he could not quit. At this point he makes way more money than I ever would, so we can't really switch. And we've jointly made a variety of decisions to benefit his career that would make it harder for me to return to work. And he admits that he would not be as good as a SAHP as I am (kid would watch tv non-stop, eat junk food and get yelled at a lot more).

I have offered support for for him to try to get to a job that involves shorter hours, but it hasn't happened and he's not actively looking.

I will say that he is very, very, very good at what he does and I think he gets a lot of personal satisfaction from that.

As to whether it's fair? Eh, when DS first came home I worked harder than DH did. Truly. And if the next adoption comes through I'll be working harder again. Right now, I'm not working all that hard. (And for part of our marriage I worked FT, while DH went to law school--I worked harder--and yes, I've been to law school so I know what I'm talking about) At the end of the day, I suspect it will average out.

Catherine

[salsah]

nope. he works to pay the bills.

[AnnieW625]

My DH really enjoys what he does. He is an air resources engineer specializing in investigations for his agency. He likes this assignment much more than his prior assignment w/in the same agency which dealt more regulations.

[jenmcadams]

Mine honestly loves what he does...he likes the technical challenge of creating a new product and the general challenges of running a start-up. He is a classic serial entrepreneur and loves what he does. Part of why he loves it is that there's the potential for a big payout if one of his companies is successful. He's never had a true win (although none of his companies have gone out of business).

He also makes time for himself...he takes piano lessons (he's trying to catch up with our DD who has been playing for a few years), he works out and coaches my DDs soccer team. He's an amazing dad and husband and I'm pretty lucky.

Having said all of that, if he sold his company for a ton of $$, he would be happy to never work again...he would geek out and code for fun, coach soccer, workout and learn 5 instruments :)

[kijip]

My husband pick a field to avoid travel, long hours etc. He is in an area he can make decent money in part-time if he chooses to and it is mostly well defined shifts with an exact ending time. He likes work, but his life goals are more home and personally based. He has a number of hobbies. If he had to choose, he could give up work before he gave up home and hobby stuff.

[gatorsmom]

My DH loves his job(s). He has been creating his own companies since he was 25 yo. He's incredibly good at sales and numbers and he's also creative. Which means he's always coming up with ideas for new companies and throwing himself and his time at them with gusto. So, yeah, he loves what he does.

I knew he was like this when I married him. I found his intelligence very attractive and didn't mind the long hours he was gone. My dad had a job that kept him away for sometimes weeks at a time and so I was used to that. But, I have to say, now that we have 4 small kids, it would be nice if he'd cut down his hours somewhat or delegate more to his employees so that he could be home more often. Frankly, I dont' see that happening. I think that go against his grain. sigh.

[larig]

I so wish that I had a career that was as profitable as dh's because I know he would love to be a SAHD. It would make me very happy to be able to give him this experience.

Beth
:yeahthat:

[blisstwins]

He would prefer to be independently wealthy, but he does find his work fulfilling. The hours are getting old, however. He works 60-80 a week.

[fivi2]

snip
As to whether it's fair? Eh, when DS first came home I worked harder than DH did. Truly. And if the next adoption comes through I'll be working harder again. Right now, I'm not working all that hard. (And for part of our marriage I worked FT, while DH went to law school--I worked harder--and yes, I've been to law school so I know what I'm talking about) At the end of the day, I suspect it will average out.

Catherine

I think this is very true (for me). There have been times when I was "on duty" 24 hours a day and he was not. The first year with the twins was much harder for me than it was for him. It just was (because of our dynamic, I am sure others have other dynamics). So, I think to some extent it does average out.

[elektra]

DH would quit in a heartbeat if money was not an issue. He would prefer to live in our garage and do woodworking all day. And even though he doesn't do a whole lot around the house now, I think he would be a good SAHD if there was a way to make that happen, and he truly committed to it.
As much as he says that though, he does get some fulfillment from work.

[MontrealMum]

Well, I'll try to answer honestly. My DH is a super negative person so if you asked him you wouldn't really get an honest answer.

DH is presently in the IT industry. He's fairly good at what he does, and he's so-so about liking his job. He's certainly not excited about going in every day, but he likes problem-solving, and he likes some of his clients. It's a job, I guess. He complains, but not about *having* the job. He sees himself as the provider, and at this point, I appreciate that. He travels some, and sometimes pulls late hours, or works from home, but it's not too bad. But personally I do have some guilt tied to what he presently does.

He used to be a geologist. Which, obviously was all travel. Actually, it was living apart. Not travel. He lived in Labrador, and the NWT, and the Yukon. A bit in Northern BC, northern QC, and Nfld.. I visited him a few times and it wasn't much fun (for me!) It also cost the earth to get there. He lived in places that are only reachable by plane or helicopter, or by ice road in the winter. Or, in the case of Labrador, by boat. And this was long enough ago that there were very few satellite phones, so we had fun with radio phones - every two weeks or so. No email. You need a signal for that. It was hard. Very hard. Basically DH would go off into the bush for months at a time and his dad had power of attorney, and was joint on accounts, and took care of any important issues for him. He'd call every now and again if he got to "town". Usually I wasn't home :(

He LOVED that job. LOVED it. But there was very little work, or intermittent work. And what work there was, was incompatible with having a relationship (with me), and ultimately, a family. So, he changed careers a few years into our relationship. We've been together for 16 years, so this is ages ago now. But honestly, I equate that career (as he was experiencing it) with Bubbaray's reference to being a ski bum. Which DH also was. In the off season for being a geologist. The work is seasonal. So, he'd work for something like 4-6 months, and then be off, and either have enough to live on if he'd gotten good contracts, or be on UI, or both. Basically, though, he was on "vacation" from Oct thru March or so. [he wasn't *really* that was just the attitude] We did live with each other at the time and it was not fun.

DH left geology for me. But he'll now tell you he did it because the work was so unreliable. Which is true. But it's taken him quite a few years, and some maturity, to realize it and admit it. I have two cousins (brothers) - much older than DH - that are career geologists. One used to be golden (pun intended) but is eeking out a living as the head geo. at a mine which was bought out by a Canadian company, and supplementing his income by doing contracts here and there. He did "have it made" in geological industry terms, but they change, and quickly. He's got one kid in college and two more on the way soon. The wife is a SAHM (not my business, but I assume she has few marketable skills) The other cousin left geology for some odd jobs, worked for the state and the DNR...lots of downsizing...and is now a small business owner. And successful at it :)

It's a very unstable industry, and while I would support DH's return to it in another capacity in the future, for most, it's not as thrilling as you'd think, and it's not all Voisey's Bay. And I do mean it about helping DH change, or transform, his career. I've had some leads on jobs (for myself) in areas that are typical for geology. If we did end up in one of them you can bet I'd push him to get back into it, but in an administrative or techical capacity. I DO NOT, in any way, support his dream to either be Warren Miller, or to make canoes in our garage. Because the garage actually belongs to the downstairs neighbors ;) I am not entirely sure if he's fulfilled or not, and I'm kind of afraid to know the answer. But he does get a lot of skiing, cycling etc. in in his free time, so I'm hoping he's OK with it. But really, normal adults do not have 6 months of vacation like he did as a geologist.

[MoJo]

Not at all. He has often said that he wishes he didn't have to work.

He's a teacher at a public high school, GREAT with the kids, but the administrative stuff really gets to him. . . and that's all the bosses seem to care about, not whether the kids are learning and growing. If he could just teach, he would at least like it.

We made about the same when I was working full time, but I didn't get summers off + 4 weeks of vacation during the school year. Of course, I never had to get up at 3 a.m. to do paperwork like he did yesterday, or stay up 'til 2 a.m. some nights to get things done.

I don't think he would be a good SAHD, at least when the kids are this little. He doesn't seem to like needing to watch just the one when I work (about 10 hours/week). And I've gotten sick the few times I've worked full time for a week or two AND tried to manage the house and spend time with our daughter. . . it's just more than I'm able to do, and I'm amazed at all those who are able to do it.

But he would love it if I was the income earner (and I've been the primary one most of our marriage; it's a big part of the reason why we waited so long to start our family) AND he didn't have the childcare responsibilities.

He would like to buy things and then resell them through ebay or an antique mall booth, like his retired dad does. And he does do this part time even now. But it's not anywhere close to stable enough to raise a family on, not to mention the loss of health insurance, pension, etc.

[g-mama]

But he would love it if I was the income earner (and I've been the primary one most of our marriage; it's a big part of the reason why we waited so long to start our family) AND he didn't have the childcare responsibilities.



Well, now, yes, that would be quite the life, wouldn't it? Me, too!!

[carolinamama]

Hmmmm..."enjoy" probably isn't the term he would use. His sense of self is very tied to (encompassed by) work. So he is very motivated to be successful at work because it gives him a strong, positive sense of self. He complains, he get stressed...but there is a very big payoff for him.

I think that describes my DH as well. He jokes that I could become the breadwinner by going back to work fulltime (not that I could pay the bills, but that's not important, is it\ ;)) and he could stay at home. His idea of staying at home though is to hire a full-time nanny so he could play golf and hang out. But we all know that would leave him feeling very unfulfilled so he goes to work and works long hours by his choice.

[khalloc]

My DH hates working. And I do too.

[hellokitty]

My DH is ok with his job. His hours, even though he is on call a lot are actually not too bad. If his hours were worse, he would be unhappy, but they are good enough right now that he has enough time for all of his hobbies. Of course, he jokes all the time that I should go to CRNA school, so he can be a sahd.

[mecawa]

My DH travels a lot and has long crazy hours. He seems fulfilled but complains about work a lot, however when he has too much time off he seems bored and is back checking his blackberry every two seconds.

[MelissaTC]

My DH loves what he does. He has been pretty satisfied with his role and enjoys his projects. I won't say he is doing what he has always wanted to do but he is close. He is working towards a new position at work which is his dream job.

[boolady]

I realize this thread was intended for SAHMs, but since a few other WOHMs have answered, so will I. Yes, DH really loves his job. He came to it after college in a roundabout way, but has worked in the same industry, save a rough 2 years early in our marriage, for almost 20 years. He has a passion for it, is excellent at it, and I'm not sure what he would do if he could no longer do what he loves to do. He spends long hours at work, does not make great money, but is happy, and I want him to be.

Me? Well, not so much. Not at all, really. While I still like my field, I really DON'T like my current position, but as a supervisor, there's really no way out, and I make slightly more than DH and carry our family's health benefits, so am kind of stuck. I have been thinking about the long term and can't see me here, in this job, for another 20 years without feeling like I have spent my life being miserable for 9 hours a day, so have started to think about alternatives. There aren't many, but I think we're going to start planning for them so at least there IS an alternative. I am trying to believe that both of us can be both personally and professionally happy at the same time without ruining our family's future.

That said, DH would also be an excellent SAHD, but if we had the opportunity for one of us to stay home, he would let me do it because he knows how much I would love the chance to do so.

[mommylamb]

DH likes his job, but if we won the lottery, he would quit in an instant. Then again, as I mentioned in the other thread about gender bias, my household is different from most BBB households in that A. Both DH and I work and B. I make more than twice his salary, so he's not "the bread winner."

I do love my job (mostly), and if we won the lottery, I'm not really sure what I would do (though realistically, a life of luxury would suit me just fine).

[JamiMac]

My DH loves to work. He finds it very rewarding (he's in sales) and self confidence boosting. He's got a terrific work ethic and really if he couldn't work, he'd be unhappy.

[[email protected]]

DH truly likes working, but he's not crazy about the hours (leaves at 6:30 am home at 7:20; work from home most Saturdays, some travel). He loves the challenge, meeting people, and the money. It gives him great satisfaction. He jokes about staying home b/c I'm lousy with housework, but he can't handle all three kids by himself for more than a few hours. Even on weekends, he's crawling the walls by Sunday morning ready to get out of here. His new job has partnership possibilities and that would be really big (financially and professionally) but his boss works significantly more than DH does so we'll have to decide soon if its worth the effort.

Christine W

[sunshine873]

There are parts of DH's job that he really enjoys. But he would give anything to be able to stay home with DD every day. We were just talking the other night about happiness. It was really neat to hear him say that she gives him a joy that he has NEVER felt in his life before. So while he loves me, and likes his job, he would much rather be spending time at home with DD.

That will become even more apparent this year as he will be logging more travel time. Poor guy.

[mamicka]

Yes. He loves to work & his current job is quite satisfying.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I am really surprised that so many love to work. That's good.

I mean, I like working and my husband likes working, but if we could be financially sound and not work, we'd probably go with not working.

Most people I work with do like their job and working, but same thing ... if they won the lottery, they would quit immediately.

We both get satisfaction out of a job well done, whether at work or at home.

[g-mama]

I am really surprised that so many love to work. That's good.

I mean, I like working and my husband likes working, but if we could be financially sound and not work, we'd probably go with not working.

Most people I work with do like their job and working, but same thing ... if they won the lottery, they would quit immediately.

We both get satisfaction out of a job well done, whether at work or at home.

I was one who said that my dh is hard worker and gets satisfaction out of success and achievement, but make no mistake. If he won the lottery, he would be OUTTA THERE! He would much, much rather be home with his family and pursuing his interests and hanging out with his boys. He has a strong work ethic and it is very important for him to provide for his family, but if the money came tumbling in all on its own, he'd be good with that. :)

[mamicka]

I am really surprised that so many love to work. That's good.

I mean, I like working and my husband likes working, but if we could be financially sound and not work, we'd probably go with not working.

Most people I work with do like their job and working, but same thing ... if they won the lottery, they would quit immediately.

We both get satisfaction out of a job well done, whether at work or at home.

I think the lottery thing is a different question. DH would probably not stay at his current job if we won the lottery. We would probably take some time to just be together as a family & then we'd find something else to do - maybe work maybe volunteer.

[slworld]

No. My DH does not love working and does not enjoy his job. He hasn't really figured out what he wants to do with his life. Part of the issue is he is an introvert and really doesn't like being a manager, which he is incidentally very good at.

DH's situation is very similar. He doesn't really love his job. The only way to grow is to go into a managerial position, but his introvertness is not going to help. His dream job is to be an archeologist but I don't think that will happen (financially & lifestyle wise). The more realistic option is to get an MBA degree but we have not really talked about it seriously.

[deborah_r]

My DH hates working and would love to be a SAHD. I do not make enough to make that a reality (just as he does not make enough for me to stay home).

[sste]

DH loves his job and as I have mentioned, I love mine too. What is key is that we would spend a large share of our non-working time voluntarily doing the things we do for work. If I wasn't a professor, I would use my free time to read and would probably write short papers or op-eds. If DH was not a doctor, he would spend alot of his free time taking care of us (this is why I so resent his job, I know what I am missing out on!!) and undoubtedly do some volunteering. So, the work/free time enjoyment dichotomy is pretty blurred for both us. Neither of us would retire if we won the lottery tomorrow - - DH will ultimately retire because the physical demands of his job are substantial but I know he will then want to do alot of medical mission work.

[spanannie]

My DH LOVES his work. He lives and breathes it. He is his own business owner, if that makes a difference.

[pb&j]

DH is a self employed pro photog. He loves his job. I love that he loves his job! He was unhappily "working for the man" early on in our marriage and it suuuuuuuucked. I will take the long hours of owning our own business any day over that.

[JTsMom]

DH really likes his job, and would lose his mind if he had to SAH. He needs to stay really busy outside of the house at almost all times. Down time makes him nutty if it's for more than about 12 hours.

Every once in a while, I'll say, "Hey, how about if you SAH tomorrow, and I go to work?", and the answer is always along the lines of, "Not for all of the money in the world! I could never do what you do."

Even if we won the lottery tomorrow, he'd have to have some kind of job.

[LarsMal]

My DH is a workaholic. He is an attorney for the gov't with a 9-5:30 job (technically). I don't need any fingers or toes to count the number of times he has worked 9-5:30. He usually gets to work around 7, mabye 8 at the latest and rarely leaves before 6:45. If we see him by 7:30 it's a good night.

He loves his job now, but hated "big law"- even though he worked just as hard there. He claims he would like to have more time at home, but by Saturday afternoon he is frustrated with the kids and I can tell he's itching to go back to work.

[MontrealMum]

He would like to buy things and then resell them through ebay or an antique mall booth, like his retired dad does. And he does do this part time even now. But it's not anywhere close to stable enough to raise a family on, not to mention the loss of health insurance, pension, etc.

I think that this is part of DH's issue as well. For a long time, when he was considering leaving geology, when he would articulate what he was looking for in a career...he was looking to be a retiree!!! Part of that is the odd type of setup of the career he was coming from, but that sure was a hard mindset to get him out of. I mean, who wouldn't like to have the life of a retiree? (Obviously meaning one that's got their finances in order)

And that's why DH couldn't be a SAHD - he wants the "vacation" w/o the responsibilities. We tried it a bit in DS' first year when he stayed home one day a week so I could go to class. No freakin' way the man could do that 5 days a week. DH has a very good friend that is a SAHD and has great admiration for him.

[Seitvonzu]

my husband likes his job very much-- he finds it mostly satisfying, occasional irritating (he works for the government so there are some bureaucratic downsides), and he has good hours/flexibility. he works from earlier in the morning so he can be home around 4:30pm everyday. he also gets every other friday off. while he thought he wanted to work in academia, he is VERY grateful now that we didn't go down that road. he has tons of security and very little pressure.

does he love it? probably not. would he rather stay at home with lucy? no. i don't think so. as much as i talk about how he'd be a better stay at home parent than me, i'm pretty sure he'd go a little crazy. he's over the moon about our child and as a result-- he caters to her every whim. this is fine in the morning on the weekend, but day in day out? he just couldn't do it. he's also pretty introverted, so he'd have trouble reaching out socially as a stay at home parent.

honestly, i think my husband also likes "providing" for the family. deep down i think he's pretty smug about the level of security his job provides and that i'm able to stay home like i've always wanted and be with our child--and it's a real point of pride. it really is a great situation for our family :) the only downside is our location. we'd really like to be in texas. if my husband could get us there, he might burst ;)

now, would my husband like to win the lottery and stay home as a co-parent? absolutely. he's not the type that would keep working if he didn't have to-- he's told me that. so i guess he doesnt' LOVE his job. he would spend time writing and reading and getting lots more computer time. but that's not critical right now.

[megs4413]

in my case, yes, my DH loves to work. he loves his job and would work ALL THE TIME if I would let him. He *needs* a wife that doesn't work, kids or not. He also loves providing. I honestly think he'd work even if we won the lottery or something. maybe not the hours he works now...or maybe on a volunteer basis, but he would still work. it makes him happy.

[g-mama]

Every once in a while, I'll say, "Hey, how about if you SAH tomorrow, and I go to work?", and the answer is always along the lines of, "Not for all of the money in the world! I could never do what you do."



You know, that would make me so very happy if my dh said that to me. I even fish sometimes and try to get him to admit that my job, raising 3 boys, is difficult and rarely do I get anything close to that. Problem is, he could do a great job. He is definitely more patient, creative and fun and easygoing than I am. He, unlike many men, is a great multitasker and would be a great SAHD, and he'd love to do it. Maybe I married "too good" of a man - he could do any job well. :ROTFLMAO: Sometimes he gives me an inferiority complex.