need advice on my 6 year old - anger management issues

[lil_acorn]

I need help ladies. My 6 year old is great, calm, mild mannered 95% of the time. It is the other 5% I am struggling with. When he gets upset, he completely loses control & is unable to stay calm. Sometimes it is over the silliest things. But when he gets like that, you cannot talk to him rationally. He will start screaming and yelling at us, threatening us, and even physically assaulting us (throws punches, throws objects). It is a very dangerous situation.

We do all the things we're supposed to (I think). We stay calm, keep our voices at regular level. We tell him to stay calm. we try to ignore him but he tends to continue to instigate. We ask him to breathe deep, count to 20, go to his room etc, but this does not work. We cannot leave him safely in the room for fear he will do damage to himself or his room. We have grounded him, taken away games / tv (within reason 2 - 5 days, as we read you can't make it indefinite as it has no value).

Once he calms down, he completely understands his behavior was unacceptable and what he did was wrong. He has never acted like this at school & only gets out of control with us (lucky us). Can anyone give any other suggestions?

[egoldber]

I highly recommend Ross Greene's book The Explosive Child. It was very transformative to me as a parent.

There's also a website with some excellent videos:

http://www.livesinthebalance.org/

[lil_acorn]

Thanks I will look for that book

Also re-bumping so see if anyone has any other recs.

[jse107]

What are the antecedents to his behavior? Are there any re-occurring triggers? Do they see this at school? How long does the behavior last?

[shawnandangel]

I also recommend the book "Playful Parenting". It goes into situations where a child becomes explosive or angry as a protective measure, and how to get the child to feel confident and playful instead of angry and reclusive.

[belovedgandp]

Chiming in on the book recommendations and adding, while scary, totally within a norm for a six year old. There are so many changes going on in their heads and bodies, it's all they can do to keep it together and when they come unglued it is severe.

[lil_acorn]

No triggers that I can tell, except it does happen a little more when he is tired (but I hate to use that as too much fo an excuse). He does not exhibit this behavior at school as all. That is what is so frustrating becuase he knows it's not he's supposed to act & it is completely inappropriate. Once he finally calms down, he knows his behavior was bad.

[kcandz]

No additional advice other than big "yeah that" to PP book recommendations.

If he is fine at school, do you notice it happens at the end of the day more than mornings or weekends? Many kids need to detox from keeping it together at school. They feel safe at home so that is where it comes out.