S/O: WOHM - Do you wish you could stay at home or work less?

[arivecchi]

I personally need to work and leave the house every day. Love my kiddos, but I need the mental challenge and the change of scenery. I like to get dressed up every day, have lunch with colleagues, get some me time during the ride back home. I like my job, get paid pretty well and get awesome benefits, so it is really a no-brainer for me. I also like to think that my boys will grow up accepting that is is totally ok to have a working woman as a mother or spouse (not that staying at home would prevent that, but having a mommy with a great job helps :)). I also love that they are forming this great bond with our nanny. She is an integral part of our family now. How do you working moms feel about your jobs? Do you wish you could stay home instead?

Poll coming.

[boolady]

Well, I answered other, because I would work part-time OR stay home. I would probably work part-time, if I could afford it, since DD is already 3 and would at least continue to go to preschool a few mornings a week. I would take whatever I could get, however.

[C99]

I wish I could either wfh full or part-time or work part-time. I currently work full-time after 6 years of working only very part-time/staying at home. I feel like this is the age-old question of achieving balance.

[Moneypenny]

I work full-time and would like to continue as mostly full-time, I guess. I would like just a couple more hours each day when I wasn't at work (and preferably one of those hours would be while DD was in school and one would be when she is home).

[daisyd]

I work FT around 70 hours a week, that leaves me about 3 hours a day with DC. Really miss him. I missed work nearly as much when I took an extended maternity leave last year. I'm chasing the elusive work-life balance.

[gordo]

I too need to work (both financially and because I want to work). But I feel pretty lucky that as a school social worker I also have a lot of time off to spend with my children. It is definitely nice to have the holidays and summers with them so I feel like I get the best of both worlds.

[khalloc]

I work FT and would love to work PT. I like having something to do that is "mine". I would never want to be a FT SAHM. But I would love to either work 8-2 M-F, or work 3 or 4 days a week.

I'd go nuts if I was home with the kids all day every day.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I wish I could work slightly less. Like, leave at 3 instead of 5 every day. Just an hour or two extra so that we aren't rushed with homework and whatnot in the evening.

I work full time and full time for me is really just 40 hours a week. Yes, sometimes I put in extra hours from home at night or on the weekend, but not on a regular basis. I try hard to get all work done at work.

I have thought about going to an 80% schedule, but as DH pointed out, I'd probably be doing the same work, only with 80% of the pay.

I plan to continue full time for at least the next 5 years. Then my older son will be going to middle school and we'll have to see what it looks like for after school options at that point. Elementary school has a great after care program and I think we can make it through at least 5th grade with little resistance for the after care.

Who knows, though? ILs will most likely be retired at that point and we have all talked about them moving close by. That would be great.

I'm taking it as it comes!

ETA - I really like working, but I do feel like I could be a SAHM. I don't think that is necessarily my preference, but I'm sure I could do a great job.

[wolverine2]

I too need to work (both financially and because I want to work). But I feel pretty lucky that as a school social worker I also have a lot of time off to spend with my children. It is definitely nice to have the holidays and summers with them so I feel like I get the best of both worlds.

Hey, me too! I'm a school social worker/counselor and the summers off thing really helps! (I do dread September though). I don't feel like a SAHM during the summer though since DH is pretty much not working either in the summer and it feels more like a long family vacation (which I love).

I don't have a choice in working- I am the primary wage earner. DH freelances in an artistic field and also a SAHD. If I could have what I wanted, it would be to work 20-25 hours a week at my current job (I would never give up the vacation/summer).

[infocrazy]

I voted other. I wish that I could work from home 2 or 3 days a week, and in office the rest. We used to be allowed one day a week from home but I was single back then and didn't take advantage of that NEARLY enough! Now it's not an option. I do have relatively flexible hours though so that is a really big help.

The most annoying part of it is that 90% of my work week, I spend in my office with minimal coworker interaction, so there is no reason that I COULDN'T do everything from home.

For the most part, I do like what I get out of work in general. Which is good since I make significantly more than DH, so if one of us can quit, it won't be me...

[kam]

I haven't read all the replies yet, because I wanted to post my thoughts, unbiased by what I read. :)

I've been thinking a lot about this, since my dd is 1 year old, and I went back to work when she was 7 months old. I'm an attorney at a pretty big firm in NYC, so FT would be impossible (short of hiring a nanny to work crazy hours). I work every day, just slightly shorter days that allow me to pick up DD at day care. This works out to be an 80% schedule. I enjoy (most of) my work, but feel stagnated and stuck in it. i've really grown here as much as I will, and want to move on.

I don't think I could stay home -- I enjoy the days I get when I get them, but more than 2 or 3, and I start to go buggy. Maybe I would do more classes/volunteer work, but then dd wouldn't be in her day care program, which she adores and where she's thriving.

So, I'm happy working. It works for us. But not FT (ever again!), and long term I'd like to work at a non-profit, where I can use my lawyering skills for good. Even if I have to take a paycut to do it.

:)

[AnnieW625]

I really enjoy getting out of the house, getting dressed, socializing with co workers, and being away from DD and soon #2 (once it is about 3 mos. old and starts daycare), but ideally I'd love to work part time. I have worked (with the exception of 3 weeks for getting married and a honeymoon, 6 weeks of medical leave, and 4 mos. of maternity leave) full time since four days after I graduated from college, so I've been working full time outside the home for 10 years now. I don't think I can ever see myself not working, but I would an opportunity to job share so I can volunteer in DD's classroom, go on field trips, etc., and maybe just have a little more time to myself. I think I would also enjoy a job where I could travel some (never had to travel ever for jobs), or I could work from home on occaision.

DH has told me many times that I'd drive myself batty if I was a SAHM (and he's most likely right:)), but sometimes I do look at that life with envy because almost all of my friends with kids are SAHMs and I start to think that life is greener on the other side. My mom was a SAHM until I was 17 yrs. old and I loved everything about that so I think sometimes I feel guilty that I am not going to be able to do the same for my children. However I will say that I am truly blessed to have such a great daycare provider and I am very happy that I have been able to provide that type of socialization for DD and hopefully for #2 also.

[egoldber]

My "ideal" job would be 20-30 hours a week (with a minimal commute) and the option of getting partial benefits. I would not mind having my kids in before care at school, but having to use the after care sucks. :(

It's really not so bad for my younger DD, but my older DD has already had a long day and then we need to schedule in homework, afterschool activities (of which she really does very little) AND her weekly therapy session. And at some point eat dinner and interact as a family. :dizzy: The hours between 4 and 8 are hard, hard, hard.


The most annoying part of it is that 90% of my work week, I spend in my office with minimal coworker interaction, so there is no reason that I COULDN'T do everything from home.

:yeahthat: But really, I actually do not mind going to work or being at work. I do enjoy the mental stimulation and going to lunch. ;) But most of my work is relatively easy (with the right education and background) and requires relatively little collaboration.

[MoJo]

I work part time, and that's perfect for me.

I get sick when I try to work full time, even on a temporary basis, since I also do all the housework/yard care etc regardless of how much I'm home and all the childcare whenever I'm home. I'm in awe of women who can do it, but I just have to admit that I cannot.

But working gives me a chance to reconnect and recharge, and I'm actually MORE ready to be a loving mom after I work. (I had to go a week without working a few weeks ago due to the snow & road conditions, and I was a wreck at the end of the week.)

I need a break, and I don't get it except for nap time and work. (I do consider my work a break. . . no one there yells at me, hits me, kicks me, or bites me. I don't have to chase anyone anywhere. They generally do what I say, even though I'm not the boss. And my telling bad news--such as something can't be done the way they want--doesn't result in a tantrum! DD is a delight most of the time, but when she's not, well, she's not.)

I'm still doing the job I did full time for 10 years before DD was born, but just working part time. I plan to work part time for the foreseeable future, and may increase my hours when the girls are old enough to go to preschool.

I will eventually go back full time. . . though that may not happen until the girls are in college, which may coincide with when DH can retire.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I do enjoy the mental stimulation and going to lunch. ;)
I love going to lunch!

Oh, I should add that I'm not some kind of super woman.

DH does the yard work. We have a cleaning service. :thumbsup: Dh does most of the cooking and pretty much all of the kitchen clean up. I do the laundry and majority of childcare. He often puts older son to bed, while I put younger one to bed. He's the tooth brusher. It's a really equitable split and I would hate to disturb the balance!

[jse107]

I too need to work (both financially and because I want to work). But I feel pretty lucky that as a school social worker I also have a lot of time off to spend with my children. It is definitely nice to have the holidays and summers with them so I feel like I get the best of both worlds.


I work FT and would love to work PT. I like having something to do that is "mine". I would never want to be a FT SAHM. But I would love to either work 8-2 M-F, or work 3 or 4 days a week.

I'd go nuts if I was home with the kids all day every day.

These two quotes are me exactly!

[mommylamb]

I voted working full time and staying that way. I'd love to work 35 hours a week, but I think that's different from part time, and it's just not feasible for me, though I try not to go over 40 hrs on most weeks.

I do really like my job and I wouldn't want to stay home, even though I love spending time with DS. Obviously, it's a personal decision, but I like the intellectual stimulation I get with my job, the friends I have, the perks that come along with it. Also, we couldn't pay our bills if I didn't work, so there's that too. I also like to get dressed for work, to wear high heals and suits (though I don't wear suits every day), to learn constantly.

If I didn't like my job, it would be a totally different thing though. I'm lucky.

I'm also very lucky in that DS's daycare is awesome! it's a home daycare, but they have a great curriculum and he learns so much. He loves his little friends there, and I really think he's much more stimulated than he would be if he stayed home with me (not that other mothers can't stimulate their kids in the same way his daycare does, but let me just tell you, when the govt. shut down for 4 days last month and we were stuck in the house together, we watched a hell of a lot of TV).

So, all in all, I'm very happy with my choices. Though, it's really the only option available to me because we couldn't live on DH's salary alone.

[mommylamb]

I work FT around 70 hours a week, that leaves me about 3 hours a day with DC. Really miss him. I missed work nearly as much when I took an extended maternity leave last year. I'm chasing the elusive work-life balance.

Wow... kudos to you. I'm in the 40-45 hours range, and that's tough enough (I also spend 2 hours in the car each day because of the commute). I couldn't do such a long work day.

[smiles33]

I clicked Other because I LOVE my job and currently work F/T, but I work from home on one day. If I could work from home 2 days, that would be ideal, as it would save me my 1.5 hour RT commute. I could never be a FT SAHM. I ended my maternity leave with DD1 a month early as I was bored silly.

Eventually I think I want to shift my hours so I can be home in the afternoons when DDs are older. I do a lot of email/computer work which can be done at any hour from home, so if I can negotiate to just go into the office when they're in school, that would be the perfect set-up!

[jse107]

It's really in the upcoming years that I would like to be p/t so that I could be home when the kids get home from school. They've both (thusfar) had great daycare/preschool experiences, and like another poster mentioned, I would be terrible as a SAHM full-time.

I would like to be home to set up playdates, help with homework, and have more time to cook and get kids to their activities.

Unfortunately, with no raises in the near future, it doesn't look promising!

[billysmommy]

I'm very happy with the balance I have. I only work 14 hrs/wk and when I'm working DH is home with the boys. I feel like I'm getting out and having plenty of adult interaction but I still am mostly home with the boys. My favorite is M/W/F evenings...I work 4-8pm and when I get home, DH has done dinner, baths and the boys are in bed so we get to just hang out :)

[kijip]

Love my job. I work full-time. However, I would not want fulltime if it were long hours or fixed hours. I pretty much set my own schedule and school events, doctor's appointments, school breaks etc are all fine and I find I can spend a lot more time with my kids than I would if I had to be at work everyday from 8-6 or something. And while I have some evening events and weekend stuff, it is not too common. I could not cut it at home if I were in the 12-14+ hour a day category. Hat's off to those that are!

[ncat]

I work full time but would love to work part time! There isn't much part time work in my field and my employer was very negative when I asked about coming back part time following my maternity leave.

[wellyes]

I work 3 days a week, home 4 days a week. I think it's the perfect balance.

[saschalicks]

I work FT. I hate that I have to. I wish I had either a teachers schedule or 2 days off a week. My company doesn't allow flexible hours or telecommuting, so I'm stuck. I carry all of the benefits. DH & I have discussed ad nauseum how we wish things were different. I hate that I spend 2 hours a night w/my kids. I hate that they have to be in the care of someone else 5 days a week. DS1 is in K, but he has to stay after school. He's even asked a few times recently, why we never pick him up early [stab through the heart].

(I have AF now so even typing this makes me teary eyed. It is a very huge battle I cannot win. It breaks my heart and eats at me daily.)

Even if I didn't have to work, I don't think I could be a FT SAHM. I have nothing against them, as a matter of fact I envy their ability to be w/the children 24/7. I just think I'd go crazy being w/the kids that much. Maybe I'm wrong though.

[pb&j]

I like working. I like having my own money. I dislike being immersed in toddler-land 24/7. I like keeping my brain sharp, and knowing that if something happened to DH or my marriage that I have a current set of professional skills and contacts.

That said, I wish I could scale back my hours some. It would be nice to not have to be going at such a frantic pace all the time. Pretty much every minute of every day is accounted for - there is NO downtime. If the kids both nap on a Sat or Sun, I have a full plate of household tasks that need doing. I hate trying to get everyone out the door by 8am every day, and trying to throw together dinner in 30 min every night. And when DS starts kindy, I would really like to be done with work early enough that I can meet the bus so he doesn't have to go to aftercare.

I just don't ever see myself being a very good SAHM.

ETA: I wfh one day per week which is awesome. I love my wfh day! Plus, I do have some degree of flexibility even on my in-office days, in case I need an extra hour during the day to take the kids to the Dr's or something. If I had a rigid schedule, I would be a lot less happy, even though I enjoy my work and my colleagues.

[lablover]

I converted to part-time when DS was born. I work 3 days per week in a corporate environment and I have great benefits. It is the ideal work/life balance for me right now. The only problem is that I have effectively hopped off of the corporate ladder because I am not there every day. I am not given more challenging work/projects that require daily prescence and I am passed over for promotions. I try not to dwell on it because I chose this path but sometimes it is hard to see others moving up while I am stuck in the same place. But I'm not willing to give up my time, or even work overtime on the days that I work. So I continue with the mediocre work right now and will re-evaluate in the future.

[bubbaray]

I (and my coworkers) have pretty strong opinions on this. While we might like the option to work PT, none of us would quit working completely. Most of us would keep working not only because we enjoy (most days) what we do, but also to keep our career skills current. I was quite shocked at the number of posters on the other thread who said they didn't work and didn't want to ever work. Spend some time listening to the cases in Family/Divorce court. There is a reason why women get the short end of the financial stick in a divorce -- they don't keep up their career skills. 2/3's of marriages end in divorce. No one thinks it will happen to them, but even if only 50% of marriages end in divorce (b/c the stats are skewed due to people who divorce more than once), its basically a coin toss.

I'll probably get flamed into oblivion for my opinion on this, but I've spent countless hours listening in family court (never practiced in that area, but have had to listen to those cases while waiting to get my own cases heard). Its truly heart breaking to listen to the stories of women who will get a short period of spousal support (or possibly none) and they have zero skills.

[momtoonegirl]

I currently work FT outside of the home. When I took the job about a year ago, it started as a PT job, but quickly progressed to a FT one, albeit with flexible hours (meaning that my start and end times are scheduled around when I pick up and drop off DD from preschool, but any unfinished work I do by remote access when I get home). I believe as the PP's have mentioned, that in order to keep up my skills it is necessary for me to work, and unfortunately there are not too many truly part time opportunities in my field. I also like the security of being able to provide for DC's in case of unforeseen circumstances.

When DC#2 comes in the picture, I may ask for more "work at home" days integrated into my schedule. They most likely will not mind as long as the work is getting done, but I will still retain my FT status with the company.

I did SAH with DD for 3 years before returning to work, but with the understanding that it was only temporary because if I had stayed out of my field any longer, I would not have been able to keep my skills sharp enough where anyone would have wanted to take a chance on hiring me. With #2, I am only taking a 3 month leave before returning to work again.

[sste]

I I was quite shocked at the number of posters on the other thread who said they didn't work and didn't want to ever work. Spend some time listening to the cases in Family/Divorce court. There is a reason why women get the short end of the financial stick in a divorce -- they don't keep up their career skills. 2/3's of marriages end in divorce. No one thinks it will happen to them, but even if only 50% of marriages end in divorce (b/c the stats are skewed due to people who divorce more than once), its basically a coin toss.

No flames here, I totally agree. I would never feel comfortable if I did not have marketable skills and a way to support my kids on my own. Death, divorce, disability. You never know what life is going to throw at you. My mother (unhappy marriage) drummed into my head from basically toddlerhood that you do not ever depend on anyone else for your well-being - - financial, physical, spiritual or otherwise.

I would personally not be able to deal with being financially dependent on a spouse - - I get that this is not an issue for many and I do agree that the earner's money is the couples money - - but it would just bug the h*ll out of me not to earn my own paycheck. Plus, I love my work. I do wish I could work 3/4 time WITHOUT it tracking and limiting me profesionally.

[egoldber]

Its truly heart breaking to listen to the stories of women who will get a short period of spousal support (or possibly none) and they have zero skills.


I would never feel comfortable if I did not have marketable skills and a way to support my kids on my own. Death, divorce, disability. You never know what life is going to throw at you.

I actually do agree with both of you, even though I'm one of the loudest complainers. ;) I grew up in a house with a mother who felt trapped in a terrible marriage to a man who was emotionally abusive. I made a promise to myself at a young age that I would never be in a position where I *had* to stay with a man who was not good to me.

More than anything it affected my college path and choice of major/career path. I deliberately chose to go a more scientific/technical career path vs liberal arts because of the difference in long term earning potential.

I'm also at "that age" where I have now seen a lot of my friends/neighbors/acquaintances marriages fail, even those who thought it would never happen to them, so I am a realist.

So while I think that at this point in our life, my children would be better served by me being more at home, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that I am getting my resume more up to date and increasing my marketability once again.

[Twin Mom]

This is very similar to my situation. I also work part-time and I feel like I do get passed over for the big clients, etc. b/c I only work 3 days. Unlike the OP below, I do sometimes have to work extra hours which can be annoying but that's what I get for working in a professional job. I feel like after 6 years of PT work I'm pretty good at keeping the balance which is very hard in my field but I do have to work on my off days when we get really busy or I have a project deadline.

I usually like my job but I HATE my commute. If I worked closer to my house I would be so much happier. I know that it is unlikely that I will be able to find a job that pays as much and has benefits that are as good as what I have now especially in this economy so I feel stuck. DH is self employed so his income is like a yo yo. I didn't post in the gender bias thread but we definitely have some of those issues here. DH also has a 2nd political job and is gone frequently at night or on the weekends so that is why working is so stressful. I do the majority of stuff around the house and work PT and have a terrible commute so my work days are definitely the hard days each week. Fortunately we have a nanny who does the kids laundry, light cleaning, helps with the homework and makes dinner some nights so that definitely helps but of course we are paying a TON for our nanny which is painful.

I voted I work PT but would rather stay at home but I think if I could work school hours a few days a week, I would keep working PT.


I converted to part-time when DS was born. I work 3 days per week in a corporate environment and I have great benefits. It is the ideal work/life balance for me right now. The only problem is that I have effectively hopped off of the corporate ladder because I am not there every day. I am not given more challenging work/projects that require daily prescence and I am passed over for promotions. I try not to dwell on it because I chose this path but sometimes it is hard to see others moving up while I am stuck in the same place. But I'm not willing to give up my time, or even work overtime on the days that I work. So I continue with the mediocre work right now and will re-evaluate in the future.