If your DH goes to "boys nigh out", what is normal?

[kozachka]

DH and I have been arguing about defition of 'normal' for boys night out sort of outings, and clearly don't see eye to eye on this. I'd be curious to hear how often your DH gets to go on these outing, how long he is gone for, what sort of activities guys do, how much alcohol is consumed, and how they get themselves home without driving under the influence.

[g-mama]

Not much help here, b/c my dh doesn't do "boys nights out." He has one friend who he meets for dinner and/or a movie that the wives would never want to see. Other than that, he has zero interest in that sort of thing. There is a bar/restaurant in the lobby of his office that many of the other attorneys go to after work quite often. After years of him saying 'no' they don't even ask him anymore. I used to encourage him to go, but he was adamant that he would much rather come home and see his kids than go out. Also, dh does not drink at all (allergic to alcohol) so it's not fun for him to go and watch guys get drunk.

[elektra]

My own DH does not enjoy going out like this at all. On occassion, he does go to work functions that include dinner and drinks but he usually is one of the first to leave.
He would prefer to be home speaking to no one.

[clc053103]

DH doesn't go very often just due to work constraints (yes, he also prefers to sit at home speaking to no one some times too!!) but when he does it's typically a few drinks, home by 11 and will switch to soda if driving.

around here, the ladies go out more often. We have an organized ladies nite monthly at a neighborhood home that can run till 12 or so. I have another group that does the same thing not as regular that can go even later- but we also start late like 8:30. I also meet a few friends out monthly for dinner and am home as early as 10:30 and as late as midnight.

PErsonally, I wish my DH went out more! Time with friends is important!

[boolady]

Not much help here, b/c my dh doesn't do "boys nights out." He has one friend who he meets for dinner and/or a movie that the wives would never want to see. Other than that, he has zero interest in that sort of thing.

:yeahthat: except that rarely (and I mean like once a year) DH will go out after work for an hour or two with a few co-workers. He will have one beer max because he works 45 minutes from home and I am completely paranoid about him driving after drinking. I make him promise to go, get his beer, drink it, then sit there and run his mouth for about two hours. I think he's too scared of me not to.

[arivecchi]

I am ok with DH going out to a movie or dinner with a friend. I do not like it when he is out late drinking (he has to do this sometimes with clients for work). Fortunately, he dislikes that a lot too and would rather be home so it does not happen too often. I believe that when a man has a family, boys' nights out are over. It would upset me that DH would rather be out with friends on a weekly basis than be with me and the kids.

[saschalicks]

My DH goes to play poker w/some guys every other Thurs. He comes home to help me w/the kids and then once they're in bed he goes on his way.

He has also met some [guy] friends to go to the movies.

Sometimes on the weekends after 9 PM he'll go play poker at another group of guys house and then he's not home until the wee hours of the night.

HTH

[creativelightbulb]

I responded in the gender bias thread re: this topic...

my DH goes out at least once a week...very often more times a week but he always asks first...

at first I had no issue with this but I think I will once baby arrives...

if it is just after work he is normally only out a few hours...in by 10

if it is Friday or the weekend - he stays out very late...

I've only required that he call to check in every few hours and on the hour after 2 (cause that is when the bars close here and he is usually shuttling folks back to their cars and homes and I worry at that hour)


I have to admit I regret not protesting early on because I feel if I start now he will say I've "changed" or blam the pregnancy/baby...

ugggggggh

[Andi98989]

DH has quite a few friends that he'll go out with after work to grab some dinner and a beer or two. He's fine to drive home. Last week he sent me an email that one of his friends had been having a rough week so they were going to go out for dinner; no big deal; he was gone a couple of hours.

A few weeks ago we got together with a few other couples, everyone had dinner, and then the wives took the kids home and the guys went to see a movie together that none of us were interested in. :)

The only time that they've ever gone to a strip club or something is for a bachelor party. For those events they also all make arrangements to either get home or have somewhere to stay.

Saturday was a local winter beer festival here which the guys went to. They all got a hotel room to crash at for the night and either walked there or took a cab.

DH is not big on socializing with people from work, but he has quite a few friends that he does enjoy going out with. We are "couple friends" with most of them so quite often we do go out in a group.

He does not have a set schedule for when he goes out with his friends, but he just checks with me if I need him at home that night or if we have other plans already. If not, he's free to go out and do as he wishes. I trust him to use his judgment. Same goes for me.

[tamie]

My DH goes out with the boys about once every 3 months. They either go to dinner and a movie, or out to a sports bar to watch a sporting event. Maximum time out is 4 hours and they don't drink much.

[billysmommy]

DH will occasionally go out but it's usually just one friend and it's always centered around a sporting event. He has tickets to the Red Sox and Celtics and he has friends that have them for the Bruins and Patriots.

With the Celtics, they go to Legends before the game for dinner and will have a beer or two. Then at half-time they go back and will have another beer. They don't drink during the game. With the Red Sox, they'll have 2-4 beers during the game along with all the ballpark food. Sometimes we go to Boston Beer Works before but then drink less during the game.
The Patriots is the one where things can sometimes get out of hand with the tailgating before but they always have a DD for these.

[gobadgers]

DH plays basketball once a week right now (through the winter) and after most games they will go out for wings/dinner and a beer or two. He's usually home by 11:00 or so, it has never been after midnight. I think it makes him a happier person and try to encourage him to do this, although those evenings suck at home. But I think there is a big difference between his game nights and going out for a 'drinking' night.

He rarely goes out just to go out anymore. Maybe once every couple months, he will go out with some work friends or one of a handful of old close friends if they are in town.

I go out to dinner about once a month with friends. We are usually out until after 11:00.

[boolady]

I have to admit I regret not protesting early on because I feel if I start now he will say I've "changed" or blam the pregnancy/baby...

Well, things are going to change for both of you because of the baby. I don't think that's "blaming" anyone, I think it's a fact. I know that in the first few months of DD's life, when she was extremely colicky, refluxy, cried for hours and hours, and DH had to go out a few times at night after working all day and I was home alone with her for about 15 plus straight hours, I literally thought I was going to lose my mind. Your responsibilities and his will be different as the result of having a baby, and he's going to have to learn that his life is going to change as much as yours is. I don't mean any of this to be critical, it's just how I see it.

[creativelightbulb]

P.S.

I do "like" all of DH's friends and they respect our marriage however NONE of them are married so they simply don't have the obligations that he does...

I can't help but think this has to weigh on him at times...

like when he declares he has to go home and they don't...

[almostmom]

My DH goes out probably once a week with the boys, usually to one of his friends' houses. When we first had kids, and they were little, it was a great point of contention. These are his super special best friends from his youth, and I don't have anyone like that around, so I was both jealous, didn't know the guys well (we had just moved back to the area) and found it stressful to deal with the kids alone. And it was so unlike our life before kids, when we lived on the other side of the country, where we did everything together. It never would have occurred to us to go out without the other when we were dating, so it didn't feel good to do it now. The changes in our life were feeling too big, and I missed him.

But he listened, and started to go out mostly after the kids were asleep. And we both realized that our situation was different - if we wanted to go out, it most likely was going to be alone because of the kids (we can't afford a babysitter on any regular basis). And as the kids got easier, I started to like my nights alone, where I could watch my shows! He still mostly goes out after the kids are asleep, and definitely says no to his friends sometimes. But man, they love him and can nag him! These guys also have children, and honestly they spend more time out than DH, but their wives are more used to it I think - their relationship has always had a split of guy time and girl time. We just didn't have that.

I trust that he doesn't drink and drive. I know he has a beer or two when he arrives, but I know that he doesn't drink anywhere close to when he comes home. He just wouldn't. I can't say what the other guys do.

It is a really wonderful part of DH's life, and I really appreciate that. These friends are like family, and are very special people. They sing and write songs, play games, and have a bond that is rare.

But when my kids were little, I did feel some resentment about it, that these guys were more important than me, that I didn't get that kind of time, etc. But now I know that I don't really like to go out that much, but he does. He can come home at midnight on a weeknight and be fine going to work, whereas I don't like to do that. So it works for us now. It's helpful that I am also close friends with these friends of his, and also feel a close bond with them. When they come over to our house, I usually hang out with them. Last summer we went backpacking and I was the only girl, but that was fine with me.

Hope this helps. I do know it can be hard, as I was so there. Be sure to find some time for yourself (DH always pushed me to, but it was hard for me).

[sunshine873]

I have to admit I regret not protesting early on because I feel if I start now he will say I've "changed" or blam the pregnancy/baby...

ugggggggh

I think that a pregnancy/baby is a huge change is circumstances which would give you the right to protest (just my opinion.)

I used to go out with DH to most of the get-togethers & poker games. He rarely goes now, but when he does, I get a little bit jealous, because I'd like to go too! But not enough to find a babysitter. :) Anyway, he travels enough and uses those opportunities to see the movies he wants and go "have a few" with the guys.

[creativelightbulb]

Well, things are going to change for both of you because of the baby. I don't think that's "blaming" anyone, I think it's a fact. I know that in the first few months of DD's life, when she was extremely colicky, refluxy, cried for hours and hours, and DH had to go out a few times at night after working all day and I was home alone with her for about 15 plus straight hours, I literally thought I was going to lose my mind. Your responsibilities and his will be different as the result of having a baby, and he's going to have to learn that his life is going to change as much as yours is. I don't mean any of this to be critical, it's just how I see it.

not critical sounding at all...I AGREE

I'm guilty of being a "pleaser" at times and I dread him talking about me like some of his other married friends who are no longer "allowed" out of the house talk about their wives and children....

[crl]

Well, DH has come home drunk a total of 3 times in our 13 years of marriage. And he's been drunk a total of 2 other times during our marriage that I know of (once got drunk with me there and once got drunk at a Marine Corps function far away and was not scheduled to come home anyway). So, maybe that's some perspective. He's just not that much of a drinker. He's super-responsible about not drinking and driving too.

He does not have, and never has had, a regular boys night out. He goes out on work related functions somewhat irregularly, but probably averaging 1 to 2 nights a month. Some of that is entertaining clients, so it's not all just happy hour/dinner with work buddies.

He also sometimes goes to the movies with friends. That happened more when we lived in DC. He doesn't much have anyone to go with here. It's not even once a month. That doesn't bother me in the slightest and I wish he had a movie buddy or two here.

When we lived in the DC area, I had a mom's night out for a while. It was once a month and we went out to dinner. I was typically gone for abut 4 hours and always home by 11pm, usually earlier. I'd have maybe a glass of wine with dinner if I wasn't driving.

But that's us. We're pretty boring.

Catherine

[pinkmomagain]

DH doesn't go out with the boys....there are no boys...really any socializing he does is with work associates or family. That usually involves dinner, or drinks, or occassionally a sporting event. This would all be on a weeknight. Weekends are dedicated to family.

[niccig]

DH might have after work drinks a few times a year - someone is leaving or other special occasion. There's one or two work functions that he might stay back late for. He has some friends he'll try to have dinner or lunch with to catch up, but that's only occasionally.

He'll go to the movies with a friend to see something I don't want to see a couple of times a year. The problem with that is that all his friends are married with children. I tell him to get X or Y to go see a movie, but X or Y are busy when DH is available.

I think a lot of the boys nights were over before DH and I got married as everyone else has gotten married, and had kids or were pregnant with their first child.

DH doesn't get a lot of "him" time - he's at work or doing something with us. I've started a swap of he gets a few hours to go do something on teh weekend and then I get to do something. He's gone to the sports bar to watch a game - but on his own as the other friends have plans with their families.

I do think this can be a big issue in a relationship - my sister had issues with her XH about his drinking and socializing - particularly as he always got so drunk he passed out on the couch. One time she needed him to take her to the hospital, and he wasn't capable of driving her. She had to call someone else and said she couldn't rely on him being there when she needed help.

My DH has sometimes drunk too much wine when we've had friends over for dinner or gone to their house, but it's a rare occurence and never to the point where he couldn't help me or DS if we needed it. I would be OK with him going out more often, as long as he could be there if we needed him in an emergency.

[MontrealMum]

My DH doesn't go out much, and most of his in-town friends also have kids and fairly heavy job-related responsibilities which limits "partying" opportunities. He's not much of a drinker, and he likes to go to bed early. An outing with the guys for him is usually a daytime ski or cycle with kids in tow. I am the partier around here, and I don't do much partying either ;)

I would have no problem if DH wanted to go out at night with guy friends, but I do have some parameters for it. I'm not too keen on his going to strip clubs (happened once - was really pissed, long story), and since we have a little one now I expect him to figure out the metro/bus schedule to get himself home. Since there are night buses and plenty of taxis, I don't feel that this is too harsh. I am not dragging DS out of bed in the middle of the night and into the cold unless it's an emergency. The strip clubs and public transport are specific to living in Mtl. - which has many options for both ;)

Anything else, as long as he's home in time to get up for work the next day and as long as he keeps me posted as to where he is, it's fine with me. I would want a bit of advance warning - as in, don't call me from a bar at 6 pm and inform me you're going to be out all night. Maybe arrange it a day or two in advance so I can arrange my work to be the on-call parent since I do usually plan to be able to work at night, and I wouldn't want to be on a deadline and have that time taken away unexpectedly. But since DH goes out socially so rarely, I'm more than willing to plan my schedule if he were to ask.

When he has gone out it's usually for coffee or dinner, and he's usually home by midnight if not earlier. Maybe he might do a movie with some form of coffee/dinner/drinks. Very rarely does he do drinks, though, and he might have one beer. I wouldn't mind if he had more, but he's really a lightweight when it comes to drinking. He never drives because it's hard to park downtown, and we have great public transit here. Before the smoking ban I used to expect him to shower if he was smoky, but that's not a problem anymore.

[okinawama]

my husband goes out once a week, for about 4 hours and always catches a ride home from friends if need be. It's part business part pleasure, and it's been that way since we got married. It really doesn't bother me, if I want to go out, he's more than willing to "let" me and I just view Fri night as a night that I put PJ's on ridiculously early and don't prepare dinner.

[Jo..]

See, this is why I married an antisocial unfriendly old coot. ;)

DH doesn't go out. I am very possessive of our family time, and don't even like it when work infringes. I would not like for him to be spending time with his buddies instead of his family.

Our ages may (?) influence this. I am in my late 30s and DH is in his early 40s.

[sste]

I always encourage DH to go to boys night out/out with friends - - he does it rarely and I think its a nice thing to blow off steam with your own friends a few times a month. I have even tried to get him to do a weekend fishing or new orleans trip with male friends but no one else's wife will let their DH go!

When DH does go out he usually stays out to 11pm or midnight at a bar or watching a sports game and sometimes he gets a little drunk but never disgustingly so. This is not an issue for me because dh has never had issues with alcohol. He never drinks and drives - - that would be an awful thing to do to our family and to other families.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Every few months. He goes out with some of the dads from my playgroup, or other halves of couples we are friends with. Sometimes they just hang out at someones house and play Guitar Hero, sometimes they go out, one will either be a DD or since we all live super close share a cab. I have MNO more often than he goes out. Since most of our friends are couples, sometimes the mom's go out, and the dads take the kids over to one persons house, then go home at 9ish. The moms come home later...DH also goes snowboarding a few times per month with the same dads. In exchange I get some time out every week to run errands, go do homework, etc. I have never had an issue with it. I think time to bond with the same sex is important. I know I need girl time. He is also a beer salesman, so sometimes he has to go out for work, Superbowl Sunday, Cinco, St. Paddy's (although sometimes I go in his place) etc. He either chaperons a beer girl, or hands out t-shirts, key chains, etc.

[mom_hanna]

My dh has a boys night out once a month. They meet up at a restaurant across the street from the movie theater, eat dinner, have a beer or two, and go to a movie that none of their spouses want to see. He's home by midnight. I like that he does this, I like his friends, and have no worries about him driving drunk.

[Melaine]

Once in awhile (every couple months) DH might go out to a sports bar with a few friends or play poker somewhere or go to a sporting event, etc. I don't worry about it at all and it's no problem. DH is generally very introverted, so I encourage him to socialize. And the guys he hangs with are guys we both know, mostly married and they are likely to be sitting around at the bar with a couple beers discussing biblical doctrine. I don't know of anytime that DH has ever been drunk and he calls me to let me know how late he will be.

ETA: Oh, yes he will go to movies with other guys because I'm not about to pay for a movie when I know I will be covering my eyes and cringing most of the time.


Now, at home, DH spends a LOT of time playing video games and I am FAR less understanding.

[LarsMal]

Not much help here, b/c my dh doesn't do "boys nights out." He has one friend who he meets for dinner and/or a movie that the wives would never want to see. Other than that, he has zero interest in that sort of thing. There is a bar/restaurant in the lobby of his office that many of the other attorneys go to after work quite often. After years of him saying 'no' they don't even ask him anymore. I used to encourage him to go, but he was adamant that he would much rather come home and see his kids than go out. Also, dh does not drink at all (allergic to alcohol) so it's not fun for him to go and watch guys get drunk.

This is almost exactly my DH, except he's not allergic to alcohol. He forces himself to go to happy hours or social events after work (the ones that are work-related, not just a few people hanging out at a bar). He feels like he *has* to go, but only stays for a short time and never drinks. I think he's only had 2 alcoholic drinks in his life, not including the sip of champagne he had at our wedding.

He has one friend who he meets up with every now and then for dinner/movie. Same thing- movies I have zero interest in seeing.

He has another friend he'll go to baseball games with, but not very often.

He has done two guy trips since we have had kids. I am keeping notes of all of it so I get my time once I'm done BF!! ;)

[alien_host]

My DH's outings are usually revolved around sporting events (football and baseball games). Usually it is a Saturday/Sunday and he can be gone all day. Tailgating and such.

Sometimes he will go to a weeknight baseball game. He gets home late (midnight?). But for me if he's not home right after work, getting home at 10PM or midnight doens't really make a difference.

It is very rare that he goes out after work for drinks, his current co-workers aren't really into that.

I, on average, get together with girlfriends for dinner maybe once a month or so. With one group I'm usually out past midnight since we are very chatty. :)

I think it bothered me more when DD was smaller. Before she was in school it was a really LONG day if he went out after work or was gone all day on the weekend. Now that she's older it's easier to manage. Usually we know well in advance and can make some other plans with friends or family.

ETA: Oh and I'm thankful that he doesn't have any hobbies like fishing or hunting that would take him away for long periods of time during "family time".

[Twoboos]

This is a special point of contingency right now. DH says an hr or 2 late at work each Fri for a "meeting" with his buddies while having a few drinks. Many times he should NOT have driven home. At all. I hate it, and he just thinks he's fine and I'm overreacting. I keep saying he may feel fine but the police are going to feel differently, and if he gets pulled over I am not going to be responsible for ANY of the fallout (court, lost license, etc.). Honestly, I need to get him a breathalyzer to prove it.

There have also been boys night out incidents that have ended up with him being sloppy, ugly, staggering, obnoxiously, embarrassing, sickeningly drunk. But, he just says it's a once off that doesn't happen too much.

Then there are the night that start out as just dinner and turn into a big boys night - ex: I'll be home by 11 turns into home at 2am with no phone call, and he shouldn't have driven.

I do not think any of this behavior is normal. DH thinks it's fine. Full disclosure, my dad was an alcoholic so I may be more sensitive than others. But I do not feel I can fully trust him in any drinking situation.

We are working on it. Or more appropriately, he's working on it. Allegedly. It's not going so well. He's 43, married with 2 kids, there's no need for this behavior anymore.

ETA: just wanted to say that most of the other posts fall into the "normal" category IMO - movie, a drink or two. Home at reasonable hour.

[Laurel]

DH and I have been arguing about defition of 'normal' for boys night out sort of outings, and clearly don't see eye to eye on this. I'd be curious to hear how often your DH gets to go on these outing, how long he is gone for, what sort of activities guys do, how much alcohol is consumed, and how they get themselves home without driving under the influence.

Once a month or so, DH plays cards and drinks with friends. There is always a designated driver or taxi service because they get drunk. He goes out after kids are in bed if possible.

[Moneypenny]

DH plays poker with the guys once or twice a month. He leaves shortly before DD's bedtime and is home by about 1:00 a.m. He doesn't drink, so that isn't an issue with us. I actually love when he has guys night out because I can sit on the couch and eat peanut butter out of the jar without guilt!

[caleymama]

DH doesn't go out on a regular basis with "the boys." He's much more likely to meet a co-worker/friend for a long trail run on a weekday morning they both have off... or go hunting locally with another neighborhood dad... something along those lines. He met up with an old friend to see a Yankees game last summer and enjoyed a couple of beers while there but that's really the exception rather than the rule. He goes camping & fishing for a weekend every year with his brother, Dad, and a good friend and I know they have some beers around the campfire but they are out in the wilderness of the Adirondacks so it's not exactly a happenin' time IYKWIM.

He was quite the partyer in college and will happily shoot the $hit over a couple of beers, but not a lot of going out just to go out since having kids. Partly because the bar/club scene is just not his thing, partly because his job does not need or encourage that kind of socializing and his current hours work very much against it, partly b/c he'd rather be home with the kids.

When we were first married he went away for a "boys" trip to Myrtle Beach one time. I know the guys that go and was fine with DH going and having a good time. It was essentially a college spring break but with supposed grown-ups and DH was just over that part of his life and never went again. I think the same guys still go to MB or Vegas once or twice a year, but not DH.

[lchang25000]

DH has not had a boy's night out since we moved here. He used to play poker once a week with friends when we lived in LA during his fellowship. They played in the basement of our apt. They would drink and gamble with real money. I didn't mind at all since I worked nights 3-4 times a week and they would always schedule it while I was at work.

[Jo..]

I think that some jobs require a level of socialization and SCHMOOZING...Some of the professionals that cater to the public: eg accountants and lawyers.

I am so thankful that my DH's IT career does not. I do not care if we are solidly in the middle class forever. We just want him here, with us. And he feels the same way.

There are tons of "upwardly mobile" young professionals that may find going out regularly and entertaining prospective clients is crucial.

[kdeunc]

[QUOTE=Jo;2649189]See, this is why I married an antisocial unfriendly old coot. ;) QUOTE]


:yeahthat:

DH has several fishing trips a year (usually leave Friday night, back late Sat. night early Sunday) and I generally have 1 or 2 weekends with my college girlfriends at a football or baseball game. Other than that we generally socialize with "couple" friends or each other. Pajamas and Law & Order anyone?? We're not real exciting anymore!

[kijip]

Well, J's are a bit more mundane than a lot I guess. He plays guitar. He has friends, who are male, who also play guitar. They get together and play and sing, usually at someone's house. Beer and wine is consumed, but not enough to prevent the operation of motor vehicles after a couple of hours. Sometimes they go out to a pub for pot pies and pints.

He has another male friend, not a musician, who he will go out and grab a beer with every 2-3 months. They never drink much (usually literally 1 beer the whole time). They will head out after 9PM when the kids are asleep and be home before midnight or so. The friend is close to me, they are a couple we celebrate the holidays etc with.

My husband is not comfortable with a lot of drinking. He never comes home drunk or gets drunk at home.

[sewarsh]

didn't read anyone else's posts, but my DH doesn't do "boys night out". instead he goes gofling for 4 hours on a sat/sun when in season.

i go on girls nights outs probalby 2 thurs's a month adn have no more than 2 drinks with dinner over 2 hours time and then go home after DH is done putting kiddos to bed.

update, after further thinking:
- he does play cards with buddies after kids in bed prob 1 time every month or 2.
- he also does an annual golf trip to AZ with friends for 5 days. i assume loads of drinking and possibly strip bars happen there.
- happy hour for work 1 time every month or 2.

DH has fallen asleep on the train home a couple of times, calling me at 1am or so at a trainstop 10 minutes down the road. both times he went into a local bar and found some stranger to drive him home.

does that make you feel better??!?!? :)

[giavila]

dh has a lot of friends.. at the beginning of our marriage he used to go out a lot more, but now that we are older and have 3 kids he doesn't seem to have the energy for it like he used to. He was invited to a poker night last week and decided to stay home and go to bed early instead :). He'll go out for drinks with the boys maybe once every 3 months and also maybe go play golf on a weekend day every 3 months as well.

[mommysammi]

I didn't read all the responses yet but here's my 2 cents. A "normal" guys night out should be conditioned upon what kind of guy he is. If he is single, then staying out all night long doing sinful things after consuming enough alcohol to drown himself is, unfortunately, considered normal. BUT if he is a husband and father, then doing something a single guy would do is NOT normal. I expect DH and his guy friends to understand and accept that DH has me and the kids to answer to should he do something stupid, like driving under the influence. That being said, I don't see why a normal guys night out can't be having a steakhouse dinner over a couple of drinks (still within legal limit), going bowling, movie, poker, etc. I never understood why a guys night out has to always involve booze and boobs. Rolling my eyes.

[piggybanker]

I think the "Boys night out" is a really good idea once in a while (& within limits)
DH really gets his battery fully charged after that night!

[wellyes]

Mine drinks when he goes out, not to drunkenness but not safe to drive either. But with his 2-3 different sets of friends -- sports buddies, the guys he watches dumb samarai movies with, and work friends -- they do all stop drinking at a certain point and just chill out and chat until it's reasonable to drive home. I'm fine with him getting in at midnight under those circumstances.


I never understood why a guys night out has to always involve booze and boobs. Rolling my eyes.I don't think it often (if ever) involved boobs for many guys but I'm cool with drinking. Women are conditioned for "retail therapy", men for relaxing / opening up over drinks.

[egoldber]

Going out to drink socializing....well he does that a lot for work I suppose, but never drunk.

He gets together with some neighbors every couple months and that involves heavy drinking, but he walks.

But in golf season though, he golfs every Sunday morning with his buddies. That is his social thing. Our agreement is they have to the VERY FIRST tee time, which is usually well before 6, so he is home around 10:30 am.

[MelissaTC]

DH goes to a local pub with his friends for food and a beer or two. He goes to hockey games with one friend and has a poker group that gets together once a quarter or so if they can get their schedules to coordinate.

[lil_acorn]

DH probably goes on boys night out 2 times / quarter

If it's a poker night, it's really really late - 2 to 3 am return, but he is responsible and stops drinking at a certain time knowing he is driving home
If it's a movie night (on a weekday), he's usually home by 11-12.

When I go out, it's usually just to dinner with a gf, and I'm home by 8! As such, I think I should be allowed more nights out so that the cumulative hours equals out.

[hillview]

I haven't read pp. DH doesn't do guys nights but I do ladies nights out. I do them about once a month or 2. We sometimes stay out as late as 1 am. We are usually over someone's house (walking) if we went further we'd have a real DD or take a cab. If DH wanted to do this it'd be along the same lines. If he stayed out til 2 I would be fine. He'd still have to get up with the kids. :)

If it was more than every month or 2 it'd be an issue for us.
/hillary

[SnuggleBuggles]

Going to a game
playing sports
going out for drinks (most common)

Luckily he tends to go out right after work and doesn't drive to work. So he either takes the bus home or gets a ride. I don't have to worry about drinking and driving though I trust that my dh would not do that.

1-3 drinks would not be out of the norm, 1-2 more common. He doesn't go out for many of these things.

Beth

[mecawa]

My DH only does a boys night out maybe once or twice a year. Usually it involves a card game and some alcohol, he is usually gone about 4-5 hours, he is usually home by midnight. He never comes home drunk so I guess there is only an average or "normal" amount of alcohol consumed.

[MelissaTC]

Totally forgot about golf. He golfs whenever he can!

[ewpmsw]

Normal boys' night out for DH is strategy board games, cards and pool. Most of his buddies are married with kids, so their nights out happen from noon to ten pm two-three Saturdays a year. He's in school again and has late-night card games with his classmates once a month when they're all on campus together.

I'm grateful drinking isn't a big issue for DH. Peer pressure is, and so is avoidance. When I was pregnant with DD, he left me alone in a hotel to play strategy board games and cards with his law school reunion buddies. He was supposed to be back around 2 am, but arrived at 8 am without calling or answering his cell. Shortly after that, he promised to spend New Year's Eve as a couple, as it was our last one just the two of us. He dropped in on the annual New Year/B-day party our friends throw and didn't come home until 3. No call, no text. Since then, we've agreed there won't be any more all-nighters until our kids are older or grown. Most times, he's fine with being home by 2 or calling if he's going to be late. Nudie bars are okay but lap dances are not. Since we have a little one and are expecting, I've asked him to keep his cell on and agreed not to bother him unless it's an emergency. I am not a controlling wife, I swear. I found out the hard way that unless a boundary was set, he'd go waaaaaaay past what was reasonable. :6:

[crl]

II never understood why a guys night out has to always involve booze and boobs. Rolling my eyes.

DH's more of a leg man. . . .

Actually, fairly early in our marriage, he had to go to a strip club for work. Yes. Really.

He was in the Marine Corps and one of his Marines was rumored to be stripping on the side, in contravention of a direct order. DH's boss told him he had to go to check it out. DH's boss said he wasn't going himself because his wife would kill him.

DH's solution to this was to ask me to drive the car so he could go in and see if she was there and come right back out. That way I'd know he didn't go and hang out. LOL. I thought this was all hilarious, mostly because I just didn't care that much.

And then, then, I found a sushi restuarant I'd been dying to go to based on reviews I'd read right next to the strip club. So I parked and told him to meet me in the restuarant. It was quite the pricey trip to a strip club for him. (The sushi place is Sushi Ko for any DC people.)

Catherine

[DietCokeLover]

DH doesn't really do a guys night or anything like that. He also is not a drinker at all. He will maybe once a month or so, meet someone for coffee or lunch. He also used to play golf on a regular basis, but not so much now that we have two children and a business to run (we live at the business). I can't watch the business and two little ones at the same time, so it's harder for him to get away for golf. (It's also hard for me to get time away, as he is not able to watch the business and the kids too.)

[vonfirmath]

When my husband did boys' night out, most of the time they stayed up late gaming.

Once we had our kid, I asked him to have a set leaving time and he did that for me. I think we agreed he'd leave between 11 and 11:30p.

And he was still available to help if I needed it, yes, even in the middle of the night. (though I tried not to)

[TwinFoxes]

My DH will go out with people from work about 3 times a year. They typically go to dinner, or grab a drink or two. If he's even buzzed he'll take the metro and then a cab and then get his truck later. He does travel some, and will go out then, but not all that much, maybe twice for a week long trip.

He's much more anti-social than I am. I encourage him to go out, I think he needs free time away from us, but he misses us. :loveeyes: I go out more often than he does, once every other month or so.

It's so funny, Pre-kids we'd hit the town several nghts a week. Now it's just not on our radar.





He was in the Marine Corps and one of his Marines was rumored to be stripping on the side, in contravention of a direct order. DH's boss told him he had to go to check it out.



Don't leave us hanging...was she????

[crl]

Don't leave us hanging...was she????

Not that night. DH said he'd done his turn checking and didn't have to go back. But someone did catch her stripping there a different time.

Catherine

[KrisM]

DH doesn't go out too much. He does have a group of friends that he plays tennis with once a week. It's either after work and he's home around 8:30 or it's a Saturday morning and he's home by noon. Once a year or so, he goes to see a band.

[Tondi G]

My Dh will go out occasionally with his boys.... some of the outings I am totally invited to as well but I am not a drinker and don't really see myself spending time in a club (even if it is to celebrate our friends shows new season). I would rather just stay home with my boys and get to bed at a decent hour so that when they rise early in the morning I am not dead tired from hanging out late for no reason. If he was planning on drinking he would either get a ride with a friend who doesn't drink or he would have me drop him off and take a cab home. Usually if he is going out I can expect him to get to his destination around 9 or 10pm and be home by 2am... if not earlier.

That said my DH has recently kind of decided he is done drinking. He never used to have hangovers and such but recently he's been feeling the effects of drinking more and more the morning after.