maestramommy
03-04-2010, 04:51 PM
so I'm venting here because I don't think there's anything I can do about it.
Backstory: when we moved into this house, we needed a painter. Our realtor set us up with a man she knows who is reasonable, does great work. He has a day job already, so he came every day for a month after work and painted practically the whole house. We got to know him in that time, and he is such a nice guy. At the same time he was trying to buy a house in the same town, through the same realtor. They have been long time friends and she treats him like a son. The reason he was trying to move here was because he has a little DD and he knew the schools were top notch. He and his girlfriend are not married, although at some point he was calling her his fiance. They may be married at this point, I don't know. The little girl is probably 3 and some change by now. Between Dora and Arwyn in age.
Fast forward, we recently reconnected with our realtor, and have been hanging out lately. We asked her about the painter because Dh has been wanting to have our chimney repainted. Turns out she hasn't spoken to him in months because he never returns her calls. We knew from the beginning that he's a little flaky and it's great if you can get him started on a project, but that could take forever. Well, after more talk, she starts venting about his wife, whom she's never liked. She's always felt that this woman basically trapped D by getting preggo. And now all she does is sit watching TV while the dd wanders free range in the house or outside. Her clothes are dirty, and the mother doesn't interact with her at all. I actually wondered if the wife could be depressed because she has no car, or access to a car, so she is basically trapped at home all day while D is at work. But our friend sounds pretty positive that no, the woman is just lazy and doesn't give a fig for her daughter, which brings me to the worry.
They moved to this town for the schools, but neither D nor his wife are educated (HS diploma maybe), and they have no idea what their dd will be up against when she starts K. The realtor was asking them last year what to give dd for Christmas, like a Playskool computer thing, just to get her started on learning letters. No response at all. Now, as a seasoned member of this board, I know that computers don't make a smart kid, but we were told the parents have probably never read her a book (NEVER??), and they don't have a computer themselves, so the dd will never even see one. At 3 she barely talks, and when she does it's intelligible. I told her to tell D about the district preschool in our area which screens kids for special needs and the preschool is FREE if you qualify. She said she could tell them that, IF he would just return her calls. And he would have to take the intitiative because the mother never will.
This just makes me and Dh so, so sad. On the one hand, if they are just very simplistic in their lifestyle, that's fine. But when you have a kid, you have to step up and do the responsible things. But they never will, because the father just doesn't know, and the mother just doesn't care. I think about this little girl and the fact that she will be lucky to graduate from HS, given the trajectory she's on. Hopefully when she goes to K the school will be able to intervene, but will it be too late by then? Will it even matter if the parents don't get it? I met the little girl once, shortly after we moved in. She seemed like an average kid then, not quite talking yet, maybe a few words. It's been almost 2 years since.
I think about the few things I do with my kids that I take for granted. Like reading to them, chatting in the car, listening to music, playing bingo and Candyland with them. These are all things that I consider not particularly special. I mean, they don't take classes or anything that cost money yet. And my kids, though bright enough, are still what I consider average alongside their peers. My town is considered a middle class/upper middle class town, depending on where you live. Most of the parents I know do at least what I do with the kids, and many of them are always in classes and sports, even before K. I cannot imagine how this girl is going to manage and how she will feel when she starts school.
She has been in my head for weeks, and I cannot let it go.
Backstory: when we moved into this house, we needed a painter. Our realtor set us up with a man she knows who is reasonable, does great work. He has a day job already, so he came every day for a month after work and painted practically the whole house. We got to know him in that time, and he is such a nice guy. At the same time he was trying to buy a house in the same town, through the same realtor. They have been long time friends and she treats him like a son. The reason he was trying to move here was because he has a little DD and he knew the schools were top notch. He and his girlfriend are not married, although at some point he was calling her his fiance. They may be married at this point, I don't know. The little girl is probably 3 and some change by now. Between Dora and Arwyn in age.
Fast forward, we recently reconnected with our realtor, and have been hanging out lately. We asked her about the painter because Dh has been wanting to have our chimney repainted. Turns out she hasn't spoken to him in months because he never returns her calls. We knew from the beginning that he's a little flaky and it's great if you can get him started on a project, but that could take forever. Well, after more talk, she starts venting about his wife, whom she's never liked. She's always felt that this woman basically trapped D by getting preggo. And now all she does is sit watching TV while the dd wanders free range in the house or outside. Her clothes are dirty, and the mother doesn't interact with her at all. I actually wondered if the wife could be depressed because she has no car, or access to a car, so she is basically trapped at home all day while D is at work. But our friend sounds pretty positive that no, the woman is just lazy and doesn't give a fig for her daughter, which brings me to the worry.
They moved to this town for the schools, but neither D nor his wife are educated (HS diploma maybe), and they have no idea what their dd will be up against when she starts K. The realtor was asking them last year what to give dd for Christmas, like a Playskool computer thing, just to get her started on learning letters. No response at all. Now, as a seasoned member of this board, I know that computers don't make a smart kid, but we were told the parents have probably never read her a book (NEVER??), and they don't have a computer themselves, so the dd will never even see one. At 3 she barely talks, and when she does it's intelligible. I told her to tell D about the district preschool in our area which screens kids for special needs and the preschool is FREE if you qualify. She said she could tell them that, IF he would just return her calls. And he would have to take the intitiative because the mother never will.
This just makes me and Dh so, so sad. On the one hand, if they are just very simplistic in their lifestyle, that's fine. But when you have a kid, you have to step up and do the responsible things. But they never will, because the father just doesn't know, and the mother just doesn't care. I think about this little girl and the fact that she will be lucky to graduate from HS, given the trajectory she's on. Hopefully when she goes to K the school will be able to intervene, but will it be too late by then? Will it even matter if the parents don't get it? I met the little girl once, shortly after we moved in. She seemed like an average kid then, not quite talking yet, maybe a few words. It's been almost 2 years since.
I think about the few things I do with my kids that I take for granted. Like reading to them, chatting in the car, listening to music, playing bingo and Candyland with them. These are all things that I consider not particularly special. I mean, they don't take classes or anything that cost money yet. And my kids, though bright enough, are still what I consider average alongside their peers. My town is considered a middle class/upper middle class town, depending on where you live. Most of the parents I know do at least what I do with the kids, and many of them are always in classes and sports, even before K. I cannot imagine how this girl is going to manage and how she will feel when she starts school.
She has been in my head for weeks, and I cannot let it go.