Need quick help for playdate etiquette.

[gatorsmom]

Quick, Gator has a friend over for a playdate. The parents brought an 8 pack of juice boxes, bag of pretzels, and box of gogurt sticks for the 3 boys (Gator and his friend also play with Cha cha). I won't let Gator go to this boys house because of the parents' single friend living in their basement who I don't know. So, we have invited the friend over twice and hope to more often since all three play so well together.

When the parents come to pick up their son, i'll offer to give them back the remainders of the snacks, but I'm sure they'll refuse and tell me to keep them here. DO I insist they take them back??? What's the most polite thing to do?

[AnnieW625]

I would give them the rest of the snacks back I think that is the nicest thing to do.

So how did the other family react to you not wanting Gator & ChaCha playing at the house because of the single guy living there?

[bnme]

I don't think you should insist. It is always an awkward thing but when I bring something to someone's house I want them to keep it. It is a little different then someone bringing a cake for a dinner party so I would offer to give it back, but accept graciously if they say no.

[kristenk]

If they refuse and insist that you keep them, I'd go ahead and keep them. Mention that you'll provide snacks (perhaps even the ones they provided) for the next playdate.

[crl]

Hand the left-overs over rather than just asking. (You know? So instead of saying vaguely, "Oh, do you want the snacks back?" have them in your hands ready to hand back and say "thank you, here's what's left." If they refuse them, while you are holding them out, then just say thank you and keep them.

That's what I do. (DS has food allergies so I always send him with snacks. Some of our friends then reciprocate so this happens to us a lot.)

Catherine

[gatorsmom]

I would give them the rest of the snacks back I think that is the nicest thing to do.

So how did the other family react to you not wanting Gator & ChaCha playing at the house because of the single guy living there?

They reassured me again that they would vouch for him being a great guy but said they understand. So, I've called as often as I can to have their son over for a playdate and this works well for everyone.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd have the snacks bagged up and ready to hand over as they are walking out. They won't have time to think or say no.

BEth

[ThreeofUs]

Offer and if they say no, toss. ;) JMHO!

[Leeannpk]

When I bring a snack to someone else's house, I don't expect to get the leftovers back. I might even be a little offended if the other party just handed them to me - I'd assume that they weren't keen on what I brought. I'd offer the juice boxes back, ("Why don't you take these - you can use them for school lunches next week!") but I think I'd keep the food.

ETA - I think saying something along the lines of "Can I bag these leftovers up for you guys to take home?" is fine. But being handed a bag when I walked through the door would send *me* a very strong "I don't dig your snacks" message.

[AnnieW625]

ETA - I think saying something along the lines of "Can I bag these leftovers up for you guys to take home?" is fine. But being handed a bag when I walked through the door would send *me* a very strong "I don't dig your snacks" message.

I didn't take it that way at all. I think they were just being nice since they seem to be understanding about the guy living in the basement and you not wanting their kids there for playdates. Maybe they thought it would nice to bring snacks to share since you were providing the place for the playdate.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I didn't take it that way at all. I think they were just being nice since they seem to be understanding about the guy living in the basement and you not wanting their kids there for playdates. Maybe they thought it would nice to bring snacks to share since you were providing the place for the playdate.

That's what I thought too. But, I do see how they could be offended. Maybe it would be better to offer them back but not insist too hard that they take them.

Beth

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Is this the mom that you have gotten to really like, and you were afraid to offend with the friend in the basement, from a few weeks ago? Just keep em'. Maybe she brought them since you always have her kids over?

[sariana]

Maybe she brought them since you always have her kids over?

That's what I was thinking. Keep them and serve them to these kids the next time they come over.

[DrSally]

I'd have the snacks bagged up and ready to hand over as they are walking out. They won't have time to think or say no.

BEth

:yeahthat: Don't insist if they don't want to take them.

ETA: If I bring snacks to someone's house for a playdate, I wouldn't expect the leftovers back. So, I could just as easily see keeping the leftovers for next time. Overall, no big deal.

[hillview]

I'd keep them and thank her for bringing them and comment that they enjoyed them.
/hillary

[KrisM]

Offer and if they say no, toss. ;) JMHO!

Why would you toss them?


I'd probably ask and if she says no, then I'd put the juice boxes away for the next time they're over.

[Fairy]

How'd it go?

[gatorsmom]

I took the advice of crl who was one of the first to respond and I bagged them up ready to hand to them as they arrived. It turned out to be the dad and he was clearly new to the playdate thing. And I think I might have caught him off guard. I said exactly what crl recommended and he said, "oh, you keep them." And I just said, "no go ahead." I mean I already had them bagged up and gesturing for him to take them. He just said, "ok, thanks." It really didn't turn out to be that big of a deal after all.

I guess if they had only brought a bag of preztals or something I wouldn't have offered them back but they brought a brand new box of gogurts, a big bag of preztals and an 8 pack of juices! That just seemed like a lot of food for me to keep without asking, ya know?

Anyway, yes, good memory BelleoftheBall, this is the family who I really like and my 2 boys really like. If it wasn't for the 42 year old father of one who's been divorced and living "temporarily" in their basement for 2 years while he gets on his feet, I wouldn't mind Gator going over there. No judgment (well, ok, not much judgment) but I'm just not comfortable with that.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Glad it was no biggie. Sometimes my post baby brain doesn't fail me!:yay:

[graciebellesmomma]

I often bring snacks for all the kids at playdates or sleepovers.
I have never been offered them back nor would I expect it.
I would think it was a bit strange for that to happen, actually.

Glad it worked out, but in the future, I'd just hold on to them....

[gatorsmom]

I have never been offered them back nor would I expect it.
I would think it was a bit strange for that to happen, actually.

...

I've never had a playdate mom bring over so much food. In the past I've had moms who brought over enough for just their child or often their child and mine during the playdate but these were full, unopened packages. I thought that maybe they were in a hurry and didnt' ahve time to take a few of the gogurts and juice boxes out of their packs and keep the rest. Maybe they needed some of them? And I didn't want to seem greedy holding onto them and not offering them back. Actually, I just wanted things to go smoothly, which is why I posted.