Can't get dd on a schedule, help!

[TwoBees]

We are having the hardest time getting DD on a schedule. For a while we were feeding her every 3 hours (to push calories) except at night, when we were letting her sleep as long as she wanted (to give us a little sanity). Now I would like to let her decide when and how much to eat to reduce the stress on all of us, but we can't get into any sort of rythym or routine. We've tried doing a bedtime routine, but she seems to eat at a different time every evening. Do DH and I need to be more strict about a routine, including waking her at night to keep her on schedule, or do we need to be LESS strict? Help, please!

(DD is 4.5 mos, adjusted age of 2 mos).

[hellokitty]

With an adjusted age of 2 mo, I think it's still too early for her to really get into any sort of schedule. If it makes you feel any better, this is my 3rd baby and he is JUST now (at almost 8 mo old) falling into a regular schedule. It's not from lack of trying either, b/c my older two were on a much more strict nap schedule (usually by 4 mo old), but this guy has been resistant and b/c we are on the go so much more often d/t the older boys I'm not home as much as I was with my first two. I would just go with the flow for now. I think typically, most babies fall into more of a schedule by around 6+ mo.

[Katigre]

i find schedules to be more hassle then help. I found that ~3-4 months of age my baby naturally fell into a more predictable rhythm but not according to a clock, more of 'she woke up at X time, she'll be tired again in 90 minutes' or 'she ate at 10am, then she'll be hungry again by Noon'.

Is she old enough/strong enough to go by cue feeding yet?

[mikeys_mom]

None of my babies were on any sort of schedule until at least 4 or 5 months. I'd give it some more time.

Also, other than my twins who were a few weeks early and needed to gain weight for the first month, I never wokes babies during the night to feed. My Dr. is of the opinion that if the baby is gaining weight properly and eating regularly during the day, then they will wake up when they are hungry at night.

[ewpmsw]

None of my babies were on any sort of schedule until at least 4 or 5 months. I'd give it some more time.

Also, other than my twins who were a few weeks early and needed to gain weight for the first month, I never wokes babies during the night to feed. My Dr. is of the opinion that if the baby is gaining weight properly and eating regularly during the day, then they will wake up when they are hungry at night.

This is how our pediatrician suggested we look at it, and DD fell into a routine of sorts around 4-5 mos, too. I also agree with pp that it's more of a rythym than a routine. We do our best to keep DD eating, sleeping, bathing at around the same times of the day, but she keeps us guessing and changes her wants/needs on us just when we think we're finally in a real routine. Good luck with this. I hope it gets easier soon. :)

[TwoBees]

Thanks for the replies. I guess I just feel like she is 4.5 mos sometimes...especially since I am back at work already. I'll try to take a deep breath, I promise.

What's cue feeding? We're now trying to feed her when she's hungry, instead of every 3 hours, since the ped was happy with her weight at our appt earlier this week.

[pb&j]

Some babies are just harder to schedule than others.

DS was a mellow little dude, and had no trouble adapting to nap and meal times.

DD OTOH didn't really get into a predictable eating/sleeping schedule till 10mos. Even my very experienced DCP who has gotten zillions of kids onto a schedule was at her wit's end w/DD! We just had to go with the flow - feed her when she seemed hungry, and sleep her when she seemed sleepy. I tried the Trixie Tracker for a while when my maternity leave was ending, and it basically made me more frustrated b/c there were NO patterns to her sleep whatsoever. It was hard, but as she got older, she got more predictable, even if she wasn't totally like clockwork till much later on.

GL - this too shall pass. :)

[Andi98989]

DS started to really get himself onto a schedule when I started sending him to daycare at 10 weeks. We were waking him up around the same time every day, which stared his wake-eat-sleep cycles around the same time. Within a week or two of that, he really got pretty predictable.

ETA: I also found writing things down to be helpful and show me that he really was taking a fairly consistent nap every morning between 10 and 11, just not starting it at exactly the same time. KWIM?

[srhs]

IMHO, the schedule thing is dependent on the parents. If *you* would be less stressed if she was on a schedule, go for it. If *you* are just stressed because you THINK she should be on a schedule, let it go. My 6mo still isn't really on a schedule, which is fine by us. I will admit, however, that my DFs who have theirs on a schedule seem to be a lot less stressed than me on a day-to-day basis.

If you'd like a schedule, you might consider The Baby Whisperer or even Babywise (GASP!). I know many BBBers HATE BW and certain websites think it's evil, but I know many mamas and babies IRL who use it, love it, and have chunky happy rested babies. I personally don't use either of those because it seems natural to me for baby to fall asleep eating. If anyone knows a good "scheduling/routine" book where it's eat-sleep-play, I'd love to read it as I think that's what I need!

If you simply want to know how much your LO should be sleeping, find the appropriate graphic in Weissbluth's sleep book.

[Katigre]

"Cue feeding" is just feeding when the baby indicate they're hungry instead of on a clock schedule, and letting the baby decide how much to eat (instead of trying to make them always eat 4oz/feeding or something like that). Basically it respects a baby's natural hunger regulation instead of overriding it (but with preemies who aren't strong enough to regulate that naturally yet you have to wait until they're bigger).