Husbands and In-Laws

[Raidra]

If your husband doesn't live near his parents, how often does he talk to them on the phone? Do you bug him to call more often?

My husband would be content to talk to his mom once a month or less. He would almost never call his father (his parents are divorced), except on Xmas, maybe Father's Day, and maybe his birthday. They don't call here often, either.. his mom calls maybe once a month, once every other month. His dad calls on said holidays (and my husband's birthday, sometimes) if my husband doesn't call first.

His mom has said to me how much she misses her son, and how much she would love it if he called her more often, etc.. hinting that I should nag him to call more often. I don't think that's my job.. I'll mention it once in a while if it's been several weeks. But to be honest, I've got other things on my mind, you know?

[HIU8]

We live 5 hours from MIL. SIL and FIL recently passed (4 and 2 yrs ago). DH is all MIL has left (all sibs are gone etc...). DH calls him mother NIGHTLY. I mean he NEVER misses a night just to make sure she locked the doors etc... I talk to her 2-3 times a week.

[catroddick]

Mine is the oposite. Must talk which each his father, mother, and one of his brothers for at least and hour every week. Often quite a bit more with his father.
All of this would be fine, except that he is incapable of doing anything else while talking on the phone. Fold laundry? No. Pick up around the house? No. Watch DD while I bath both dogs? No.
He must sit on the couch and fully dedicate himself to the conversation.

[mommylamb]

My DH's family is in England. He usually talks to his mother once a week, sometimes once every other week. He rarely ever talks to his siblings and his father passed away a few years ago, but he had had a significant falling out with his father years ago anyway, so I'd never met the man.

I don't think it's your place to nag your DH to call his family more often. I think if his mother wants to speak to him more, she should call him.

Now, I do nag my DH because he never asks the kinds of questions I would ask when he speaks to his mom (how's so and so, etc). But that's just playful. If I answer the phone when she calls, I often talk to her for as long as he does (I like her).

[bluestarfish18]

Before moving across the country, we lived no more than 10 minutes from the ILs. My life was literally "Everybody Loves Raymond". Currently, we talk to them by Skype once a week, which is far less than it used to be.

[ezcc]

DH rarely talks to anyone in his family. His mom and stepfather live nearby and we see them fairly regularly for holidays and birthdays- maybe every other month or so- but they almost never speak on the phone. Plans are made by email between me and mil. He never speaks to his father and stepmother either, and we see them about once a year. He has 2 sisters and 2 half brothers, he doesn't speak to them either and we only see them in the company of his parents. It's kind of strange, but that's how they operate. I agree, not your job to make him call- if she wants to talk to him, she should pick up the phone!

[gatorsmom]

If your husband doesn't live near his parents, how often does he talk to them on the phone? Do you bug him to call more often?

My husband would be content to talk to his mom once a month or less. He would almost never call his father (his parents are divorced), except on Xmas, maybe Father's Day, and maybe his birthday. They don't call here often, either.. his mom calls maybe once a month, once every other month. His dad calls on said holidays (and my husband's birthday, sometimes) if my husband doesn't call first.

His mom has said to me how much she misses her son, and how much she would love it if he called her more often, etc.. hinting that I should nag him to call more often. I don't think that's my job.. I'll mention it once in a while if it's been several weeks. But to be honest, I've got other things on my mind, you know?

We live in Minnesota and my ILs live in Texas. DH is on good terms with both his parents who are still married, but he talks to them only when he needs to or on birthdays or holidays. He talks to his dad much more often but only because his dad recently invested in our company. Before that, he talked to him rarely. My MIL NEVER calls me- she always calls DH's cell phone or emails him. I've told her a MILLION times that if she wants photos of the kids or of our family, wants birthday or Xmas gift ideas, she should call me, not DH. But she never does. I must be really scary! :ROTFLMAO:

[pinkmomagain]

I do remind my dh to call his parents, sibblings. I don't mind doing it at all.

[scrooks]

My DH talks to his parents 2-3 times a week. They live 3.5 hours away. I work 2 days a week but on the days I am home I usually call them myself in the morning. I like to catch up with MIL and DD likes to say "hi" to Grandma and Papaw. I also talk to my mom at least once a day (she lives 2 hours away)....is this odd???

[Jo..]

He talks to his Mom every couple of weeks, his Dad once per month. I don't bother him to call more, as both of our parents are insane. ;)

I used to bug him before the revelation hit me. Now I think he is doing as well as can be expected.

[hopeful_mama]

DH's family is in Romania; he calls every Sunday, generally for over an hour, plus holidays, birthdays, etc. If he doesn't have the time, he'll at least call to let them know and try to call during the week. Since we get to see my family more often but his only rarely (only twice in the 9 years I've known him), I try to treat the phone time as sacrosanct, and never suggest he shorten it or call them at another time, even if we're late for somewhere (he will often decide this on his own if necessary).

They rarely call here. Largely this is because it's cheaper for us to call, but also I think they don't want to interrupt things. I rarely speak with them, due to a language barrier. Having said that, MIL did just call this week after seeing reports of all the storm damage on tv; I knew she was asking something about water, but didn't understand what, but I did communicate that I was fine, the baby was sleeping, and DH was at work. We have an easier time communicating in person.

[Indianamom2]

We live about 2 hours away from my in-laws. He talks with his parents at least on a weekly basis, usually more often. They text back and forth and call, both he and his parents doing the initiating.

They are a very close family, however.

[BabyMine]

We live about 8hrs from my IL's. He only calls every once in awhile. He doesn't care for all the drama so he tries to limit contact.

[hellokitty]

I don't nag my DH to call his mother. It's his mom, he should call her. It's not like I expect him to nag ME about calling my mom. MIL went through a period during our first five yrs of marriage of constantly calling him, even several times a day. It got really bad when he was laid off from his job, she would call us 5x a day to ask if he had found a job yet. He finally cracked during that time and told her to stop calling so OFTEN, b/c all it was doing was stressing us out. So, she got angry and hurt and did a 180. Rarely ever called us and went around telling other family members that we told her not to call us! That is NOT what DH said. He told her to stop calling us like 5x a day! I think for normal ppl that 5x a day to ask if you have found a job counts as psycho and it would bug 99% of ppl if their mother did this.

I think now DH talks to his parents at least a few times a mo, she calls at least every other wk that I know of with some medical issue that she thinks is an emergency where she thinks she is going to die or something. I don't know anymore, b/c we got rid of our landline (best thing ever if you have mil issues) and she just calls his phone and I never have to deal with her on the phone anymore. I know that last night he was upstairs on the phone with his mom for an hr, sounding unhappy. He came down and I asked him what happened and he rolled his eyes and sarcastically said his mom thinks she has anthrax. The only time she calls me is if she calls DH's phone and he doesn't answer, and then she calls me to ask if everything is ok, b/c of course in her mind if DH doesn't answer the phone when she calls (even when he is in the middle of a case and can't be on the phone), that means he something awful must have happened to him. :rolleye0014:

[ged]

I didn't nag him to call at all (they have both since passed away). He called his parents more than I call my parents. I am glad he doesn't nag me to call my parents either. Every now and then he might hint that I should give my folks a call, and I can handle that...and appreciate it, I guess. But, really, I just don't like calling and it's not my thing. My parents and I email back and forth often enough.

[pinkmomagain]

DH's family is in Romania; he calls every Sunday, generally for over an hour, plus holidays, birthdays, etc.

Had to comment that my dad is Romanian (from Sibiu)! We no longer have family in Romania, but would love to see where my dad was born and lived for 30 years or so. The language is difficult (although it is a romance language) so I can imagine how tough it is to communicate with your dh's family.

[pomegranate]

DH doesn't talk to either his mom or dad very much. His parents are divorced. FIL lives about 7 hours away, MIL lives 1.5 hours way. DH talks with FIL about once a year and MIL more now that we have DS, who is 2. Before DS, DH talked to his mom maybe 2-4 times a year. His mom doesn't have anyone else either. She'll call and need someone to talk with and usually chats with me for a while. I have other things to do, so find this kind of annoying. I remind DH that it's his job to talk with his mom, not mine. Anyways, I do drive DS to see his grandma about 4 times a year (without DH) because I want DS to know his grandma.

DS is my one and only. I hope he doesn't grow up to ignore me like his dad does to his mom.

[k_null81]

My MIL and step FIL live about 20 minutes from us. My DH speaks to his mom maybe twice a month and talks to his dad maybe 3-4 times a year and he lives about 40 minutes from us. I think because he was the 1st born for his mom and dad and the fact they were never married and they both married and had kids a couple years after having him makes the relationship what it is. I do mention that he should call every once in awhile but that's only because she complains to my mom that she never hears from us. UGH! She is a very self absorbed person so I can only handle her in small doses.

As for me I live 10 minutes from my mom and dad. I speak to my mom almost daily even if it's just 5 minutes.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Distance doesn't matter. Whether we have lived near or far, dh calls his parents too little for my liking. I think once/ week or every 2 weeks would be nice. I talk to his mom far more often than he does.

I talk to my mom almost daily.

Beth

[maestramommy]

When Dh was single he used to call MIL once a week, just to check in a reassure her that he was alright:p When he got married she said he didn't need to call so often because now I was taking care of him, so she didn't need to worry anymore:hysterical:

Lately, esp. since we moved here, I think he hasn't been calling her often at all because she will call ME, always when the kids are napping, which is considerate in some ways, but a little annoying in another way. And it's usually because she called him at work and he either didn't answer the phone or told her he'd call her back later because he couldn't talk at the time. The last couple of times she called it was to tell me some health rec she read that he should know about, or to admonish him about safety because he bike commutes! My Dh is one of the most safety conscious people I know, ESPECIALLY about stuff like that. But telling her doesn't seem to matter. She thinks since I am his wife I need to get on him about it, just in case:shrug:

I love her though, and we have a good relationship, so both of us just kinda roll our eyes and laugh when we reconvene later:p

[crl]

We live on opposite coasts of the US. I have no idea how often he calls because we don't use our landline. Ever. So they talk on his cell, mostly when he's at work (works long hours plus time zone difference). I did ask him to call his parents on Christmas Day the second year we were married--he was stationed overseas and I was there to visit. But when I realized that his parents had not called him once in the 6 months he had been over there, I never asked him to do that again. (They are reasonably well-off so there wasn't a cost barrier to them calling him.)

I talk to my parents (live in the mid-west) once a week. I talk to my brother (lives in the mid-west) once a month or so.

Catherine

[Raidra]

DS is my one and only. I hope he doesn't grow up to ignore me like his dad does to his mom.

This is what worries me, too. I've even wondered if that's the reason why I wanted a bigger family, to make sure at least *one* of my kids will stay close. ;) I'm close with my family (we share a two-family with my parents and 22 year old sister), we see my mom's extended family regularly because they live pretty close. My dad's, not so much, 'cause they all live further away, but we get along great when we can manage a meet up. For the vast majority of my childhood, we've had extended family living with us.. different aunts and their families, grandparents, etc.

My husband's family is just totally different. Not very big, and they don't get together that often. They're all very nice people, I especially like his dad (he's more fun and interesting, whereas his mom has 'aged' prematurely from socializing only with her mother and her mother's friends). His sister is great, and we've gotten along wonderfully with her and her family the few times we've met, but they only talk once a year or so. She's more than 10 years older than he is, so they've never been close.

I guess I'll just have to hope that the sort of family 'style' we create for us will lend itself to our kids keeping in touch a lot. :)

[caleymama]

We live about 2 hours away from my in-laws. He talks with his parents at least on a weekly basis, usually more often. They text back and forth and call, both he and his parents doing the initiating.

They are a very close family, however.

:yeahthat:

Except we are 5 hrs from his parents. He texts and talks to his mom, dad, one sister, and brother regularly (at least weekly?) and also sees them all on FB. His other sister he also sees on FB and texts but he doesn't actually talk on the phone to her as often (she's Cali and we're NY).

[Twoboos]

DH's mom lives across the county. He talks to her mostly every day, typically on his drive home from work (on the headset!). He will also do a conference/video call on the weekends so she can talk to DDs. He says this all helps to keep her living on the other coast, LOL!

FIL he talks to oddly - sometimes once a week or every few days, or sometimes not for months. I never nag about this - he can call FIL or not, I don't care (I'm not a fan of FIL's, to put it nicely).

[hillview]

DH's family lives in the UK and he calls his mom every week without fail (nearly). I never nag him and it is not my job but he does it of his own free will.
/hillary

[jgenie]

DH rarely calls his mom - used to be her bday and major holidays only. Since DC arrived he calls about once a month. He rarely talks to his siblings - just bdays and holidays generally. I talk to my mom almost every day and my siblings every other week or so.

[wellyes]

I bug DH to call his mom these days because they are both going through a difficult time (she is recently widowed / he lost his dad) and keeping them close to one another is the best way I know how to help.

Under normal circumstances, no I don't bug him to call more or less. His relationship with his family is his own and I respect that boundary.

[KrisM]

DH talks to his mom once a week. He talks to his brother about every other week. He talks to his sisters (3) maybe twice a year - birthday and Christmas.

[Clarity]

My MIL NEVER calls me- she always calls DH's cell phone or emails him. I've told her a MILLION times that if she wants photos of the kids or of our family, wants birthday or Xmas gift ideas, she should call me, not DH. But she never does. I must be really scary! :ROTFLMAO:

This is funny. I'm always practically begging my dh to tell my MIL to STOP asking to talk to me. She's HIS mother, he can talk to her! I am not a fan, not a fan at all. I do email a periodic video or picture to her, but otherwise I'd be happy with only having contact with her when we/she visits. (about 4 times a year)

OP, my dh talks to his mother about once a week, give or take a few days. She used to call every freaking Sunday at 11:00a.m. on.the.dot. but we "encouraged" her to call on other days so that I could stop dreading my Sunday mornings. I guess I'm not a particularly nice DIL.
(In my defense, I am capable of liking a MIL. I LOVED my Xdh's mother and still talk to her periodically 10 years after her son and I divorced.)

[Seitvonzu]

my husband wouldn't even call his parents on holidays if i didn't remind him. he DOES call on their birthdays, and remembers that on his own ( i don't even know their birthdays!!!!!!!!) i do know the months and remind him to get a card- -his mother is SUPER into cards.

in DH's defense, they never call him at all -- not even on his birthday!!! :( it makes me really irritated and i used to tell him it wasn't right for them not to call, and he needed to call. (i still do this on christmas) the last time i made him call on thanksgiving we found out there was a family dinner we weren't invited to, even though his mother had told his they "weren't doing" thanksgiving. it was super awkward and i don't want DH to have to go through that again (even if he said he wasn't bothered) we live about 6 hours from the inlaws and 14 by car from my parents. dh has 3 siblings too, and i can count on my fingers how many times they've called him (we've been married 7 years in may)-- this is including when we had the baby/announced having the baby.

we used to do a family chat with the inlaws, but we don't do that anymore--it was just to hard for everyone to find the same time they could get online.

i call my parents a couple times a week, sometimes more. it's a weird week when i haven't talked to them at all and usually just as soon as i think "i need to call mommy" she'll call me. :)

[jent]

OP, my DH is like yours. I do NOT bug him to call though-- it's his responsibility. And if they want to talk to him more often, they should call him. Which they do. It works out fine all around... if he doesn't remember to call them, they call us on the weekend.

Birthdays are also up to him to remember, though I've taken pity on him a little and started reminding him gently about those.

[SpaceGal]

DH hasn't spoken to his parents in over a year and I don't forsee him talking to them any time soon. He doesn't talk to his siblings much either...I'm very close with one of his sisters...so I talk to her say once every couple of weeks. I'm usually the ambassador and talk to his family for him...he doesn't like to talk on the phone much and he isn't fond of half of his siblings. He's pretty detached from his family. I suppose it sounds mean to say it that way but his parents are awful...they weren't the greatest parents and they are the worse grandparents. I personally used to be afraid of them (when we were dating) thinking they were so high and mighty with their perfect family and stuff...now I know better...it's all a facade. They aren't bad people...just bad parents.

[leslieu]

He only calls every once in awhile. He doesn't care for all the drama so he tries to limit contact.

:yeahthat: Except we live 10 minutes from the ILs. NO! I don't nag DH about calling. We have a strained relationship with the ILs, so making contact doesn't always end well.

[Cheburashka]

My SO's mom is dead and his father is back on cocaine/marijuana again. He doesn't talk to his dad. He talks to one of his four sisters once in a blue moon. He had some hard core family drama before I met him, and he's still pretty bitter about it, so I don't bug him at all about it.

[elephantmeg]

Well, DH's parents live next door so we see them all.the.time. But no, I don't call my parents religiously. We e-mail some, call some. My mom reads my blog and e-mails me about it, lol. They visit every couple months or so. My bro we go a long time between calls like 2-4 months. We see he and SIL a few times a year (they live in Chicago) and get along well but he doesn't ever seem to call very often. He did call last month on DS' b-day (they share a name) but before that he had called once while DD was in the hospital. And before that not since we had seen them over Thanksgiving.

[elektra]

DH is not a talker, so he doesn't call his mom all that much. So his mom calls me now instead! I don't mind. We see them all the time (about 1x/month) too so the fact that he doesn't call her isn't even an issue for us.

[saschalicks]

DH's mom livesd 45 mins away and his dad lives 2,000 miles away. He speaks to his mom every other day and his dad about the same. We see his dad about once a year. I really dislike (putting it mildly) his dad and don't love his mom. I put up w/both b/c they are still DH's parents. Both are remarried. DH speaks to his brother about once a week. All in all I never remind him to speak to them unless I need something. I will say that MIL and step-FIL are WONDERFUL grandparents and my children love them. For that I am grateful.

Oh and my parents live 5 mins away from us and we love that. DH gets a long wonderfully w/my parents. Better than his own. My parents are truly our closest friends. We see them about 2-4 times a week. ;)