2 under 2: tell me the truth

[Mommy_Again]

Ironically, the day after I posted asking how hard it would be to get pregnant while nursing my infant, I got a visit from my favorite aunt (first time since DD's birth). So now that another pregnancy is on the table, I'm doing some deep soul searching.

I would love for DD to have a sibling very close in age as they grow up. I think it would be so much fun for them (I'm not niave, I know they'll love hard and fight hard). Part of this is probably mommy guilt that my 6 year old DS plays alone a lot, part is longing for a sibling of my own closer in age to me (closest is 4 years younger). So in theory, I'd like to have another baby within the next year. In my mind, I'm thinking: get pregnant when DD is 9 months, so they'd be 18 months apart. And I know this is all in God's hands, but I've been pretty fertile so far (1st try on both).

In reality, however...not too fired up about being pregnant again. And I LOVED being pregnant, both times. Loved it. Easy pregnancies. But with a baby/toddler in tow, I think it will be tough. I'm not ready to stop nursing DD (she's not even 6 months). And then, once the baby is born, having two little ones so close together...tell me, mommies: how hard will it REALLY be?

If it makes a difference, DH wants a FOURTH child as well. I am definitely in for one more (which will be #3), and open for #4 but not making any promises. If I do go for #4, I'd want several years (2-3) of separation betwen #3 and #4.

[Elilly]

My kiddos are 22 months apart. DD was an overachiever and was very verbal and potty trained when DS was born. So, for us, she was well on her way to becoming independent. She treated DS as her baby doll! She's been a great role model for DS and they are peacefully playing in the basement right now. I love the age spread. That said, we had them close together because we thought that we were going to have 3 children.

[LarsMal]

I think a lot of it depends on the kids' personalities- and the parents, too.

DS and DD1 are 16 months apart. DS was SO easy- I didn't have any trouble at all. He could entertain himself while I BF DD. He was very gentle with her. He took naps and went down easily. I really had no idea how good I had it! It helped that DD was a fairly easy baby, too. She nursed well and slept, although it was hard at times to get her down (still is!). I also consider myself to be pretty laid back. If we ate lunch at 11:30 one day and not until 1PM the next- so what!

I also love that they have always had each other as a playmate. Sure, they fight- and man can they fight- but they mostly play well together.

My older brother and I are 14 months apart, and DH and SIL are just under 11 months apart. We both enjoyed growing up with a sibling so close in age (we both have other siblings as well).

[srhs]

Well, I am in the throes of a 16 mo spread. I do LOVE that they will always have one another and think their close age will be fantastic as they get older. BUT I won't lie that some days I am losin my mind.
Some of that is just personalities--I would classify both of my dudes as fussy babies--colic with both, reflux with DS2, strongwilled DS1, etc.

I will say that DS1 did FANTASTIC when DS2 came home. He was really a daddy's boy anyway, which helped. But he just never showed ANY jealousy...not once. I think that was mostly his young age. He was super interested in the baby, always wanting to give hugs, telling me baby was crying, etc.
Now, at this point, DS1 is starting to get possessive since DS2 is mobile. He will grab a toy DS2 is headed for, look at me, and say, "DS1's?" for reassurance that it's HIS...and maybe this is wrong...but I tell him it's DS2's too.

Did I mention sometimes I am losin my mind? Really it's true.
Some days, it's very hard to meet both of their needs, but maybe that's the case with a bigger spread too, I don't know.
Another thing I struggle with is comparing myself to other moms who have 2...they seem to be able to do so much more in a day. And vice-versa in that they don't understand why I can't undertake the same things they can. I mean, there are some places I CANNOT take both of them by myself...no way, no how. Other times, it's a big deal for me to get them both in and out of a location by myself.

I think it would be much more manageable if I had family nearby and if DH worked less crazy hours. 6:30-8:30 is REALLY hard when it's just me.
And it's harder to find someone to watch your kids when they are such a handful...meaning I don't think it's fair to take them BOTH to a friend's who already has her own to watch. Mine just require that much more supervision or tending at this age.

whew, that was therapeutic. ;)

[LarsMal]

Did I mention sometimes I am losin my mind? Really it's true.
Some days, it's very hard to meet both of their needs, but maybe that's the case with a bigger spread too, I don't know.

I think it would be much more manageable if I had family nearby and if DH worked less crazy hours. 6:30-8:30 is REALLY hard when it's just me.



I probably shouldn't have painted my picture as all roses and sunshine! I have had many many times I've felt like I'm losin' my mind (now with 3 I know it's lost- gone for good!).

My DH has crazy work hours, too, so I feel your pain.

Your siggie is hilarious!!!! Not funny for you, but funny for me because I have been there!

[JBaxter]

My brother and I are 19 months apart. We have VERY conflicting personalities. Never liked each other never played together and wasnt until adult hood we even spoke much. I get along with my other siblings great ( sister 7yrs younger and brother 10 yrs younger)

I really think it depends on personalities. My brother cried ALOT as a baby massive reflux pyloric stenosis. I would try to cover his head when he cried.

[maestramommy]

My first two are 20 months apart. For about 3 months I had 3 under 4. I won't lie, it's tough. Even though Arwyn was a mellow easy baby it was hard. I don't remember much of this but Dh told me I was very sleep deprived and starting to show signs of "blues."

Dora and Arwyn don't play together. They joke around at the breakfast table and at night after we put them to bed. But they don't play together. When they do it's always under our initiation and supervision, and even then it can get stormy. Mostly they fight over toys:p I think their individual personalities and playing styles are just very different. Arwyn will play with other kids, particularly older ones. Dora still is a loner, although she loves playing with much older cousins. People used to tell me how sweet it was going to be when they started playing together, and I'm still waiting. :loveeyes:

[catcombs]

I think it really does depend on your DC. DD and DS1 are 19 months apart and I have always said that they were born in the order they were supposed to be born. DD was more high maintainence as a baby but she was my only then I had the time to support her needs and then as a toddler she was pretty mellow and very compliant. DS1 was an easy baby. I would marvel at him because I could just put him in the swing and he would sleep for 2 hours - DD NEVER did that as a baby. I found it very manageable when I had just the 2 little ones. But then I had DS2! DS1 and DS2 are 20 months apart so when DS2 was born I had a 3 yr. old, a 20 month old and a newborn. I still haven't quite recovered. DS1 is very difficult for me to deal with now as a toddler and DS2 didn't sleep through the night until he was 11 months old. I have often thought I am losing my mind.

[Raidra]

My oldest two are 21 months apart. It was hard in the beginning, definitely.. but that was moreso Lachlann's temperment than anything else. They are great friends and I don't regret it at all. My oldest is quite shy and I'm so grateful that I took the leap because without a built-in playmate, I don't know how much socializing he'd do.

Obviously, I liked it enough to do it again. :) My second and third have a bigger age gap (almost three years), but Fiona will be a month shy of her second birthday when the new baby comes, and I'd actually wanted it closer, but it didn't work out that way.

I don't know if I'd do 18 months, though I guess there isn't that big of a difference between 18 and 21 months. It was harder being pregnant with Lachlann, but I was lucky in that Colwyn played pretty independently. Since you already have a bigger kiddo to help out a little, hopefully it won't be too bad for you.

[srhs]

One more thing I didn't realize was that having them so close together is really hard on a body...at least it was for mine. In pregnancy, my hip gave me crazy pain, and some days I couldn't left DS1 into his crib or onto the changing table. I went to PT for it, but with the relaxin hormone and all that, there wasn't much I could do but *try* to baby it.
I think if someone was in better shape than me, it maybe wouldn't be a problem...although it was a pregnant workout crazy mama who pointed out to me how hard it can be on your body to have them so close.

That said, I don't regret it at all in our situation, and I'm looking forward to the second half of, "It'll be crazy hard, and then it'll be so great!" that everyones told me.

ETA: fwiw, I DID end up weaning DS1 because of the pregnancy. I had read up before we got pregnant that I could still continue but might see a supply drop. During my nausea days, OB's office rec unisom and B6. I asked if it was safe for BFing and was told yes. Soon after, DS1 started crying after feedings. I offered bottles 2 mornings in a row after feedings, and he drank them all. I decided my supply had tanked, and I would have to wean...and would just nurse when I got engorged...but I NEVER did. Poor guy! He was already somewhat combo fed and liked solids, so he didn't seem to mind at all. Later, I read excessive B6 tanks supply. :( But I didn't know it.

[elephantmeg]

my kids are 25 months appart and it was hard but manageable...now. I don't think I would want them any closer

[WatchingThemGrow]

*I* feel like we are a bit of a circus. Not sure if it looks that way to an outsider, but that's what if feels like. When DS2 was born last summer, we had a 36mo DD, an 18 mo DS1 and a newborn. Out of necessity, I've become a planner, and my mom came to help and fell through a baby gate. She (w/my DH) was in the ER while I was upstairs letting everyone check out our less-than-a-day old baby. From coming home that day until about 7.5-8 mos, I had the word "overwhelmed" plastered across my forehead. All my "planning" kinda flew out the window and we just had to cope, realign, figure out how to get through x, y, or z. Now, at 9m, things are starting to feel like we may make it through this. My 3yo got all the supplies and set the table for dinner all by herself tonight. I thought I was in HEAVEN. When I go somewhere, I wear one and put two in the double stroller. I am (through help/ideas from posters here!) going to survive and enjoy the childhood experiences in our family.

I think that two under 2 would be a lot easier than 2 under 18m or 3 under 3. We were a couple weeks shy of that. My DC play together, love each other, love all the same stuff, and are gloriously happy. One's a little whiny, but he is delightful and misses his sister SO much when she's at preschool.

My take on it is that you really can't plan when you're going to have them. Like you said, it's really in God's hands anyway.

[scrooks]

Mine are 26 months apart. It's been hard but we are hanging in there. I think I thought it would be worse than it actually is. DD has been great with DS and I hope someday they will be playmates. I can already see the affection between them growing. She gives him big hugs all the time and he just smiles ear to ear. We are beginning to think about a third and the spacing between a potential third and DS...:dizzy: Whose knows what that will bring. I personally would like them all about 2 years apart...give or take...

[hellokitty]

DS1 and DS2 are 18 mo apart. The first six months were pure hell. DS1 was very, "spirited" and was constantly getting into things and always running off. DS2 was fussy and high needs, so I pretty much had to tend to him all of the time, thank goodness for my slings!!!! I was known as the frazzled mom wearing the baby while chasing the crazy toddler around. It got better after DS2 was mobile and then that is when they started to play with one another, but I seriously hated to go anywhere with the two of them until they were older, b/c I was always worried that one of them would run off or get hit by a car or something in the parking lot or street.

DS3 is 4 yrs apart from DS2 and it is sooooo much easier this time, even though I have more kids. If I could do it over again, I'd have 3-4 yr spacing btwn my kids. At least they are able to follow my directions (most of the time) and listen to me.

[gatorsmom]

Well, I've been through that a few times. Gator was 2 when Cha Cha was born. Looking back, that was pretty easy. If I ran errands, they just spent a lot of time strapped into the stroller. The hardest part was trying to run little errands during the day where I had to get them out and strap them into the stroller to run into the post office, pick up a couple things from Walgreens, etc. And at that age, if you dont' strap them into the stroller then the toddler runs while you are carrying baby in his bucket seat and packages/bags too. Babyslings and carriers are fine but not for running little errands- it just took too long to take them out of the bucket and put them into the sling. And that still didn't prevent the toddler from running off while you are juggling packages and bags. Nope- stroller was easier but still a pain.

But the boys play together really well. They are just great together and are pretty good friends. When Gator's friend from Kindergarten comes over, the 3 of them play well together. So, the close age is an advantage there. Also, I've got them in plenty of summer camps and activities together because of their closeness in age. That cuts down on driving for me and also no one feels left out because he's not old enough yet (well, actually that is becoming an issue for Greenbean who wants to do what his older brothers are doing). Also, the boys like to listen to the same types of bedtime stories and watch the same TV shows. So, while DH is reading Shel Silversteen poems to the boys at bedtime, I'm reading Eric Carle to the twins. LOL. And while the boys would rather be watching Grossology or Cyberchase TV shows, the twins want to watch Barney. :) Also, if your chldren are close in age, your older child's handmedowns will still be in style for the younger one. And color and patterns on toys and such will still be trendy. When I was pregnant withthe twins, I hated seeing all the newest patterns and colors on the baby swings and toys when I knew I had perfectly good ones at home that I'd used 4 years earlier with my first baby.

A disadvantage that we are now starting to see to having all our children so close in age is that they are going to private schools. And we'd like to put them in private high schools too. AND we are saving for college. It is very pricey having them so close in age.

Just a few things to think about. :D

[maestramommy]

One more thing I didn't realize was that having them so close together is really hard on a body...at least it was for mine. In pregnancy, my hip gave me crazy pain, and some days I couldn't left DS1 into his crib or onto the changing table. I went to PT for it, but with the relaxin hormone and all that, there wasn't much I could do but *try* to baby it.
I think if someone was in better shape than me, it maybe wouldn't be a problem...although it was a pregnant workout crazy mama who pointed out to me how hard it can be on your body to have them so close.

That said, I don't regret it at all in our situation, and I'm looking forward to the second half of, "It'll be crazy hard, and then it'll be so great!" that everyones told me.



This! After 3 pregnancies and deliveries, my abdominal core was totally trashed. It was so weakened that even during the last pregnancies my hip and thigh was always seizing up. After Laurel was born I was still hobbling around like an old lately. I'm seeing a PT now and doing a lot of conditioning exercises to strengthen up. I didn't know this but most people (including me!) have been doing all their crunches and other ab conditioning exercises the wrong way for most of their lives. Which renders it mostly useless. That doesn't surprise me because I've never been able to do situps that well, even when I was in HS and doing them all the time. Anyhoo, the PT told me that having 3 kids so close together, nursing them, etc. didn't give my body any time to recover. The good thing is now I'm DONE, so I can concentrate on recovery and not have to worry about "well this is just going to go to pot when I have another baby."

[WatchingThemGrow]

This! After 3 pregnancies and deliveries, my abdominal core was totally trashed. It was so weakened that even during the last pregnancies my hip and thigh was always seizing up. After Laurel was born I was still hobbling around like an old lately. I'm seeing a PT now and doing a lot of conditioning exercises to strengthen up. I didn't know this but most people (including me!) have been doing all their crunches and other ab conditioning exercises the wrong way for most of their lives. Which renders it mostly useless. That doesn't surprise me because I've never been able to do situps that well, even when I was in HS and doing them all the time. Anyhoo, the PT told me that having 3 kids so close together, nursing them, etc. didn't give my body any time to recover. The good thing is now I'm DONE, so I can concentrate on recovery and not have to worry about "well this is just going to go to pot when I have another baby."
How did I forget about that? My back is blown out. Not sure if it was pregnancy, diapering all day long or what, but it does not feel good and healthy.

What Lisa said about hand-me-downs is true. They are still in style. We actually buy pajamas/coats/bikes for DD and start passing them down. We run into the problem that sometimes she's not ready to give them up before the next kid needs them. Like the balance bike...she'd be fine on it this summer, but DS1 has claimed it, so we have to move her up. We'll need 3 of some things soon, I think, which sounds ridiculous. I'm trying to figure out when I'll need 3x the amount of pajamas (maybe in size 110 -Hanna) because the younger ones are taller (for their ages) than the older one.

[Mommy_Again]

Thanks for all the candid responses. You all brought up several things I never thought about. DS and DD have both been EXTREMELY easy babies, so that gives me more encouragement. I spoke to a few friends IRL last night that had babies very close together (one had a 12.5 month spread; she found out she was pregnant with #2 while studying for her medical boards, talk about stress!), and everyone has been very positive...so I think I'm going to do it. Not right now, but soon.

Running errands, private school, my poor body...those are the downsides, but I think we have the support in place to handle it.

[khalloc]

My kids are 29 months apart and they are very close. DD is 4.5 and DS is 2. They get along so well together. Personally, I am thankful that I only had 1 in diapers. I'm just sharing this because they dont need to be 2 years or less apart in order to play together and be close.

[septmama2b]

I am in the of it right now, and after 3 months with 2 boys this close I question the sanity of anyone that does this intentionally. Maybe it would be easier if I was younger, but at 38 these guys kick my butt already. I go through times where I feel I can't do enough for my older son, because I'm nursing the little one all the live long day. I have only been to one playground play date, and spent the whole time chasing the older one while trying to keep my youngest asleep in the moby. My DH swears my youngest will be worn until he's 2.
I just finished nursing my little one, he's asleep in my lap on a boppy, while the oldest is reading books and building stuff at my feet. This is how I spend most days. I keep hearing it gets easier, and am counting on that. You have to lower your expectations when you have two so close. I read a great blog for closely spaced siblings, it's been a life saver for me - www.babybunching.com


"occasionally seen chasing DS1 through the house to remove objectionable object with nursing pillow strapped around waist, carrying very heavy baby who’s all the while trying to latch back on midair/midrun---this is my life." Sing it to me sister, I am sure at some point I will open the door for the UPS man with my boob exposed and wearing my nursing pillow.

[srhs]

Sing it to me sister, I am sure at some point I will open the door for the UPS man with my boob exposed and wearing my nursing pillow.
What?!? You manage to get to the door for deliveries? :bowdown: ;)

[Krisrich]

Thanks for the babybunching.com link! I am excited to read more. I have a two month old and a fifteen month old and I am surviving. I do have my moments when I am sad and overwhelmed that I can't be there more for each child individually, but those moments pass and we are actually enjoying ourselves. I think it helps that I can be a bit of a homebody, because there is no way I am getting out with both kids by myself very frequently. And, at 15 months, DD1 is perfectly content at home as well. I am returning to work part-time next month and I am a bit scared about that transition. I don't think that there is ever the "perfect" spacing. What works and doesn't work depends on the individual family. I do agree, however, that the second pregnancy was soooo much more difficult than the first.