UPDATE POST 13: DS says a kid hit him at school

[crl]

UPDATED IN POST 13

I know we've talked about these issues before, so I hope you all don't mind me bringing this up. DS told me last night that Y hit him at school. They are in the same kindergarten class. I asked if Y got in trouble. DS said none of the teachers saw and he didn't tell. I asked if it hurt (thinking maybe it was just play) and DS said, "not much." Overall, I believe him. I know kids don't always see things the same way so it's possible he's misinterpreted something, but. . . .

Y has a reputation. I hear all the time that Y got sent to the office, Y got sent to another teacher's classroom, Y hit so and so, Y can't sit next to so and so, etc, etc. I've heard from the room mothers that Y is quite the handful: defiant, hits other kids, etc. I've felt a little sorry for Y, honestly.

But, obviously hitting just isn't okay and I think it's rather a problem that this 6 year old is still hitting other kids at this point in the kindergarten year. As far as I know this is the first time Y has hit DS. (DS is one of the biggest kids in the class and seems to avoid trouble.) I told DS to tell a teacher right away if Y hit him again and to tell me or his dad. I also told him to tell Y not to do that.

Anything else I should do? I thought about letting the teacher know, but since I KNOW she knows this kid hits and no one saw this particular incident I don't think it would do any good.

Thanks,
Catherine

[bubbaray]

*I* would back up my child and tell the teacher and the principal. Bullying starts early and even if that isn't what is going on, we need to teach our children that we will back them up when they tell us things are happening that are NOT OK.

JMHO

[o_mom]

I would let the teacher know. Even though she can't do anything about this incident, it lets her know that it is still going on and she needs to supervise more. Make it friendly and not confrontational. Let her know you know there isn't anything that can be done, that DS didn't have any lasting damage, and you will talk to him about reporting this right away if it happens again. Just an FYI kind of thing - I'm sure the eloquent writers on this board can help you with wording.

[mytwosons]

I would let the teacher know. She needs to know what happens in her classroom. I would also hope she would speak to your son and reiterate that she wants him to tell her when something like this happens.

[egoldber]

I would let the teacher know. Even though she can't do anything about this incident, it lets her know that it is still going on and she needs to
supervise more. Make it friendly and not confrontational.

:yeahthat:

Also, sometimes at recess/lunch the classroom teacher is not necessarily the one supervising, so they may not even have an opportunity to be aware unless someone brings it to their attention.

[jse107]

I would let the teacher know. She needs to know what happens in her classroom. I would also hope she would speak to your son and reiterate that she wants him to tell her when something like this happens.

Yes to this! Working in a school, I can tell you that often times we don't know something is happening unless it's brought ot our attention. Many times kids do keep it to themselves, which doesn't help us solve the problem. This is a good time to have a conversation about telling vs. tattling. The teacher should help reinforce this with DS and the whole class.

[crl]

Ok, thanks for the feedback. I'll try to stop by the school and leave a note for the teacher on my errands for the day. I don't know for sure, but I think this probably happened at recess. I don't think the teacher would have missed it in her classroom.

Catherine

[hez]

Similar incident here (except I witnessed the action) & I chose to make the teacher aware. I told her I didn't need her to do anything unless something further happened, but to please watch their interactions. However, I had also been able to intervene & get the kids to work it out, so slightly different. Nothing further has happened between the two kiddos over several months, so I'm calling it a success for now.

[truly scrumptious]

ITA with the previous posters who say to tell the teacher. There is another reason to do this: To show your DS that there are consequences (to Y) for bad behavior, and to show him that when he brings you a problem, you'll back him up. I think it's important to make him feel safe, so he knows to bring any future bullying (from Y or anyone else) to your attention.

[crl]

ITA with the previous posters who say to tell the teacher. There is another reason to do this: To show your DS that there are consequences (to Y) for bad behavior, and to show him that when he brings you a problem, you'll back him up. I think it's important to make him feel safe, so he knows to bring any future bullying (from Y or anyone else) to your attention.

Actually, I think me telling the teacher may make DS less likely to tell me in the future. He doesn't like me getting in the middle of stuff like this and if the teacher brings it up with the class or with Y in front of DS, he'll be really uncomfortable. He prefers to go unnoticed at school (which is a whole other post).

But I will leave a note for the teacher, because I think the point that the teacher needs to know this is still happening is a valid one.

I also think I need to make sure to tell DS that he needs to do the same things (tell the hitter not to do that, tell a teacher and tell us) if he sees anyone else getting hit.

Thanks everyone!
Catherine

[jamesmom]

I would let the teacher know. She needs to know what happens in her classroom. I would also hope she would speak to your son and reiterate that she wants him to tell her when something like this happens.

:yeahthat:

[JBaxter]

I would mention it BUT there is always 2 sides to the story. I would not make a big deal of it.

[crl]

I dropped a note off at school. (DS takes the bus so I don't routinely see his teacher and I don't have an e-mail address for her.)

I started it with "I just wanted to let you know" and just laid out what DS had told me. I didn't ask for anything to happen or make any comments on Y's behavior. Then I said that I had told DS that if it happens again he should tell Y not to hit, tell a teacher right away and tell one of his parents when he got home.

I coincidentally ran into her in the hall after I dropped off the note (kids were at recess) and told her the same stuff. She agreed that it may well have happened and seemed to think I had resolved things appropriately with DS. I don't think she plans any follow-up at this point, which is fine with me.

Thanks everyone,
Catherine

[codex57]

Sounds reasonable to me. Situation doesn't seem like something to raise a big stink over. Just alert the teacher to watch Y more carefully, particularly to make sure he's not picking on your DS instead of the other kids. I wouldn't expect any followup at this point either.