Ferber Method - Help Needed

[KenReeves]

Our DS is 9 months old and we just started the ferber method to get him to go to sleep on his own without us rocking him.....We are into day/night 3 and just don't feel like there's any progress going on. He just wants to sit up and scream -- he just can't seem to learn how to lie down. Morning and afternoon naps which used to be about 1.5 hours each are becoming 0 to 20 minutes in length (after about an hour of crying)......any one else have similar experiences and advice to give? Thanks much

[arivecchi]

How are you doing the Ferber method?

We basically went in every 10 minutes the first night. Did not pick up, just console. We then did 15 minutes the next night, then 20 minute intervals the following night, etc. After 4-5 nights, we were done.

[slworld]

We did CIO with DS at around 5months to get him to fall asleep without us having to rock him. But we started with only doing it at night (naps we still rocked him to sleep ... he only ever slept for 30min at a time). I did read that nap & night routines can be different. It took about 4 days of fussing for around an hour or so (but he still had trouble going back to sleep when he woke up during the night). For naps it still took till around 8months for him to fall asleep on his own (also giving a pacifier helped us tremendously and we tried without it for several months). I am thinking your DS may be too tired since he didn't get his nap. For CIO to work they still need to be ready to fall asleep but not overtired. Would you be open to trying only at night first? Once you make progress at night then you could try with naps. Do you go to him in increasing intervals? That didn't really work for us ... if he saw us he would go into full blown crying. So I would put him in his crib & leave the room. HTH.

[wellyes]

Yes, I think sticking to the actual instructions in the book are key - not just CIO (not saying that's what you're doing, just that it's the most common pitfall I've seen). The sleep pattern chart (something like this http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.okidokiebaby.com/productimages/SMSYourBabySleepChart.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.okidokiebaby.com/ProductDetails.php%3FProductID%3D91&usg=__azmdoJy7QOCf7uOpqmDPrE_NYfQ=&h=283&w=400&sz=20&hl=en&start=2&sig2=AoGURocox4oKdhs_L0GiwQ&itbs=1&tbnid=dM7xvQILVbLTyM:&tbnh=88&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsleep%2Bchart%2Bbaby%26hl%3Den%26gbv% 3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&ei=OeejS_GlJIH6lwfqstTeCA) really helped us see the progress DD made. It took maybe 3-5 days to for it generally work, a bit longer than that for it to become completely routine. But it *was* worth it.

Another bit of advice - having a really predictable bedtime routine really helps prepare the child mentally - for example, put on PJs then brush teeth then one story then say goodnight to the stuffed animals (or whatever). It really helped us to make it very very routine.

Sorry this is so hard for you & your DS. I do think that the shorter naps are probably temporary, but not having a shorter amt of time crying before falling asleep after 3 days is obviously no fun for anyone involved. Good luck.

[Fairy]

Hey Ken. We were very lucky, our DS took to Ferber quickly. Took a few tries, but he got there without too much stress. However, we had all kinds of what if's and backup plans. Here are some thoughts that you may or may not have already had, but I'll share them and hope to help!

* There is no such thing as the perfect method. You can modify your Ferbering and make it more hard core Weisbluthy or more the other direction with less CIO'ing involved. I'm not sure where you're going to have to go with it, but don't be afraid to customize if you feel somethign is off-the-mark wrong.

* That said, don't give up after just three days. It could take a day, it could take a week.

* We stuck to the 5 minute increments militantly. We went in at 5 minutes, we did not pick him up, but we put our hands on his head or rubbed his tummy, always kissed him and told him, "you're ok, it's time for night night now, I love you," and left. Then at 10 minutes we did it again, then at 15 we did it again. If this takes you 10 times of that, then it does. I would be really sad for you if it did! But This was our method. We never went more than 5, then 10, then 15, then 20, then 25. I think. At 9 months, he's MORE than old enough to soothe himself to sleep.

* Try going in and singing him a song at your increments. Added interaction might be helpful to soothe him.

* Do *not* pick him up (unless there's something actually wrong, of course!)

* Are you about the house doing stuff at bedtime? Or are you going to bed, yourself? Try telling him that it's night night for everyone, we're all asleep now, and then go in your room and turn out your lights. Be in your jammies (or sweats or whatever).

* Does he have a friend or two in his bed? A small, firm little stuffed animal swithout fur might help. I was NUTS about keeping things out of his bed, and I worried till he was four, I kid you not. But something small enough not to bury himself under, yet large enough not to get stuck in his mouth, without any fur, could be helpful.

* Nighlight? Mobile? Noise machine (double edged sword wtih that). Twilight Turtle?

* Is he falling asleep at all this way, it's jmust taking forever, or are you giving up and picking him up, rocking him, etc., THEN he goes.

* Don't try this with naps, just bedtime, and you'll have more sanity, I promise you. One thing at a time.

It was hell for us for a couple days. Yes, it only took an hour or two at most on the wrost days, but it was more of a struggle for me to sit there and listen to him cry to not go in, but the method worked for us, and I really swear by CIO and believe in it for most kids. There is no one size fits all, unfortunately, but I do think this method when used properly fits alot.