Is your family complete? [Archive] - Baby Bargains & Baby 411 Community

lalasmama

03-21-2010, 02:24 AM

This has been a recent discussion in our family (extended family).... I realise a board of people with younger children may cloud the results, but I'm curious anyway.

Is your family complete? If so, how do you know when your family is complete? If you and your SO/DH differ on the subject of your family being complete, what are the issues (financial, age, space, fertility, etc)?

I know these are personal questions... unfortunately, no one around me is "done"!

sariana

03-21-2010, 02:40 AM

Before we even were married, we discussed two children as the ideal. We have a boy and a girl, and DH had his vasectomy last fall. So, yeah, our family is complete. I had trouble with both pregnancies, so it was the right decisions for us, but I can't say I don't feel sad about it sometimes.

If we ever come to regret that decision, there are many children who need good homes.

Our reasons for stopping at two:

-2 parents, 2 children keeps population in balance
-we're out of bedrooms
-DH really just doesn't like kids and didn't want to go through the baby stage again
-we agreed that I would be a SAHM until the second child was in school; DH really wants me to go back to work ASAP, and having another child would delay that
-we started later and want to have time to enjoy our later years without kids around--our second will start college when I am 52 and DH is 54 (assuming she stays on schedule in school)

I'm sure there are more reasons, but these are the main ones for us.

citymama

03-21-2010, 02:52 AM

Well, we're expecting baby #2, so hopefully once she is here, we will feel like it is complete. We have always talked about 2 kids, and are in agreement that we're done having babies after this one. We both love kids but feel like 2 is the right number for us!

smiles33

03-21-2010, 04:27 AM

Well, I would gladly have another but DH is reluctant and I don't want to push him. I always thought I'd have 1 boy and 1 girl, so I just assumed 2 would be enough. Yet, I just don't FEEL done. Even if we had a 3rd daughter, I'd be thrllled.

We have a 5 bedroom home so space isn't the issue. We're both under 35 (for a few more months!). We got easily pregnant before so I don't think fertlity is a huge issue yet. However, DH feels pressure to give our kids all the same benefits he has received from his parents. This means he wants to pay for all education expenses, including advanced graduate/professional school study. It will be very tough to do that for 3 kids unless the stock market goes on a really great run.

Personally, I'm fine with them taking out some loans, but he's pretty adamant.

ellies mom

03-21-2010, 04:40 AM

We are finished. When we got married, we planned on having two but after the first was born, I was feeling pretty finished. At first, the husband seemed like he was content but eventually I realized that he really did want another child so we decided to have the second.

For a child that was planned, I'm not sure I could have planned a worse time considering I had just started going back to school to become a nurse but at 38, I couldn't really put off either one so we are just making the best of it. Yeah, I don't normally recommend nursing school with very young children.

But now, I look at my girls and I know that this is my family. Today, actually was one of those days where I was feeling so overwhelmingly content watching my girls enjoy the beautiful day while chatting with the husband, that it just about brought tears to my eyes.

DebbieJ

03-21-2010, 09:08 AM

While DH would like a third child, I am DONE! I had an easy pregnancy with DS2, but then went 2 weeks overdue and had to be induced at the hospital after planning a 2nd homebirth. The induction ended in a very traumatic crash c-section and DS2 ended up in the special care nursery for a day. Neither DH nor I want to go through that again, so we are done. I also don't do newborns very well, so I don't want to put all of us through that again either. Now that ds2 is 6 mo, life is looking up. LOL.

Now to convince DH to get the big snip...

SnuggleBuggles

03-21-2010, 09:20 AM

It sure feels like it to us!

I have a friend who said she knew she was done the day she started giving away all of her baby stuff. It has been pretty accurate in my circles. I hung onto my stuff for 5 years even though I told everyone I was done. My kids are 5.5y apart.

2 kids was always our plan. 2 just sounded good to me and dh. I was really happy with 1 as well. I don't know where the baby bug came from because we loved our family of 3. When the bug came I tried to ignore it. Finally after 6m I got my IUD out and I got pg 2 months later.

I really am set with 2 because 2 fits our life- we are comfortable in our house and car. Also, I am just ready to move forward with life and not go back to the starting line again. The thought of going back to the beginning right now just is not a thought I want to entertain right now. If I get baby fever again I will just hold out for nieces and nephews!

Beth

scrooks

03-21-2010, 10:04 AM

We have 2 and are blessed with a girl and a boy. We both want 3 in theory, but sometimes I'm not so sure. We go back and forth. We both really dislike the sleepless first 2-3 months but in the grand scheme of things we don't think 2-3 months of rough times is bad enough to keep us from a potential lifetime of happiness with a third child. We'll see if we are both game to start trying again this fall.

So to answer the question...I don't THINK our family is complete quite yet!

momof2girls

03-21-2010, 10:07 AM

We are done with our 2 girls b/c #1 I always wanted a family of girls as that's what I grew up with...#2 The doc said no more due to some complications...#3 Plan was to be done with kids by 30 and we did just that...so we are done!

arivecchi

03-21-2010, 10:09 AM

Done here. 2 boys is more than enough for me! I do not enjoy being pregnant and do not want through the newborn phase again either. The two boys keep us so busy and it is so expensive to have two that I cannot imagine having more!

g-mama

03-21-2010, 10:28 AM

Yes, we're done.

We were on the fence about a 4th for a LONG time. Just in the past few months have I really decided that's it. Once my oldest began having a lot more homework and being involved in more and more after-school activities, I realized how incredibly hard it would be to throw a baby into the mix. I always have this lingering feeling telling me I would be able to make it work, I could do anything if I really wanted to, and that people handle a lot more kids than 3, but I also know myself and don't want to stretch myself so thin that I feel stressed 24/7.

twowhat?

03-21-2010, 10:32 AM

Done for good. We only ever wanted two kids, didn't matter boy/girl. And after having the twins, and knowing the increased risk of having twins AGAIN...no way. Just, no way!!! It is weird though, with all my friends who are about my age starting to get preggo with their 2nd babies now...

jjjo1112

03-21-2010, 10:36 AM

Our family is not complete yet. We always knew that we wanted a larger family-but have never set a number. We have 3 now and have decided to wait a little bit longer to try for a 4th. We need a larger house and I want to be more physically fit before we go for the next one. Our kids are all close in age 4,3,1 and I love seeing them play together. They really are close to each other and always looking out for one another. My DH is very hands on and works a regular 8-5 job, we have lots of family that help out and we almost always can find a free babysitter. My pregnancies were very easy and even though my 2nd was an emergency C/S, my 3rd went on to be an easy VBAC. So not done yet, and I'm not sure when we will be done.

egoldber

03-21-2010, 10:38 AM

Once my oldest began having a lot more homework and being involved in more and more after-school activities, I realized how incredibly hard it would be to throw a baby into the mix. I always have this lingering feeling telling me I would be able to make it work, I could do anything if I really wanted to, and that people handle a lot more kids than 3, but I also know myself and don't want to stretch myself so thin that I feel stressed 24/7.

:yeahthat:

Besides the fact that we lost a child and any other pregnancies would be high risk, in my head I was still considering adoption of a third as an option (not a newborn though). But now I have realized that *I* would not be a good parent to 3 kids. I am so stressed out with two and their needs, that adding in a third could easily drive *me* over the brink to depression.

cindys

03-21-2010, 10:47 AM

We are done but not because we want to be....Having a hysterectomy tomorrow :( ....

I love love loved being pregnant and loved the newborn stage...I enjoyed the up every 2hrs to nurse and the constant holding...That time flies by so quickly...

Cindy
Mama to 3 boys...18, 4 & 17mos:heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

crl

03-21-2010, 10:51 AM

We hope we aren't done. We adopted DS in 2004 and have been trying to adopt a second since 2006. China, Mongolia and Kyrgyzstan haven't worked out yet. But we have been matched with an expectant mother due April 1. So hopefully our domestic adoption efforts will bring a baby home to us very soon.

We think that we will be done at two. Our ages are the main consideration, DH is nearly 39 and I am nearly 40. Also, I'm a SAHM and I'm not at all sure I want more than two--kids are wonderful, but they are also stressful and a lot of work. We've agreed that we'll decide for certain after this baby is home.

Catherine

DietCokeLover

03-21-2010, 11:03 AM

Biologically, we are done. However, I would not rule out adoption or even foster parenting in the future.

m448

03-21-2010, 11:04 AM

Within the realm of what we humans can control yes we are done. Meaning were God to move His extraordinary hand we would be open to a change of plans but otherwise we feel done.

I knew when I had my third that I wasn't necessarily done. Now we're done and looking forward to moving onto the next stage of older kids as a whole family unit without worrying about how to plan a vacation around a possible pregnancy/newborn stage.

newg

03-21-2010, 11:09 AM

we have only talked about having two........at one point, before I was pregnanty with this one, we had briefly talked about having more than two; but only if we felt we could financially provide for three in the same manner that we want to be able to provide for two...............this pregnancy has been a little tougher for me, so I've told DH that I want to be done after two..........being diabetic and pregnant and chasing around a toddler has been tough and I don't think I want to do that again.
But DH and I both feel that a family of four is what we've always wanted, so we're very happy with only having two kiddos.
We've already talked about DH getting the snip-snip once we're beyond the early infant stages.

g-mama

03-21-2010, 11:24 AM

[QUOTE=jjjo1112;2667019 My DH is very hands on and works a regular 8-5 job, we have lots of family that help out and we almost always can find a free babysitter. My pregnancies were very easy [/QUOTE]

If this were me, I would SO have a 4th. I really wish it was me. Though my dh is very hand-on, he works at a very demanding job and is usually not home til 7pm most weeknights, and getting home that "early" means that he works from home after kids are asleep from about 11pm-2am. We have no family available to help out and I have horrific 24/7 morning sickness each time til somewhere between 16-20 weeks.

MamaMolly

03-21-2010, 11:38 AM

I'm D.O.N.E. done. DH would like another but this pregnancy has been so hard on me physically and emotionally I'm NOT going to do this again. I'm not the person I want to be, I'm not the mom to DD1 I want to be, nor the wife I want to be. My first pregnancy was much easier, and I think if this one had been similar I'd be more open to another baby.

It is funny though, because after DD1 I knew I wanted one more. I'm thrilled we have DD2 on the way, she was a very wanted and planned for baby. I just feel like our family is complete now.

We also have fertility issues so there is a huge financial consideration to trying again. If by some miracle we were able to get pregnant naturally I'd happily roll with it, but there is no way I'm at all interested in paying huge bucks to roll the dice again.

tnrnchick74

03-21-2010, 11:49 AM

Cam&Clay

03-21-2010, 12:39 PM

This is a very hard subject for me...

I was told I couldn't have kids after years of infertility treatments with my SO.

So passed away, I eventually got involved with crazy ex-BF...

And SURPRISE - DS happened.

Now I'm a single Mom to a very active toddler. My heart is heavy and wanting another child...at least 1 more. BUT I don't want to do it as a single mom.

I have no real prospects for a DH...the guy I was dating, well things just didn't work out.

It's VERY hard to date with a toddler. I'm not getting any younger. I worry that DS was "my only chance".

So no, I do not feel like my family is complete...but it may be all I ever have.

I ended up a single mom with DS1 and even though I though I really wanted another, I knew that it would never happen. I was getting older and the dating thing wasn't happening.

DH showed up and we had DS2 when I was 37. So never say never...

My kids have a HUGE age gap, but I'm so happy that my boys have each other, and the word "half-brother" is not allowed in this house! They are brothers!

We are done. I turned 40 last month and if I had another, I'd be so old by the time he/she went to college. DH and I got together late in life and deserve some time together after the kids leave!

MelissaTC

03-21-2010, 01:06 PM

When we were first married, we wanted 3-4 children. After riding the infertility rollercoaster, we realized that this was probably not going to be possible. We had M and learned that yeah, definitely not 4, maybe 3. We rode the infertility rollercoaster again and did not conceive. We decided that 3 was out, but maybe 2. We have been waiting for our referral from China for over 3 years now. We have no plans to try to conceive again and while I have a twinge every now and then for another baby, I feel like I can be a great mom to 2. I have no idea how I would be for more. I am guessing stressed. I KNOW I can't have more than that. I am in awe of those of you with 4,5 and more children! Sometimes my 1 is like having 3. He can be emotionally exhausting and is constantly asking questions, wanting to know more about everything. It is tiring!

DH is way on board with it all. We had a time last year when we thought I might be pregnant. It was then that we both realized we were pretty happy in our given situation and really do love our lifestyle. We can afford what we want/need easily and it won't change much with 2. More than that would definitely change everything. I guess we are selfish that way. I am going to be 35, btw and DH is 36.

willow33

03-21-2010, 01:39 PM

We are officially done...DH had a vas in January...and I now feel like our family is complete. I think when we initially talked about having children we both felt 2 was a good number for us. But after my 2nd DS I just didn't feel finished. I also felt a huge urge to try just once more for a little girl. DH was perfectly content with the two boys, but understood how I felt about #3 and eventually gave in ;) And now we are beyond thrilled with our "complete family"!!

I have to say that it feels really good to know that we are done this stage of our lives and we look forward to everything that the future brings with our 3 kids. I couldn't have written that when we only had the two boys :)

niccig

03-21-2010, 01:45 PM

I think you know when you are done. It's just a feeling you have. It's difficult to describe.

I never thought I would get married and have kids. I met DH and we got married. We had a scare and I was really upset that I wasn't pregnant, so we tried and we had DS. We just feel done. I've had to take a pregnancy test a couple of times in the last 5 years, and we were both relieved that they were negative. So, unless that feeling changes, we are done with one.

I'm 36, so we could have more kids, and we've reserved the right to change our minds. So, no vasectomy for DH yet, but we are being super duper careful with birth control too.

corrie23

03-21-2010, 01:49 PM

Well, I'm scheduled to have #3 tomorrow and I AM DONE. I love my children and look forward to adding this new baby to our family, but I have had 3 very difficult pregnancies and/or deliveries (I've been on bed rest for over 23 WEEKS!!! with this pregnancy). I give a lot of my personal space/energy to my kids as a SAHM who also co-sleeps, extended BFs, whose kids don't seem to sleep through the night for (literally) years, etc., and I would much rather have fewer kids and parent in a way that supports my values without destroying my sanity than to have more children but have to remove myself from them more for my own physical/mental health.

In addition to the above mentioned reasons, there's the financial piece as well. Both DH and I went to grad school and have the student loans to show for it. I haven't worked since completing my PhD, and I'd really like to be gainfully employed someday but not until the kids are all in school, which leads to the kids and school....our girls are in private school, which we had never initially planned, but we found their school and just love it. I have no idea how/how long we'll be able to educate 3 kids there let alone any more than that, especially on a single income.

So there you go, many reasons for us that all lead to the same decision. Done, done, and done.

salsah

03-21-2010, 02:06 PM

dh and i are debating this now. sometimes i feel done. sometimes i don't. we always wanted a large family but our first is very challenging (no way could i handle another like her!), dh and i have some health concerns (in addition to infertility), and there is also the financial stress.

i worry about being pregnant again after two c-sections. i fear the worst.

part of me wants to move on to the next stage, part of me misses the baby stage.

i am really stressed with my two. partially because i am always w/ them and need a break. partially because i am a perfectionist. partially because of dd1's difficult personality. my sister (who is currently expecting her 5th) said that if i can't change my attitude (relax) then i shouldn't consider anther. however if i can relax, adjust my priorities (pick my battles), stop being a perfectionist, then i absolutely should try for a 3rd. sure we (dh and i) will be outnumbered (by our dc) but having third isn't has hard as having a second, and in the long run, we will love having a big family.

so, those are all the thoughts running thru my head. i'm not sure how i feel. i'm not sure if we are done.

pb&j

03-21-2010, 02:08 PM

We have 2, we are done.

We weren't even sure we'd want to have another after DS. We love DD, and I'm glad she's here, but I will never, ever choose to be pregnant again. And I have no desire to relive the newborn stage. Plus, I don't want to have to buy a bigger car!

Basically, I knew I was done when the thought of accidentally getting pregnant became more terrifying to me now than it was when I was 17. ;)

maestramommy

03-21-2010, 02:45 PM

We are done :D We knew from the beginning that we wanted at least two, no more than three. It was that simple. I did tell Dh that if I didn't get preggo with #3 by a certain time I wanted to stop (age).

belovedgandp

03-21-2010, 05:38 PM

Yes, I think we are now done. We just had our 3rd. I had said 3 or 4 and DH said 2 or 3 from the beginning.

For the first half of my third pregnancy I kept saying it could not be the last time I was pregnant. Then about mid-way my mindset changed. Something about finding out the gender, even though we really weren't leaning either way, just made it seem final to me.

From a practical standpoint, age is a factor - I'm 36 and DH is 40. DC3 is an infant and I know myself well enough to know that I can't handle kids closer than 2 1/2 years apart especially as a fourth child.

mamicka

03-21-2010, 05:50 PM

I have a feeling this one in July will be the last. M448 said it really well. An act of God we would accept & be OK with - but we won't be going down that road purposefully.

KrisM

03-21-2010, 06:07 PM

We have 3 and we are done. Being pregnant the 3rd time was so much harder on me than the first 2. I'll be 40 this year and no way do I want to try to be pregnant againe with 3 kids.

Plus, my car is really full!

nov04

03-21-2010, 06:42 PM

We are soooo complete. I knew before we started that I wanted 2. Now that we have them, I'm sure. The girls have such an amazing dynamic and are wonderful sisters. I couldn't change that with another child. Especially when we're busy already with our extra therapies and such. There isn't enough spare time for another. We're truly blessed with our 2.

hillview

03-21-2010, 07:38 PM

I had 2 c-sections, one emergency and the second planned but ended up with me going under general anesthetic (horror show).

Other pregnancies would be high risk, in my head I was still considering adoption of a third as an option (not a newborn though). But now I have realized that *I* would not be a good parent to 3 kids. I am so stressed out with two and their needs, that adding in a third could easily drive *me* over the brink to depression.
:yeahthat:

I do think about it sometimes (maybe a girl ;)). Plus DH will be 50 this year so that seems old for more kids to put through college etc.
/hillary

smilequeen

03-21-2010, 07:49 PM

I hope we aren't done. We are trying for one more and will try until we get there. That one is the last one we plan to have though.

pinkmomagain

03-21-2010, 08:08 PM

We have 3 girls and we are done, but somewhat reluctantly so. Ideally, I would love to have a 4th, but I am turning 43 and my body is just not up for the challenge. And as sad as we are that our youngest is off to kindy in the fall and we'll have no "babies," I think it's time for us to move ahead into the next stage of life.

KpbS

03-21-2010, 08:28 PM

I am really on the fence about whether we are done. DH could be happy either way. The newborn stage is very tough and both of mine have had terrible food allergies, persistent reflux, hypoallergenic formula, etc. We could have paid for a lot of college considering the amount of money we have spent on formula alone ;) I am one of 3 so 3 seems very normal for me but I am not sure if I would be the kind of mom I want to really be with 3 wild and crazy guys. Haven't given away any baby stuff yet.

wendibird22

03-21-2010, 08:41 PM

We are done. Both DH and I come from 2 child families so I think we always just thought that's what we'd have too. We also both agreed early on in our relationship that we didn't want to be "old" parents. We wanted to be active and fit enough to play sports with the kids w/out risk of blowing a knee or throwing out our backs. I'm 35 and DH is 36. Had we both been a few years younger we probably would've waited another year before DD2. Two is also the right size for our house, cars, and lifestyle. I've also always said we need to have an even number so that no one has to ride an amusement park ride alone!!

And for me, I don't enjoy being pregnant despite having easy pregnancies and would worry about increased risk of birth defects now that I'm over 35.

WatchingThemGrow

03-21-2010, 08:45 PM

c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e. Up to my eyeballs in children, 100% out of patience and energy. DH is trying to come to terms with it. When AF didn't seem to be coming, we were both irritable and not nice. When she showed up at Costco this evening, it helped us both relax. I seriously get a twitch thinking about having a 4th child.

Corie

03-21-2010, 09:19 PM

We are done. Two is good.

scrooks

03-21-2010, 09:21 PM

bubbaray

03-21-2010, 09:23 PM

D.O.N.E. Done like dinner. Did you hear me? DONE.

Both my pgy's were high risk and my OB kept telling me with the last one, on the operating table even, that I can NOT have any more biological children. DH got snipped last June anyway (not that he's been back for the test yet, but that's a different issue).

I would be OK with adopting, but don't see that as a likely scenario.

billysmommy

03-21-2010, 09:28 PM

We're very happy with two :)

Asianmommy

03-21-2010, 09:32 PM

Yes, we are complete with 2.

Happy 2B mommy

03-21-2010, 09:38 PM

We are probably done. DH likes 2, but I've always wanted 3. My last pregnancy was really hard on me physically and emotionally and ended in a c-section birth. I'll be 40 this year and I'm not sure I want to risk birth defects. DH is great with our verbal pre-schooler, but not a fan, or much help, with babies.

I wish we could have started our family earlier. I wonder "what if..." about my m/cs. I really want another. I feel so much more confident as a parent and person at this point, I really think another child would be a blessing. But if our family is complete, I still feel blessed to have my 2 happy and healthy kids.

NewMom2007

03-21-2010, 09:51 PM

WatchingThemGrow

03-21-2010, 10:01 PM

I don't feel like our family is complete. DH does. Given our ages and how much work little ones are, I have a strong preference for having a 3rd very soon. That way we have 3 close in age and once they are done nursing, we'll have much more freedom (my babies aren't big fans of the bottle).
I'm not so sure I'd call it freedom when you have 3 really close together...I feel anything BUT free right now, and no one is nursing. I can't go anywhere easily and getting out together with 3 babies close together is really hard. Even vacations are hard b/c we're outnumbered.

lmwbasye

03-21-2010, 10:50 PM

DH and I have always wanted four. Then we had DS1. I love him dearly, but he is my challenge child and needs lots of patience and attention.

Still. We wanted four.

Then we had DS2 and DH deployed for 15 months and I came to reality of what my life is. DH is gone A LOT with work and is a great dad when he can be around and really focused on the boys, but often work has to take precedence. I'm not sure I can be the mom/wife I want to be with more than the two boys. Especially if I have to do it on my own for 15 months at a time.

That being said, I hate to admit it, but I desperately want a daughter. I'm so ashamed of that fact and I dearly love my boys, but I really want to try for a girl. So, we are. We've had two miscarriages in the past 10 months which have led to a MTHFR diagnosis and this has made me rethink things a lot. But, I'd really love a girl if and would be thrilled with a boy. I'm nervous about the prospect of 3 children and the challenges that will come, but I just don't feel complete right now and I'll face those challenges if/when they come.

Kestrel

03-21-2010, 11:05 PM

We're done.

We only wanted one; and he's perfect... He took six years to arrive, and I'm nearly 39.

I wonder, of course, and miss the infant stage... but no.

sste

03-22-2010, 12:37 AM

I think we are going to be done when number 2 comes this summer. If DH and I had another kind of life, I could see us having three - - but not as things are now given the demands of our jobs, the high col in our area, etc.

Also, maybe I shouldn't be be judging this with DS at age 2 - - but I really don't think I have the patience for three or more. I have to try so hard not to get frustrated with DS and sometimes the constant redirection, need for attention, etc. just grates on my nerves. I am coming off of 12 hours of traveling today with DS so this has been on my mind. In fact, the whole flight DH and I kept on moaning, "what are we going to do next fall when there are two kids with us in the plane!"

Jacksmommy2b

03-22-2010, 12:39 AM

I just don't know.

We always said 2, but J was such a demon nightmare baby it took 3 years to tolerate the thought of another. (seriously - colic, food allergies, car seat aversions - I think J did nothing but scream for the first 6 months) We were not trying/not preventing and I really was okay with an only.

We were excited (but scared to death of a repeat) when we were expecting. Then I got so sick for so long pregnant with Sam that I swore everyday I was done.

But now....

He's only 3 months but he is such a joy i can't imagine this is it for us.

I made M promise to get the snip after I delivered aaaand then I cancelled the appt. :) So I just don't know. We're young (30 and 29), I SAH and we're currently buying a house - but financially - three would be harder. (duh)

I don't know...

kijip

03-22-2010, 04:00 AM

We have 2 kids. We have thought long and hard about adopting 1-2 more. But in a rougher week, I look at the two I have and say "NO MORE". :D

We will not have anymore pregnancies.

We may or may not seek to adopt. We are only 29 and 30 so we have time to decide.

maestramommy

03-22-2010, 06:47 AM

I have a feeling this one in July will be the last. M448 said it really well. An act of God we would accept & be OK with - but we won't be going down that road purposefully.

:yeahthat: Esp. since it would take an act of God for us to get preggo now. Not that my body doesn't want to. It's constantly sending signals for "just one more!" :p

KHF

03-22-2010, 07:36 AM

I'm 99% sure that we're done now. We have a boy and a girl and DH will be 40 in a couple of months and I'll be 39 in November this year. Sometimes I sort of get the pangs that maybe one more would be nice (we do have a 4 BR house :) ), but then I remember that my children are terrible sleepers. It took DD until she was 4 to actually sleep through most of the night...and even then only after I just gave up and let her come in my bed when she wants to. DS started out a great sleeper...and that's when I started thinking maybe one more...but around 3-4 months, he started being just as bad as his sister ever was. (Waking 5-10 times per night) So, I think that we're most likely done. I don't think I can take a 3rd terrible sleeper. And I don't do pregnant very well.

Melaine

03-22-2010, 07:47 AM

I struggle with this. I know that I want more, but I also want very much to be content with my family as it is and to enjoy our life now. So, at this time, this is a question I am trying specifically not to focus on. I have found myself prone to wishing away time as I look forward to the next stage and that is not something that I want.

We are praying and thinking about adoption for our future, but I know that the time is not now. DH is 28 and I am 27 so I hope that in a year or so we can ask ourselves this question with a bit more clarity. So, I guess what I am saying is, yes our family is complete. For now. I don't want to go around thinking that something is missing.

funda62

03-22-2010, 07:54 AM

We decided before marriage that we would have at most 2. For environmental, financial, and time reasons. After the first I was sure if I wanted another but in the end we had DD2. When she was two I started wanting another baby badly. However I knew that I would not be a good mom to more kids, and we are a military family constantly moving, and those two pregnancies were HARD on my body. When I had to have my gall bladder removed in December I got the surgeons to do a twofer and they tied my tubes at the same time.

I love babies but babies grow up and then they have issues. LOL

hellokitty

03-22-2010, 08:08 AM

We are finished. I only ever wanted two kids, but went for #3, thinking that I would get my girl. Didn't get my girl, but 3 is our max. DS3 is really cute though, so I'm happy with him. I'm just not willing to keep having babies until I get my girl, b/c I feel like I'd end up with 10 boys, and uh, I don't want 10 boys. :tongue5: Oh and DH got his vasectomy a few months ago. Plus other factors like horrible (hyperemesis) pregnancies and age are a factor too, and DH is worried about college costs.

ast96

03-22-2010, 10:15 AM

We are debating this right now. When I had DS1 and DS2, I would have passed out cold if you had told me I would be contemplating a fourth child. But I really am. It sort of feels like now that we have three, adding a fourth would just be rounding out a larger family, not sending us into complete chaos. My biggest worry is financial, and that is how DH feels too. Four college tuitions -- not sure if we can swing that.

alexsmommy

03-22-2010, 10:42 AM

Yes, we are done. It's so clear, I just feel done. Completely at peace with it. After DS2 I spent a lot of angst filled moments debating in my head whether to go for a third. I have had multiple miscarriages so I wasn't even sure it was possible. Once I realized I was willing to risk another m/c I knew I was not finished. I always saw myself with three. Now at that DS3 is here I know it was the right decision. I had another m/c b/w DS2 and DS3 in my pursuit and DS3 pregnancy had ended in m/c then I probably wouldn't have tried again. So I have my three, functionally four (DSD is with us full time, but she is almost 17 so won't be at home forever) and our family feels right.
I also don't think my body can take another pregnancy, this last one did me in.

HIU8

03-22-2010, 10:48 AM

I wish I could get to where a lot of you are that say "I'm done". I know I'm not done. DH, OTOH, is done. When we got married we discussed 3. DH has fertility issues so we were not sure if they were going to be biological or not (doesn't matter). We have 2 now. I really want another one (I can't explain it, but I will go to my grave with regrets, and I know it--I feel it every single day). It doesn't matter to me if it is via PG or adoption. DS would actually consider adoption, but each day it gets further and further away.....

As you can see, I am having a very hard time with this. I thought about going to talk to someone, but I know me. I will not let this go and it will manifest itself in other ways (already has towards DH). I'm very angry/upset about it, and I admit that. It is something I have to work out myself--if I can...

Piglet

03-22-2010, 11:52 AM

Yes!

DH and I discussed kids before we married and both decided we wanted 2 (for no good reason other than I was an only child and wanted more than 1 and he was one of 3 and thought 2 would be nice). Then we had 2... and I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't done. The decision to have a 3rd was THE.HARDEST.DECISION.EVER!!! Now that #3 is nearly 3, I wonder why I stressed over it so much. The great thing was that as soon as DD was born (even while PG) , I totally knew I was doner than done. And to answer the question about how did I decide on #3 - DH, being the sensitive husband and loving father said, "if you're going to spend the rest of your reproductive life debating #3, just get it over with now and go on with your life". Romantic, isn't it???

JenaW

03-22-2010, 12:34 PM

With 5, amongst our IRL circle of friends we have passed from the "are you done" comments to "when is the next one coming?" We made the decision before we got married to follow our faith and let God decide how many. So in those regards, I don't think we are done. I certainly do not FEEL done. We try not to put a finite number on our family size because we will never do anything other than abstain or NFP if it were truly necessary to really be done. We've been using NFP since our youngest was born (now 18 mos) because my OB strongly encouraged a break after having 4 kids in less than 4 years. Up until a few mos ago I could not imagine another one, but I feel God working on my heart and we are starting tothink about being less strict with the NFP rules and seeing what happens.

hopeful_mama

03-22-2010, 12:46 PM

We are not done (hopefully), but are not sure yet what done will look like. I am 36 and DD is only 5 months, and I try to figure this out all the time, how many, what spacing, etc. I have some health issues and will need help around the house to manage two, or even one plus a pregnancy, so finances are definitely a factor too. We really want a second and I think I want a third, but the clock's ticking, so who knows what the future will look like.

LarsMal

03-22-2010, 12:51 PM

I think DH really wants a fourth, but he won't just come out and say it...I think he knows better!!! I, OTOH, am 120% D.O.N.E!!! But, I am married to Captain Powersperm, and both girls were surprises (even though we knew we wanted 3, we didn't plan the pregnancies) so I guess I can't say 120% until steps have been made to make it impossible!

wencit

03-22-2010, 01:21 PM

99% sure I am done. That 1% of uncertainty comes from the fact that I know several kids who were condom babies, so unless one of us does something permanent, there is always that chance. Although, I guess condoms are only like 97% effective, so maybe I should change my answer to 97% done. ;)

kerridean

03-22-2010, 02:02 PM

We are completely, happily done. We have 2 DDs. I feel so lucky. My DH had a V. after DD2. We want to be able to help them with their college educations and be able to afford nicer things later on. Also, I am anxious to return to my career as an audiologist. I am enjoying

We are enjoying having a bit of freedom back in our lives as the girls get older and more independent.

Carrots

03-22-2010, 02:05 PM

I don't know if we are done. I am pg with DD2 right now, so I think I am going to wait until she is here before answering done or not done.

In order to say "I'm done!", I would have to come to terms with my fertility issues. I have not been able to get pregnant without IVF, and although maybe we *could* get pregnant on our own, I doubt it will ever happen. Letting go of my fertility seems like such a hard concept to me right now.