WWYD when DC says nasty things

[EQ_Bo_07]

My almost 3 year old DD has been saying nasty things. "Go Away", "I don't like you", "you are not my mommy", "I don't want you", etc.

I tried several approaches, but nothing seems to work. Anyone found something that actually works in this situation?

[infomama]

:hug: If they told me to go away and it's neither here nor there if I do then I just say, "OK, mama will be right here when your done," and walk away.

If I heard the other things I would tell them that hearing that hurts my feelings and then ask them if they could tell me why they feel that way. I would also say, "I'll always be your mommy" or "well... I'll always love you".

[Momof3Labs]

Keep in mind that she's not trying to be nasty, she's experimenting with her power and how you react to it. I've found one of two approaches to be the best: completely ignore those comments, or kill them with kindness. DS1 would say "I only love Daddy" and I would shrug and say mildly "that's okay, I still love you". It took him a while (even months, perhaps), but he did eventually stop. I knew that he didn't mean it, he was just fishing for a reaction from me.

[scrooks]

DD has been like this a lot lately. You are not alone! I will be watching this post for suggestions!

[nrp]

If I heard the other things I would tell them that hearing that hurts my feelings and then ask them if they could tell me why they feel that way. I would also say, "I'll always be your mommy" or "well... I'll always love you".

:yeahthat: DD occasionally out of the blue tells me "I don't love you." I figure it is just her way of testing, so I try not to make a big deal and usually respond with a version of "I will always love you no matter what." It seems to nip it in the bud without escalating.

[Katigre]

What works well for us is scripting him with something more appropriate each and every time. Try to figure out what is driving him saying that, so he can express it appropriately.

Ex. "Go Away" - "I wish I didn't have to leave the park now"

"I don't like you" - "I'm upset that I have to go potty"

"you are not my mommy", "I don't want you" - "I don't want to listen to you right now" (and also add "I will always be your mommy, I love you")

Kids will have big feelings about stuff going on in their lives they don't like, just like adults do, but they don't know how to handle them in a way that's respectful and appropriate. Scripting them with what *to say* instead of just telling them 'don't say that' or punishing them for it will help equip them with the tools for managing their negative reactions in a way that is more mature.

[EQ_Bo_07]

Thanks Everyone! This has been very helpful.

[Jo..]

DS is usually very sweet but every once in awhile he says something like "I don't love you". I just say, "That's okay, I love you enough for both of us"! Usually within a minute or so he'll come and hug me and say "Mommy, I DO love you"!

[jse107]

I just say, "I'm sorry you're feeling that way right now." To add humor (or even amuse myself) when O says something like he doesn't love me, or he wishes he had a different family, I say "Thats too bad. We love you. For better or worse you're stuck with us anyways, so you might as well get used to it."

I think most kids say it either to get a rise out of us or because they don't have the words to really articulate what they're feeling at the moment.