Choosing a nanny - what do you prefer?

[williams44]

We are looking for a live-out babysitter/nanny for our 6 month old baby. I'm also expecting in November, so we will have 2 children at that time, only 13 months apart.

I'm having trouble deciding what's best for our family. It seems like nannies in my area generally fall into 2 categories. The first category includes those who are in their mid to late 20s and who do not have children of their own. They are native English speakers, very energetic and great at playing with children. The second category includes those who are older and who have grown children. They generally speak English as a second language and have more experience, but because of their age, they may not be as energetic with children. Of course, these are generalizations, but so far, that's what I've found.

For the first category of nannies, I worry that they may move on more quickly because they will have more life changes because they are young. Or they may lack some maturity that may affect their actions in a certain situation. For the second category, I worry that they won't play with my children the way I would want them to and the way they might want. Plus, I worry that I may not be able to communicate fully with them because of language issues.

I haven't done any interviews yet. I'm hoping that they will help me decide which one is best for us. But I would appreciate any insight you might have.

Thanks so much!

[TonFirst]

I favor the former, and the reason why is that I want to be certain that whoever is caring for my children will follow my instructions and do exactly what I want them to do, especially WRT feeding, screen time, discipline, and sleep. In my experience (and that of many of my friends), that is more likely to happen with a younger sitter, where older sitters who are certainly experienced with their own children and grandchildren, can often operate under the assumption that because they are so much more experienced with children than their employer, they can and should do things "their" way, and "parent" your child in the way that worked for them when they were raising their children. Feeding and sleep are big areas where there are frequent differences between families.

[wellyes]

Of course there are great, great, great nannys in both 'categories' but for children that young, I think I'd prefer a nurturer rather than a playmate.

My first caretaker was an old woman from Poland who apparently just carried me all day, every day snuggled into the crock of her arm. I get the warm fuzzies just thinking about it. And I was not a late bloomer in any way. Can't get too many cuddles if you are the kind of baby who craves them.

DD was watched by my MIL for the first year of her life and it was similar - the kind of grandmotherly caretaking that takes lots of patience.

[arivecchi]

I would not narrow it down to a category. I would go with the nanny who is the best fit for my family.

http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=352360&highlight=nanny

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I would not narrow it down to a category. I would go with the nanny who is the best fit for my family.

:yeahthat: As a former nanny, you just know when it is a right fit!

[viba424]

I am going through this same situation! We decided we would rather have an older person (shes not old, shes 40) with her own children and more life experience rather than a younger person who is lets say pursuing a degree.

We didnt want anyone from another country either, because we thought there may be cultural differences on things like discipline, and possible lapses in communication and sense of humor that we didnt want to discover through trial and error. DH also thought that its not possible to do a background check on someone thats not from the US.

I think a more mature person would be able to handle herself better on the street too, if they were to encounter some riff-raf (we live in the city), whereas you get some girl off the farm she may not see it coming. I also think that a woman who has raised her own children might offer some advantages over someone who hasnt experienced it yet.

Another big thing to us was that we liked our nanny is doing this as a second income. She might be more willing to stay, rather than someone who might leave you because you're not giving her enough pay/hours that she needs, if she has finals, etc.

[Momof3Labs]

We chose the 40-something nanny over the young nannies that we interviewed. Her energy level is good, and she pretty actively engages the kids. So I wouldn't generalize that a 40-something couldn't keep up with your kids. We partially went this way after 3 bad au pair experiences, plus we wanted someone long-term, not someone who would be moving on with their life after a couple of years. She is not a native English speaker, and that's one thing that I would change if I could, as we definitely have communication issues.

[lalasmama]

We've had one nanny share, and 2 part-time nannies. Well, almost 2!

The first nanny was a lady of about 50. She had raised her one son, he moved away, and never brought his kids around. She quit the day before she was supposed to start, claiming that she couldn't keep up with La.

Our nanny-share nanny was 31. We :heartbeat: her! She kept up well with all the kids, followed all my little idiosyncrasies... She even put her son *back* into a harnessed carseat so La wouldn't feel different :bighand: She was a great. She was just the right mix of young and "old"... and then we moved away from the neighborhood, and so the nanny-share stopped.

Our last nanny was another "older" woman. Her son was 32, her grandkids were toddlers. She assured me that she would care for La as I asked. Trouble was, she didn't! I asked for limited TV, so she would take her over to her friend's house (the nanny's friend's house) and let her watch movies that I hadn't approved (knowing that I asked to approve movies ahead of time). It was supposed to be an "occasional treat" but it was EVERY DAY. She insisted that she never smokes in her car--Lala's carseat has a HUGE hole in it with burned edges (hmm, wonder what from?). After La moisterized her skin with a WHOLE STICK of lipgloss, I asked that she maybe visually check on Lala, since asking a 5yo if she's behaving is kinda pointless. She walked out the next day.

La now goes to a schoolmate's house before and after school. She's much happier. I'm still scared to try looking for another part-time nanny.

[viba424]

We've had one nanny share, and 2 part-time nannies. Well, almost 2!

The first nanny was a lady of about 50. She had raised her one son, he moved away, and never brought his kids around. She quit the day before she was supposed to start, claiming that she couldn't keep up with La.

Our nanny-share nanny was 31. We :heartbeat: her! She kept up well with all the kids, followed all my little idiosyncrasies... She even put her son *back* into a harnessed carseat so La wouldn't feel different :bighand: She was a great. She was just the right mix of young and "old"... and then we moved away from the neighborhood, and so the nanny-share stopped.

Our last nanny was another "older" woman. Her son was 32, her grandkids were toddlers. She assured me that she would care for La as I asked. Trouble was, she didn't! I asked for limited TV, so she would take her over to her friend's house (the nanny's friend's house) and let her watch movies that I hadn't approved (knowing that I asked to approve movies ahead of time). It was supposed to be an "occasional treat" but it was EVERY DAY. She insisted that she never smokes in her car--Lala's carseat has a HUGE hole in it with burned edges (hmm, wonder what from?). After La moisterized her skin with a WHOLE STICK of lipgloss, I asked that she maybe visually check on Lala, since asking a 5yo if she's behaving is kinda pointless. She walked out the next day.

La now goes to a schoolmate's house before and after school. She's much happier. I'm still scared to try looking for another part-time nanny.

Eeek! That woman sounds horrible!