Is my DS's behavior normal?

[arivecchi]

DS2 is 14 months old. You may have seen my posts where I have called him a dictator baby. Anyhoo, I am now starting to wonder if his behavior is normal?

If I had to describe his behavior right now, I would say he is really demanding. By that I mean that he is super obstinate and even a bit manipulative if that is possible for such a young child. DS1 was very mellow and go-with-the-flow, as are my two nephews (2 yo and 8 months). DS1 will do everything in his power to get his way. Examples, he will:

1) slam his head against the high-chair,
2) throw food/milk on the floor
3) roll on the floor in a fury if you want to pick him up the floor
4) head-but
5) do a hand swat as in get out of my way/leave me alone
6) slap face/head if he is mad
7) do a manipulative "cry" that ends the second he gets his way

He is a happy little guy most of the time, but so difficult when he is unhappy about something. I am just shocked he is so opinionated/demanding for a child this age. Is this normal? Is he maybe like this because he is a second child and is trying to make himself heard? I guess I am just trying to make sure that there is nothing else at play here. Thanks for reading.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sounds normal to me. They are still trying to figure out their way to interact and communicate with the world.

Beth

[JMS]

A lot of your examples apply to my DS2 (just turned 1) as well. I always say, "he's perfectly happy as long as he's getting his way." I think they are largely born w/ their personalities. I also think DS2 is going to be stubborn and very Type A. I try to just deal with it, but it's hard sometimes after also having very mellow, go-with-the-flow kids.

[BabyMine]

TT has been behaving more and mopre this way. M was a more, go with the flow child but TT is the total opposite. Oh the toddler phase.

[AnnieW625]

That seems normal to me for that age, it sounds like early terrible 2s. DD actually started hers at around 16 mos. old because she was the baby at daycare and was feeding off the other older children. It was a pain, but honestly she was done with the terrible 2s by the time she was 2/1/2 so that was a plus. Three hasn't been that bad either although she does have her issues like all other kids do. DD didn't do much of the head bunt stuff or slap us, and thankfully has always kept throwing tantrums to a minimum and if she didn't want us to pick her up DH would usually just crawl after her on the floor and that would evenutually get her out of her funk and then she'd let us pick her up.

Have you witnessed this behavior when the nanny is around? If not then ask the nanny if he does this stuff for her.

[o_mom]

I vote normal, or else I'll have to figure out what is wrong with Ds3.

It was quite a shock after one middle-of-the-road child and one very easy-going child to have this baby/toddler that is way more intense and needs way more hands-on.

[arivecchi]

I was just discussing his behavior with her yesterday. Yep, he does all of those things with her too. She thinks he wants to make himself heard and is not alarmed by it. However, her mom (who has been a nanny for over 15 years) said that she has not seen a babe quite as "demanding", which makes me worry a little bit.

[arivecchi]

Glad you all think it is normal behavior. Thanks!

[lmh2402]

1) slam his head against the high-chair,
2) throw food/milk on the floor
3) roll on the floor in a fury if you want to pick him up the floor
4) head-but
5) do a hand swat as in get out of my way/leave me alone
6) slap face/head if he is mad
7) do a manipulative "cry" that ends the second he gets his way

He is a happy little guy most of the time, but so difficult when he is unhappy about something.

i cannot speak from BTDT as to whether it is "normal," but it sounds exactly like my DS. in fact, given that he is my first...i think i have been just assuming all children are this way. we do spend a fair amount of time going to meet-ups with other moms and babes around his age...and i almost never see them acting like this...but then again, DS isn't really "acting" out at those times (generally) either...

anyway, i'm not sure if makes me feel better or worse to know that not every child attempts to "beat up" their parent at the sight of an approaching washcloth after a messy meal, or at every. single. diaper. change. or for a whole host of other reasons that i am too tired to think of right now

if it makes you feel any better, my mom has tried to "ease my mind," by saying that she thinks he must be "VERY bright" and already has a path in his mind that his communication skills just haven't allowed him to share with us yet.

right... personally, i don't think it necessarily indicates any specific level of intelligence. though, i have reminded myself several times recently that it is good for him to have a mind of his own. perhaps he won't be as big a pushover as i was as a kid.

[arivecchi]

if it makes you feel any better, my mom has tried to "ease my mind," by saying that she thinks he must be "VERY bright" and already has a path in his mind that his communication skills just haven't allowed him to share with us yet. Tell your mom I like her theory very much. :D

[MamaMolly]

FIrst, let me say he sounds normal to me. I have a dear friend IRL who's first was very much like this, and as his verbal communication has increased the physical stuff has decreased. I have a pretty mellow DD so it was an eyeopener for sure! But some of it just my be age related.

That said, have you read any about spirited children? It may give you some insight and some coping techniques.

I also have to agree with the grandma who said that the DCs seems smart. You said yourself that the behavior is manipulative (personally I don't see 'manipulative' as an inherently 'bad' thing. You are either manipulative or manipulated in this world, you know?), that DS will do 'everything in his power to get his own way' and he seems opinionated and demanding. None of that would be words I used to describe a dummy!

What is does sound like is maybe an opportunity for you to help DS find more preferable (to you) ways of getting what he wants. You've got to manipulate your little manipulator, Mama!

[arivecchi]

What is does sound like is maybe an opportunity for you to help DS find more preferable (to you) ways of getting what he wants. You've got to manipulate your little manipulator, Mama! LOL! I am sincerely hoping he will pipe down once he starts talking. The one thing he does love to do to communicate is to shake his head no. He likes to say no to everything!

[mamicka]

This sounds like classic second child behavior to me. Not that only second children do this or that all second children do, just that I think it might be more common in second children of the same gender.

DS2 is still more like this than DS1 or DS3 & he's almost 5. We've had lots of talks with the ped about it & it's just his personality. We've learned that he really needs to feel heard even if he doesn't get his way. I really have to handle him gently & with lots of love & attention & validate his feelings. Much moreso than with the "average" child.

[NancyJ_redo]

Your DS and my DD are almost exactly the same age and you described her nearly to a T. She is very busy and demanding and wants her way on everything. She recently started having tantrums where she melts down to the ground, lies on her stomach and flails her hands and feet while pounding the floor. Until now I thought that only happened in cartoons :p

She's my third and I don't really recall my other 2 being this "focused", but I could be conveniently forgetting their tantrums. To be honest, DH and I find her behavior pretty funny, mostly because we also have a 4 yo who is beyond difficult at the moment. The baby is easy compared to my 4yo ;)

[tmarie]

That sounds like my dd#1 at that age. I have been waiting for my dd#2 to act the same way, and have been amazed that she is so laid back in comparison, LOL. :)

tmarie

[julevizamom]

DD2 sounds like this at 15 months. She gets so p**sed every time I try to wipe her face or change her diaper or take something away that I don't want her to have. And she's not talking at all yet, so it's a lot of grunting, turning away, shaking NO, hitting herself in the face. Sometimes I have to laugh b/c I'll be shaking my head yes and saying yes and she'll vehemently be shaking her head no. I'd love to tell her to use her words, but she can't, and in fact we're having an EI assessment next week. Does your DS talk yet?

[DietCokeLover]

Sounds extremely familiar....... my 28 month old DS. He has always been high demand/ high maintenance. I hope once the twos have passes this too will pass.

[happymom]

DS2 is 14 months old. You may have seen my posts where I have called him a dictator baby. Anywhoo, I am now starting to wonder if his behavior is normal?

If I had to describe his behavior right now, I would say he is really demanding. By that I mean that he is super obstinate and even a bit manipulative if that is possible for such a young child. DS1 was very mellow and go-with-the-flow, as are my two nephews (2 yo and 8 months). DS1 will do everything in his power to get his way. Examples, he will:

1) slam his head against the high-chair,
2) throw food/milk on the floor
3) roll on the floor in a fury if you want to pick him up the floor
4) head-but
5) do a hand swat as in get out of my way/leave me alone
6) slap face/head if he is mad
7) do a manipulative "cry" that ends the second he gets his way

He is a happy little guy most of the time, but so difficult when he is unhappy about something. I am just shocked he is so opinionated/demanding for a child this age. Is this normal? Is he maybe like this because he is a second child and is trying to make himself heard? I guess I am just trying to make sure that there is nothing else at play here. Thanks for reading.

My 15 month old DD does #1, #2 (occasionally), #5, and #7. I agree with PP's that this is the way that babies communicate before they know how to speak. This is that age when they're so opinionated, and they understand so much, but they cannot yet verbalize it. Its probably pretty frustrating for them! Its easy to just think of them as babies who dont know wats going on- but really, thats not the case at all.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Just taking it a step further... when DD was about that age, I was really pg, and I found that Signing Time gave her the ability to show me a little better what she wanted and needed. It was great for her communication.

[cuca_]

My DS is a little older and he is like this, and honestly I assumed it was a boy thing. Neither of my girls is as demanding and stubborn as he is. He needs to do everything himself -- he cries/meltsdown if the doorbell rings and he is not the one to open the door. Same if he wants his cup and you pick it up from the table to hand it to him -- he has to pick it up himself, and cries until he gets his way. He is very verbal too, so I think is more of an independence thing.

In addition to this he is constantly getting into trouble. Just tonight he managed to climb on the refrigerator and grab the eggs and proceeded to break the four eggs left in the carton. All this during the 1 or 2 minutes it took me to change the baby. He is constantly spilling things on purpose, clogging toilets (loves to flush everhything) and getting into my makeup. Luckily for him he has the cutest smile, so it is hard to stay mad at him for long. Oh, and gates and locks don't work as he is a great climber and has amazing fine motor skills.

All this to say, that I think it is normall behavior -- or at least I hope it is!!

[arivecchi]

These comments are so reassuring! He says a handful of words, but not consistently. He says mama, dada, hi, our nanny's name, no, car, go, up and uh-oh.

[JanBaby]

This thread is so great! DD is our first so we assumed every kid does these things. She throws her food as soon as she's done eating (and takes her bib off and hands it to us). She'll whine and cry until she gets her way and then stops immediately. She doesn't have many words - up, baby, uh oh and that's about it. I think she's independent, stubborn and smart and she can't communicate anything yet and it's driving her crazy.

[kerridean]

This sounds just like my DD2 at that age. We were so worried...thought she was autistic. Nope...just a stinker. We had to use alot of consistent discipline with her from an earlier age then DD1.

[jenfromnj]

DS2 is 14 months old. You may have seen my posts where I have called him a dictator baby. Anyhoo, I am now starting to wonder if his behavior is normal?

If I had to describe his behavior right now, I would say he is really demanding. By that I mean that he is super obstinate and even a bit manipulative if that is possible for such a young child. DS1 was very mellow and go-with-the-flow, as are my two nephews (2 yo and 8 months). DS1 will do everything in his power to get his way. Examples, he will:

1) slam his head against the high-chair,
2) throw food/milk on the floor
3) roll on the floor in a fury if you want to pick him up the floor
4) head-but
5) do a hand swat as in get out of my way/leave me alone
6) slap face/head if he is mad
7) do a manipulative "cry" that ends the second he gets his way

He is a happy little guy most of the time, but so difficult when he is unhappy about something. I am just shocked he is so opinionated/demanding for a child this age. Is this normal? Is he maybe like this because he is a second child and is trying to make himself heard? I guess I am just trying to make sure that there is nothing else at play here. Thanks for reading.

Just wanted to chime in since we were just at the pedi this morning for DS's 12 month visit, and he too exhibits 6 of the 7 behaviors you described above. We discussed it, and our ped said that it was really nothing to worry about, especially since his developmental milestones are on track. She also said, as others have mentioned, that as his verbal communication skills improve (he only has a few words right now), he should be less frustrated and his tantrums (as we call them) should subside. I'm realllly hoping this is true.

[arivecchi]

Just wanted to chime in since we were just at the pedi this morning for DS's 12 month visit, and he too exhibits 6 of the 7 behaviors you described above. We discussed it, and our ped said that it was really nothing to worry about, especially since his developmental milestones are on track. She also said, as others have mentioned, that as his verbal communication skills improve (he only has a few words right now), he should be less frustrated and his tantrums (as we call them) should subside. I'm realllly hoping this is true. That is great. I have been thinking about calling my ped too. I'm glad to hear that DS2 is not the only dictator baby out there. ;)

[Globetrotter]

He's asserting his independence - very normal!