When did your sex drive return?

[smiles33]

Sigh. DD2 is almost 10 months old and I still have no sex drive. I know BF'ing and the associated hormones affect it. Sorry if TMI, but we've tried a few times and didn't finish due to pain, despite using artificial lubrication. I also had a Paraguard IUD inserted at 6 weeks postpartum, so I'm wondering if that's part of it. It didn't take this long with DD1...

Any advice? Wait it out? See my OB?

Poll coming...

[AnnieW625]

I voted 3 to 6 mos. as when things got back to normal. I can't stand artificial lubrication. For a long time we were using that for a long time and it made me sting. I am hoping we don't need to go back to using that.

[Babymakes3]

Well, ds is 19 months and i'm still waiting for its return. Poor hubby...
I'm beginning to think something is wrong with me!

[catpagmo]

I voted other. DS is 13 months today, and I'm just barely starting to get it back. He is only nursing 2-3 times a day, and I think that's helping a bit. I know it's different for everyone, though. Also, I'm uncomfortable with sex if DS is still BFing. I don't want DH near the "girls" until DS is weaned! I'll most likely wait until DS is completely weaned.

[Kymberley]

THANK YOU for this pole! I feel a little more normal now. DS is almost 8 mo, and I'm still waiting...

[salsah]

Also, I can't mix BFing and sex.

i'm sorry but when i read this, my first thought was BFing during sex. eek!

[catpagmo]

i'm sorry but when i read this, my first thought was BFing during sex. eek!

Eeeeewww! Maybe I should edit that. :)

[cas]

I can tell you what my OB told me after my first. She said, "Breastfeeding can really wreak havoc on your sex life. Just remember it will not always be like this and it WILL get better."

Hang in there mama. It will get better!

[salsah]

I don't want DH near the "girls" until DS is weaned!

oh, dh wasn't allowed near my boobs either, but we could still do everything else we wanted to do.
warning, TMI: the first time we had sex after dd1 was born, i unintentionally sprayed him in the face with breast milk. after that, i always wore at least a nursing bra and nursing pads. the only time they came off was to nurse or to shower. poor dh didn't touch my breasts for 18 months after dd1 was born and for 12 months after dd2 was born.

[Andi98989]

I actually have a higher sex drive now than I can ever really remember having. I think it helps that I'm off of BC for the first time in 9 years - and DH and I are going to be together much more often.

[sste]

DH would NEVER admit it but after watching me pregnant and nursing . . . he is terrified of my breasts. Every once in a while I catch him giving them a wary look! I am one of those people that went up three cup sizes and, uh, sprayed on occasion.

[smiles33]

warning, TMI: the first time we had sex after dd1 was born, i unintentionally sprayed him in the face with breast milk. after that, i always wore at least a nursing bra and nursing pads. the only time they came off was to nurse or to shower. poor dh didn't touch my breasts for 18 months after dd1 was born and for 12 months after dd2 was born.

:ROTFLMAO:I have to say this actually makes me feel better, as I ALWAYS wear a nursing bra/tank when we try because I'm afraid this is what will happen! Sorry to hear it actually happened.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have NEVER had this long of a dry spell and poor DH is being so understanding. I don't even want to try anymore because it hurts (which could be related to the lube, but I dismissed it as we bought an expensive brand from the Good Vibrations store!).

Anyhow, this months-long dry spell just might give me leverage to convince DH to go for #3 if I ever recover my sex drive. :wink2:

[pb&j]

It returned pretty quickly, but wasn't full force till after weaning.

[wendibird22]

OMG can I print this and show it to hubby? Somehow he has forgotten the dry spell we had after DD1 (I think it was a year before my drive returned) and is quite a frustrated man. And he takes it so personally like I don't find him attractive any more. Of course that just makes me feel worse. And sometimes it feels like the big elephant in the room that neither of us wishes to acknowledge. I remember with DD1 that I stopped taking the BCP pill because it was such a waste of money to take BC if we weren't having sex!

So, all this to say, you are not alone.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Paragard doesn't have any hormones so I wouldn't blame that for anything. I have had 2 Paragards and notice know difference because of it.

With both boys I was ready to go within days of birth. I waited till 5w with ds1 and 3w with ds2. In both I had the all clear.

I will say that after ds1 it went away but that was more a product of exhaustion then frustration with dh for not doing more to help around the house. That sorted itself out after 3-4 months and we got back on track.

Beth

[DebbieJ]

:ROTFLMAO:I have to say this actually makes me feel better, as I ALWAYS wear a nursing bra/tank when we try because I'm afraid this is what will happen! Sorry to hear it actually happened.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have NEVER had this long of a dry spell and poor DH is being so understanding. I don't even want to try anymore because it hurts (which could be related to the lube, but I dismissed it as we bought an expensive brand from the Good Vibrations store!).

Anyhow, this months-long dry spell just might give me leverage to convince DH to go for #3 if I ever recover my sex drive. :wink2:

Try Astroglide. It's great!

[LarsMal]

THANK YOU for this pole! I feel a little more normal now. DS is almost 8 mo, and I'm still waiting...

:yeahthat: Except C is almost 11 months and I'm still waiting!

[niccig]

Try Astroglide. It's great!

:yeahthat: This was the only lubricant we could use.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Ok, I am going there with a TMI question...dh being intact or circumcised- does it make a difference on whether lubrication is needed?

The basic anatomy of the uncircumcised penis makes me think that it helps on that front. (The secretions can get kind of buried behind the foreskin so it's already providing natural lubrication so that can compensate if the woman is on the drier side). Does my theory hold any sway?

Beth

[o_mom]

Has AF returned? That was usually when things picked back up for me... and um, when the BFP showed up a couple months later. Around 9 mos with DS1 and 12 mos with DS2. DS3 I had a Mirena, so it has been kind of steady and more related to getting sleep and time together than anything else.

[DebbieJ]

Ok, I am going there with a TMI question...dh being intact or circumcised- does it make a difference on whether lubrication is needed?

The basic anatomy of the uncircumcised penis makes me think that it helps on that front. (The secretions can get kind of buried behind the foreskin so it's already providing natural lubrication so that can compensate if the woman is on the drier side). Does my theory hold any sway?

Beth

The lack of natural lubrication is related to hormones in the woman, especially if you are breastfeeding. I don't think it has anything to do with DH.

[smiles33]

AF hasn't returned yet so that could be another issue. It's not just the lack of lubrication, though, as mentally, I'm just not THERE. Yes, I'm tired but I get more sleep now than I did with DD1 (who was up nearly every 2 hours to nurse until she was over a year old). My job is less stressful than it was with DD1, too. I just didn't anticipate it would be so different this tim around.

[essnce629]

Well, I was all ready to have sex at the 2 week postpartum mark and that's when we did, so I guess it returned by then! I've always had a high sex drive though.

[MSWR0319]

DS is 17 months old and I just found out I have low thyroid. I've been on medicine for a little over a week and let me tell you, my sex drive has returned!! I kept blaming it on hormones from nursing (even though I stopped 5 months ago). Might be something to check out.

Let me add that before I started the medicine we maybe had sex twice a month. I just had absolutely no interest. It was not a great topic around our house.

[essnce629]

Ok, I am going there with a TMI question...dh being intact or circumcised- does it make a difference on whether lubrication is needed?

The basic anatomy of the uncircumcised penis makes me think that it helps on that front. (The secretions can get kind of buried behind the foreskin so it's already providing natural lubrication so that can compensate if the woman is on the drier side). Does my theory hold any sway?


The book "Sex As Nature Intended It" talks about this a lot. About how the foreskin keeps a womans natural secretions inside her because it stays behind the foreskin. And how the penis glides in and out of its own foreskin, inside the vagina, not rubbing against the vagina itself. And that the circumcised penis draws the secretions out and makes the vagina dry because the coronal ridge acts as a scraper against the vaginal walls. It talks about how artificial lubrications are a huge business in the U.S. where the majority of men are circumcised, but are not used at all in Europe, where the majority of men are intact. And that intact men don't use or need lubrications for masturbation either since they have the foreskin for the penis to glide in and out off. It's a really good book actually and talks about the history of circumcision and stuff.

[kijip]

6 months for any drive. Closer for 12 months for it to be, um, as interesting as it is normally. This was true both times and I was done nursing T by 6 months and Finn is still at it at 15 months.

[SnuggleBuggles]

The book "Sex As Nature Intended It" talks about this a lot. About how the foreskin keeps a womans natural secretions inside her because it stays behind the foreskin. And how the penis glides in and out of its own foreskin, inside the vagina, not rubbing against the vagina itself. And that the circumcised penis draws the secretions out and makes the vagina dry because the coronal ridge acts as a scraper against the vaginal walls. It talks about how artificial lubrications are a huge business in the U.S. where the majority of men are circumcised, but are not used at all in Europe, where the majority of men are intact. And that intact men don't use or need lubrications for masturbation either since they have the foreskin for the penis to glide in and out off. It's a really good book actually and talks about the history of circumcision and stuff.

Thanks for that explanation! It really does make sense to me. I do get that bfing can reduce the woman's secretions b/c of the hormones but this circ./ non circ. thing always made me wonder.

Beth

[scrooks]

Still waiting :innocent:...with DD it didn't return until normal until she was weaned.

[sunshine873]

All I have to say is thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

DH & I just agreed to actually schedule sex. It was really becoming a problem. Even though I assure him I love him and find him attractive, he ends up feeling really hurt, which I totally understand. I'm still not interested, but am going to try harder for the sake of my marriage.

[StantonHyde]

Poor DH had to go my entire pg without sex, so I was more than willing to have a go at it at 6-8 weeks postpartum. DD is almost 5 and I still struggle to make sure we have sex once a week. And in the winter when we get sick etc then it can be less. Some day-----I do my best to keep weekly date night though--that helps as well. Its still awesome when we get to do it, its just trying to find time when we are both home and not exhausted!

[edurnemk]

THANK YOU for this pole! I feel a little more normal now. ...

:yeahthat:

And I could have written these 2 posts myself:


OMG can I print this and show it to hubby? ... And he takes it so personally like I don't find him attractive any more. Of course that just makes me feel worse. And sometimes it feels like the big elephant in the room that neither of us wishes to acknowledge. ...I stopped taking the BCP pill because it was such a waste of money to take BC if we weren't having sex!

So, all this to say, you are not alone.


All I have to say is thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

DH & I just agreed to actually schedule sex. It was really becoming a problem. Even though I assure him I love him and find him attractive, he ends up feeling really hurt, which I totally understand. I'm still not interested, but am going to try harder for the sake of my marriage.