Siblings both invited to birthday party

[daniele_ut]

Both of my kids are invited to a birthday party for a little girl at their school. I am friendly with the mom, who is head of the parent board. My question is, do I bring one present, or one from each of my children?

[MamaMolly]

I think either way would be perfectly fine. If your kids would prefer to each give something then maybe I'd do 2 smaller things, or 2 things that go together to make up a bigger gift. I still wouldn't double my budget, though! ;)

[SnuggleBuggles]

This was discussed just a few weeks ago. I would either do one bigger present or 2 presents at an amount you normally spend.

Beth

[JoyNChrist]

I'd just do one gift. Cuz my kid(s) don't pay for the gift - I do! ;)

[mom_hanna]

I agree. I would just do one gift.

[Raidra]

All of the birthday parties we host and attend include siblings, and nobody ever does two gifts unless they're two small gifts that go together. Once or twice my boys have insisted on picking out separate gifts, so I give them each half the amount I was planning to spend. This is how other families around here do it as well.

[daniele_ut]

Thanks for the advice! Now to decide *what* to get for a 4 year old girl. We've mostly been invited to boys' parties in the past!

[strollerqueen]

Well...I don't give one goodie bag for siblings to share, I give two. The XXX party place doesn't charge me admission just for one kids because they are siblings, they charge me for two. Two kids eat two pieces of birthday cake, need two meals if we are at a restaurant, etc. etc. So yeah, I vote two gifts, or one big gift that is the equivalent of two gifts.

[citymama]

I would do one "nicer" present or two smaller ones if your kids would like that. My sis and I used to go to bday parties together as a kid and I don't think each of us walked in with a separate gift. With all due respect to strollerqueen's comments above, I would sincerely hope things aren't so reductionist/materialistic these days that there's a direct correlation between how many pieces of cake you eat and how many presents you bring! Please, say it isn't so.

[strollerqueen]

I didn't mean it as mercenary as it sounds. I mean, some people bring no gifts, for whatever reason, and that is fine, too. We just always send each child to a party with a gift, no matter who is related to who (Although my DS also gets invited to a lot of parties that say "NO SIBLINGS" in big letters, especially from all of his friends who don't have siblings. Now that I disagree with. I would still rather have the sibling's presence at our party, even without presents, lol!)

[maestramommy]

I'd bring one present. Or you can let your DS pick one present that is relatively inexpensive that is from him, and give another one that you like.

[hollybloom24]

My vote is for two gifts (what you normally spend) or one bigger gift.

[bubbaray]

My vote is for two gifts (what you normally spend) or one bigger gift.


:yeahthat: Unless you want your children to share 1 goodie bag.

[elizabethkott]

I would personally do 2 smaller, yet related gifts, that fit into what you would have budgeted for 1 gift if only 1 of your DCs were going to a party.

[deborah_r]

In our circle, most of us seem to have more than one kid, and it's just understood you will be bringing the sibling(s) along (but I always ask if it's ok anyway - unless the invite says bring the whole family, which I have seen). I think I have maybe stepped the gift up a bit, but not doubled to make up for the fact that I'm bringing both kids. In the OP's case both kids are invited, so maybe that is different. One of my DS's is usually just tagging along.

Sometimes DH and I both attend (more often just me), which theoretically means two parents eating some food, drinking some drinks, and eating some cake, but we don't throw in an extra gift from DH to cover the cost.

I don't in any way expect to recuperate some of the cost of the party through gifts for the kids, so I don't see a correlation in that respect.

[LarsMal]

I've never really thought about doing two gifts when L&M are both invited to a party. I've always just done one present, but spent a little more than I normally would- never double, though.

[awoodm]

I would bring two gifts if both kids were invited. If you want to stick with the same budget and just cut it in half that would be okay too. It also depends on the ages of the kids I think. If a friend of mine invited DS who is 4.75 to her DD's party who is 5, and also named DS2(14mo) on the invite, I would just take that as letting me know he is welcome not an actual invite, KWIM? I wouldn't expect DS2 to pick out and gift a present and participate equally in the party. :) But, if my kids were say 4 and 6 and both invited to a 5 yo b-day party, I would expect they would both equally participate at the party and want to pick out a gift for the bday child. HTH.

[egoldber]

If a friend of mine invited DS who is 4.75 to her DD's party who is 5, and also named DS2(14mo) on the invite, I would just take that as letting me know he is welcome not an actual invite, KWIM? I wouldn't expect DS2 to pick out and gift a present and participate equally in the party. But, if my kids were say 4 and 6 and both invited to a 5 yo b-day party, I would expect they would both equally participate at the party and want to pick out a gift for the bday child. HTH.

This is my line of thinking. I guess my kids are so far apart in age that they typically are only both invited to a birthday party if it is specifically a "your family is invited to come celebrate with our family" type of thing, vs a party to a gym place, etc. But they don't really have "friends" in common.

[deborah_r]

:yeahthat: Unless you want your children to share 1 goodie bag.

I understand your point, though I don't agree. The birthday kid is not going to sit there saying "Joey's little sister came to my party but I only got a present from Joey". Or that the present isn't bigger because Joey's little sister came. But most likely, Joey's little sister will be sad if everyone has a goodie bag except her. A host should try to make all the kids happy and welcomed regardless of which one bring what size gifts.

I don't see a kid's birthday party like a wedding, where your gift is supposed to cover the cost of your meal or whatever.

If you are talking more about where both kids are invited because they are both friends with the birthday child, then yes, I think two gifts might be a good idea. But if it's just because "where I go, all my kids go" then no I don't think it's necessary.

[vonfirmath]

When my sister and I were both invited to a party, we brought two gifts.

Frankly, if you are in doubt, I'd take 2 gifts to avoid hurt feelings.

If one kid was invited and the second "tagged along" then one gift is appropriate. But if two kids are invited, I'd give them each a present to take.

AS for mercenary, how about "It is the same budget they are coming out of"? That's just as mercenary as "Two goodie bags, two pieces of cake" etc.

So, to avoid hurt feelings, I'd send two gifts. And I would not try to divide what I normally spend either. If they had been invited to two different parties that day, after all, I'd have needed to buy two presents.

[bubbaray]

The birthday kid is not going to sit there saying "Joey's little sister came to my party but I only got a present from Joey". Or that the present isn't bigger because Joey's little sister came. But most likely, Joey's little sister will be sad if everyone has a goodie bag except her. A host should try to make all the kids happy and welcomed regardless of which one bring what size gifts.


On the facts presented by the OP, I disagree. Both children were invited to the party. As a host, I plan the number of loot/goody bags exactly to the number of invitations sent out.

This isn't a situation where a parent brings an extra, non-invited child to a party. If that were the case, I definitely would not give a bag to that extra child as I would only have purchased for the invited children. I don't see it as MY duty to provide bags to an extra child. If a parent chooses to bring a non-invited child to a party, they need to bring an extra treat for them or tell the child in advance that they won't be getting one from me. I really don't see it as my duty AT ALL to make all the children happy. Only those that were invited.

JMHO.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

We have invited sibilings/families to our kids' parties and differen families have done it both ways.

As the host, I really don't care either way. What is important to me is to celebrate my sons' birthdays with their friends. My son didn't seem to care either.

I give a thank you gift to all the children that attend, reguardless of what type or how many gifts they brought. (We don't usually do goody bags, just 1 item that we pick out.)

[sue_g]

I have twins and they both get invited. I always bring two gifts.

[nov04]

We had sibs at dd1's b-day party. One gift per family but one goodie (gift card) per kid.

[fivi2]

We discussed this a while back. As a mom of twins, we usually bring two, but not always. I spend whatever I am comfortable spending, but in my circle gifts aren't usually extravagant. Usually I have gifts that kind of go together.

IMO, as pps have said if both dc are invited as the friend, then I think 2 gifts. If one is the peer/friend, but siblings and families are included in the invitation, then 1 is fine, imo. But, either way I don't think it really matters.

As far as what to get a 4 yo girl - what is she into? Unless you know the family's preferences, I would avoid princess or barbie stuff (we don't do them at our house, but other people do).

Art supplies and art kits were a big hit (but not the color wonder stuff)
play doh supplies.
bead/jewelry kits (simple ones)
stomp rockets (girls like them too :) )
umbrella (they got umbrellas from a class mate and LOVE them!)
kid's binocular plus kid wildlife book
board games (cariboo, zingo, ladybug game, sequence, etc)
dress up items
books
music cds

[daniele_ut]

On the facts presented by the OP, I disagree. Both children were invited to the party. As a host, I plan the number of loot/goody bags exactly to the number of invitations sent out.

This isn't a situation where a parent brings an extra, non-invited child to a party. If that were the case, I definitely would not give a bag to that extra child as I would only have purchased for the invited children. I don't see it as MY duty to provide bags to an extra child. If a parent chooses to bring a non-invited child to a party, they need to bring an extra treat for them or tell the child in advance that they won't be getting one from me. I really don't see it as my duty AT ALL to make all the children happy. Only those that were invited.

JMHO.

You are right, Melissa, in that they were both invited. The b-day girl is turning 4 and it in the class below my DS. HER little sister is in the same class with my DD, so the mom invited DD as well. DS plays with the b-day girl on the playground during recess when both classes are out together.

I'm inclined to bring two gifts at this point. We had a similar situation come up a few weeks ago when a little boy in DD's class turned 2. Again, both kids were invited and the b-day boy's older sister is in my DS's class and they are good friends. I bought a FP Little People fire truck to give from DD and a cute book from DS. I spent a total of about $25, when I normally would spend about $15.

I asked the question because I wondered if there was a consensus about this, but I see that there are a lot of variables, and thus a lot of differing opinions!

ETA: fivi - thank you for those suggestions. I am leaning toward art supplies or board games right now.

[stinkyfeet]

Well...I don't give one goodie bag for siblings to share, I give two. The XXX party place doesn't charge me admission just for one kids because they are siblings, they charge me for two. Two kids eat two pieces of birthday cake, need two meals if we are at a restaurant, etc. etc. So yeah, I vote two gifts, or one big gift that is the equivalent of two gifts.

:yeahthat:

I totally agree! Two small gifts, or one larger gift.

[cuca_]

This must be regional, because I had never heard about the 2 goodie bags/2 gifts theory. If my kids are invited to a party I usually buy one gift. I usually do spend more money when more than 1 kid is invited, only because it is usually a party for a DC of a close friend, so in that case I spend more than I spend for a classmate.

When DH and I are invited to a birthday party/anniversary/wedding, we do not bring two gifts. So I figure the same logic applies.

This theory sounds similar to the theory that you should spend on a wedding gift approximately what your host spends on feeding you. I think I heard about that here for the first time. Honestly, it would never occur to me that there is a price point for gift giving. I was taught, and believe that people give what they are able and want to give, and that the receiver accepts whatever that is gracefully.

If you want to give two gifts, go ahead and give two gifts (or three or four), but I would not feel obligated to give more than one gift or spend more money because two of your kids were invited to the party instead of 1.

[R2sweetboys]

I have never heard of needing to bring two gifts just because two children from the same family are invited. There are occasions where both of my boys attend the same party and they bring one gift(as I see it,it is from our family). The same goes for siblings coming to our parties. I would never for a moment think that they should give my child a gift from each sibling, just because I got them each a party favor. I really don't want my boys thinking that way either.

[daniele_ut]

I'm about ready to scream. I spent a good amount of time at TRU picking out gifts today. I picked up Zingo, and since books were B1G1 free, I picked up two activity books that are write on wipe off, one of which DS owns and has loved. I left the bag in the kitchen and dh and I went out to dinner and a play with some friends and I just got home to find that the babysitter (our former nanny) let DS OPEN the books and write all over them. One of them is actually missing now. If I still plan to give 2 gifts, then I have the pleasure of dragging both of my kids back to the store in the morning because dh has to work. ARGH!

[TwinFoxes]

Holy cow that sucks! Is there a reason she's your former nanny?:6: