how to deal with mean girls

[Globetrotter]

A friend of mine is dealing with a situation where a girl is spreading nasty rumors about her dd. The only proof is something my dd thinks she overheard, so perhaps she misunderstood, though I suspect not given how the girl feels about my friend's dd.

Any ideas on how to handle this? How can we make our girls feel better and empower them?

This is the first time it's affected us (5th grade) but I imagine some of you may be experienced with this, sad to say :(

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I dealt with this as a nanny. I told the DC (started when she was 9) that unfortunately it has been going on for years (maybe since the beginning of time) and that she will have to deal with it in the future, too. I told her about what I went through as a kid, and how each rumor eventually dies down, but that the worst thing you could do is to stoop down to their level. Walk with your head held high, be a class act and never let them see you sweat. The person starting the rumor is usually either jealous or vengeful, and either way showing that is doesn't get under her skin will make her less likely to be a a target in the future.

My dad used to say people were jealous because I was prettier than them, which was sweet for a dad to say to his little girl, but I don't advocate that.

[pinkmomagain]

I have older daughters and haven't had to deal with rumor issues yet. At this point, I would encourage the girls not to fuel it in anyway, if someone asks, just simply say it's not true. If it gets bigger and truly seems to be an issue, I would not hesitate at all to bring it up with the school.

[elizabethkott]

ITA with the not stooping to their level bit.
If it's something that happens repeatedly, and that the rumors are started by the same little girl each time, I wouldn't hesitate to inform the school and insist that the social worker get involved in a sit-down with the two girls. Teaching in a high school I see seemingly harmless situations escalate with girls all too frequently, and sometimes nipping the behavior in the bud early on is the best course of action in the long run, even though it seems extreme at the time.

[lucybabymamma]

:yeahthat:
ITA with the not stooping to their level bit.
If it's something that happens repeatedly, and that the rumors are started by the same little girl each time, I wouldn't hesitate to inform the school and insist that the social worker get involved in a sit-down with the two girls. Teaching in a high school I see seemingly harmless situations escalate with girls all too frequently, and sometimes nipping the behavior in the bud early on is the best course of action in the long run, even though it seems extreme at the time.

:yeahthat:
I totally agree. I think most schools and teachers now realize spreading rumors is a form of bullying. Most schools have zero tolerance policies for bullying, and for good reason!

[Globetrotter]

Thanks for the feedback. good advice.. the hard part is that they are in the same GS troop :(

[pinkmomagain]

Thanks for the feedback. good advice.. the hard part is that they are in the same GS troop :(

That actually might be a good thing....don't know if you are one of the leaders or know one of the leaders well, but maybe an activity can be arranged where they can work as a pair and get to know one another better or maybe bullying (including rumor starting) can be addressed (or be a meeting theme) in the group?

[Globetrotter]

I am a coleader. The leader is the mom of the girl who is being picked on, and she DID actually address this issue last week (not saying who did what), but it didn't stop the behavior :(

But yes, I think they could use a whole hour on this issue!! I will suggest that and also some of the other ideas. Thanks!

[JustMe]

I posted this in another friend, but dd and I just watched the American Girl movie "Chrissa Stands Strong" about a girl who moves and then the popular girl decideds to target her. I could be wrong, but I dont think 5th graders would be too old for it. It might be good to watch the movie and discuss the "characters"!