how often do you give your child(ren) things as gifts?

[cilantromapuche]

I don't want to spoil my children so I hesitate to get things for them but at the same time I don't want it to be an avalanche at holiday or special times. Specifically, Legos for DS. I end up stocking up on things because of the "themes" but at this rate I will have enough until he is 25. He is 6 now and we don't do the DS, Wii, etc. and I will buy books anytime either child wants them.
I was wondering how others handle new toys (i.e. presents).
c

[belovedgandp]

I didn't pay much attention up until about age 4 for the oldest (I have 2 boys, 6 and 2 1/2). If there was a good deal, garage sale, or a new interest in something I'd add things at random. But at some point in time, we crossed the threshold to just having too much and not wanting him to expect things all the time.

We limit gifts to birthdays and Christmas. Some small summer toys will be in their Easter baskets also. I am not one to make every single holiday a gift giving occasion - no valentine's or halloween gifts here.

I will supplement art supplies and buy books from scholastic at school once a quarter.

DS1 now gets an allowance to save and buy his own toys.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Ds gets an allowance and he is free to spend it however he pleases (for the most part). He started getting an allowance around the time he was 5. We are a bit hit or miss with actually doing the allowance thing but I try to keep a mental tally.

I still buy him things I think he will like on occasions other than gift days (b-days, Christmas...). Just because I want to. He gets very excited if I do something like come home with a cool color change Hotwheels for him. :)

Beth

[kerridean]

Birthdays and Christmas. It would be VERY rare for them to get a toy/gift at any other time.

[lalasmama]

We do major presents at Christmas and b-day. Otherwise, maybe a small toy randomly every other week or so (like a Littlest Pet Shop animal), or an occasional something we find on clearance. I'm very strict about it--if she asks for a toy, she knows she will hear "no" unless she's had a spectacular day with her attitude--and for random gifts, it's going to be less than $5.

[stefani]

DS gets gifts for his birthday and Christmas. He gets allowance, and he is free to spend it (with DH and I holding veto power). Some times I do buy him something because I want it for him, but I try not to buy too much. That probably happens about once or twice a year. I try not to give too much for his birthdays and Christmases though, because I don't want to emphasize the gifts for those occasions.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

For birthday's an the Festivus/Christmas she gets one big gift, like a Plan Toys City piece, dollhouse, etc. and some smaller ones. For Valentine's she gets stickers or something, Easter she gets a few little things, etc. Other that than no gifts, she has few toys, but they are good quality.

[jgenie]

I buy toys for DS1 if I find them on super sale or find toys in great condition at yard sales. I generally just put them out in the playroom so there isn't much fanfare and I don't think he really notices until he starts to play with them. So far he doesn't know that stores sell toys or that we buy them because I generally pick up things when I'm out on my own. The occasions he gets toys as presents are bday, Christmas, something small for 3 kings day (generally a book or puzzle), a book for Valentine's day and a few small toys for Easter. We use the LL Bean mini - totes in hope that we will limit how much he gets for Easter.

[JoyNChrist]

Pretty much just birthdays and Christmas.

Usually if I'm out all day with DS (like a Target run or whatever) and he's been well behaved, I'll let him pick out a book or a sticker/activity/coloring book. But we very, very rarely buy any toys - he gets so much from family than I don't have the room and feel that it would be a waste of money.

Now I will pick up something if it's a killer deal, but even then I'm likely to save it for a special occasion. I just don't want him to be one of those kids who feels entitled to a bunch of "stuff" ya know?

[KrisM]

I try not to have a huge Christmas or Easter or Birthday. Yes, they do get a fair amount, but not a big pile. I did the pile a couple years ago at Christmas and it was just too much.

I might pack a new something for our week-long vacation up north in case there is a rainy or cold day and we're stuck inside. There aren't a lot of toys there and having something new and fun works well for us. They don't expect it though.

So, we do sometimes get them new toys just because. We are going to start an allowance her, but I want to figure out how he can buy things from me since I have things that I got on great sales :).

[Melaine]

Way too often. I swear I am trying to cut back, but it is so hard for me. They rarely get gifts from anyone besides DH and me, so we are pretty much getting anything and everything they might need. I always feel like we need to be very well stocked with art supplies, books, and imaginative toys because we don't do preschool or daycare, so I want plenty of activities for them to do during the day. So we have a LOT of puzzles, wooden toys, lacing beads, pattern blocks, board games, play food, etc.

My dad has been out of work for several years and although he has started a small business, his income is still below poverty level. They give small but very thoughtful gifts to the girls fairly regularly, but nothing big at all. DH's parents live in China so visit rarely and also give modest gifts when they are here. I do spoil the girls, but I'm pretty much the only one!

[blisstwins]

I give my kids things all the time--books and art supplies to be sure, but when they are really into something and I see something they will like I often pick it up. My son is very into a superhero and he had no toys related, so he got a figurine as soon as I found one. I also ordered them rollerblades after they saw a friend using her and said they would enjoy skating. But the MINUTE they show me they are spoiled or entitled it stops. So there are MANY times we are in target and they want to look at toys. I tell them we can look but not buy and they are good about it. There are also times when we are out and there is something perfect for one of my kids and not the other and the one not getting something will say "what do I get" and I explain that we are not buying to buy and as family things even out so one of the kids will get something and they other not. They are always OK with that. We will start allowance soon, but honestly my children are always appreciative and never throw tantrums or beg and I can go into a store, even a toy store, without being harassed, so I think it is OK that I get them things throughout the year.

[blisstwins]

For those of you who do allowance, what age and when did you start?

[Ceepa]

We don't give them a lot of things, but we definitely buy items throughout the year. I couldn't imgaine only getting items twice a year (birthday, Christmas). My kids aren't spoiled, they don't beg for items or whine when we're out.

[fivi2]

We don't give them a lot of things, but we definitely buy items throughout the year. I couldn't imgaine only getting items twice a year (birthday, Christmas). My kids aren't spoiled, they don't beg for items or whine when we're out.

:yeahthat:

My girls' birthday is in Dec, so then they'd only get gifts once a year.

I buy things that are toys but I think they should have (board games, books, art supplies, etc) whenever. If I see a good deal, I get it, it goes in the playroom (not wrapped and opened with fanfare). I buy seasonal toys as needed. One spring we bought the playhouse, the next spring was trikes. Easter, Valentines, etc they get small toys. (bubbles, stickers, lollipops, books, etc)

Less often I will get a fun toy that they are asking for or whatever. Maybe every 2-3 months. More often if I need distraction for a trip or something.

[Seitvonzu]

too often. my child has a CRAZY amount of stuff-- nice stuff-- but "stuff" still. i suppose i feel like it's my job as her parent to get her the things she "needs." she does have grandparents that buy her nice things, but it's all on her birthday/christmas as we live away-- so there isn't the constant spoiling that some kids get. she is also only two so things change so quickly. and i find "deals" and just can't leave anything behind. i need to try better to not buy so much. it's really already out of hand and like i said, she's only 2.

[maestramommy]

When Dora was a baby and very young toddler, we got her new toys if we thought she needed them, but just didn't talk about the word "gift." Now, we just give gifts for bdays and Christmas. However, Dora has in the past gotten a "special present" for poop training. This year she is going to get a "special present" for limiting her lovey chewing to bed and nap time for 30 days/for good. And she knows this ahead of time. I suppose you'd call it more of a reward or incentive, but it's just easier for her to understand if we call it a special present.

We did get Arwyn her own dollhouse a couple of months ago because the tension over Dora's dollhouse was escalating and getting too traumatic for both girls. We didn't call it a present though. One day it just appeared in her play area.

We don't stock up on toys. And we never buy something in the store just because they see it.

[ciw]

I always feel like we need to be very well stocked with art supplies, books, and imaginative toys because we don't do preschool or daycare, so I want plenty of activities for them to do during the day.

:yeahthat: I think it's hard to compare what a child who is home all day receives in the way of puzzles, games, art supplies, etc. to what a child who's in daycare or preschool receives. There are some things you simply have to replenish for developmental purposes. Otherwise, both you and the child are going to go stir-crazy. So DS does receive these types of things throughout the year. Sometimes, they're presented as gifts or rewards for good behaviour; sometimes they just appear without fanfare as part of the day's activities. He very rarely receives a toy that has no educational value other than imaginative play and when he does it is usually for a holiday -- the Geotrax in the gift closet, for example, won't come out until Christmas or his birthday next year.

I'm okay with him receiving small gifts of educational or developmental value (like puzzles, games, lacing beads, playdough, paint, etc) throughout the year for several reasons. He needs them throughout the year, I want to maintain the religious emphasis on Christmas and Easter rather than turning spiritual celebrations into a gift grab, I believe in reinforcing positive behaviour (though this type of gift is usually VERY small and rare b/c I don't want him to think he always "deserves" a gift) and finally because I want him to appreciate giving and receiving gifts (not neccesarily material gifts) "just because" he's loved. I know how much I appreciate small "just because" gifts from DH -- like flowers, a favorite dessert, a heartfelt note or a backrub (again, not necessarily material), so why should I think DS would be any different? Sometimes, it's giving or receiving little surprises that make our day -- I think the same is true for kids and I want to nurture the desire in DS to participate in both the giving and receiving end of that. He still has far, far less than most children I know, so I think we're doing okay at the balancing act. Well, at least so far...;)

[pb&j]

Both kids (and me!) have birthdays around the holidays, so if we saved gifts for only b-days and Christmas, they wouldn't get anything the rest of the year.

So I buy toys as the need arises, and I don't "stock up" when things are on sale. I just don't see the point of buying a toy and holding on to it for 6+ months before I let the kids have it. Kids change so quickly when they're little that sometimes you can't wait 11.5 months for the next gift giving occasion to roll around. Especially seasonal things, like beach toys. For instance, we are going to the beach this summer. You can't find beach toys around here in December, and the trip wasn't planned until recently, anyway. It's pretty mean to take a kid to the beach and not have a pail and a shovel, KWIM? So, we'll be getting some beach toys this summer.

When we get the kids a new toy, we don't call it a present. It's just a new toy. Presents are for bday, Xmas, and when the ILs visit. ;)

I also buy books fairly regularly. A lot of times, DS will read a book at school, and talk about it at home, and I'll buy it so we can have our own copy. Or, if there's a library book that becomes a favorite, I'll buy that.

DS also gets a small allowance and can pick out a toy at Target or the toy store with it if he wants.

[baymom]

I buy my kids things all the time. But, not necessarily that things they ask me for (character items, big ticket toys, ect.), but rather art supplies, puzzles, board games, books, small toys under $5... We, also, don't called them 'presents' or 'gifts'. Still, more often then not, they expect me to say "no, not today" when they ask for something. I think it really helps that I rarely take them shopping with me!

Unfortunately, they have figured out that if they ask their grandparents for something, it generally works. They live 400 miles away, so we don't see them more then 7-9 times a year.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

For me I mentally took books, crayons, glue sticks, etc. out of this thread. I buy those as needed. I will give them as a Easter, Valentine's, etc. gift if they are needed then. Books I have no stipulations on, as to me those are totally different from toys.

[kcandz]

For me I mentally took books, crayons, glue sticks, etc. out of this thread. I buy those as needed. I will give them as a Easter, Valentine's, etc. gift if they are needed then. Books I have no stipulations on, as to me those are totally different from toys.

I don't get this thinking. To adults, art supplies are for creativity and books for love of reading/educational value, so those are always excepted. But to the kid, it is all fun, so no different than toys. And toys are of value, we want children to exercise their minds through play. I think "books are OK but a big no to toys" is a confusing message to a child.

I do bring things home for DC. DC has a lot of stuff. I bring home things for me. I have a lot of stuff. I don't want different rules for DC and me - so I don't believe in sending a message where I come home with new shoes or new mixing bowls, which are toys for me, while denying DC except for "occasions."

Part of this mindset is probably because I pretty much just got stuff on occasions or if not on occasion it was A Big Deal, so now I overly equate stuff with love. See paragraph above. :) I don't want DC to have the same message, so I'm more casual about "yes we have stuff, yes we get stuff, lets value it but not get overly possessive about it." We'll see if this holds true or if another generation of covetous pack rats continues forward.

Not picking on quoted PP, this particular quote was simply a perfect example for me to structure my point.

[Jenn27]

I have found that the first couple of years is hard to limit buying since their needs change so quickly! I ended up going overboard on Easter but I know DH won't want me to buy DD random stuff and I feel like I needed a de ent bit of stuff to keep us both occupied! He's at work all day so of course it seems like she's not bored with her toys! I try to keep it to holidays but struggle with it :)

[egoldber]

Until my older DD was about 3 or 4, I probably went a little nuts. :) I had virtually nothing as a kid and so I wnt overboard with her. Also things I thought would be great for her are not necessarily the things that she loves or wants, so that was a little eye opening to me as well.

I also don't consider things like art supplies as toys, because they are just basic supplies we need to have on hand for the kids to do things. I just replenish that as we need to, usually during the school supply sales in July and August. But again, I went so overboard with that stuff when they were little that I have not had to buy construction paper in about 5 years.... But things like markers and crayons I have had to buy more. but it's not like I say "Here's crayons!" , I just put them in the crayon bin, KWIM? So to me that isn't quite the same thing.

I started giving my older DD an allowance when she was 6 and that was a terrific thing for her. She is a good saver and will definitely save up to buy games, toys, books, etc. We are huge library users and I try not to buy too many books because we seriously have too many anyway.

[Seitvonzu]

I don't get this thinking. To adults, art supplies are for creativity and books for love of reading/educational value, so those are always excepted. But to the kid, it is all fun, so no different than toys. And toys are of value, we want children to exercise their minds through play. I think "books are OK but a big no to toys" is a confusing message to a child.

I do bring things home for DC. DC has a lot of stuff. I bring home things for me. I have a lot of stuff. I don't want different rules for DC and me - so I don't believe in sending a message where I come home with new shoes or new mixing bowls, which are toys for me, while denying DC except for "occasions."

Part of this mindset is probably because I pretty much just got stuff on occasions or if not on occasion it was A Big Deal, so now I overly equate stuff with love. See paragraph above. :) I don't want DC to have the same message, so I'm more casual about "yes we have stuff, yes we get stuff, lets value it but not get overly possessive about it." We'll see if this holds true or if another generation of covetous pack rats continues forward.

Not picking on quoted PP, this particular quote was simply a perfect example for me to structure my point.

this post made me feel a little better about all our "stuff"-- i DO very much agree that "toys" have a definite value, for both kids and adults-- but ESPECIALLY kids. "play" is children't job. in college i read a book that basically boiled down to this: if everyone (read: adults) felt that their work was "play" and that their life was driven by "play" they would basically enter a flow where life just worked. i want to encourage that wonder and flow as long as possible for my child, possibly giving her the skills to keep this "flow" into adulthood.

so, yes, that's me getting all philosophical to excuse my shopping problems :) i SAH so, yes, sometimes i do feel like i'm trying to overcompensate for all "opportunities" daycare/preschool might provide. this sometimes borders on "my home could be a pre-school/daycare!" lots of the "stuff" i buy for lucy is along the art supplies, puzzles, books category. a book is DEFINITELY the same as a toy to my child. she devours books!!! we borrow tons from the library, but i buy alot too-- "special" books or seasonal ones that i want to add to our home collection. she also particularly likes certain sizes of books and books she can "read" before/after naptime (usually paperbacks). i don't like to give her library books for that, in case, as she is 27 months, something unfortunate happens to the book (or she falls asleep and drools on it :)

our library actually loans toys too-- and of course, these are all "educational/developmental" types of things. we recently got a puzzle and some large motor squishy pads to make a bunny trail . she loved doing that at story time and i was hoping it would promote jumping... it's the kinda thing i'd buy normally, but we most likely wouldn't use it enough to justify it- so i gave borrowing a try. it goes back no week and doesn't take up precious storage space!

i too buy stuff for mama sometimes, and while i'm okay with certain double standards (my child doesn't get to do everything i do of course-- no drinking coffee, no standing on chairs, etc), sometimes we buy stuff "for lucy." she knows that you go in a store, you pick up stuff, and, yes, at 27 months she is aware that before we leave we "need to pay "lady"" (one time i said "we need to pay this nice lady" and i think she thought that was what a cashier is called).

what i don't do anymore is buy stuff "just because" it's cheap. you wouldn't know it from the VOLUME of stuff we have, but i'm pretty picky!

[belovedgandp]

I think part of the difference is in presentation. I responded earlier saying we restrict to a birthdays, Christmas, small Easter gifts. I supplement basic art supplies all year and order books from Scholastic at school about once a quarter.

Yes, there can be a bit of a volume at the gift giving occasions, but my 6 YO has learned to be patient and enjoy new toys and new ways with old toys through out the year. We just put together a K'Nex set for the first time from Christmas this past week. He got plenty but not a glut then - about 6-8 toys total from all family members.

The execution of excessive gift giving I saw from a friend and SIL is what prompted me to be very aware. They make up care packages for Valentines, Halloween, first day of school, May Day - just about anything. Throw in gifts from the tooth fairy and grandparents and these kids are unwrapping something every three weeks or so. My SIL attempted to tell my niece no you need to save your money for a stuffed cat. She then went back to buy it for her the next day because she didn't want it to be gone from the store when niece saved her money. But it was already gone, so she went all over town to hunt it up for her. Totally, not something I would do for a $4 stuffed animal for a child who has dozens of stuffed cats. BIL and SIL went away for 6 days for an anniversary trip. They wrapped up gifts to be opened each day they were gone. The girls were staying in their own home with grandparents they know and are comfortable with; just another thing it would not occur to me to do and when it was done I found to be odd and unnecessary.

[Ceepa]

The execution of excessive gift giving I saw from a friend and SIL is what prompted me to be very aware. They make up care packages for Valentines, Halloween, first day of school, May Day - just about anything. Throw in gifts from the tooth fairy and grandparents and these kids are unwrapping something every three weeks or so. My SIL attempted to tell my niece no you need to save your money for a stuffed cat. She then went back to buy it for her the next day because she didn't want it to be gone from the store when niece saved her money. But it was already gone, so she went all over town to hunt it up for her. Totally, not something I would do for a $4 stuffed animal for a child who has dozens of stuffed cats. BIL and SIL went away for 6 days for an anniversary trip. They wrapped up gifts to be opened each day they were gone. The girls were staying in their own home with grandparents they know and are comfortable with; just another thing it would not occur to me to do and when it was done I found to be odd and unnecessary.

I know people like this too.

[JoyNChrist]

Especially seasonal things, like beach toys. For instance, we are going to the beach this summer. You can't find beach toys around here in December, and the trip wasn't planned until recently, anyway. It's pretty mean to take a kid to the beach and not have a pail and a shovel, KWIM? So, we'll be getting some beach toys this summer.

I wasn't really thinking about stuff like this, so I guess I should amend my "Christmas and birthdays only" statement. I do buy some seasonal stuff for DS - beach toys, a little pool, etc in the summer. And if he's particularly into something (for example, he fell in love with The Jungle Book recently) I might pick up something to do with that (in this case, a few books and a set of Jungle Book action figures off eBay). But in general, he might get a new toy once every 2-3 months at most.

I think I'm like that because Christmas and birthdays are so insane around here. We live pretty close to the majority of our family and we're all very close (picture big Christmas dinners with 75 people), and DS gets a lot of gifts. I think this Christmas he probably opened 50 presents before he got anything from DH and me. The same with his birthday - easily 30 gifts if not more. So I try to keep the rest of the year fairly anti-consumer because holidays are so ridiculous around here (even though I personally try to limit our holiday buying).

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I don't get this thinking. To adults, art supplies are for creativity and books for love of reading/educational value, so those are always excepted. But to the kid, it is all fun, so no different than toys. And toys are of value, we want children to exercise their minds through play. I think "books are OK but a big no to toys" is a confusing message to a child.

I do bring things home for DC. DC has a lot of stuff. I bring home things for me. I have a lot of stuff. I don't want different rules for DC and me - so I don't believe in sending a message where I come home with new shoes or new mixing bowls, which are toys for me, while denying DC except for "occasions."

Part of this mindset is probably because I pretty much just got stuff on occasions or if not on occasion it was A Big Deal, so now I overly equate stuff with love. See paragraph above. :) I don't want DC to have the same message, so I'm more casual about "yes we have stuff, yes we get stuff, lets value it but not get overly possessive about it." We'll see if this holds true or if another generation of covetous pack rats continues forward.

Not picking on quoted PP, this particular quote was simply a perfect example for me to structure my point.

Art supplies are "finite resources", so when a glue stick runs out, or we use up our paper,markers dry up. etc. I replenish them.

I do not have a lot of stuff, or buy a lot of stuff for myself, neither does DH. I need sunglasses, and I am waiting as my birthday and Mother's Day are in May, so I will get them then and that will be my one gift. I do buy myself new books when one comes out in a series I read (Sookie, Stephanie Plum, etc.) so I guess that is why I find it acceptable for DD as well. So I don't see how the message to DD is confusing, as I show her the same in my life. To me books and big toys are totally different. Big things for me and DH are only on holiday's, so why should it be different for my child? We are a very quality VS quantity home. Books, to me are different, because I want to instill a love of reading in my DD at a young age, and she sees me reading a lot. At points in my childhood, I got stuff all the time and never appreciated it (my step mother was wealthy). When my dad was struggling and I got stuff, I appreciated it much more and took better care of it.

I don't equate DH getting a new TV or PS3 with him getting a book, or equate me getting a new purse to a new book. Different mentality I guess. Books are reasonably priced and big toys are expensive and that is a consideration for us, too. Most of the toys we buy aren't sold at places like Target, so buying little things just to buy them doesn't happen.

[mommyp]

Here birthday and Christmas are very close together so it would be a long time if she never got anything the rest of the year. We also have generous family, and it would be overboard then, so we will try to think ahead a little to get things that we can then pull out in the summer. Or we save the gift money and see what we think she would like that we hadn't thought of. Which is what we're doing now since DD had fun on a friend's tricycle and we don't have one yet, but it would be perfect for spring and summer. We don't typically get random things when we're out though and she knows that and isn't bothered by it. I'm also not including art supplies and books, I replenish crayons etc as needed and usually have a small stash of kids books that I will use to add to her book bin. (Big library users here too, though!)

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Here birthday and Christmas are very close together so it would be a long time if she never got anything the rest of the year. We also have generous family, and it would be overboard then, so we will try to think ahead a little to get things that we can then pull out in the summer. Or we save the gift money and see what we think she would like that we hadn't thought of. Which is what we're doing now since DD had fun on a friend's tricycle and we don't have one yet, but it would be perfect for spring and summer. We don't typically get random things when we're out though and she knows that and isn't bothered by it. I'm also not including art supplies and books, I replenish crayons etc as needed and usually have a small stash of kids books that I will use to add to her book bin. (Big library users here too, though!)

My DD's B-day is in April, mine in May. I think if DD's B-day was close to the holidays I would do a 1/2 b-day "very merry unbirthday" thing for her. It is nice to space things out! it's different when your kids have a b-day near the holidays, then I would give DD gifts in the summer, too. And I do buy seasonal things as needed.

[citymama]

We try and spread gifts across the year rather than overload during birthdays and holidays. I like to be able to give DD small things as rewards/incentives for good behavior (sleeping through the night, toothbrushing without a fuss). We also like to bring back something small when we go away on work trips - usually art supplies or a book or a Folkmanis finger puppet, which is her favorite thing on the planet. We will soon want to give her some big sister gifts and make sure she is not feeling left out when the baby arrives and gets presents.

We definitely save up "big" gifts (trike, play kitchen) for a birthday or holiday season.