when did you tell SO not to go away for business/pleasure during the last trimeste

[AnnieW625]

My DH is taking off a week for spring break as DD's daycare is closed and so I can work (saving vacation for maternity leave). So DH thought it would be nice if he took DD over to see his parents in Arizona (5 hrs. from here) for part of the week starting April 4th and returning on April 6th. The ILs live from Jan. to May in AZ, and from May to Dec. in Wyoming. We see the ILs maybe three times a year as they really hate coming to California (DH also suggested to them that they meet up in San Diego which is 3 hrs. for them, and just about 2 for us but they said no to that) esp. our neck of the woods in So Cal so DD doesn't know them well and it's why we only see them sparingly. Dilemma is that I will be 35 weeks pregnant then (due May 7th) and as much as I know it would be good for DH and DD to see the ILs I am just a little nervous about DH being that far from home. We don't have a lot of family here in case something were to happen and the little family we do (DH's uncle and aunt) are dealing with his aunt's sick dad so I can't guarantee they'll be there for me either. Does that make sense that I'd prefer that DH stay close to home (or go no more than 2 hrs away) in case anything were to happen?

FWIW, DD was born at 37 weeks and 6 days so it makes me think that #2 might be a little early too.

[jgenie]

Both my DC arrived 4 weeks early without warning - fine one minute baby here the next. DH generally doesn't travel much at the end of the year so with both DC he ended up not traveling the last 6 weeks or so. DH tends to travel internationally quite a bit so it was really important that he not travel those last few weeks.

[sariana]

I think he should stay close to home.

My DS was born at 32 weeks. When I started to have some issues with DD, too, my doctor put me on bed rest (I want to say I was about 24 weeks). DH was traveling to Detroit and Germany at the time. His employer pulled him off the project and gave him a position close to home for the next three months. (Have I mentioned how awesome DH's employer is? What they're doing for us right now while DH is deployed is even more amazing.) DD was born at 36 weeks.

I think the ILs are being a bit unreasonable. You should be protecting your precious cargo, not worrying about other people's travel plans. Not to mention that anyone who doesn't want to take a trip to San Diego obviously has some sort of mental problem. (Remember the thread about choosing only one spot to vacation in for the rest of your life? I chose San Diego.)

I'm trying to think of another compromise, but I'm coming up blank.

[Momof3Labs]

I'd let them go. FWIW, my first was 2 weeks early, and my second was only 1 week early. You may not go earlier this time than you did last time.

[TwinFoxes]

When I was pregnant DH was making regular trips to NYC from our home in LA, we're talking at twice a month. He was going to stop in mid-July, I told him to make it early July. My due date was 9/01. The girls were born in June. Thank goodness DH was in town when my water broke, he never would have forgiven himself if he had been gone (although they didn't come for 3 weeks after my water breaking). Clearly my case was extreme, but 35 weeks seems to be cutting it kind of close. I'm sure women who've had term babies might feel differently.

[KrisM]

I was fine with DH going until around 37 or 38 weeks with the 2nd and 3rd, but DS was 5 days late.

I would let him go to the inlaws. It's only 5 hours. If you start contracting call him right away and they can be home pretty quickly. And, it's only 2 days, so odds are you'll be fine.

[o_mom]

DH stopped out of state/airplane travel around 36 weeks - he may have squeaked in one last trip just over that. He still travelled to a couple places within 2 hrs the last few weeks, but stopped even that about a week before I was due with the last one because I had such a short labor with DS2.

I would probably be OK with that trip if he is driving.

[JTsMom]

I think your comfort level counts for a lot here, especially since this isn't a mandatory thing, and b/c they are being unreasonable about meeting half way. I think I *might* be ok with it if it were really important to him, but I'd prefer he not go in that particular situation.

On the flip side, would it be nice to have some alone time before the baby comes?

[Andi98989]

DH went on a work trip when I was 36 or 37 weeks pregnant; he was 5-6 hours away. They drove, so I was okay with it. Our agreement was that if I started to remotely feel like something was happening that I would call and he would head home immediately. Heck, when I was 39 weeks pregnant we went to a wedding 3 hours from home (with my doctor's blessing) with that same agreement.

I think it would be okay for them to go, especially if they're driving and can head back right away. But, ultimately it's about what you are comfortable with.

[MamaSnoo]

Our cut-off was 35 weeks, which was the same as the cut-off my OB gave me for airline travel. We figured that if I should not be traveling because I might have the baby, then he probably should not either.

My DH works some nights as well, so my parents (50 mi away) came to stay with me when he worked overnight. Good thing too, DD was born early am after a night that DH was at work!!

Did your other labor go really fast? If it was really important to DH, I *might* let him go with the promise that he would be back if I even felt a twinge. For me to do that, I would need to know that I had a great support person available for me during the 5 hours that he is on the way back...

[mecawa]

My DH travels for work like every week and he was suppose to stop traveling two weeks before each of the girls were born, luckily they are both Xmas-New Years time babies so he was home, because they were both early (DD1 a little over 2 weeks, and DD2 6 weeks).

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I think he should stay close to home.

My DS was born at 32 weeks. When I started to have some issues with DD, too, my doctor put me on bed rest (I want to say I was about 24 weeks). DH was traveling to Detroit and Germany at the time. His employer pulled him off the project and gave him a position close to home for the next three months. (Have I mentioned how awesome DH's employer is? What they're doing for us right now while DH is deployed is even more amazing.) DD was born at 36 weeks.

I think the ILs are being a bit unreasonable. You should be protecting your precious cargo, not worrying about other people's travel plans. Not to mention that anyone who doesn't want to take a trip to San Diego obviously has some sort of mental problem. (Remember the thread about choosing only one spot to vacation in for the rest of your life? I chose San Diego.)

I'm trying to think of another compromise, but I'm coming up blank.

:yeahthat:

my DS was born early, @ 38 weeks. the latest my DH went out of town was when i was 35 weeks and that was because he HAD to, for work. And even when he did that he paid for his mom to fly over and stay with me for the week he was gone (we have no family here, i don't have any neighbors etc that could help me out in case i went into early labor or i had some other complications). it was good b/c his mom was able to help me with cooking meals etc since at that point i was getting really tired and couldnt' stand up for too long.

why don't your IL's want to travel a measly 2 hours to meet up with you guys??? unless they're handicapped in some way that makes travel extremely difficult, it does sound highly unreasonable, especially knowing that you will be due somewhere around then. My MIL *hates* traveling yet she flew over for my shower (30 weeks) and for when DH went out of town (35 weeks) because she new i didn't have any one else to help me out and that i did not want to go out of town anywhere past 30 weeks. my younger brother was born @ 32 weeks and had to be in NICU for a while so i was especially aware about the possibility of delivering early, and i did NOT want to risk dealing with that alone or in a different town.

[wellyes]

Our rule is 35 weeks. If you were 37 weeks last time no way would I be comfy being all alone at 35 weeks.

[sunnyside]

If you aren't comfortable with it I'd say no! Mine is going to South Africa for work from week 36 - week 42 (Yes, Over the Due Date!), and I'm sick about it, but it's a 6-7 week contract that he gets paid a hefty day rate for EACH day fo those 6-7 weeks and those are few and far between. It's awful that it falls over the due date and I cannot believe that this is really happening, but between that and another 6 week contract a few weeks later (that I'll be there for), it makes up 35% of our yearly income. So I had to just deal with it.

If it wasn't for somethign like that, like money we absolutely need, I would have asked him not to go.

You have to make your own decision, but you shoudln't feel bad about asking him not to go if it is stressing you out!

[KpbS]

Our rule is 35 weeks. If you were 37 weeks last time no way would I be comfy being all alone at 35 weeks.

:yeahthat: Definitely the last 5 weeks, maybe the last 6 weeks. DS2 came early (4/5 days) and was an emergency in the middle of the night.

[MommyAllison]

My DH went to Russia when I was 35 & 36 weeks with DS, and I was pretty nervous, even though DD was overdue. Everything ended up being fine and DS was even more overdue than his sister - but it freaked me out. The plane ride home was 12+ hours, with connections, and my entire labor with DS was 3 hours - so DH definitely wouldn't have made it.

[citymama]

DH has a day trip or two to make in the next couple of weeks, but no overnight trips past week 32! He hasn't even asked. I can completely understand why you would be uncomfortable about it, and would suggest you share this with him.

[klwa]

I let DH go after 36 weeks so long as HE made sure that there was someone we both trusted who was on call in case something happened. (Generally it was his younger brother.)

[maestramommy]

I think it was 3 weeks before delivery. But with Dora I was a little more cautious, one month before. No particular reason except it was my first time, and Dh only went away for outdoor adventures, and I was concerned he wouldn't be reachable by cell.

[egoldber]

My DH travels extensively for his job and my cutoff for him was 36 weeks. I think he may have take a day trip to NYC (about 4-5 hours) which is similar, but I wasn't happy about it.

[AnnieW625]

Well DH and I are still trying to figure the in laws out because they took their honeymoon in 1968 to San Diego of all places, but I don't think they have been back since the late 70s.:shake: They HATE California traffic (which isn't that bad IMHO, although some places are worse than others) and they honestly hate being away from their stuff (they are currently living in their motorhome in an RV Park) for long periods of time. They come to CA to see DH's grandma in San Bernardino or they go to Sacramento to see some old friends and DH's brother and that's usually on their way back to Wyoming. In 5 yrs. they've been to our house probably 5 times; DH even offered to get them a porta potty (we only have one bathroom and MIL is always making comments about that) for when they come. I regress, but the ILs and their indosyncracies make DH and I laugh or shake our heads.

DH said this morning that he too would rather stay in CA and has told me that's he going to tell his parents that and that he's going to take DD to Legoland, Sea World, or the SD Zoo and leave it at that.

Thanks for all of input.