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View Full Version : Birds & the Bees--How much to tell at what age?



Bens Momma
03-28-2010, 09:52 AM
DS1 needs a birds & bees talk but I'm unsure how much we should tell him now. We've always used the proper names for body parts so he's good with all that, but he's starting to become very "aware" of his body so I think it's time to take the next step. Don't want to freak him out, but I know he'll start hearing things at school and on the bus in the next year or so (if this hasn't happened already) so we want to stay ahead of this. Just unsure how far to take it. I should also add that DS2 is two years younger than him so I'm a little concerned that info given to DS1 will immediately passed to DS2, and I'm not sure he's ready for this.

Just wanting some advice for those who've BTDT!
R.
Momma to 2 ACTIVE DS :bouncy::bouncy:

Raidra
03-28-2010, 02:20 PM
My philosophy is always to give the kids honest answers when they ask questions. I might be really general for some questions, but they get the truth. When I was pregnant with Fiona, my boys were 4 and 2. We were having a homebirth and they were hoping to be present, so I wanted to make sure they were prepared and that any questions they had got answered. We picked up a book called It's Not The Stork by Robbie Harris. I let them look through the whole book and they picked out pages they wanted to read. Same with this pregnancy (and the boys are now 6 and 4). We've read the page about sex, so they've heard about the very basic mechanics of it. I like that approach because my older son can just ask me to read a certain page rather than asking questions if he's nervous, and my younger son can tune out whatever he's not interested in. The way I look at it, if we were living on a farm, they'd know how animals made babies, and I don't think there's anything wrong with them knowing the basics about people.

I don't really know what you mean specifically with your son being aware of his body, or how old he is, so I don't really know what to say to that.

SnuggleBuggles
03-28-2010, 03:18 PM
My philosophy is always to give the kids honest answers when they ask questions. I might be really general for some questions, but they get the truth.

:yeahthat:

And when ds1 really started getting confusing messages from peers and culture, I bought "It's So Amazing." That was the last time he joked about sex. :)

Beth

BelleoftheBallFlagstaff
03-28-2010, 03:25 PM
How old are they? Being honest, but limiting detail is my suggestion. You can add details and go more in depth as they get older, when it is age appropriate. Without know the ages of the boys, it's hard to give a good answer.

JoyNChrist
03-28-2010, 03:28 PM
Don't want to freak him out, but I know he'll start hearing things at school and on the bus in the next year or so (if this hasn't happened already) so we want to stay ahead of this.

I'm not there yet with DS (who just turned 3, although we have had a few very general talks about how the babies got in my belly), but I just wanted to say that this is really important. I heard some incorrect and disturbing things about sex in the 4th or 5th grade from older kids on my school bus, and they weren't cleared up for me until my mom finally got around to having "the talk" with me when I was fifteen. Thank God I wasn't sexually active at that point, because it could have been really traumatic for me.

I think honesty is always the best policy, but it's also important not to give more detail than the child asks for. I also think the parent's attitude during the discussion is important - if you appear uncomfortable or embarrassed about discussing it, your child could start thinking about sex as a shameful or taboo thing, instead of something natural.

Elilly
03-28-2010, 05:52 PM
Another vote for the book, It's Not the Stork. DD learned the mechnics at 7 and now that she knows that we are really focusing on ethics/religion etc. in regards to sex.

Raidra
03-28-2010, 06:13 PM
I also think the parent's attitude during the discussion is important - if you appear uncomfortable or embarrassed about discussing it, your child could start thinking about sex as a shameful or taboo thing, instead of something natural.

This is one of the reasons why we've been upfront with answering questions early, as well as using correct anatomical terms from the start. I've been very uncomfortable discussing this topic for most of my life (aside from with one or two close, close friends). I figure that the sooner I get used to talking about it, the better. Sure, it's important to answer questions when the kids are little, but my goal is for the kids to feel comfortable talking to me (and vice versa) when they're older, so if I start young, I'll get over it before it becomes crucial.

Bens Momma
06-27-2010, 08:43 PM
For those that asked they are 7 and almost 5. We bought both books It's Not the Stork and It's So Amazing. Will start with It's Not the Stork. Would you talk to him and show him sections of the book, would you give him the book have him look at it on his own and wait for him to ask questions? Just wondering from those that have BTDT how you would approach it? I really am not prude about talking about it, I just want to "do it right" and don't want to freak him out!

Thanks!

hillview
06-27-2010, 08:50 PM
Has he asked any questions? Tonight my almost 5 year old asked how whales have babies. I answered his questions as he asked them. Providing enough info to answer the question. We ended up with penis and vagina and sperm and egg and whale baby. He also asked if a vagina was a butt so I clarified that (no a vagina is in the same place where you have a penis -- girls don't have a penis, they have a vagina). I need a drink :)

/hillary

DrSally
06-27-2010, 09:06 PM
He also asked if a vagina was a butt so I clarified that (no a vagina is in the same place where you have a penis -- girls don't have a penis, they have a vagina). I need a drink :)

/hillary

DS has asked this many times as well.
Ds likes to talk about how babies are made by daddy putting a seed in mommy. The other day he asked where the seed goes? Does it go in your mouth? "no" is all I could come up with.

billysmommy
06-27-2010, 09:13 PM
We're very open and will answer the questions as they come up. We just answer the question as they come but don't add any extra info.
DS1 knows quite a bit ~ that he makes sperm in his testicles, that sperm+egg= baby, etc but I guess he was missing one important detail because he asked me a couple months ago where the penis goes to get the sperm to the egg.
So I told him and his response was "eww that's gross!!!!" and then "but I guess I'll HAVE to do it sometime since I want to have 4 babies when I grow up" :hysterical: