poll: most tactful way to handle invite/situation involving 4 yr. old?

[AnnieW625]

I have a baby shower to attend in a few weeks (pending I haven't gone into labor, I'll be 37 weeks) and it turns out that DH also has to go to memorial service for a co worker who died last week. We have DD who will be 4 and for the most part is very well behaved, but I am tad nervous about having DH take DD to the memorial service. Baby shower is for one of my closest cousins, and is being given by her aunt and a fair amount of family will be there. Baby shower is at noon at a country club, and memorial service is at a private home (brother of deceased, whom DH has never met). DH thinks that he can take DD to memorial service, but I would rather cross the line and ask the hostess (my dad's first cousin who has 5 grandchildren herself; with one more on the way) and ask if I can take DD with me. DD's name was not written on the invitation. I am very old school about things like that. Do I even bother to ask cousin about bringing DD or should I just get a sitter? The sitter is my first choice.

[elizabethkott]

Why stress? Get a sitter. :)

[kristenk]

I voted ask cousin. I would explain that DH won't be able to watch DD and you were wondering if she could come to the show. I'd also make sure to mention that you *could* get a sitter if she thought that would be best.

I think it's all about how you present it. It doesn't hurt to ask nicely, though, and not get offended if the answer is no. :)

ETA: I didn't notice that getting a sitter is your first choice. Go with that! Definitely!

[BabyMine]

Why stress? Get a sitter. :)

:yeahthat: Relax and enjoy. Your DD would porbably be happier being able to play at home then at a baby shower with a bunch of adults.

[TwinFoxes]

Why not get a sitter? I was going to vote ask your cousin before I read getting a sitter is your first choice.

I think taking her to the memorial shouldn't even be on the table. I think it could be confusing/sad for her, and could also be kind of disrespectful to the family of the deceased. It would be different if you knew the brother/host.

[smiles33]

I'd go with the sitter, too, especially since the shower is at a country club and your DD might get bored. Plus, even if your cousin said yes, I'd feel badly bringing DD as it's her special day and kids weren't originally invited.

[JoyNChrist]

I voted take her to the shower, but there are always a few kids at the showers I attend, so it would be no big deal in my social circle. But if that's not the norm for you, just get a sitter!

[JBaxter]

Every baby shower I have ever been to had kids. I'd ask and take them.

[Ceepa]

I'd get a sitter. No question.

[JTsMom]

Is there a down-side to getting a sitter? Since that's your first choice, I'd lean towards that unless there's a reason not to do it. I wouldn't send her to the memorial service, but I would consider asking about the shower if there's some reason not to get a sitter.

[wendmatt]

DD was pretty shy and she never really went to a sitter, so I would ask cousin. If it's a close cousin I'm sure they'd understand. I wouldn't take her to the mem service.

[AnnieW625]

Is there a down-side to getting a sitter? Since that's your first choice, I'd lean towards that unless there's a reason not to do it. I wouldn't send her to the memorial service, but I would consider asking about the shower if there's some reason not to get a sitter.

No no real reason not to get a sitter, we can afford it, and the light just turned on I could see if DD's god parents can watch her; they love watching her.


DD was pretty shy and she never really went to a sitter, so I would ask cousin. If it's a close cousin I'm sure they'd understand. I wouldn't take her to the mem service.

DD is shy in other situations besides daycare or preschool and has only had a handfull of sitters in her life. Her godparents, my sister, and the DCPs daughter, but since both things are out of town we need someone who can drive if need be and DCPs daughter doesn't. My sister is coming into town sometime that following week. I'll email godparents and see if they can do it (but GM has a sick father right now so I might need a back up anyway) and I'd really like to have another sitter on call who can drive for cases like this one.

[HannaAddict]

Get a sitter and relax! If the shower was at a family member's home I might ask if there was no other way to attend, but a country club setting says "no kids" to me and it is boring for a four year old to be quiet and good someplace lime that with adults. You deserve a mommy day too. I would not bring her to the memorial or even consider it. Hope you get to relax!

[mom2binsd]

Get a sitter...esp with the country club setting. As well, the other guests will surely get their petticoats in an uproar if one guest brings their child and they weren't "allowed" to bring theirs. I find at showers if they want children involved it's clearly indicated, and often activities and food are prepared to involve little ones- sounds like an adult shower to me.

Enjoy a little time by yourself (you don't have much left!!)

[AnnieW625]

Heard back from DD's godparents and they should be able to watch her:) .

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Why not get a sitter? I was going to vote ask your cousin before I read getting a sitter is your first choice.

I think taking her to the memorial shouldn't even be on the table. I think it could be confusing/sad for her, and could also be kind of disrespectful to the family of the deceased. It would be different if you knew the brother/host.

:yeahthat: i also agree with PP, your DD would probably have more fun at a sitter's than having to attend a shower with a bunch of adults. plus as someone else said other guests at shower might get miffed if they had to get a sitter for their own DC's to attend... i've seen this issue happen every now and then at a few all-girl get-togethers; one person shows up with a baby/toddler, and then someone else says "oh, i would have brought my daughter if i knew we were allowed to bring kids.." and then it gets kind of awkward.

eta: saw last posts, that's great that godparents can watch her!