Finding more patience

[hillview]

How do you find more patience. I don't seem to naturally have a whole bunch. Things seem to escalate. I HATE this. Please help.

Right now I tend to give a consequence and follow through. But it often gets me angry. Shortly after being angry I feel like a horrible mom. I am not talking about hitting your child or about calling them names. Just being really frustrated and snapping.

I would also take this opportunity to tell SAHM that I so totally and utterly respect your work.

/hillary

[BabyMine]

:hug:My patience wanes from time to time. I don't always have patience but I learned that if I take care of myself and find time to regroup than I am more likely to be calmer. It isn't easy sometimes to maintain calm when they are on my last nerve. I went through a period of time where I thought all I did was scream at M (TT wasn't born). If I felt myself getting close I learned to put myself in a time out. I went to the laundry room, shut (sometimes locked) the door for a minute or 2 and regrouped.

[twowhat?]

My husband is like you. He snaps and yells and then feels horrible about it afterwards. I'm not sure there's a whole lot you can do - your patience is inherant in you. BUT I do think that there are things you can "train" yourself to do to help you calm down...

My husband will snap when he asks for something to get done, and it doesn't get done right away. I told him that he should ask once, and if dc don't do it, just quickly and gently move them into compliance WITHOUT saying anything more. The item gets accomplished, and no more yelling is involved. If they throw a tantrum in the process, just ignore and continue. That's how I handle things (though I have WAY more patience).

It is still very hard for him to do this. When a tantrum is thrown his first reaction is to yell and then everything goes downhill. Anyway, my point is that come up with 2-3 steps for dealing with the situation while keeping yourself calm, and then try to follow those steps each and every time. Easier said than done, I know.

[kijip]

I am not by nature super patient. But I have become pretty patient as an adult mostly by breathing/relaxation techniques and constantly reminding myself that in the big picture, whatever it is that is pissing me off, is unimportant when stacked against the good of life.

[smiles33]

I'm still not very patient, but DH absolutely hates my "frenzy mode" where I freak out and get all worked up and annoyed when I'm stressed. Thus, I've had to work on it and he's helped me. His solution, which works for me, is almost like a mantra I repeat to myself when I recognize that I'm getting stressed or impatient. The hardest part is recognizing I'm being impatient and immediately saying to myself, "I will not go with my first instinct." My first instinct is almost always to freak out/rush into saying something or doing something that I later regret. I find that when I'm self-aware, I can slow myself down and think more carefully about how I want to proceed.

GL!

[pinkmomagain]

Really, I cut back on caffiene (that really makes me snappy, so I'm down to one cup in the morning).

Secondly, I try to put them in front of the TV or a movie for a bit so we all get a breather from one another.

Thirdly, I try to get breaks of "me" time when I can to replenish that patience.

Finally, I never have a hard time saying "sorry" to my kids and letting them know that I regret losing my patience.

Oh! And also sometimes I'll re-read a child development book to remind me that some annoying kiddo behaviors are just typical for the age.

[niccig]

When you find where Patience lives, can you send her over to my house!! I think that is DS's lesson in life to teach me to be patient.


Like DS, I'm more likely to melt down when I'm tired and rushed. I get snappy too and I don't like it. I'm trying to set myself up for success by giving myself time to do things and not be soooo tired. That means going to bed before everything gets done. I've also started some breathing exercises when I am getting impatient, or a time out for myself for a minute or two, then I can resume with DS.

[lalasmama]

I don't have any patience.

In fact, La is currently throwing a fit, and I'm sitting downstairs, here on BBB, ignoring her instead of talking with her, because if I go up there, I'm going to tell her to suck it up.

I'll be watching this thread with interest, as I often feel crappy about my mothering because I tend to be snappy with her.

[daisymommy]

I have realized that I am starting to become a less patient mama as my household gets noisier and more chaotic, and that me snapping is when I am actually having a mini-anxiety attack from sensory overload.

Not sure how that helps you or me, I'm just being honest here :wink2:

[g-mama]

I have realized that I am starting to become a less patient mama as my household gets noisier and more chaotic, and that me snapping is when I am actually having a mini-anxiety attack from sensory overload.




Wow, you just described me. I sometimes think I really over-estimated my tolerance for chaos and noise when I decided to have a third child. Three kids kinda put me over the edge in terms of how anxious I feel a lot of the time when they're all home. Too often, I just lose it and basically have an adult temper tantrum, which really comes when I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack. Interesting how someone else saying something can make things more clear for yourself.

[Twoboos]

When you find where Patience lives, can you send her over to my house!! I think that is DS's lesson in life to teach me to be patient.


:yeahthat: except it's DD2's job to teach me patience, and I seem to be a horrible student.





I'll be watching this thread with interest, as I often feel crappy about my mothering because I tend to be snappy with her.

and another :yeahthat: for good measure...

I am definitely less patient when I am tired (all the time). And when they are just plain 'ole ignoring me. Many people say yoga help to teach patience - I've been doing it a lot and it's not working so much. But I keep trying.

[egoldber]

I have realized that I am starting to become a less patient mama as my household gets noisier and more chaotic, and that me snapping is when I am actually having a mini-anxiety attack from sensory overload.

Absolutely, this is me too. I must say that realizing this helps me to control it. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. And if I know in advance it's going to be like that, I can usually talk myself into a better place for coping with it.

It's also made me a bit more sympathetic to older DD and her issues, because I can see that she is just like me. When she is overwhelmed, she reacts the exact same way.

[sste]

Hillview, I may be confusing posters but I am seem to remember you posting several times about having a very spirited child. I think that is a VERY different kettle of fish in terms of patience so keep that in mind and go easy on yourself! I have a pretty easy child but he is 2 so my patience has certainly been tested . . . I try to be proactive in setting up situations that won't strain my patience too much. So, I try to limit my "solo" time with DS to 2 or 3 hours so DH is there if I need a break or need him to take over - - he can pretty much tell at 30 paces when I am about to snap. Or if DH and I are both done in, I call in a babysitter for two or three hours and have her take DS to the park so he can run off some steam. Sometimes I make a big joke or game out of how frustrated I am getting and ask DS for suggestions of what I should do to calm down (this may work better with a 2 y/o . . . most frequent suggestion is to sing jingle bells, which actually kind of works).

[g-mama]

It's also made me a bit more sympathetic to older DD and her issues, because I can see that she is just like me. When she is overwhelmed, she reacts the exact same way.

Beth - It's wonderful for your dd that you are able to see this same characteristic in her so you can help her through it.

Sometimes I feel like my boys came from a different planet than I did and I look to dh to help me understand them. The noise, good Lord, the noise! The constant motion, the competitiveness....I could go on and on, but I'll stop.

[infomama]

It's a mindset influenced by so many factors (stress, hormones, etc) that is is hard to say where *you* will reach to find more patience or how you will change to handle stressful situations better. Personally I have chosen to walk away when I feel I am going to blow. I have yelled too many times for 'no good reason' and when I calm down and think about what a horrible experience I just created for my Dd or DH I feel miserable and there is no taking back the words I said or erasing the experience I created due to my inability to control myself.

I often find myself setting my intention for the day as 'being more patient'. I pray before I sleep and I set an intention when I wake. The reality of it all is you are in control of your actions so...choose. Choose to walk away ('mama needs a minute..I'll be right back' are words I find myself saying at times), scream into a pillow, take some deep cleansing breaths..reset your intention..try to pinpoint the reason you are about to loose it, regroup or ask your Dh to take over while you collect yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it. :hug:

[Sillygirl]

I really know where you're coming from. I get my witchy voice on and it's as though I can't stop myself, I hate it. I signed DH and me up for a parenting class - even though he's much more patient with the boys than I am. It wasn't a magic fix but I can say things have gotten a lot better. We did STEP - Systematic Training for Effective Parenting - which has been around a long time. It would fit in with the general vibe of this board. For me, the simple act of confronting my patience problem head-on made a lot of difference. It was a parenting class but it really got me thinking about my patterns which were the problem. If you have a chance, I really recommend it.

[hillview]

You ALL make me feel SO much better and not alone. Thanks everyone!
/hillary