Can we talk house buyer's remorse?

[Jacksmommy2b]

Well... we have a house under contract. The inspection came up pretty clean. (just a couple of easy fixes) We have a settlement date and I am having some serious buyers remorse.

It is a lovely townhome. (a townhome was the best fit for our budget - so while I do mourn a single family, I know any single family we could afford would need a lot of work.) The only concrete complaint I have about it is that the living room is small-ish.

We saw like 50 properties - pretty much everything in our price range and some that weren't. :) We saw a few with amazing interiors, one was knocked off the list because it was ugly outside, surrounded by apartments and the parking sucked. The other was 20k cheaper, had a first floor playroom and I fell hard for it - but it had really small closets, the kitchen had lousy storage - about what I have now in our tiny apt and again the parking sucked. So M veto'ed it, and while I understand why - I still love that house.

So 'new home' is just kinda 'meh' to me. And I really can't say why. It's double the space we have now in an amazing community with a full playgound practically in our back yard. We have a pond with ducks and frogs. M got a garage and we have a private drive. Each boy has his own room and our master is gorgeous. And we could all pee at the same time! As a single bathroom family that is huge. We're also in the best elementary in an awesome district.

IDK. The LR is about the size we have now and that makes me nervous as I already feel crammed like a sardine. I worry I'll feel squished there too. (apt is 750sq ft. New house is 1600) And, new house needs a make-over. The whole house is bright peach and pink, the carpets are old, the kitchen is horribly ugly and outdated - as are all 3 baths. I know you aren't supposed to let stupid things like paint and ugly sinktops keep you from buying - but - I can't help but freak out when thinking about all the stress, work and money to make it home. (the house is only 12 so it isn't like the kitchen is from the 50's - I guess the whole house just feels very 90's. And we're starting with paint and carpets an will do the rest over time.)

I guess our logic was buy what we can't change (school, neighborhood) then change what we can. (paint, sink tops, etc.) We were sort of under a time crunch since our lease isexpiring and month to month is way more than our mortgage will be, and the 8,000 credit expires soon.

Also, I don't move well. I hate to feel unsettled. Add to that we're first time buyers and I get twitchy spending $500 not to mention more than a quarter mil, and I'm a mess.

Please tell me it's normal and the house will grow on me! Please!

[bubbaray]

If you don't love it, walk away. JMHO. GL with your decision.

[infomama]

Well...new paint and carpet can make a big difference as to how a place feels. Sounds like there are many benefits to this new home that *may* outweigh the minuses. That being said, if you think the 'meh' feeling goes beyond the cosmetic issues/small LR then I agree with pp and I would keep looking.

[California]

It sounds like you made a smart buy. It is very hard to see past ugly paint and carpet to realize the potential of a home. It sounds like you are struggling with that, yet made the smart decision to pick location, schools, land, solid building structure with no expensive repairs (roof, pipes, etc.) needed, over cosmetics. The good part about the ugly interior paint and carpet is that it probably helped keep the cost down a bit! That said, a fresh coat of paint can do wonders for a new place. Can you hire someone to do a quick coat of paint in the main room and your new bedroom, or get friends to help? Maybe that alone will help lift your spirits in the new place.

[sariana]

I guess our logic was buy what we can't change (school, neighborhood) then change what we can. (paint, sink tops, etc.)

ITA with this. You cannot change location or the factors you mention. You can change just about anything about the interior of the home.

We fell in love with our first home, but it was not in a great location. It was a challenge to sell, and we lost a lot of money on it.

Our new house is just okay, but I love where we live. The ES is a block away, we have a (man-made) lake with a walking trail walking distance away, we have a regional park and National Forest practically in our back yard, the schools are great, and the view is phenomenal.

I'll use your word and say our house is "meh." But we can change that.

As for feeling squished, I've always said I'm like a gas. I'll expand to fill any space. Sad but true. Would you really want to have to clean more than 1600 square feet? Nah, I didn't think so.

Move some furniture from the living room to (an)other room(s). That will make it seem bigger. Watch some home shows on HGTV to get some ideas for furniture arrangements.

If your boys are used to sharing a room, you could consider continuing that arrangement and using the other bedroom as their playroom. Just a thought.

I have learned that there is no such thing as "normal." If you already have had the inspection, I assume you would be out some deposit money if you backed out now. Think about how losing that money could cut into plans for upgrading another property.

Ulitmately you have to do what feels right for you. But I think plunking down a huge chunk of cash for a home always gives a buyer reason to pause. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. I don't know that anyone, no matter how perfect the house, has no second thoughts.

Good luck.

[hillview]

I always feel like I am a little disappointed after we pick a new house. That said if you really don't like something I'd walk. We had a similar situation at our current place -- needed hardwood put down (old carpet) and was painted pink and baby blue. We repainted and put down the hardwood and it makes a big difference. The kitchen is cira 1980 and I want to re-do it. DH said maybe next year (year 3). It is annoying but I don't cringe every day about it.

Good luck!
/hillary

[wellyes]

I've had two kinds of buyers remorse: the "oh crap" kind and the "well I'm just ambivalent" kind.

The "oh crap" was spot on and I should have walked away. If you're feeling that, I say --- run away. Rent.
The "well I'm ambivalent" is, I think, pretty darned typical for people who settle in terms of house in order to get what they really want in terms of location. Very normal.

I can't tell from your post which way you feel. A certain amount of "meh" is totally normal. But if it's "oh crap" then, I'm sorry to say, I do encourage you to get out now instead of resenting the place for the next 10 years.

[egoldber]

The "well I'm ambivalent" is, I think, pretty darned typical for people who settle in terms of house in order to get what they really want in terms of location. Very normal.

:yeahthat:

I think this is really normal. If you've never owned a home before, I think you'll be shocked what a difference new paint and carpet will make.

My SIL bought a townhome that had been owned by a hoarder (as in the kind where you can't walk except for the paths between the piles) so she got it for a song. Even with the stuff out, it looked terrible, gross, nasty carpet, etc. She put in new carpet and had it painted before she moved in and it was like a completely different place. She gradually re-did the bathrooms (one at a time) and the kitchen. It took her about 18 months but it was gorgeous by the time she was done and because she was careful and a great shopper, she did it all very inexpensively.

[TwinFoxes]

This doesn't sound like your forever home. For a starter home what you describe seems pretty par for the course. You should make it your own, with an eye to resell value. I had buyers remorse with our first house. But we (ok, DH :) ) put a lot of sweat equity into it, and when we had to sell I was very sad. But we also managed to make a profit despite it going on the market in November of '08. We bought it a good location for really cheap, and fixed a lot of stuff.

What does a 90s kitchen look like? Country kitchenish? I think that can be changed pretty easily. The baths might be more of a challenge and investment. But even for a bath changing paint colors and linens and hardware can make a big difference for not much money. And the small living room might not seem so small since the boys will have their own room for some of their stuff.

I'm not trying to convince you to buy, but just trying to point out it might not be as bad as you think. Good luck! :hug:

[Melbel]

I think a certain amount of buyer's remorse is completely normal, especially when you have to compromise to stay in budget, buy in the right neighborhood, etc. Many potential buyers have difficulty seeing past the bad paint/carpet which likely considerably helped with the sale price. It sounds like you have already done considerable due diligence. Paint and flooring seriously does make a world of difference. Your cosmetic updates will instantly help you to like/love the home more, will build equity, and will likely also improve resale value. I recommend doing so before moving in if possible. Once you have your things and style in the home, it will feel more like you. Good luck, and congrats if you decide to close the deal!

[DebbieJ]

It sounds like you made a smart buy.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I like the "meh" vs "oh crap" distinction by wellyes. I can understand how you may feel a bit overwhelmed (maybe that's not the right word) by the idea of doing all the paint and flooring right away, plus actually moving all your stuff, esp. if you say that you don't move well. A couple new light fixtures can offset the 90's feel with the paint and carpet. I'm excited you found something in your price range in a great school district with a park nearby. Sounds like a dream! I bet you can figure out a way to make the living room feel bigger - like by having the toys stored in another area!

[Ceepa]

A starter home is a different category, IMO. Our starter home was 75 years old, had lead paint and asbestos tiles. The closets were tiny and there was a powder room right off the kitchen. As in "close the dishwasher all the way so I can open the door to the bathroom!" :ROTFLMAO:

We were not in love but we painted, hung up curtains and planted some flowers in our miniscule front yard. The back yard was almost all asphalt. It sounds horrible when type it out, but we came to really like our little house, befriend the neighbors and settle in.

You may not see the house as yours yet. But once you start putting your mark on things, you'll feel like you're home.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It really sounds like it has a lot of good things going for it- location, especially. The cosmetic things can be fixed over time but paint and do flooring prior to moving in and tackle the things you hate most asap. I say go for it but I am envious of the close playground. :) GL with the choice!!!

Beth

[SammyeGail]

It sounds like you got a great townhome, like many PP said, new paint and flooring will make a huge difference. My sister has a late 1970's home, origional cabinets and counter tops, I thought she was crazy to buy it it was so ugly, but I would love to have the kitchen space she has, the closet space, etc. She and her H are divorced now, but what they did looks good and the house has grown on me alot!

I have huge buyers remorse on our current house, a new construction. It was very attractive, the builder put in alot of nice hardwood and tile, maple cabinets, upgraded baseboards and crown molding....but I don't like this house, its not functional for our family.

The closets are small. The master bedroom is downstairs with the other 2 bedrooms upstairs, what I did not want. DH and I sleep in the 2nd bedroom upstairs, the master is a catch-all room. My #1 thing was having a living room open to the kitchen, its not. The kitchen cabinets were stained but not sealed (no polyurethane) so now there are spots where water has gotten on them in the kitchen. The cabinet guy gave me some more stain, it covers well, but its a kitchen, to be told 'not to let your cabinets get wet', jeez. They look really terrible right now. Our lot is slopped, but its hard to find a flat lot around here. We live in a very small town where DH works. It will take longer to sell. I wanted to live in the nearby subdivisions of the city, about 30 min away.

We live on a street, not a neighborhood, there is no community feel here. We do plan to move soon. Trying to decide where is best for us. Its true, its all about location, location, location.

A positive thing about replacing your countertops, etc., even if you have to wait, you get to pick out what you want! We did alot of work on the house before this one, it felt so neat/gratifying to 'transform' a room when it was finished. You will be able to put your 'stamp' on each room, that will help it truly be your home. I don't know if that makes sense, but DH and did work in every house we've lived in, it made it feel more like 'ours', except for this one, I repainted the boys room and the dining room, but thats it. The builders wife picked colors for each room, all deep base, so we are still stuck with colors she picked out. Its alot harder to paint with toddler twins, lol.

Then I became very ill, (thyroid out of wack and an adrenal gland disorder) I feel a bit better and am going to a new doctor on the 22nd.

As for a small den, its not so bad. Again, like many PP said, furniture arrangement can make a big difference. The house before this one was 1400 sq feet and had a very small den, but for some reason the dining room was 14 X 14. I put the piano in there, all our plants, etc, our den had a large loveseat, chair, recliner, endtables and TV on a stand. Toys here and there. If we were still there the boys would probably share a room and the 3rd bedroom be a playroom.

Good luck, moving is nerve wrecking, lol, the new carpet and paint will make a big difference. Once you get moved in and everything settled you will feel alot better. Also, updating the townhome sounds like a great investment :)!

[pb&j]

I agree with the PP who said that if it's just "meh," keep moving forward, but bail if it is "oh crap."

If it's possible to repaint and replace carpet before you move in, do it. It's amazing how much more a place feels like home when it's got colors and textures that you picked out. :)

[crl]

I agree with meh vs. oh crap distinction. That said, it sounds to me like you did well. I absolutely think location is key. A small living room isn't ideal, but it sounds worth it for the other pluses. The carpet and the paint are a hassle, but really very doable and the change will make a huge difference in how it looks. And, personally, I've got really definite ideas about kitchens so last time we bought and next time we buy I prefer a kitchen that needs to be redone so I can get what I want rather than being stuck with something that's not to my standards but is too nice and new to rip out.

Catherine

[smiles33]

I agree with meh vs. oh crap distinction. That said, it sounds to me like you did well. I absolutely think location is key. A small living room isn't ideal, but it sounds worth it for the other pluses. The carpet and the paint are a hassle, but really very doable and the change will make a huge difference in how it looks. And, personally, I've got really definite ideas about kitchens so last time we bought and next time we buy I prefer a kitchen that needs to be redone so I can get what I want rather than being stuck with something that's not to my standards but is too nice and new to rip out.

Catherine
:yeahthat:

Also, I find it sometimes helps me to make a list of what I eventually want to change, and then just put the list down and walk away for a while. When you come back and see it in writing, it almost always makes me feel less overwhelmed. It doesn't look that long, some of the items are easy (e.g., change out the ugly brass chandeliers that people seemed to love in the 90s!), and I get excited thinking about the replacement items I'd want to pick out.

GL!

[teedeedee]

IDK. The LR is about the size we have now and that makes me nervous as I already feel crammed like a sardine. I worry I'll feel squished there too. (apt is 750sq ft. New house is 1600)

Do you think that since the whole house is bigger you'll have more room to spread out and will have less stuff (toys, maybe computer/office type stuff) in the living room? If you just dedicate the living room to family activities and keep the other stuff out, maybe it will work for your family?

It sounds like you are getting some great things with your home- the school district, playground, parking, more space. It's really amazing what some paint and new flooring can do- and you can tackle other projects later. I agree that it sounds like a great buy!

My DH picked out our last home b/c we were both military at the time and I wasn't able to get away to go look with him. When I first saw the house, I wanted to cry. But we slowly fixed it up and then when it was time to move, I cried- this time because I loved it so much and didn't want to leave. This house was also 1600 sq feet. It was just perfect for us. Now we have a bigger house and I'm overwhelmed trying to keep everything clean!

So this is all to say, you might be amazed at how much you grow to love it and how much it becomes "home" for you and your family. But only you can decide if you think this is the right decision for you!

[mommylamb]

We live in a townhome, and honestly, I almost never use our living room. Our kitchen is very large and there is a family room area connected to the kitchen and this is where we hang out. Either there or in the downstairs room (DH's man cave). The living room makes little difference in our lives. I like it because it's pretty and has a lot of light/good windows and my beautiful glass door bookcase. All this to say, I think other pluses trump a small living room.

That said, I too wish we could have gotten a single family house. Not for a bigger living room, but because I would have liked a bigger yard and a 4th bedroom.

Best of luck!!

[JoyNChrist]

The "well I'm ambivalent" is, I think, pretty darned typical for people who settle in terms of house in order to get what they really want in terms of location. Very normal.


Very well said. I think the place sounds like a smart buy - you're right, some things you can't change (location), so you should buy for those instead of things that could be fixed relatively easily. Maybe you should check out some renovation blogs to get you excited about fixing the place up (my favorite is www.younghouselove.com).

I also think it can be hard when you've seen a house that you really, really love, that doesn't work out for whatever reason. The week before we talked to DH's grandparents about purchasing their house (not sure if you read my thread about that), we viewed my "dream house" in our hometown. Seriously, it's the perfect place. But it's also at the top of our price range, and the grandparents' place is a much smarter choice (financially and for the location, etc). And it's a perfectly nice home. But I still can't get too excited about it right now because I fell so hard for the other house. I know it will pass in time...it's just that I already had the other house decorated in my mind. ;)

[kijip]

We live in a townhouse relatively similar to yours. I would go with meh but learn from my mistake:

Paint and do the carpet before you move it. It's a PITA to do it later. Far more so that it is to fix bathrooms and kitchens once you are there. It's been 3 years and I have only done a little painting. I did not tear out the builder's grade carpet on the stairs and bedrooms because it seemed like a "waste" to get rid of new carpet. Wrong, I should have just done it. I could do it now but taking out all the stuff in our bedrooms seems difficult with a new child in the mix. Life will get in the way. Do as much as you can comfortably afford to before you are in the middle of life in it. :)