Is it normal to be scared to death?

[JoyNChrist]

I was really freaked out when we found out we were having twins, but after the first trimester passed without incident I started getting really excited.

But then this past week, I baby-sat my friend's 9-month-old little boy all week, and DS was out of preschool on spring break. So I had a three-year-old and a baby all week and wow, it was exhausting! It was all I could do to keep everyone fed, clothed, and relatively happy all day, and my house definitely suffered.

So now I'm absolutely terrified of what life is going to be like with the new babies. Like, to the point that I'm losing sleep worrying about it.

I guess I just need to know that this is normal and that we really will survive.

[twowhat?]

You'll survive. Yes it is hard but you will do it. You'll do it because you have to and you'll do it because you need to, and honestly for me that's what got us through. We just had to keep going, had to keep plowing through. And now, we are standing here, battle-scarred but still alive!! :)

I wish I knew of a way for you to stop worrying and get some sleep now cuz you will need it!! Twins are GREAT fun. There will be moments when you are going to lose it and one or both babies does something that just makes it all better. Your 3yo is probably old enough too that he can "help" - put diapers away, sort laundry, that kind of thing. It will keep him involved and not feeling so left out.

Don't worry! Yes it's hard but you will make it and you'll do it well! Plus you've got the BBB to bitch to when you're feeling overwhelmed:)

[Momof3Labs]

A few things: you won't be pregnant with twins (which is exhausting) while caring for twins (which is also exhausting). And your DS will be 6 months older, which makes a HUGE difference. His communication skills will be better, he'll be more independent (because you'll work on that between now and then, promise?), and he'll want to help even more than now.

Have you thought about who will help you out after the babies are here? Any family members who can come regularly or for an extended period? It's not what you want to hear, but the first 3 months were soooo hard - nothing anyone said could have warned me how hard it was, and they were EASY babies except for their feeding issues. Rarely cried unless hungry, let us put them down all the time, etc. After 3 months we settled into a routine and now it is really pretty manageable. But ask me again when the girls get mobile - we're just approaching that stage.

Well, and I guess you relax your standards - fed, clothed (even in last night's pajamas) and happy is doing pretty darn good when you are alone with 3 kids, including newborn twins. Getting something done around the house is icing!

[JoyNChrist]

Have you thought about who will help you out after the babies are here? Any family members who can come regularly or for an extended period?

We're actually incredibly lucky in that almost all of our family members (and we have big families) live within 30 minutes of us. And my mom, MIL, and SIL (all of whom I actually like and don't get on my nerves) all have really flexible schedules. And that's not even counting friends. So we'll actually have tons of help - I just need to really sit down and get all that organized.

I guess I know intellectually that we'll make it work and do what we have to do to get by, but then when I really start thinking about the day-to-day of it, I start freaking myself out.

[AJP]

Yes it's definitely normal! I still find myself feeling that way 20 months into it lol.
Ditto to the pp's. You do it no matter what. I remember asking a friend with 2 singleston and triplets (5 total) HOW she did "it"...she alway just said "you don't have a choice not to"...now I know. You just "do" it. You have an advantage where you already have one dc and know how to do all the things I was learning as I went along (twins are our 1st and only so far).
I remember when I started to really freak and I was asking my dh daily ( who works ALOT) hth I was going to do this while being on my own so much! It's scary but so so so rewarding!!! Ask tons of ?'s on whatever multiples boards you can and get yourself ready with ideas of how to feed 2 at once, suggestions on nighttime routines, getting out etc. Reading all of these ideas from btdt moms saved me because I felt a little prepared by having ideas I could pull from the back of my head. I impressed a lot of people with my resourcefulness and I owe it to all the advice from other MoM's.
Please ask whatever specific ?'s you can think of here. There are lots of experienced multies moms here with all age ranges. I promise you'll get great advice!
Good luck!

[dowlinal]

I was terrified about the same thing during my pregnancy. Like Lori said, the first three months are tough. My boys are so easy, but you only have two hands and I tried to exclusively nurse so it was so hard because I was the only one who could feed them. Somewhere around 3 months I syarted supplementing them and they started sleeping for longer stretches so it got a lot easier and now at 10 months it's not bad at all. I can't imagine life without my little guys and really there is nothing sweeter than having your twins climb all over you to cover you in kisses.

[twowhat?]

We're actually incredibly lucky in that almost all of our family members (and we have big families) live within 30 minutes of us. And my mom, MIL, and SIL (all of whom I actually like and don't get on my nerves) all have really flexible schedules. And that's not even counting friends. So we'll actually have tons of help - I just need to really sit down and get all that organized.


You've got it made then. You don't even need to worry so much about a schedule - just accept any help any time and there WILL be things to do. There will always be a meal that needs to be made, a baby or two that need to be held, a toddler who needs someone to take him to the park to blow off steam, dishes in the sink, grocery store errands to run, etc.

Don't get too caught up in details. Yes, there is some amount of pre-planning you can do but honestly a lot of that goes straight out the window when the twins arrive. Unless they are really really easy babies, there are just lots of things you have to learn on the fly. Ours were NOT easy babies - we couldn't put them down anywhere, they had to be swaddled tightly, I was EBF, they had colic, and they didn't go for more than 3 hours between feedings until they were 3 months old. My husband took 6 WEEKS off from work (half of that unpaid) and the day he went back to work, I was TERRIFIED (even though my MIL was still here with me). And when my MIL went home I was HORRIFIED. But I made it and I have to say, there is definitely a feeling of accomplishment when you actually do it by yourself.

When twins arrive the priorities are very simple. 1) make sure babies are fed and clean. 2) make sure YOU are fed and if you are clean, that is a bonus (and make sure pets are fed, if you have them) 3) pay the mortgage and 4) If all of the above are done, SLEEP. EVERYTHING else will go by the wayside and that's OK!! You will catch up when you are able to. We learned VERY quickly to not sweat the fact that the house was a royal mess, with inches of dog hair piling up in the corners. We ended up hiring a housekeeper when the twins were about 5 months old. Yes, our house went UNCLEANED for that long. Never even ran the vacuum or scrubbed the toilets (actually that is untrue...my MIL and my mom would grab a broom and sweep up dog hair, or wipe down bathroom counters when they came to help).

And definitely keep coming here to ask questions. You'll make it!