Tell me about the first weeks home with your second DC

[JTsMom]

The good and the bad. Any surprises? Anything you did that was especially helpful? Just trying to mentally prepare. ;)

[maestramommy]

The first two weeks were a blur. Arwyn had jaundice, so every day we were either at the ped getting a blood draw/weight check, or at the LC trying to work on the bfing. Dora started watching her Signing Time video non-stop, her routine got totally thrown off the first week, meltdowns ensued. We got the routine back up the 2nd week and things got back to normal. Arwyn hated her carseat, just like Dora. But dinner was really quiet because she was so mellow as long as you held her. I could never get her to go back to sleep in her cosleeper after the first nighttime feeding, so she ended up in our bed between me and the cosleeper. She spit up tons, and during the day ended up sleeping in the baby bathtub. :) I was sleep deprived. And Dora started EI services a week after Arwyn was born. Which as nice because the SLP didn't need me to watch the sessions.

I think that covers it. :p

[wellyes]

I think I sat on my glider holding the baby or nursing most of the time. After the pushing (standard vaginal labor, nothing awful) my leg muscles were just really sore and I didn't want to move much. And of course I was tired.

My primary memory of that time, which is a real blur, is that every time I got up in the middle of the night to nurse, DH would go downstairs and make me a snack. Crackers with goat cheese spread on them & some red grapes, usually. Bless him.

[JBaxter]

honestly?
With DS1 & Ds2 I thought I would loose my mind. Ds1 was almost a perfect child very mellow followed directions never threw fits etc He was 3 when DS2 was born and you would have thought he was possesed by some demon. The first 3 weeks were horrible. If it wasnt for a friend coming to get him for a few hours each day I would have lost it.
At about the 3 week point it settled down. I kept a bunch of small gifts wrapped and we would play "find the present" a few times a day ( would hide it under a chair , cushion etc) and would tell him hot or cold till he found it.

It was a HUGE adjustment for ds1 and I had some physical issues after ds2 who was teh slowest eater I have ever seen.

[LD92599]

Nothing to add except i'm in the same boat...EXCEPT my DS is 7. He'll be in camp for 6 weeks in the summer in the AM's and i'm hoping the sitter we used last summer is available in the afternoons.

[wendibird22]

Actually, those were the easy weeks for me. DH was on vacation from work for part of the time and when he went back to work, DD1 went back to daycare. So, I either had 2 kids and DH around to help or it was just the babe and me. Oh, and DD2 slept a lot those first few weeks so in between the constant nursing I could take a shower, nap, or play with DD2. I found months 1 and 2 harder because DH was back to work full time and DD2 was staying awake for longer stretches and DD1 had one illness after the other and was home a lot in February.

My advice, if help is offered, accept it.

[BabyMine]

I thought I had made a mistake by adding a 2nd child. It was so hard in the beginning but that was becasue I was back in the hospital 4 days after giving birth and TT had severe reflux.

If I could give you one piece of advice would be to include DS1 in caring for DC2. We had M help us with getting diapers, wipes, and lots of spit up towels. DH and I would switch off spending alone time with M. It was hard in the beginning becasue TT required so much but as TT grew so M could play with him it improved greatly.

[daisymommy]

I would totally agree that if you can get some outside help with your older child it will save your mind and family :) We had friends from church and neighbors have Joshua over at their house for a playdate each day for the first 2 weeks (for about half the day).

When Andrew was born playdates and outside help didn't happen so much and with three kids + 3 adults (my my was here) under one roof it was almost too much to bear.

I think the hardest part was when everyone left and it was just me and the kids (both times). Then everyone wanted me all at the same time, or the older two were arguing and I was trying to nurse the baby--argh. I will have to admit, that's when I'd cry.

One thing I figured out was to set out snacks and drinks at child level so they could get them when I was occupied with the baby. Also I had to accept the T.V. was our friend for awhile :) It helped having special toys and activities to keep them busy, as well as a fenced in backyard with bubble, sidewalk chalk, sand in the sandbox, etc. and I would sit in the rocker by the window and care for the baby while watching them play.

Anytime the baby was asleep and I wasn't sleeping too I would try to give them extra attention like reading them a book while they snuggled in my lap. Just to let them know mama hadn't forgotten about them.

[hillview]

My parents were living with us at the time so for me it is a blur but easy -- DS1 was not (yet) jealous of DS2 (didn't really happen til 15 months or so) and DS2 slept a ton. I tried to sleep a lot too.
/hillary

[hillview]

Oh and agree with pp have lots of quick easy snacks for DC1 and also I had some little new gifts for when / if things got insane while I was nursing.
/hillary

[egoldber]

Honestly, for me it was incredibly hard. And I don't even mean the initial weeks when younger DD was in the NICU and then when she was home and I was basically nursing and pumping around the clock. It was REALLY hard for me to learn how to multi-task and prioritizing the kids needs. My younger DD had reflux and was a snacker of a nurser, so she literally nursed every 45 minutes to an hour for the first 3-4 months and would only nap on me. It was soooo incredibly hard.

Like a PP said, I would try to set things up so that your older child can be as self sufficient as possible for snacks and drinks. I even had her bring ME water and snacks. :p That's the nice thing about having an older first child. The hard part was that poor younger DD had to be dragged along to a million activities and school pick up and drop off. She was never a good napper anyway, but I'm sure that didn't really help. She also hated the carseat. Fun times that.

I would also encourage help. Especially if he is in school, having someone to dropoff and/or pick-up so that you're not dragging yourself and the baby out everywhere.

Get a good, comfy sling or wrap and learn how to use it. Total life saver. You live where it's hot and I had a solarveil sling and it was soooo nice to be able to wear her and not get overheated.

[maylips]

The best thing I did was keep my sitter for DD - we reduced the hours because I only got short term disability so my pay wasn't equal to what it was before maternity leave, but it was great giving her time away from the family and keeping her schedule the same.

If you don't have that luxury, I would definitely try to set up things that get your son out of the house every day. No kid wants to be stuck inside because of a baby, you know?

I had a c-section, so wasn't able to carry DS in a sling, but as soon as I could, I did. I just needed both hands for DD. She was really, REALLY great about our new addition, better than I had hoped, but she still needed both hands. The good thing is, nursing wasn't nearly as painful the second time around, so after a week I didn't wince like I did for 8 weeks with her (probably because my poor girls are just immune to pain now).

So, 1) get plenty of help in order to keep your oldest on his same schedule 2) try to have someone give the oldest 1-on-1 time at least once a day 3) still, have him help early on with the baby so he slowly starts to learn that life IS different now and will be fine and 4) learn how to use a great sling (I had a Moby, but it may be too hot for you in June.

Oh, and DD still took long naps so I was able to sleep when they both were sleeping. Yours may be too old for that but if you can coordinate help so you can sleep, I would do that. REMEMBER THE SLEEP DEPRIVATION.

[egoldber]

Yes, the sleep deprivation is killer. It's one thing when you have one child and really don't need to be able to function at a high level, but IME it was much worse when having to deal with the older child while sleep deprived. I become a snappy, witchy yeller when I am tired and it was ugly for awhile.

Also, as hard as it is, make time to do special one on one things with the older child. Have DH do his thing while you hang with older child. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but something like a walk, a trip to Starbucks for a cookie and milk, etc. Just something simple to keep that connection when their world has been totally rocked.

[KrisM]

My 2nd was a June baby, which helped. DH was home for the first week and then we were on our own. I honestly thought adding number 2 was much, much easier than the first couple weeks with DS1.

While DH was home, things were easy and smooth. Mostly, he took care of DS and took him to the park, etc and he took care of me as well (c-section). By day 8 when he went back to work, I was recovered enough to go for walks with the kids, so we could visit friends, etc.

[Twoboos]

Honestly I barely remember. MIL was here and each day she'd take DD1 for a walk around the n'hood for 30mins or so. And DD1 watched SO much tv. :bag DD1 was still napping at that time so I would have at least a little break each day when they would both nap.

I do remember all three of us sitting on the floor (DD2 in bouncy seat) and crying at one point... I think that was after MIL left and DH went back to work. I was petrified and so sleep deprived!

[sarahsthreads]

I was really emotional those first three weeks or so. Poor DH had to contend with three crying girls a lot of the time. No wonder he went back to work when DD2 was only 5 days old! ;)

DD1 was especially super helpful, and whenever DD2 wanted to nurse would go and find the boppy and bring it to me (it was almost as big as she was!) and would bring me diapers and wipes and things. She learned to be pretty self-sufficient for snacks and water. (It helped that I left snack type things out on the counter with the step stool right there for her.) She even got herself dressed a lot - and I managed to get my act together long enough to take pictures of some of those crazy outfits! Meals were not always at their usual times, or always very pretty or healthy, but at least she got fed regularly. I think this was the point where I got out pb&j makings and let her go to town. She was thrilled to be big enough to make her own sandwich, and I got to doze with my eyes open at the kitchen table for a few minutes!

By about three weeks I somehow figured out how to juggle everything, and if you ask DD1 now she can't even remember what life was like before DD2, so I don't think I scarred anyone too badly! :)

So I guess my advice would be to accept that it's probably going to be hard, that you'll figure out how to manage everyone's needs eventually, and that even if there's a few (or a lot of) tears in the beginning, it's not going to permanently damage anyone.

Sarah :)

[m448]

It was a comedy of errors to say the least. The birth went amazing, older son did great at the hospital but on the last day instead of having us check out at 4pm we left the hospital at 9pm. With a 2 year old. We had told family to give us a month before visiting since I knew my older one would be adjusting and the last thing I needed was family clucking their tongues at his behavior in the adjustment period. My husband took off three weeks and he's pretty involved.

The night we got home our oldest promptly vomited all over the living room several times. He had picked up some bug at the hospital so we dealt with that. A friend lovingly brought us dinner that crazy night. The next couple of weeks I spent in a hormonal swing I had never experienced before. My oldest would take swipes at his brother's face every chance he could get and I was getting all mama bear. My second was tongue tied so we took him to get his frenulum clipped and then spent a good bit of time shuttling him back and forth to the chiro for neck issues from positioning in the womb that were affecting his latch. That's all I can remember from the first couple of weeks but then when my husband went back to work like Beth mentioned it was hard to balance meeting the needs of two very young kids while still functioning on little sleep. It's all a blur.

[khalloc]

Nothing special to report. Except that I had to wake up earlier and get going to bring DD1 to daycare. That part sucked, because with your first you can usually laze in bed with the baby as long as you want.

Mostly I got up, brought DD to daycare, usually later than when I had to go to work. Then came home and baby would either sleep or nurse. The day was spent nursing the baby mostly.

The hardest thing to get used to was waking up to nurse at night. And DS would not sleep in his cradle. He liked to be next to me in bed. So I didnt get good sleep.

[wencit]

honestly?
With DS1 & Ds2 I thought I would loose my mind. Ds1 was almost a perfect child very mellow followed directions never threw fits etc He was 3 when DS2 was born and you would have thought he was possesed by some demon. The first 3 weeks were horrible. This was my experience exactly! Taking care of the baby was cake compared to taking care of DS1. Even though my mom and DH were home, DS1 wanted nothing to do with them, only me, which was soooo difficult because I was nursing DS2 around the clock and needed some rest, too. We even bought new toys for him "from the baby," I tried to give him some special Mommy time when I could, but still, his behavior was out of control. It started getting better by around 3-4 months, and now that DS2 is 8 months, DS1 is so much better behaved. I have my sweet little boy back (mostly). Those first few weeks were ROUGH, though.

I second PP's suggestion to take as much help as you can. Don't forget to try to sleep when the baby sleeps (this is directly related to "take as much help as you can"). I did that after DS2's birth, and the sleep deprivation wasn't nearly as bad as it was with DS1. DH was also unemployed during this time, which was a curse and a godsend in one, so he was able to help me out A LOT. Again, I repeat, get as much help as you can! I think it's all the more important to do this when you give birth to your second (or subsequent) child.

[JTsMom]

Holy reality check! LOL You guys are freaking me out a bit, but I knew you'd tell me the truth.

The help part is going to be hard after the first week or 2. My mom is going to come stay with Jason while I'm in the hospital- and if all goes well, I'm hoping to bust out of there within 24 hours. DH can take some time off, but I'm debating when the best time would be for that. I'm thinking it might be nice to have him take a couple of days, go back a couple of days, then take a couple more off- that way when my mom goes home, I won't be totally abandoned. How does that sound? I really don't know many people here yet, so after the dust settles, I'm kind of out of luck as far as many playdates go. Maybe I'll get to know some of the neighbors before then- crossing my fingers.

Slings- With DS, the only carriers I had were a Bjorn and a Hotsling. He hated the Hotsling (so did I). I'm leaning towards a Pikkolo this time, and maybe a ring sling just b/c I figure it would be easier to nurse and move at the same time- opinions?

Snacks- Check. I can handle that, and DS is reasonably self-sufficient with that kind of stuff.

Gifts- Never thought of that! You guys are good. One idea I've been kicking around is getting a jungle gym and calling it a "brother present" for both of them. I'm hoping it would be a good distraction for DS1, although it will be insanely hot by that point.

School- this is the tough one. DS has been having a very hard time at his PMO program. It's been pretty bad, so I'm thinking about just pulling him- it's a matter of when. This session is over after next week, and the next one would end right about when the baby comes. It's only 2 days a week/4 hours a day anyway, and it takes about 30 mins to drive/pick up/drop-off each way, so it doesn't buy me that much time anyway.

We do music class once a week- planning on dropping that for a session.

T-ball will just be ending as well. So basically, we'll have nothing going on, which I could see being good or bad. On the plus side, I won't have to run anywhere, and DS actually seems to do better when we don't have a lot going on. On the negative side, I'll be home. alone. all day, every day. I just don't know what to do about that.

ETA: Sleep deprivation- I'm just going to assume we're going to co-sleep. That's the only way I survived with Jason, and he was a good sleeper as long as we did that. I'm praying I'll get lucky again.

[maestramommy]

The help part is going to be hard after the first week or 2. My mom is going to come stay with Jason while I'm in the hospital- and if all goes well, I'm hoping to bust out of there within 24 hours.

Unless you don't get good care at the hospital, I'd suggest staying for the full 48 hours. I left the hospital after 24 when Arwyn was born, and I shouldn't have. The ped noted she was a little dehydrated when we left, and if I had stayed we would've picked up on it sooner. As it was she was REALLY dehydrated the night we got home, ended up with a temp, and I had to give her formula because my milk still wasn't in. My mom was staying with us and helping out already, and Dh had taken 2 weeks off, so Dora was well taken care off. Once I got home the chaos was unreal. I think the extra day in the hospital would've been good for me too.

The third time I stayed in the hospital, which was awesome because Laurel would NOT stop nursing, and at once point the LC came to show me how to cup feed her a little formula just so I could get a little break. This would've been impossible if I had gone home early, with 2 little kids. As it was I could nurse Laurel at will, and watch TV:p The nurses were awesome and brought me everything I needed.

[arivecchi]

It was hard even though our nanny was there full time while I was on leave. Having the nanny was fab because DS1 basically had his same schedule and I was able to nap when DS2 napped. I had DS1 help with DS2 whenever possible and that really helped in the jealousy dept. Also, as soon as I was able to leave DS2 for a couple of hours with DH, I started doing small outings with DS1 (like have lunch, go to a museum). That helped my state of mind and gave me some precious alone time with DS1. By month 3, we had all fallen into a new groove. Good luck!

[C99]

I felt totally great until week 3 when the sleep deprivation caught up with me.

[doberbrat]

wow, its only been 3mo and already I can barely remember. for us, it was a bit hard b/c dd2 was readmitted for jaundice on her 2nd day home. after that we had frequent wt checks, pp checks for me, and chiro appts for all of us. so it was all a blur.

we kept dd1 in preschool so I could have time alone w/baby or run errands w/o 2 kids.

dd2 was a dream come true for dd1 so we spent alot of time saying please dont kiss/hug/wake baby... oh wait, we STILL are saying those things ALL DAY LONG!

We have no family in the area so it was just dh & I. and he had to go back to work after the first week - bummer for me but thats life.

[shishamo]

Well, it has been a while for me, but one thing that helped me was to help a special basket of toys, etc. for the older one to play with, just for the time when you are nursing the baby. I *think* I had some sticker books, some music toys, etc., etc. Here's the key- I assume you already know how to nurse anyway so while you hold the baby your attention is almost all on your older child(ren), that way they do feel like they are getting a lot of one on one attention.

We also read a lot of books together while nursing- just tell your older child to hold the book and turn the page when you tell him to. We had stacks of books next to the chair!

I agree that the sling was really nice. My 3rd baby went with us everywhere in that sling.

[mamicka]

Don't freak out. It will be fine, even though difficult.

The only piece of advice I can give is do your utmost to keep your patience with DS1 & agree to any & all reasonable requests he makes. Oh, & try not to ever use the new baby as a reason for something negative.

I also had no idea that the adjustment could seem to go quite well & then get really bad a few months later.