"standard" cash amount for a wedding gift these days?

[lmh2402]

we've got a wedding this weekend - sat night. nice looking place - not over the top. but not cheap either.

i realize this might be regional, but i've never given a physical gift for a wedding...only money

so, what do you think the standard gift amount is these days?

a few years back, for most friends i think we were giving $300 or $350

i would think maybe that's gone up?

or, b/c of the economy, has it gone down or stayed the same?

thanks

[hillview]

WOW. Well it depends. That is high unless family or something.
/hillary

[AnnieW625]

We are in California where most people (at least with the weddings I have been to) do either cash or physical gift. I have never given cash or check, but that's just a personal perference. A co worker of mine always gives at least $100. In 2003 I think the largest check/cash amount next to $1000 we got from my in laws was $200, but most were between $100 and $150.

ETA: WIW for calculating what I am going to spend on a gift I always try and find out information about the venue and figure out how much the bride/groom have spent on their food for the venue. I know some people might think that is snarky or sneaky, but it helps a bit. For co workers or not super close friends/family I usually do right about $50 to $75, which for two people (somewhere between $25 and $40 per person) who have a lunch buffet would be right around $25 per person, and then leaning more towards $75 if you have a plated seated dinner and maybe an hour of hosted cocktails for the reception. For closer family members or friends I will usually spend between $75 and $100 on the gift.

[citymama]

Whaaaa? $350? I've been incredibly cheap in that case. I would have said it's more like $100.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

WOW. Well it depends. That is high unless family or something.
/hillary

:yeahthat: i think the most cash i got at my wedding 2 years ago (not counting our parents contribution) was $200, and i thought THAT was extremely generous. even $100 i think is a lot.

i think it depends on how well u know the couple, your financial situation, and just in general, what amount you are comfortable giving.

for fun here is a calculator to calculate how much $$ you should give
http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php

[lmh2402]

hmm...i think maybe it is a regional thing then

when we got married, most of our friends gave us $300

family gave more

and we're not talking millionaires here...just "regular" folks

i will check out that tool, thanks!

[khalloc]

I would never go to a wedding without giving $100. If it was a very close family member, I'd give $200 if I could afford it. I would never think of $350 for just a regular wedding present. Maybe if it was my brother or best friend.

[khalloc]

lmh - where are you? just wondering what region you are in.

[lmh2402]

i just used that tool and it said i should give "$305"

what a random amount!!

very cool tool though

thanks :)

[sunshine873]

Wow. If $350 is the average, I am way off base.

$100 if we're being super-generous and we're really close. Otherwise, it's less. A lot less. But I think my friends and family are pretty much in line with me too.

I wonder if it is a regional thing.

[ett]

Whaaaa? $350? I've been incredibly cheap in that case. I would have said it's more like $100.

:yeahthat:

[arivecchi]

I used to spend $200 on good friends, $100 on others, more on close relatives. With the economy the way it is now, I would spend less.

[Indianamom2]

Wow...I'm cheap. (But then again, so are our friends, and I thought they were being quite generous!)

If I was going to the wedding/knew the couple well, I'd give a gift/money valued somewhere in the range of $50-$100, with the higher-end money amount to a closer friend.

With family, I might do more, but it would be on a case-by-case basis.

This would be in keeping with what others do around us. However, I am of the opinion that there should never, ever be a minimum/maximum amount on gifts or expectations. I say give what you WANT to give, the amount with which you are comfortable and leave it at that. The recipient should be gracious (and grateful) no matter what.

[lmh2402]

we're in NYC

i just did the tool again, plugging in NY rather than CT, since the bride & groom are basically from nyc, but having wedding in CT

and it said "$310"

funny

[zoestargrove]

I wanted to post this same question since we have a wedding to attend this summer. It's been 10 years since we were married. Back then, the typical gift was for $100. I remember aside from parents - there were 2 or 3 relatives that gave $150-200.

[AnnieW625]

:yeahthat: i think the most cash i got at my wedding 2 years ago (not counting our parents contribution) was $200, and i thought THAT was extremely generous. even $100 i think is a lot.

i think it depends on how well u know the couple, your financial situation, and just in general, what amount you are comfortable giving.

for fun here is a calculator to calculate how much $$ you should give
http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/calculator.php

That calculator thing is way interesting and I really think that it's mainly based on income. As an example I put in my friends wedding we went to last year. Casual co worker/friend, wedding was 10 miles from our house. It was on a Saturday and it was normal wedding attire, and off peak season so I was told I should've brought $225. I bought them two place settings of their everyday china, $50-75 total IIRC.

Now I put in my BIL's wedding in which DH was the best man, DH attended the bachelor party (I am not close with BILs wife so I didn't attend anything), we traveled 400 miles (via air, but still in CA), and the attire was cocktail, so I chose black tie optional, and the calculator said I should've given them $360!!!! HUH! That's probably what we paid in airfare, plus DH also had to rent his crummy ill fitting tux on the day of the wedding (huge snafu there on the tux company's part) for $125! Even had I not given a physical gift (I think I spent $100 on) I don't think even for DH's brother I would've given more than $150.

[newg]

We do about $50, unless it's close family or friend...then we'd do more.
I'd rather give a gift myself.......but that's about the price point I'd stay around for a gift too.

[pinkmomagain]

I would give enough to at least cover each of your plates. So that would be at least $100 each if your dh is going too. $200 is the least amount dh & I would give and we haven't been to a wedding in years. I'd imagine it's gone up some. If it's close friends or family it would definitely be more.

eta: I see your in NYC. I'm on LI. So maybe it is a regional thing!

[lmh2402]

Wow...I'm cheap. (But then again, so are our friends, and I thought they were being quite generous!)

If I was going to the wedding/knew the couple well, I'd give a gift/money valued somewhere in the range of $50-$100, with the higher-end money amount to a closer friend.

With family, I might do more, but it would be on a case-by-case basis.

This would be in keeping with what others do around us. However, I am of the opinion that there should never, ever be a minimum/maximum amount on gifts or expectations. I say give what you WANT to give, the amount with which you are comfortable and leave it at that. The recipient should be gracious (and grateful) no matter what.

i totally agree...though...i will say that i scratched my head after our wedding...when we got a card in the mail from DH's friend and his DW...saying that had such a great time at our wedding...and on their extended vaca b/c they spent extra days in NYC

but they spent all their money on the trip, so they were giving us a set of plastic coasters

that...i thought was odd. i would have thought it less odd if they had left out the explanation.

[Indianamom2]

i totally agree...though...i will say that i scratched my head after our wedding...when we got a card in the mail from DH's friend and his DW...saying that had such a great time at our wedding...and on their extended vaca b/c they spent extra days in NYC

but they spent all their money on the trip, so they were giving us a set of plastic coasters

that...i thought was odd. i would have thought it less odd if they had left out the explanation.

Yeah, I would never had said anything to them about it, but I would scratch my head at that one!

[ZeeBaby]

I would give enough to at least cover each of your plates. So that would be at least $100 each if your dh is going too. $200 is the least amount dh & I would give and we haven't been to a wedding in years. I'd imagine it's gone up some. If it's close friends or family it would definitely be more.

eta: I see your in NYC. I'm on LI. So maybe it is a regional thing!

$200 is about average for what we give at a wedding, but we are originally from NYC and most of our family is still there.

[jayali]

We got married 18 years ago in the NYC area (Bergen County NJ). The average amount from friends was $100 single - $200 per couple.

We were giving the same amount back then, but the amount has crept up to about $300 - $350 over the years for friends. Family is a different story.

I will say that the idea of covering "my plate" drives me crazy. People decide where they are going to have their wedding reception and I don't think that I should have to fund it. If people choose to have a fancy wedding on a Saturday night at some over priced wedding factory then I expect that they should be able to pay for it. Just like if people chose a more modest option then why should my gift reflect what they can afford.

This rant belongs in the bitching post for me because my in-laws expect that we fund their kids wedding with ridiculous monetary gifts. In my family we give physical gifts to family because we feel that may have more meaning. UGGGGHHHH - can you tell we have a family wedding coming up.

Sorry for the rant.

[momof2girls]

I'm in NJ and I'd say around $300 per couple.

[lmh2402]

ok, so it seems like those that were giving $300 a 2ish years ago...are still giving $300?

i feel like maybe we should give $400...but then i don't know

i don't want to be out of line with other guests

i agree family is a different story and i don't want to be in that weird place of more than other friends / less than family

maybe we'll do $350 and call it a day

[fivi2]

Huh... This is all strange to me. I have never given cash at a wedding and we did not receive cash from anyone at our wedding. I have honestly never heard of anyone (other than maybe a grandparent) giving cash at a wedding. We generally spend around $100 for a gift. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on a variety of factors. I have lived in various places in the south.

[Drag0nflygirl]

$300 sounds right to me. In 2000 close friends and family gave us $250. This was out on LI. It is interesting seeing the regional differences. DH is from the midwest. People sent $25 and up. Those who came gave $100ish. Hey, it all adds up!

[smiles33]

Certain cultures (like my immigrant parents' Chinese one) routinely give money. We probably received about $10K in cash at our wedding 8 years ago. Cash gifts ranged from $1,000 each from relatives on my side to $250 or so from family friends or my parents' friends who grew up with this tradition.

DH's family (5th generation Americans) gave physical gifts ranging from a $10 tea kettle to $150 worth of our casual china.

Friends our age bought gifts from $20 to as high as $300. My 4 high school friends chipped in $20 each for a gift, my college friends gave gifts valued at about $50 per couple, while my high-earning law school friends spent $250 and up. I think it's not just regional but also a function of your salary. Some people can afford to be more generous.

If we were to go to a wedding today of non-immigrant friends, I'd buy a gift in the $150 range. The brother of DH's friend from high school invited us to their wedding reception (they had the wedding on the East Coast so this was just for local guests) and actually put "No boxed gifts, please" on their invite!!!! I'm sure that offended many Americans unfamiliar with South Asian wedding gift culture.

My brother is getting married next year and I'm thinking of talking to DH about giving him about $500 cash. DH might balk, as he's not used to giving cash gifts and that's a lot. We'll see.

[KrisM]

I've never spent more than $50 on a wedding gift - either a thing or cash.

I kept a record of what we got, and 2 relatives gave us $100 each. Everyone else gave less than that. This was 8 years ago.

I can't even begin to imagine giving $300 for a gift! I don't spend that on my spouse at Christmas or his birthday! Heck, I only spent a bit more than that total for Chirstmas for everyone this year!

[AnnieW625]

I can't even begin to imagine giving $300 for a gift! I don't spend that on my spouse at Christmas or his birthday! Heck, I only spent a bit more than that total for Chirstmas for everyone this year!

This is us too! The most expensive gift I bought DH next to his wedding ring was a $275 Garmin navigator in 2008 (god I love that DH is cheap and easy to buy for) or the Bulova watch I got him the year before (I can't remember how much that was), and this year we went really cheap on Christmas presents and I think I'd be suprised if total for the 10 people or so I bought for we spent more than $350-$500.

[lmh2402]

very interesting!

i never realized it as a cultural/ethnicity thing.

but for sure, i know it's a regional thing

we are not asian, btw. but i grew up in NYC

i had two big ah-ha moments in college that are still very sharp in my mind

the first is when i observed people turning right on red...repeatedly...though there was no sign telling them this was ok. i thought i was just living amongst radical people thumbing their nose at the law! until i realized that pretty much everywhere outside of here, it actually is the law to go right on red, unless otherwise directed. :6:

second was wedding gifts - i went to a wedding and was totally confused by the table full of gifts. i honestly NEVER realized that in other places, people gave actual gifts and not money

fascinating

[sewarsh]

In your situation, sounds like $300 would be good.

We were JUST in this situation this past weekend nad I JUST sent the check yesterday. we were debating $200-$250. We live in Philly and havne't been to wedding in a couple years. Always gave $200 then and thought it prob went up so was going to give $250, but since i'm quitting my job in 2 weeks and we had to travel to DC for the wedidng, we settled on $200. CRAP! I wish we did $250. ugh.

[sewarsh]

I will say that the idea of covering "my plate" drives me crazy. People decide where they are going to have their wedding reception and I don't think that I should have to fund it.


:yeahthat:

[SnuggleBuggles]

Depends on who it is but it would be no more than $100 unless it is one of my siblings in law getting married. Likely it would be closer to $50. Most cash gifts we got were in that range. The biggest one was for $150.

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

Dang, some of you must have really made out at your weddings if your guests were bringing $300-400, especially if parents were footing the main wedding bills. I was just telling dh the other day how we should have had a bigger wedding so we could have built up a nice nest egg (our parents paid for our wedding).

Beth

[blisstwins]

My husband and I come from two very different cultures, but both give $ for gifts. It is so practical and wonderful. We received almost 15k and used it as a downpayment for our first apartment.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I will say that the idea of covering "my plate" drives me crazy. People decide where they are going to have their wedding reception and I don't think that I should have to fund it.

i totally agree with this. i hate that "covering my plate" idea too.

[wellyes]

We do about $50, unless it's close family or friend...then we'd do more.
I'd rather give a gift myself.......but that's about the price point I'd stay around for a gift too.
Me too pretty much, $50-$75 for an acquaintance, $100 for family / friends, perhaps more for people we're very close to.

I never try to cover my plate. I'd give the exact same gift if a wedding was a backyard affair or if it was in the swankest hotel in town. I dislike the cover your plate idea since with that logic you'd end up giving more to people who need it less (or spend it more extravagantly).

[AnnieW625]

Me too pretty much, $50-$75 for an acquaintance, $100 for family / friends, perhaps more for people we're very close to.

I never try to cover my plate. I'd give the exact same gift if a wedding was a backyard affair or if it was in the swankest hotel in town. I dislike the cover your plate idea since with that logic you'd end up giving more to people who need it less (or spend it more extravagantly).

I would do the same thing too if I went to backyard wedding too. I have never been to one so I totally didn't think of that option, but yeah it makes sense to give the same gift for that type of venue too. Even with my BIL's wedding that was held at a country club and was listed as cocktail attire I still only spent $150 max.

[MelissaTC]

very interesting!

i never realized it as a cultural/ethnicity thing.

but for sure, i know it's a regional thing

we are not asian, btw. but i grew up in NYC

i had two big ah-ha moments in college that are still very sharp in my mind

second was wedding gifts - i went to a wedding and was totally confused by the table full of gifts. i honestly NEVER realized that in other places, people gave actual gifts and not money

fascinating

Totally LOLing at your post because I can relate. We had a couple of guests at our wedding (out of town guests of the in-laws) bring gifts and no one had a clue what to do with them. Someone finally had to get a table to put them on. We were all confused at the thought of someone giving an actual gift at a wedding vs. cash. Our wedding reception was held in Queens and we were from Westchester.

To the original poster, we are cash gift givers as well. I think $300 would be generous and well received, given the economy. I noticed that some of the places now are giving deals in terms of receptions given the economy. DH's cousin got married at a gorgeous place on Long Island and they are offering a $99 a plate Friday/Sunday wedding.

We were married 12 years ago and the average envelope was around $200. We received one gift of $1000 and another of $500 but the rest were between $100-$300.

[mamicka]

Wow, I'm cheap.

No offense to anyone who has posted here, honestly. But I read threads like this & think - getting married isn't a money-grab.

$100 tops.

[kboyle]

after our wedding dh made a list of who gave what & how much...we definitely gave more than what others were giving, esp when we were single. both of us would give $75-100 when single and going alone to a friend's wedding.

we now give $100 (as a couple) to friends, more for family or close close friends.

[lmh2402]

No offense to anyone who has posted here, honestly. But I read threads like this & think - getting married isn't a money-grab.

i obviously can't speak for anyone other than myself, but i definitely do not equate marriage with a money-grab

i asked the question b/c cash gift is what is standard and custom among my family and friends...and given that i haven't been to a friend wedding in 2.5 years, i want to make sure my gift is appropriate.

for my wedding, other than the plastic coasters...and two pieces of crystal that i got from DH's way-out-of-town family, we got not a single physical gift.

people gave us money so we could so something "special" with it.

it isn't a money-grab or an expectation of a "certain level" of cash. it's just...the way it is...

for me, anyway...

[mamicka]

i obviously can't speak for anyone other than myself, but i definitely do not equate marriage with a money-grab

i asked the question b/c cash gift is what is standard and custom among my family and friends...and given that i haven't been to a friend wedding in 2.5 years, i want to make sure my gift is appropriate.

for my wedding, other than the plastic coasters...and two pieces of crystal that i got from DH's way-out-of-town family, we got not a single physical gift.

people gave us money so we could so something "special" with it.

it isn't a money-grab or an expectation of a "certain level" of cash. it's just...the way it is...

for me, anyway...

I'm not saying that you are equating it with a money grab - I'm saying that's what it makes me think of. I think this is one of those areas where I just live in a different world than many other posters. What you are describing isn't my reality but I understand that it's yours.

[SnuggleBuggles]

i obviously can't speak for anyone other than myself, but i definitely do not equate marriage with a money-grab

i asked the question b/c cash gift is what is standard and custom among my family and friends...and given that i haven't been to a friend wedding in 2.5 years, i want to make sure my gift is appropriate.

for my wedding, other than the plastic coasters...and two pieces of crystal that i got from DH's way-out-of-town family, we got not a single physical gift.

people gave us money so we could so something "special" with it.

it isn't a money-grab or an expectation of a "certain level" of cash. it's just...the way it is...

for me, anyway...

Well, now that is very different than here. Here you get a present for a bridal shower and a present, usually something to set up a home (plates, sheets...)- people have registries and guests buy off of them. Just today I picked up a crystal martini pitcher from Bed, Bath and Beyond from their registry ($50) and I am trying to decide how much cash we will also take to the wedding. Since they are just dh's co-workers/ casual friends I don't plan to give much, between $20-40 likely. But, we could get away not giving cash either since we gave the physical gift. It can be an either/ or/ both thing here, no expectations or awkwardness.

Beth

[lmh2402]

I'm not saying that you are equating it with a money grab - I'm saying that's what it makes me think of. I think this is one of those areas where I just live in a different world than many other posters. What you are describing isn't my reality but I understand that it's yours.

i understand...i just didn't want you...or anyone else...to think i was some crazy, money-grubbing nut-job ;)

[JBaxter]

Around here gifts are more customary than cash. It must be regional but I dont go much more than 100 maybe 200 if its someone close/special.

[jellibeans]

we're in NYC

I had a feeling!

I am from western PA and my husband is from NYC and my family and friends gave us gifts inbetween $50-150 and my husbands family and friends gave us gifts of $300-400.

Personally, I think that a gift of $100 is pretty good, especially if it is at a place that I know would cost $50+ per person!

[jjjo1112]

We usually spend 75-125 depending on who it is.
ETA: We never give gifts for weddings and have have very rarely seen a gift at other's weddings. We do gifts for bridal showers and cash for weddings. It seems like that is the custom around here.

[codex57]

Our culture doesn't believe in wedding gifts. Cash gifts are the customary way to go.

The amount varies, but generally, you estimate how much you cost the bride and groom (for food) and you give that much. In most cases, weddings end up being a break even proposition.

[L'sMommy]

Interesting thread. We got married 8 years ago in Northern NJ (worked in NYC). Our NY friends gave us between 250-300. Our NJ friends gave us 200. Everyone else who was out of town brought a physical gift or gave 100-150. We had a lot of physical gifts as we had many out of towners, but that didn't bother us in the least. Several people had to spend money on airfare to get here so a modest gift was appreciated.

[vludmilla]

I think this is very regional. Since I know we are in the same region, I'll say that our professional friends with good jobs (lawyers, etc) gave us $300 or so. I think it is still at that level around here. I do know that in some circles, $400 to $500 is becoming normal but I think those are the black tie, super-duper fancy, over the top affairs.

[jse107]

Ummm...yeah....we're in the $75-$125 range for most people. That seems to be pretty standard amongst our friends. I wouldn't be able to afford to go to any weddings if we were gifting $300 or more! Yikes!

[JoyNChrist]

I usually spend $100-$150 on a wedding gift.

We got married in 2006 and the most we received (other than from the in-laws, who paid for our honeymoon) was $500 from a wealthy relative. Most of the other gifts were definitely in the $50-$100 range.

FWIW, I'm in southern Louisiana, in a small, rural town...not a very affluent area.

[newg]

I am laughing at this thread now.............thinking how we missed out at our wedding!! I should have invited ya'll instead of DH's family...lol.....

They gave us all cash.............all $50.....now 7yrs. ago we were very greatful for the $. We would be today too, because it's not about the money. But I swear, one aunt/uncle called another and one person said $50 and everyone else was afraid to go over that.........and these are all aunts/uncles/grandparents all live in the same town as DH and basicly helped raise him; not long-lost relatives.
Even DH laughed as each envelope was opened!

[stinkyfeet]

We do at least $100/person. We generally try to at least cover the cost of our meal. If they are close friends, we give more--like $500.

[LexyLou]

Between $200 and $100 depending on closeness. We're from Northern California. I do find the NYC area is around the $300 range, but honestly I feel like that's the only area that the standard is that high.

[momof2girls]

Interesting thread. We got married 8 years ago in Northern NJ (worked in NYC). Our NY friends gave us between 250-300. Our NJ friends gave us 200. Everyone else who was out of town brought a physical gift or gave 100-150. We had a lot of physical gifts as we had many out of towners, but that didn't bother us in the least. Several people had to spend money on airfare to get here so a modest gift was appreciated.

:yeahthat:

I am NJ also and the only non-monetary wedding gifts we received were from DH's cousins who are from upstate NY. They gave us a bird feeder on behalf of their family of 5. His friends from out of state gave us modest monetary gifts, but we understood as they had to fly in and stay a few nights.
I don't even know what anyone would have given us as a physical gift since we did have a bridal shower and pretty much had all the little things for the house. The monetary gifts helped out greatly with furnishing the house.

[DietCokeLover]

THis is so fascinating to me. It would NEVER occur to me to give cash at a wedding. I always buy off the registry and spend no more than $50. I am from the south and that seems pretty well par for the course. If it's a close friend or family,I might would spend more. I've never heard of guest covering the cost of their meal. Funny how it can be so vastly different in different areas of the country.

[shawnandangel]

$50 for friends in weddings in northeast Ohio. About 250-300 for close family (brother/sister)

[KpbS]

Huh... This is all strange to me. I have never given cash at a wedding and we did not receive cash from anyone at our wedding. I have honestly never heard of anyone (other than maybe a grandparent) giving cash at a wedding. We generally spend around $100 for a gift. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on a variety of factors. I have lived in various places in the south.

:yeahthat:

[MMMommy]

We usually give $100. $300 and up seems really high to me.

[eda]

I always go with covering what your cost. A day wedding I would give $100 for my DH and me. A night wedding I would go higher depending on where the wedding is and how close we are to the couple getting married. That is what I have always been told. Weddings are expensive I got married a couple of years ago and we spent $200 per person after everything.

A little off subject I had one table of 8 ( I only invited 2 of them and they brought their kids and theirs kids bf's) who only gave us $50. I am still mad about it. I rather they gave us something off the registry at least there would have been some thought behind it.

So if you bring more people Make sure the amount gifted reflects that

[egoldber]

It would NEVER occur to me to give cash at a wedding. I always buy off the registry and spend no more than $50. I am from the south and that seems pretty well par for the course. If it's a close friend or family,I might would spend more. I've never heard of guest covering the cost of their meal.

I don't know that I consider myself from the south (southeast Ohio/northern KY), but this is what I always do. Now I'm wondering who've I've PO'd over the years LOL!! It would never in a million years have occurred to me to "cover my plate" (I've never heard that expression before this thread). If that was the expectation then there are a lot of weddings I would have never gone to!

ETA: But I'm also from a place where potluck receptions in the church reception hall are normal.

[lalasmama]

I'm from a smaller city in the Pacific NW.

For family members/close friends, we do about $100+ and something "with meaning" from the registry. The gift goes on the gift table, the money is saved for a "family dance" and given then.

[ciw]

All of our close friends and family are long since married off so any weddings we attend now are for coworkers, casual friends, etc. and we generally give a gift valued at $100 (we usually pick an item off the registry and something to go with it that's not on the registry). For close friends and family, we've spent much, much more than that. When my brother married, I spent more than $300 on the shower and shower gifts alone.

But while the cost of our gifts for our area do generally "cover our plate," I have a STRONG aversion to the cover-your-plate mentality. Really, I find it rather disgusting when I hear brides complain about how much they spent on the wedding and the guests who "only" gave them $40 or $50 or bought them somthing inexpensive that wasn't on their registry. I mean, you decide where you're going to hold your wedding and how much you're going to spend, not your guests. The way I look at it, brides don't have a right to complain about how much their guests spent on gifts and and their guests don't have a right to complain how much was spent on the wedding. It's really none of the other's business. Be gracious you got a gift, be gracious you got an invite to the wedding.

I totally agree with the previous poster who said she wouldn't give less to a couple hosting a backyard wedding than to a couple having a black-tie affair if they were equally close friends. But I don't think most people would agree. We attended a backyard-type wedding reception a few years ago and the bride and groom received very small gifts (and some people who went didn't bring gifts at all). We actually heard several people remark AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION that they didn't spend a lot on the gifts since the couple didn't spend a lot on the wedding. Huhhh??? What on earth does one have to do with the other? Maybe, I'm just old but I thought that both the comment and the sentiment behind it was simply uncouth. I mean is that what weddings have become -- nothing more than quid pro quo?

Sadly, I don't think the cover-your-plate mentality is a regional thing so much as a generational thing. I hear more and more young couples expressing this sentiment. But the ironic thing is, I'm pretty sure that most of these same couples would be quite offended if guests said they weren't coming to the wedding because they didn't want to spend that much on a gift.

[dowlinal]

Sadly, I don't think the cover-your-plate mentality is a regional thing so much as a generational thing. I hear more and more young couples expressing this sentiment. But the ironic thing is, I'm pretty sure that most of these same couples would be quite offended if guests said they weren't coming to the wedding because they didn't want to spend that much on a gift.


Here in NY/NJ this is the way it has always been with our family and friend. For years my grandfather was mad at a cousin of his because he brought two extra guests to my mom's wedding and didn't even cover his own plate. If anything, I think it applies less now because the price per plate in our area can easily hit $175+ per person and most of the people I know can't afford $350 for a wedding gift. For friends, when we are attending and not in the wedding we give btw $200 and $300 for the two of us. I figure if you're spending more than that per plate, you can't realistically expect everyone to cover it.

I've said this before on similar threads, but I think that this is just one of those things that really varies depending on where you live. Back when DH and I were getting married, it was standard to get gifts at your engagement party and bridal shower and then cash for your wedding. We got almost our entire registry at the two parties and $25K at our wedding. As crazy as that sounds, that was pretty standard among our friends and relatives who got married when we did.

[american_mama]

>> Sadly, I don't think the cover-your-plate mentality is a regional thing so much as a generational thing. I hear more and more young couples expressing this sentiment.

I don't think it's generational. I grew up in upstate NY and I first heard the idea as a middle schooler in the early 1980's when a so-so friend with a rather bossy and unforgiving personality was having a bat mitvah and said something about cost of the plate/size of gift. I suspect she was kind of throwing her weight around, showing off what she had learned about adult things like party planning and caterers, and bragging a bit about what her parents were spending.

I got married in upstate NY 8 years ago and most people gave $50-100, just two or three over $100. We did not have a bridal shower, so that was not a factor, and our guests were mostly from DC area and upstate NY. (Even the DCers gave that amount). The largest gift was $250 from a friend/coworker and that really shocked me. We bought our (secondhand) dining room table with her gift, which I am sitting at as a speak!

I give $75 usually.

[MelissaTC]

I've said this before on similar threads, but I think that this is just one of those things that really varies depending on where you live. Back when DH and I were getting married, it was standard to get gifts at your engagement party and bridal shower and then cash for your wedding. We got almost our entire registry at the two parties and $25K at our wedding. As crazy as that sounds, that was pretty standard among our friends and relatives who got married when we did.

ITA but we grew up not that far from each other. Same thing on the other side of the river. ;)

[Jo..]

a few years back, for most friends i think we were giving $300 or $350
thanks

I decided to get married again next week, and you are the guest of honor!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I totally agree with the previous poster who said she wouldn't give less to a couple hosting a backyard wedding than to a couple having a black-tie affair if they were equally close friends. But I don't think most people would agree. We attended a backyard-type wedding reception a few years ago and the bride and groom received very small gifts (and some people who went didn't bring gifts at all). We actually heard several people remark AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION that they didn't spend a lot on the gifts since the couple didn't spend a lot on the wedding. Huhhh??? What on earth does one have to do with the other? Maybe, I'm just old but I thought that both the comment and the sentiment behind it was simply uncouth. I mean is that what weddings have become -- nothing more than quid pro quo?



How incredibly rude! I don't give gifts based on where the wedding is held and I don't buy to "cover my plate."

Beth