s/o What, if anything, did your parents give you for a wedding gift

[mama2g03]

Did your parents give you a wedding gift/cash in addition to paying for the wedding? I can't really remember but I think my parents gave us a check to put towards the honeymoon but I can't really be sure. I will have to ask my mom. DH's daughter from his first marriage is getting married and we are paying for half of the wedding, which is about the total cost of my wedding 13 years ago and I'm just wondering what we should do about a gift. Is the wedding the gift or should we do something else? DH suggested we pay for them to take the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class which I think is a great idea, they need it but not sure how that would be received. Man, weddings are expensive.

[cuca_]

My parents paid for our wedding and my dress. They did not give me anything else, nor did I expected them to. Honestly, I think paying for the wedding is enough!

[lilycat88]

Paid for nearly the entire wedding...way too much...and a 4-Runner. To this day, I don't know why but my dad decided we needed a new car.

[blisstwins]

The mostly paid for the wedding. My inlaws did give us a generous gift to use to pay for the honeymoon. We were extremely lucky.

[AnnieW625]

Inlaws gave us $1000 cash, my parents paid for the wedding (including dress, 5 bridemaid dresses, and 1 flower girl dress), and then we also got a place setting or two of our casual china IIRC. A gift from them wasn't expected at all.

[bubbaray]

My parents did not pay for anything (they died when I was a young child), nor did anyone in my "family". DH and I paid for our wedding ourselves (we eloped, though it was known/announced that we were doing it, not a surprise). We got 1 gift, from our best friends. We didn't get even so much as a card from FIL/sMIL. AFAIK, my "family" d/n even know where we live, let alone that we are married.

If you are paying for the wedding, IMO you don't need to do a gift too.

JMHO.

[LD92599]

My mom paid for our photographer and gave us our treadmill as a wedding gift! Works for me.

[MelissaTC]

My parents paid for half the reception. They also paid for all the liquor, limos, flowers, my dress and veil, wedding favors, DJ. I think they gave us some cash, just can't remember how much. My in-laws paid for the pianist at the church, the rehearsal dinner and gave us a very generous cash gift.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

My dad gave us $5,000 AFTER the wedding, as he knew I was thrifty and may spend more if I had more, KWIM? $5,000 was a lot for him. My IL's gave us jack sh!7. Not even a card. Still same issues with IL's and gift/cards/visiting DD.

[arivecchi]

I think paying for a wedding is more than enough! We paid for our wedding ourselves and am shocked that parents still pay for weddings.

[mamicka]

I honestly don't remember.

ETA: My parents paid for the wedding (done quite inexpensively) because I was 22 & just graduated college. DH was 28 & had just finished grad school. My sister got married mid-30's after practicing as an MD for years & they paid for the wedding themselves.

[SnuggleBuggles]

They paid for the wedding and bought us something off our registry.

FWIW, our parents paid for our wedding likely because we were young. My parents I think also did b/c my 2 other siblings eloped and they were dying to plan and host a wedding. :)

Beth

[billysmommy]

My parents paid for all aspects of our wedding which we did not expect at all. They did give us a gift but it was not monetary....they cross-stitched the Irish blessing with our names and wedding date. My mom did the words and my dad did the decorations. It means a lot to both of us.
My IL's gave us a car. We were very lucky.

[mommylamb]

My parents did pay for our wedding but it was because we were entirely broke having just graduated from grad school with no jobs, and because we HAD to get married when we did so that DH could get his green card. We had to tie the knot within 90 days of coming into the U.S. so it's not like we could save up. That said, my entire wedding--including my dress-- cost about $5K. They also gave us a stereo system. I think it was DH's favorite gift. The stereo system is still working today (10 years later)!

DH's mother wasn't in a financial position to do much for the gift. She gave us a few small things off the registry, which was just fine by me. Randomly years later she bought us a TV and said it was a wedding gift. I think she felt badly that she wasn't able to contribute when we got married. Neither DH or I cared at all though.

[BabyMine]

We eloped so we paid for ours. My mom is the only one who gave us a gift. My sister, MIL, SFIL, and SIL didn't give us anything. MIL and SFIL have still not aknowledged we got married nor will they talk about it. They are mad becasue we chose to elope without anyone there.

[smiles33]

DH finished his degree 2 weeks before we wed and I had only been working for 1 year (and in a nonprofit), so we relied almost entirely on the cash my parents and ILs gave us to cover the wedding and honeymoon. My parents also bought me a new car shortly before we married (the car was sort of a combined law school graduation gift/early wedding gift). ILs gave a large amount of cash as a down payment for our first house and paid for our wedding photographers and part of the reception site fee.

They were all super generous and we didn't expect additional gifts.

[JMS]

We were given a "wedding budget" by my parents. What we didn't spend was given to us after our wedding as a cash gift. It made me really think hard about what qualified as worthy expenses.

[c&j04]

I wanted a simple wedding with LOTS of friends which my parents accepted quite happily as I'm the oldest and only daughter. I think total cost was under $2500 for 575 people. I did try to sneakily pay for a few things but was asked let them do this once in their lives.

For the gift, they had someone Dad knew build us a custom beautiful dining room table that seats 16. The gift appeared about the time of our first anniversary which was perfect timing for us. We :heartbeat: it!

[smiles33]

I think total cost was under $2500 for 575 people.


Did you mean $25,000? Even if it is $25K, that's remarkably inexpensive for that many people. I had under 300 and we paid about $25,000 for a Chinese wedding banquet (which was much cheaper than the traditional sit-down dinner options we looked into).

[brgnmom]

my parents paid for my wedding dress and wedding reception Chinese banquet dinner. They also gave us a monetary gift. My in-laws paid for our private limo, along with the photographer & all the photographs and CDs (my father-in-law worked with the photographer in creating the album and he splurged on a new professional camera for our wedding), and they gave us a monetary gift. My MIL also gave us an elegant wedding frame and album that she found on one of her trips with my FIL. We didn't expect all this from our parents and we feel very blessed.

[AnnieW625]

I think paying for a wedding is more than enough! We paid for our wedding ourselves and am shocked that parents still pay for weddings.

My mom is super traditional and my parents wanted to pay for our wedding, now it was a pretty simple wedding in our home town and it didn't cost an arm and leg. My parents told us what the budget was going to be and well we made it work. Had we really wanted anything more than what the budget said was going to work then we would've paid for it ourselves with no problems. We were easy though and had no problem staying within the budget.

[c&j04]

Did you mean $25,000?

Nope! $2500.00. That helped with any guilt I was feeling. Like I said, simple wedding but it was what I wanted...

[edurnemk]

My parents paid for the whole wedding reception (my parents are very traditional), it was a big, fancy wedding and I certainly didn't expect anything else, but they decided to give us a generous cash gift to use toward the down payment for our house.

My inlaws paid for the church (including flowers and music), because that's the tradition around here, gave us some cash for the honeymoon, and after my parents gift, they decided to give us the same amount (we are super-lucky, I know - still they tend to be competitive and I find it "strange" that they would choose to give us the exact same amount).

But, to the OP, I think that if you're paying for half the wedding, no extra gift is expected. If you'd like you could give her a small, symbolic gift.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

we paid for our wedding ourselves, but my parents gave us $10k to use (that we could choose to either use for the wedding, or for savings,etc), and my in-laws gave us the equivalent of $5k (paid for rehearsal dinner, catering, cake and a few other wedding related expenses).

[g-mama]

My parents paid for our wedding ($15K budget - I spent 13,500 and gave them back the rest) and didn't give us a gift. I would not have expected them to.

[KrisM]

My parents paid for a good chunk of the wedding. DH's paid for the rehearsal dinner.

My parents got us a tent. ILs got us a dishwasher.

[pb&j]

We eloped, so my dad happily gave us cash. :) My mom did throw us a small party a few months later, but it wasn't to the scale of most weddings, and it was entirely for her satisfaction. We didn't request it or expect her to have to do it, but she really wanted to throw a party.

[vludmilla]

They didn't buy me anything as a present. They payed for parts of the wedding but not all of it. DH's parents gave us a Toyota Camry. Awfully nice of them, huh?

[jgenie]

DH & I paid for our wedding. My mom bought me a piece of jewelry. We didn't get any gifts from DH's family.

[lmh2402]

my parents paid for all aspects of the wedding...everything except the band b/c we had our hearts set on a specific band that was pretty expensive and DH & i wanted to pay that ourselves (i don't regret it b/c the band ROCKED :boogie:)

but...my dad also told me that he was debiting the cost of the wedding from my share of inheritance...

and plans the same for my sister's wedding. he will take the cost of the two, and split it between my brothers. :shrug:

DH's parents were/are in a different situation than my parents. they paid for the rehearsal dinner and gave us a check for i think $1,000

it was extremely generous from both our families

[arivecchi]

Oh, I am not criticizing anyone. I am just shocked because it never entered our minds. We were 31 and 33 when we got married and had been working for a while, so we paid for everything ourselves. I say anyone whose parents pay for the wedding is pretty darn lucky. Our parents could not have afforded it anyway.

[L'sMommy]

Mine paid for the wedding and put up several out of town family at the hotel (cultural thing). I didn't expect anything in addition to that.

[kellij]

We had a weddingmoon that we paid for ourselves and my parents gave us patio furniture for our house.

[mom_hanna]

My parents paid for our wedding (it was under $5000), and my ILs (two sets) paid for their plane tickets to come to our wedding. We were just glad to have them there.

[bnme]

We paid for our own wedding. My parents paid for the flowers. They also treated for a hotel room for the wedding night (at Holiday Inn Express, where many out of town guests were staying and they stayed as well). We left for our honeymoon a few days later. They also gave us a check for $1000, which was totally unexpected. My MIL gave a check for $3000. Oh, and I think my mom paid for my dress, which was $300 at a discount place. She always joked around about how her shoes (and dress) each cost more then my dress.....

[maestramommy]

You know, I don't think my parents gave me a wedding gift! Or else they did and I can't remember what right now. Dh paid for most of the wedding. I paid for my dress, bm dresses, and a few other things.

[WatchingThemGrow]

We paid for (OK, DH paid for) our wedding. His parents gave us a bedroom suite, then added a mattress ($$$$ one) to the package. We thought they must be hoping for more grandbabies, so we delivered. My dad and stepmother gave us some things like a handwritten cookbook, some kitchen items, wedding things like engraved cake-cutting tools. Can't remember what my mom gave, probably $500 or something like that.

[kijip]

We paid for our own wedding. It is a garden club brunch for 50. We did it all very nicely but very cheaply.

My dad got us a KitchenAid Mixer and my mom made me a lovely blanket.

My ILs (divorced) each gave us $$$ and my MIL also gave us a bed and breakfast gift certificate.

[kmm]

My parents are very traditional and insisted on giving us the wedding of our dreams (and theirs). They also gave us an upright freezer for the garage. It was all way more than we ever expected.

[SpaceGal]

My mom gave us a nice gift of money. DH's parents gave us nothing but grief...no card no gift nothing. I think it was because we didn't do the wedding the way they wanted us to...so this was their way to get back at us. Oh well...needless to say they aren't the closest these days.

[baymom]

My parents paid for all aspects of an enormous (their choice, not mine), traditional, fancy wedding. Also, they gave DH and I, a Honda Accord. I was fresh out of grad school and had always lived in cities were public transportation was easier then driving, so it was my first car. My in-laws paid for our honeymoon. DH and I had both just graduated and had our jobs lined up (but hadn't started) so we were able to take a very long, multi-continental trip that was amazing. We are very lucky and grateful to have generous (not just with their money, but with their advice, love, time and talent) parents.

[pinkmomagain]

My parents paid for our wedding (although wedding dress was paid for by my gp and flowers were covered by ILs). My parents did give us a check as well...can't remember the amt. What's truly amazing is that my sis and I got married the same weekend and my parents paid for most of hers as well (with some help from ILs). Yikes. At least they got it over with all at once!

[gatorsmom]

Nope, my parents gave me $10k for the wedding and I thought that was pretty generous of them. That was a lot of money for them. Then they flew down for my reception that my MIL threw for us at her ranch in Texas (DH and I eloped to Italy to get married just the two of us).

[infomama]

My mom paid for my dress, the reception and the day after brunch.

[fumofu]

My mom paid a couple of accessories when I was wedding planning. On the day of the wedding, my parents and in-laws gave us cash.

Oh, my parents paid for dinner reception the night before our wedding for my side of the family, some of which flew internationally.

DH funded our entire wedding of 90 at a golf course club house last year. He had to pay $26k up front. But our guests were so generous with gifts off our registry and cash that amounted to about 80% of the wedding's cost.

We had a mini reception out of state where my in-laws live. Almost everyone gave us cash that covered the reception.

I'm very grateful for everyone's generosity, cash and gifts. Some gifts I've just started using. They make me feel so pampered and loved!

[Momit]

My parents paid for the wedding and reception. DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. We were in our 20s and had just bought a house, so my parents got us a refrigerator and DH's parents got us a washer and dryer as wedding/housewarming gifts. We didn't ask for or expect these gifts but both sets of parents wanted to give us something for the house.

[jayali]

When we got engaged my mom gave us a fairly big check which we put into a savings account. While I like to think that we paid for the wedding ourselves - her "engagement gift" came in handy when we realized how much a wedding was going to cost. She bought my dress and paid for hotel rooms for all of the out of town guests and hosted a brunch at the hotel the following morning.

She also bought me 17 place settings of my china - it is a tradition in our family. As is the vacuum cleaner at the shower. Some weird Italian thing, I think.

[JTsMom]

We paid for our own wedding, and my parents/MIL each gave us a little cash- not a ton.

[army_mom]

My parents gave us about 6K to help in wedding expenses but also did buy us our entire flatware set we registered for, which is a tradition my Mom started with all my older brothers. I can't honestly remember what IL gave. We did all of our wedding expenses on one credit card, opened solely for that purpose and used any financial gifts to pay it off.

[khalloc]

They paid for the wedding and gave me a check for $500. My mom also bought all of the dinnerware I registered for for my shower. I have the BEST mom.

[AJP]

My parents paid for the wedding, dress, limo, photographer etc. They didn't give an additional gift (nor was it expected). They bought all of our bedding ensemble for our shower and paid for that. My IL's gave a big amount towards our downpayment on our 1st house. Our shower gift from them was our bedroom furniture. We are very lucky to have parents who were able to help so generously!

[momof2girls]

My parents paid for the entire wedding for the most part and gave us a cash gift of about $7,000 which was the "rent" I was paying to them that they instead saved to give back to us.

[nov04]

My parents, ils split the cost of the wedding. We did not expect gifts, but they did that as well.

[DrSally]

We paid for our own wedding, but my parents gave us $500 and MIL offered to buy the cake. This was the largest gift I've/we've ever gotten from both of them. Since it was a very small/on a budget wedding (I was in grad school), the $500 actually covered the reception (nonprivate) at a nice restaurant. With the monetary gifts, we ended up breaking even on our $3k wedding. It would've been fun to do it up a little nicer, but it was also nice not to have 20k in debt from a wedding.

ETA: My parents don't believe in paying for either college or weddings, which made my 20's financially difficult, but everything turned out fine.

[mama2g03]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Not sure what we will do but at least I won't feel like we did the wrong thing either way. I feel kind of bad that I don't really want to do anything extra but I'm trying not to let personal feelings get in the way and do the right thing. I guess it would be easier if she ever appreciated anything we do. Plus having two young DC and one more on the way sure doesn't make this easy on the budget. Oh well, that's life. Thanks again for all of your input.

[elliput]

My parents gave us a lump sum cash gift which we split between the wedding and closing costs on a house.