Quick FB question--privacy

[DrSally]

So, I finally caved to the FB pressure and joined. It's been fine. Today I got up the courage to post some pics of the kids (to be viewed by friends only). MIL wants to "share" them with friends. I asked her how this would work. She said she would click on them and click share. So, does that mean that she is essentially posting them on someone else's page or are they only for that person's private viewing? Can these friends of hers do anything with them once they have them, like post them somewhere else? I have to come up with an answer for her. Is there a safer way for her to do it? A big part of what I wanted to avoid with posting pics was having others do things with them.

ETA: OK, I think when she clicks on share, it publishes the photos to her wall. But, from there, what's to stop any one of her "friends" from doing the same?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't know. I know I have my pictures set to "only friends" not "friends of friends" which I think is the default.

Beth

[arivecchi]

Good question. I only have my pics set to Friends but I know my aunt sometimes posts them to her profile. I guess her friends can see them once she does that, but I am not concerned. You can always create a separate list of friends and only publish your pics to that smaller circle.

[JBaxter]

I do know if you have a photo posted to your account and you have someone banned one of your "friends" cant forward it to them. I helped someone test that one night :D

[Fairy]

If you share them with friends only, and they're not tagged with her name, then only she (and friends) can see them, not her friends. The minute you let her tag them, anyone who is friends with her can see them. DON'T TAG. No one has the right to tag your photos. They think, hey, I'm in the photo, I can tag it if I want to. And I say, no you can't. It's my photo, I own it. If you see a tag, untag it. If you get push back, unfriend them. I am a zero tolerance kind of girl on this subject.

Similarly, if YOU are in someone else's photo, and they want to tag you, you have the right to untag yourself. The thoguht of, hey, I own the photo, so I get to tag whom i want, also does not fly with me. You get to keep your photo and post it, cuz it's yorus, but you don't get to tag me, that's MY privacy. So, untag yourself whenever you are tagged.

I send a message to all my FB friends a few times a year asking them to

a) not tag any photos of me, period
b) not tag any photos that belong to me that they are in, cuz I don't want to share my pictures with their friends who will see them if they're tagged
c) not to post any photos they own if my child is in them

99 times out of 100, your real live friends and people who care abot you are going to comply without too much issue. The minute I get real kerfluffle, they're gone. And that is why I only FB with people I really want to be friends with in real life. Random people from HS that I haven't talked to forever that saw me on their friend's list tha suddenly want to increase their friend count? Not interested.

You can also set your photos privacy PER PERSON if it comes down to that.

I hate FB. It's a kind of necessary evil these days. But I hate it. You should note that the owner of FB's approach to online securtiy is that the Internet is not secure, it's never gonna be secure, people wanna network with you so just let them and stop trying to be so private. If you don't like it, too bad jerkface, get over it. That's his attitude. I'm not exagerating.

[oneplustwo]

If you share them with friends only, and they're not tagged with her name, then only she (and friends) can see them, not her friends. The minute you let her tag them, anyone who is friends with her can see them. DON'T TAG. No one has the right to tag your photos. They think, hey, I'm in the photo, I can tag it if I want to. And I say, no you can't. It's my photo, I own it. If you see a tag, untag it. If you get push back, unfriend them. I am a zero tolerance kind of girl on this subject.

Similarly, if YOU are in someone else's photo, and they want to tag you, you have the right to untag yourself. The thoguht of, hey, I own the photo, so I get to tag whom i want, also does not fly with me. You get to keep your photo and post it, cuz it's yorus, but you don't get to tag me, that's MY privacy. So, untag yourself whenever you are tagged.

I send a message to all my FB friends a few times a year asking them to

a) not tag any photos of me, period
b) not tag any photos that belong to me that they are in, cuz I don't want to share my pictures with their friends who will see them if they're tagged
c) not to post any photos they own if my child is in them

99 times out of 100, your real live friends and people who care abot you are going to comply without too much issue. The minute I get real kerfluffle, they're gone. And that is why I only FB with people I really want to be friends with in real life. Random people from HS that I haven't talked to forever that saw me on their friend's list tha suddenly want to increase their friend count? Not interested.

You can also set your photos privacy PER PERSON if it comes down to that.

I hate FB. It's a kind of necessary evil these days. But I hate it. You should note that the owner of FB's approach to online securtiy is that the Internet is not secure, it's never gonna be secure, people wanna network with you so just let them and stop trying to be so private. If you don't like it, too bad jerkface, get over it. That's his attitude. I'm not exagerating.

What does tagging a photo mean? As someone who has been hemming and hawing over whether to join FB - and hasn't so far for privacy reasons - I'd love to know exactly how this works.

[arivecchi]

If you share them with friends only, and they're not tagged with her name, then only she (and friends) can see them, not her friends. Really? Even if they published the pic in their profile?

[citymama]

This is a good question. I've been SHOCKED by the number of people who aren't my friends whose photos I can view - either because their friends comment on the pics, or because they've left their pics completely unprotected. I've taken the photo privacy thing very seriously and hopefully it's working.

First, the default setting when you post photos to FB is now "Everyone" i.e unless you hike up your privacy settings for each album (can't be set as a default for all albums), all of FB can view your pics. So, each time you create an album, go to Privacy Settings for that album, and at a minimum, select "Only Friends" when asked who can view this album. What I usually do is "Custom" - I either select specifically who I want to be able to see the pics - usually a subset of my friends list - or, I select who I don't want to have see my pics ("Only Friends" can view Except John, Mike, and Andy, for eg).

I have created friends' lists so I can automatically do this - I have an "A" list of friends (mostly family and women friends) who can view all my pics, a "privacy" list of friends who can view certain things but not others and a "Z" list who are people I don't want to have access to anything on my FB (basically, work related people or some random friend I didn't want to insult by ignoring their friend request). So when I create new albums, I can very quickly limit who I want to have see or not see the album, by using these pre-set lists.

The question of whether your MIL can share is a good one because I've seen this happen so many times - someone sharing another friend's entire album, and I'm able to view the whole thing. I assume these friends don't have very tight privacy settings. Or you can just ask her not to share it! Good luck, and definitely keep an eye on those settings!

[Fairy]

Really? Even if they published the pic in their profile?

If they are doing the publishing, then yes, anyone can see it at the level of security they've got. And really, to be honest, anyone can download your photo that can view it. So, if I only let you see a photo, you can then download it and re-upload it to your own profile, and boom, my photo belongs to you now (in practice if not in ethics).

[Fairy]

The question of whether your MIL can share is a good one because I've seen this happen so many times - someone sharing another friend's entire album, and I'm able to view the whole thing. I assume these friends don't have very tight privacy settings. Or you can just ask her not to share it! Good luck, and definitely keep an eye on those settings!

Oooh. I see. That would really piss me off. Someone did tag herself in my album recently so she could show her friends a pic of herself with DS, and I asked her not to do that, and I then removed the album from the ability to be seen (marked the security "only me."). Your scenario, tho ... hmm, I should test that.

[DrSally]

Good question. I only have my pics set to Friends but I know my aunt sometimes posts them to her profile. I guess her friends can see them once she does that, but I am not concerned. You can always create a separate list of friends and only publish your pics to that smaller circle.

My problem is not necessarily with MIL's friends seeing the pics, but then if they're on her profile, any of her friends (or her friend's friend's, depending on her security settings) can download the picture and do who knows what with it. That's my privacy issue. You know, I just got up the comfort level to even post any pics, and 2 seconds later, she asked to share them. Not sending her pics is not an option. FB is really the only form of communication with her (out of state), as she doesn't read/answer her email. I think a lot of people click on things, post things, etc. wo/thinking about the implications, KWIM? So, now, how do I let her know that, no, it's not ok for her to "share" my photos. It sounds so innocent a request, and I'm sure it is on her part.

[DrSally]

If you share them with friends only, and they're not tagged with her name, then only she (and friends) can see them, not her friends. The minute you let her tag them, anyone who is friends with her can see them. DON'T TAG.

.

So, I kinda sorta understand the Tagging thing. It's basically another social network thing where if someone tags themselves in a photo, then that photo is also theirs to share, right? Or, if someone tags you in a photo, people can search on your name and come up with your photos, right? I think I saw something that will notify you if anyone tags you in a photo.

In any case, she's not asking to tag the photos, she's asking to "share", meaning click on the photos and post them to her profile, I believe. Still, like I said in PP, then they become "her" photos and I don't have control over *her* privacy settings--e.g., if she decides to let others "share", tag, link to, whatever photos of my kids. I think that is my concern. Is that why many of you don't let friends post photos of your kids on their pages?

[arivecchi]

Just tell her that due to privacy reasons you do not want your photos shared wth others. She should respect that.

[DrSally]

You should note that the owner of FB's approach to online securtiy is that the Internet is not secure, it's never gonna be secure, people wanna network with you so just let them and stop trying to be so private. If you don't like it, too bad jerkface, get over it. That's his attitude. I'm not exagerating.

YEah, I've read this before, and this was my hesitation with joining FB. The pressure was unrelenting, and I felt totally in the stone age, though, not being on. Did you see the recent South Park episode on FB? Hilarious. Anyway, I really like the note you send to your friends. Do you send it over FB? Also, do you have any preface to it, like, "I'm trying to keep my photos private (for friends only), so please, don't do xyz", or do you just lay down the law. I'm trying to figure out how to word something similar, and perhaps send it out to everyone. This is a rough draft, comments?


Dear MIL, I understand your wanting to share pics of your grandkids with your friends. I talked to a friend in internet security and she gave me tips on avoiding common security breaches. Things that seem very easy and innocent (like sharing photos) can sometimes have hidden repercussions. She said that the best way to maintain your privacy on FB is to not have anyone share, link to, or tag your photos, esp. those of your kids. Once someones pics are on another person's page, their friends and maybe their friends of friends can also download or do anything with them. Not that I don't trust your friends, but it's easier to maintain control of photos if you keep them on your on FB page, KWIM?

[DrSally]

This is a good question. I've been SHOCKED by the number of people who aren't my friends whose photos I can view - either because their friends comment on the pics, or because they've left their pics completely unprotected.

So, if my friend comments on my pics, then their friend can view my pics?? Would it just be that they can see them in my friend's profile, but not access the album, download them, etc. MIL already commented on my pics, so maybe I can just tell her that her friends can already see them on her profile. I don't know if this is any more secure than having her click on them and "sharing".

Thank you for the heads up on checking the security settings on each album. I did that and mine were already "just friends".

[citymama]

So, if my friend comments on my pics, then their friend can view my pics?? Would it just be that they can see them in my friend's profile, but not access the album, download them, etc. MIL already commented on my pics, so maybe I can just tell her that her friends can already see them on her profile. I don't know if this is any more secure than having her click on them and "sharing".

Thank you for the heads up on checking the security settings on each album. I did that and mine were already "just friends".

I am pretty sure that if you've checked your album for "just friends" you should be OK, but I don't know for sure. Maybe you could ask one of MIL's "friends" if they can view the album? They might be able to view but I don't think they can repost or comment on the pics. I agree with Fairy, that FB's approach to privacy is very lax - it's up to you to protect your pics!

The thing that makes me sad is the younger set of FB users has no clue or interest in privacy, or concern about why it's important to keep things private. My cousin's kids, who are 11 and 15, each have FB pages, and I've never friended them, but guess what - I can see their entire FB profile, including pics. And the 15 yr old girl definitely has some pics I don't think her parents want her showing to the world! Argh.

[DrSally]

The thing that makes me sad is the younger set of FB users has no clue or interest in privacy, or concern about why it's important to keep things private.

ITA. Kid's are getting FB pages at really young ages and haven't been talked to about privacy. It's a different generation in some ways too (more "all out there" with their info).

[Fairy]

I found an article on this subject in my In Style magazine. I go thru my issues very slowly, so this was fromt he Anne Hathaway issue. Thought it was precient, so retyping it here for you, as I type very fast and am too lazy to go looking.

What should I do about unflattering pictures of me on Facebook?
"Untag" yourself so they won't show up on yoru profile. If you really can't stand the photo, ask your friend to take it down, crop you out, or put up a better version. Unless she's a part of the paparazzi, it's not her job to display every picture ever taken of you.

A work acquaintance friended me on MySpace, but I prefer to keep my private life separate. What to do?
Explain that you use that particular site only to connect with close friends and family. Flollow up instead with an invitation to connect with you on Linkedin, which is specifically created to maintain business contacts.

Is it ok to be on Facebook during the work day?
Beware of social networking. It may be your job to update the office fan page, but you're probably not required to look at every one of those party photos from this past weekend. Practice the over the shoulder test: Would you feel all right if your boss looked along with you as you surfed? If not, avoid those pages.

Always
Set up distinct "lists" on facebook for work colleagues, friends, and family, then manage your privacy settings accordingly.

Sometimes
It's ok to not respond to a Facebook friend request. If you neither confirm nor ignore, your "friend" can't ask again.

Never
Allow yourself to be stressed out by social networking. When the fun starts to fade, it's time to step away.

[marge234]

OT, FYI: FB is apparently in the process of changing their policies so you can no longer untag photos with you in them. Someone in the group "bring back news feed and wall privacy settings" bothered to read through and analyzed the changes FB posted. And FB is now posting changes on the FB Governance site--you have to join that group to get the info, they'll no longer inform everyone of changes via a messages.

[Fairy]

I hate that effing application.