DS is having a sleepover, and I guess I won't sleep much tonight ....

[Toba]

DH, DS and I are very close. He scoots into our bed EVERY morning for snuggles. He just turned six and I know I only have a few more years of him loving us no matter what. It's so difficult. I want another baby SO badly, but I'm on medication (that I HAVE to be on) that I can't even try because it is known to give birth defects, and I think I have two moderately sized cysts (I have PCOS) on both ovaries because I can just tell now) :( I am DYING for another, but chances are very slim. I have to be on the med for probably at least 2 years, which would bring me to 41. It's like a sucker punch when an aquaintance says are you having more?? It's like a knife in my heart when my son begs for a brother or sister and why does everyone else have them but he doesn't.

Anyway, my MIL is housesitting for her sister and she took DS home with her ... they're only 13 blocks away. She's taking him to church tomorrow and then we're all supposed to be doing some kind family thing. MIL is a huge advocate of doing outside things, and I agree that he needs to do that too .... but that leaves me out. It's supposed to be a glorious sunny day tomorrow .... but the medicine .... ugh, I can't be in sunlight or UV rays. When I called him to say goodnight, he asked both DH and I who he was going to snuggle with tomorrow morning. *SOB* This is only his third sleepover. He does well, doesn't whine or demand to come home, but it is VERY clear that he misses us when he does get home. I know it's just a part of growing up, but *WHY* do they have to grow up????

Sorry so rambling ... couldn't get my thoughts together.

[DrSally]

It's like a sucker punch when an aquaintance says are you having more?? It's like a knife in my heart when my son begs for a brother or sister and why does everyone else have them but he doesn't.


Ouch. I'm so sorry about this. I wish people would just mind their own business. From what you've said, I think it'll be good for DS to have MIL to bring him on outside activities until you feel you are ready. Although, I understand you'll miss him. He has MIL, and I think you can trust he'll be fine for a night. For the sun thing, if you used a really high powered physical sunblock and a hat, would that be enough if you wanted to join in?

[lalasmama]

:hug: I wander around lost the whole time Lala is away for sleepovers as well. And mind you, its only been maybe 5 times, and most of those times I have *asked* for some me-time (single mom with ADHD high-needs child)... but it still doesn't feel right to not have her here!

[shawnandangel]

:grouphug:

[KpbS]

Sorry you are going through a rough time. It is hard to see them get so big. :hug:

[Toba]

Yeah, the first two sleepovers were with a cousin and then with my SIL.

And yes, I am SOOO thankful for my MIL. We've had our issues, and I'm sure we'll have a flare up here or there (she's living here except for the summer ... she's already asked several times if she can take him back to Maine with her for two weeks, two months ... basically however much I'll give her. I don't think that's going to happen though ... but you never know; my awesome, awesome therapist wants my MIL and me to have two family sessions starting next week. Sloooowly but surely, I find myself feeling better ... I just wish it was the therapy causing the better feeling, and not the meds .... but I will take ANYTHING I can to get back to normal. I've already noticed my son having anxiety, which just rips me to the core, but my therapist said that in her opinion (she is almost at the end of her child psychology degree), what I've described wasn't enough for her to suggest therapy for him yet. She thinks that as I get better, and that because he is at such a young age (6) that he'll notice the lesser and lesser panic attacks (I leave the room and go in my bedroom, but irrationality is part of the panic, so sometimes I'm sitting there denying to everyone in the room that NO I'M NOT HAVING A FREAKING PANIC ATTACK JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE .... you know, that should be the first sign that yes, indeedy, I'm in the throes of an attack, but like I said, irrationality is a huge part of the syndrome. It just sucks.

DH has "trained" him that girls/women are delicate flowers and he has taken this to heart. I've fallen down the stairs twice in one week (not from meds .... I am the biggest klutz on the planet) and my DS was there in a nanosecond to kiss the boo boos and asked me if I needed his lion ice pack (LOL). He's just such a caring, loving and sensitive child ... at least I have that to hold on to.

[Toba]

Ouch. I'm so sorry about this. I wish people would just mind their own business. From what you've said, I think it'll be good for DS to have MIL to bring him on outside activities until you feel you are ready. Although, I understand you'll miss him. He has MIL, and I think you can trust he'll be fine for a night. For the sun thing, if you used a really high powered physical sunblock and a hat, would that be enough if you wanted to join in?

And yes, I totally agree with this. I NEVER mention a suspected pregnancy for many, many years because you just never know. There are people that I see that, to me, so obviously have PCOS, but could you imagine some strange person walking up to you and telling you the symptoms that I'm seeing and I think she should go to a doctor? Yeah, wouldn't go over well.

I am investing in a very large umbrella chair where I can sit in the backyard or on the beach. We also have a gazebo (not a REAL one, but one of those ones that you have to put up every year) which I'm expecting to be using a LOT this summer.

My MIL is great ... she just knows when he needs outside time and she took him to three parks yesterday (!) ... he came home and while we were all talking (DH, me and MIL) he passed out on the couch at about 3:30. LOL He was wiped.

Thanks everybody for the feedback. My psychiatrist and my therapist both know I want another child and I'm losing time (if I can even GET pregnant this time), so they are planning around that and hoping to wean me off the meds within two years so that I can try. But both have made it clear that if they don't think I'm ready or still need the meds, I need to trust them and let it go.