Is it acceptable to let kids play with other kids' toys at the playground?

[arivecchi]

I always tell DS1 that he cannot play with toys other kids bring to the playground unless he gets the ok from the owner of the toy. He is ok with that. However, DH lets other kids climb all over our wagon and play with it even though no one has asked DS or us whether they can use it. DS gets upset with this as he obviously thinks it is inconsistent with what we teach him. It bothers me that the other kids' parents see their DC doing this and think it is so cute.

Am I wrong? Should I just expect a free-for-all at the playground?

[doberbrat]

No I dont think so. I expect that kids will try and that their parents will correct them.

but sadly that is often lacking.

[athompson]

I think that allowing other children to play with my child's toy/wagon/bucket etc. is an excellent way to teach them about sharing. If they cannot share, we do not bring things to the playground. That being said, I would expect the other parent to speak up to their child if it seems to be bothering my child and vice versa.

[JustMe]

I think this is very regional. Where I currently live the "norm" is that kids do play with each others toys all the time. Not so much in other places I have lived.

Dd generally has not tried to play with others toys at parks, even when she was younger. When she did, I allowed her to do so as this is the norm where I live, but if I could identify who the toy belonged to, I (or she, depending upon her age) would ask the child and/or parent if that was okay. I allow other kids to play with dd's toys (again b/c that is the norm here), but of course allow dd to say "no" if she has using it, and she does not have to share in this situation. I also will set limits on how far the other children can go with the toys if it is a large playground and will generally collect the toys way in advance before we leave.

[sariana]

I expect DS (and DD, but she's young yet) to ask for permission to play with others' toys. But I also teach him (them) that other families have different rules and policies. Otherwise DS gets into his "police" mode and tries to teach other kids what rules to follow.

DS knows that if he takes toys to the playground, it is expected that other children will play with them. He is okay with this because other children usually let him play with theirs, as well.

I generally do NOT let DS play with larger toys, such as wagons or those ride-on motorized cars (yes, someone had one at the playground).

[daisymommy]

I agree. Our rule is "if it doesn't belong to you, don't touch it--unless you have asked permission first and the owner says it's okay." This rule applies anywhere we go, and at home. Of course, my kids forget this rule, and it's my job to remind them of it. But for some reason so many parents these days seem clueless about common courtesy and manners :irked:.
Edited to add: Smaller things like a sand bucket the beach, I usually just say "we can share" and that tells the other child they are getting it play with it for a little while, but then it needs to go back to my child. But I have had other kids get a hold of a bike or wagon and just take off with it. But I don't like kids wandering over to where my child is building a sand castle, picking something up without asking, and walking off with it.

[Leeannpk]

At our playground if there are toys in the sandbox and nobody is playing with them, they are fair game. If the owner asks for them back, they are returned promptly. While I support asking permission, sometimes the owner is not easily identified - they might be off playing on the swings or the monkey bars. It works in reverse, as well - if my child leaves a bucket in the sandbox and goes to play on the swings, it is understood that another child might start playing with it, but that we can get it back if we need it. IME, there are always plenty of toys to go around and the parents and kids are eager to share and are cooperative 99% of the time when we ask for them back.

ETA - In terms of larger toys, like wagons or bikes, those are only for use by their owners. We don't touch them.

[arivecchi]

But for some reason so many parents these days seem clueless about common courtesy and manners :irked:. This is my main complaint too. One kid comandeered DS's wagon at a very small park with only 3 families there. His family saw exactly what he was doing. When DS went to get the wagon back, this kid asked DS to pull the wagon with him on it and his parents were laughing about it. I wanted to beat some sense into them for being so rude. Poor DS stood there not knowing what to do until I stepped in and claimed the wagon. The parents did not apologize.

[mommylamb]

This issue has not come up for us so much at parks, but it does at our HOA pool in the summer. DS always wants to play with other kids pool toys or vice versa. Usually, it's pretty easy to identify the owner, and in that case I'll ask if it's ok (last year DS had only just turned 2 during pool season, so he was a little young to ask. this year, I'll make him do it). If there's no one around and the toy is just floating there, I'll let him play with it and then if someone comes nearby I'll enquire if it's there's.

[crl]

At the playgrounds we've frequented (NoVA and San Francisco), the norm is that toys brought to the park are shared by all. Now, if the child who brought the toy is playing with it, no one expects that kid to give it up or anything. But if it is temporarily abandoned, it's fair game until the kid who brought it wants it again. The only exceptions were things like trikes, bikes and scooters. I think this "rule" may be in large part because the parks we frequented had community toys (buckets, balls, etc that just lived at the playground all the time). So, there really isn't a good way to always know whether a toy belongs to someone or is a community toy. If something obviously belonged to someone and the kid or parent was nearby, we did ask before using it. And we returned items that were not obviously community toys to the place we found them so the owner could reclaim them easily before going home.

I do not let DS take anything to the park that he is unwilling to share. So for long stretches of time we didn't take any toys at all with us because he didn't want to share.

Catherine

ETA: I just wanted to add that we would not have played with someone's wagon without asking permission first. That's in the category of "big" toys that were not generally shared or presumed to be community toys even if not being actively used at the moment.

[infomama]

This happens to us at the pool. We allow other kids to join and most are very respectful (at campgrounds) so it's not a big deal. If they start to wander off with my dd's toys are begin to get obnoxious then we ask for them back and tell them to back off (in a nice way, of course like, 'ok guys, we need to bring the toys back now..someone one is going to get hurt')

[salsah]

I agree. Our rule is "if it doesn't belong to you, don't touch it--unless you have asked permission first and the owner says it's okay." This rule applies anywhere we go, and at home. Of course, my kids forget this rule, and it's my job to remind them of it. But for some reason so many parents these days seem clueless about common courtesy and manners :irked:.


:yeahthat: we have had big kids take our sand toys out of the sand box and use them as weapons, throw them around, and walk away with them. they actually took them out of the gated area, where the toddler playground and sand box is, and went to another playground on the other side of a large park. dh and i were stunned. didn't their parents see them? didn't their parents know that those toys didn't belong to them and wonder where they got the toys from? at first we didn't want to say anything, but it just went too far so dh went to each of the kids and nicely asked for each toy. he said that one kids asked him why so he said that because our dd wants to play with it in the sand now. when he noticed a parent give him a dirty look, he just started saying that we are going home now so we need our toys.
i've also seen parents let their kids climb into our stroller, eat dd's snacks, etc. w/o asking first. that baffles me. not that i don't want to share, i just think that it is rude to assume that i want to share.

i don't mind sharing our toys, and i even encourage the girls to offer to share with other kids at the park, but i don't like when kids help themselves w/o asking first (or w/o the parents asking first).

in general (not just at the park) i teach my kids not to touch anything that doesn't belong them, even something that seems abandoned or lost, because the owner may come back to look for it. at play dates in someone's home, they have to ask permission before touching anything, playing with any toy, or going in any room. i also teach them that if someone lets you use something that doesn't belong to you, you have be careful with it and take better care of it than you would take care of your own things.

[ewpmsw]

We don't play with toys at the playground unless the owner says it's okay, and we probably wouldn't ask. I don't plan on bringing toys to the playground for DN or my DD's anytime soon. We'd never touch a bike or wagon that we didn't bring.

Another parent who is a regular at our playground brings 6-10 small balls when they visit and allows all the kids to use them. I think she is trying to teach her son (3ish) to share. I liked the idea until he punched my DD (22 mos) in the chest, knocking her over, to get a ball back. His mom saw it but did nothing. Maybe bringing a lot of balls was supposed to give her more time to chat and require less watching of the son? After that, someone else's kid (6ish) kept whining at me that the ball my DD was playing with belonged to the boy. (She wanted it. Someone else's kid's whining over and over, "That's not heeeeeeeer's" wore me down. I finally just gave it to her and walked away.)

It was nice of the family to share, but seemed like more of a hassle than anything else since the mom wasn't really watching her kid "share" his stuff.

[crl]

For those of you who don't use others toys at.all.ever., are there community toys at the parks you go to? We go to parks where people "donate" toys to the park. So, there are toy castles, and toy kitchens and balls and buckets and shovels that live at the park permanently. I know they are community toys because I see the exact same toy at the park repeatedly over a period of months. Would you let your child play with those toys?

I think there's just a pretty big difference in customs at different parks on this issue.

Catherine

[SnuggleBuggles]

I make them ask but I try hard to steer them away from them real hard.

Beth

[pantrygirl]

Our daughter is 21 months old and we always tell her to ask. Of course a 21 month old can't really ask so we repeat, "Ask to play. Play?" Sometimes she does it, sometimes she doesn't.

If she doesn't, I usually ask the parent for her.

The idea for us is that she realizes that not everything is a free for all. She can't just grab a toy willy nilly without asking.

We do the same with our toys. If someone tries to grab her toy stroller, and she sees it, we stop the child and ask, "Would you like to play with TG's stroller?" This is done so my daughter sees that it goes both ways.

I'm not sure how much sinks in but DH and I have been trying to be consistent with this.

As for community toys, we do have an occasional community toy at a park we frequent. We also make it a point to talk about sharing these toys. This is where we often work with the older kids around us. I guess it's sort of community learning. :-P

We dislike when kids just grab toys willy nilly, especially with they are older and should know better.

[egoldber]

We go to parks where people "donate" toys to the park.

Our favorite park is like this. I would never bring toys there because there are always so many. Well, sometimes I bring a shovel for each kid, but I CLEARLY and LARGELY label it with our name.

[Melaine]

Nope. If another kid played with our wagon I would ask them to stop. Sharing is fine, but I'm not letting a child climb on something that belongs to us for fear they would get hurt. If my kids brought a ball, then I would get them to share if someone wanted to, but I also have no problem telling a child to give use back our stuff. Mostly because my children would never take a toy back, even if they wanted to.

ETA: Realize my answer was poorly written. In answer to the question, yes it is certainly acceptable to share and expect others to share at the park. For some reason (I think going back to the similar pool conversation earlier), I was thinking the question was: do you require your children to share at the park. I don't require my children to share particularly with strangers, but if a child wanted to play along with us with our toys, obviously I'd encourage that.

[pantrygirl]

Nope. If another kid played with our wagon I would ask them to stop. Sharing is fine, but I'm not letting a child climb on something that belongs to us for fear they would get hurt.

Melaine has a point and we do not let a kid play with our wagon or other items we feel may lead to them getting hurt without adult supervision. In the past, we've told the child to come back with their parent and if their parent will watch them, they can borrow the wagon or other larger items.

[Ceepa]

My kids know not to grab a toy that doesn't belong to us so I don't even try to find the parent and ask.

[athompson]

I don't want to make this into a bigger issue than it is, but a lot of the replies seem to be about parents not teaching courtesy and manners and honestly it just all sounds ridiculous to me. I'm all for manners and courtesy, but I think one of the most important things we should teach our children is how to get along with and interact with other children/people. Based on a lot of the replies, some of the problems sound like they stem from the parents' attitudes. I can guarantee if you are worried about someone playing with your kids' stuff, your kids are picking up on this too (and this will affect how they do/do not get along with others). Don't mean to rant, but I'm left scratching my head after reading some of these replies.:shrug:

[tiapam]

i've also seen parents let their kids climb into our stroller, eat dd's snacks, etc. w/o asking first. that baffles me. not that i don't want to share, i just think that it is rude to assume that i want to share.

i don't mind sharing our toys, and i even encourage the girls to offer to share with other kids at the park, but i don't like when kids help themselves w/o asking first (or w/o the parents asking first).

in general (not just at the park) i teach my kids not to touch anything that doesn't belong them, even something that seems abandoned or lost, because the owner may come back to look for it. at play dates in someone's home, they have to ask permission before touching anything, playing with any toy, or going in any room. i also teach them that if someone lets you use something that doesn't belong to you, you have be careful with it and take better care of it than you would take care of your own things.

Would you rather they assume that you do not want to share? Kids are naturally wired to touch and pick up things, and even walk around and away with them. I don't get too worked up about other kids using my DC's toys at the park, though we mostly just bring sand toys to a pretty small park. I do try to watch them closer when they have other's toys. I usually only ask if it is okay if they are climbing on something or really taking off with something. DS likes to climb up on and sit on bikes.

I would not expect (from my kids or their playmates) the level of control you are describing for a playdate. Any toys that are visible at our house are up for grabs. Sometimes I (try to) make a room off limits if DS is napping nearby or something.

I'm sure I am on the more laid back side of this, but I don't correct every single slightly "bad" behavior of my children. I think there is more than one way to teach a "lesson" (including letting the child see what happens if I don't always get involved) and I don't believe I need to seize every "teachable" moment as long as nobody is getting hurt.

Also, not directed at any specific posts in this thread, but in general, I am amused at how many people quickly label a child at the park or some other public place as a "bad" kid after simply being in the same area as them for an hour or so. My kids have their bad moments and even bad days, and I expect and recognize that in other kids too, even ones I do not know. Oh and that goes for parents, too.

[arivecchi]

Nope. If another kid played with our wagon I would ask them to stop. Sharing is fine, but I'm not letting a child climb on something that belongs to us for fear they would get hurt.
I had not even thought of that. I almost feel like not using the wagon again which is crazy because we got it for riding around the neighborhood.

I certainly don't expect kids to behave all the time (I certainly do not have perfect kids), but I do expect parents to teach them manners at the park.

[wellyes]

DD is barely 2 and any kid group activity is all about sharing. It's kind of the whole point, in my mind.
At our playground if there are toys in the sandbox and nobody is playing with them, they are fair game. If the owner asks for them back, they are returned promptly.

Same here.

I certainly don't expect kids to behave all the time (I certainly do not have perfect kids), but I do expect parents to teach them manners at the park.

See, to me manners at the park = be friendly, play with others, share, take turns, etc.

But it surely must depend on age. And I do expect kids to stick with kids their own age in general vs using younger kids' stuff.

[KrisM]

I've never brought any toys to the playground and I can't think of ever seeing anyone else with toys there. I guess we go to the playground to play with things that aren't in my backyard or my house :). So, curious, why do you bring toys to the playground?

As far as a wagon or a stroller or even snacks(!), I would definitely assume those are not for sharing. I sometimes had a stroller with me, but I don't think anyone ever tried to play with it or anything.

[aa2mama]

Sharing toys at the playground is one thing, the wagon is another. The wagon is a means of transportation to the park. I mean, I would totally not be cool with a stranger's child climbing all over my stroller and playing with it unasked. I would have no problem telling the kids in the wagon that they need to find something else to play with.

As far as taking toys to the playground, I tell my kids that if they bring toys they need to be willing to share them and can't be devastated to lose them. I only let my kids play with other people's toys if someone offers to share with them. I try and keep general tabs on the toys we bring and will ask for them back if someone is taking them away from the main playing area or roughhousing with them.

[JoyNChrist]

I've never brought any toys to the playground and I can't think of ever seeing anyone else with toys there. I guess we go to the playground to play with things that aren't in my backyard or my house :). So, curious, why do you bring toys to the playground?

We bring things like sand toys to use in the sandbox, or maybe a ball or frisbee or kite.

I don't mind other kids playing with our things as long as they aren't taking them from DS or using them inappropriately. Like a couple weeks ago some older boys (probably 7 or 8?) grabbed DS's sand shovel and rake and started sword-fighting with them. I put a stop to that quickly and told them they were welcome to play in the sand with DS, but that our toys weren't meant for fighting.

I wouldn't let another child play with our wagon, because I consider that the same as my stroller - a mode of transportation, not a toy.

[hillview]

No we don't expect other kids to share or expect them to share ours. I always encourage DS to share but if they decide not to that is ok with me (on the playground)
/hillary

[crl]

I've never brought any toys to the playground and I can't think of ever seeing anyone else with toys there. I guess we go to the playground to play with things that aren't in my backyard or my house :). So, curious, why do you bring toys to the playground?



Some people don't have backyards. And there's never been a basketball court in my backyard, so bringing balls to bounce is a different activity than what can happen in most backyards. Also, many parks have sandboxes so people bring sand toys. And we've frequented a water park where the kids like to have buckets to fill up with water and then dump over their head. Lots of reasons to bring toys to the park.

Catherine

[jjjo1112]

Guess it depends what it is. A wagon/bike-I would expect my kids to ask permission and would supervise closely to make sure they are using it properly. Sand toys/balls/bats or other small toys laying around-the norm here seems to be they are for everyone's use although we always hand them over if the owner asks for them back. We actually frequent many playgrounds where sand toys and the like-are left at the park on a permanent basis-for everyone's use.

[KrisM]

Some people don't have backyards. And there's never been a basketball court in my backyard, so bringing balls to bounce is a different activity than what can happen in most backyards. Also, many parks have sandboxes so people bring sand toys. And we've frequented a water park where the kids like to have buckets to fill up with water and then dump over their head. Lots of reasons to bring toys to the park.

Catherine

True, but I guess our playgrounds have slides, swings, things to climb. I am picturing people bringing Magna doodles, Leapsters, etc to sit and play with while at the park.

None of our parks have sandboxes, so I hadn't considered that. Or basketball hoops, for that matter :). We do have a spray park, but it only opened last year and I didn't see people with toys.

[KrystalS]

DD is older now so we don't spend as much time at parks as we did before she started school. We always took sand toys to the playground/water toys to pool. My issue was the older kids who would take DDs toys that were clearly hers, sitting right beside her she was playing with them. This really made me mad, especially when DD was too young to explain the toys were hers. Usually these kids would run off with DDs toys, take them to different part of playgound/pool and then after a few minutes just leave them there. After this happened to us several times, and having lost several toys, I stopped letting other kids play with DDs toys. Unless they were around the same age, and were sitting there playing with DD. Now that DD is older, she knows when we go to the park she has to ask to play with a toy and she is not allowed to walk off with it.
I understand that kids need to learn to share, but at the same time I didn't want DD to think it was okay to just let someone take your things without asking and not return them.

[Leeannpk]

I don't want to make this into a bigger issue than it is, but a lot of the replies seem to be about parents not teaching courtesy and manners and honestly it just all sounds ridiculous to me. I'm all for manners and courtesy, but I think one of the most important things we should teach our children is how to get along with and interact with other children/people. Based on a lot of the replies, some of the problems sound like they stem from the parents' attitudes. I can guarantee if you are worried about someone playing with your kids' stuff, your kids are picking up on this too (and this will affect how they do/do not get along with others). Don't mean to rant, but I'm left scratching my head after reading some of these replies.:shrug:

I agree with this 125%.




I would not expect (from my kids or their playmates) the level of control you are describing for a playdate. Any toys that are visible at our house are up for grabs. Sometimes I (try to) make a room off limits if DS is napping nearby or something.

I'm sure I am on the more laid back side of this, but I don't correct every single slightly "bad" behavior of my children. I think there is more than one way to teach a "lesson" (including letting the child see what happens if I don't always get involved) and I don't believe I need to seize every "teachable" moment as long as nobody is getting hurt.

Also, not directed at any specific posts in this thread, but in general, I am amused at how many people quickly label a child at the park or some other public place as a "bad" kid after simply being in the same area as them for an hour or so. My kids have their bad moments and even bad days, and I expect and recognize that in other kids too, even ones I do not know. Oh and that goes for parents, too.

And this.


True, but I guess our playgrounds have slides, swings, things to climb. I am picturing people bringing Magna doodles, Leapsters, etc to sit and play with while at the park.



I can see why you might be confused :D. I am not talking about those kinds of toys, but about things like sand toys or other "outdoorsy" things. I don't allow my kids to touch other people's bikes or wagons, but those are generally parked outside of the gate of the park so I can't say that's ever been an issue. But sand toys in the sand box? I would expect that a toy in the sandbox not being played with is probably OK for my kid to use (but not wander off with). And we expect to share our toys as well. While I think it's fine to say no to a child who wants to play with a toy my kid is actively playing with, I wouldn't bring a sand toy that I didn't expect to share when not in use. I am truly surprised that so many people feel differently.

[Melaine]

For those of you who don't use others toys at.all.ever., are there community toys at the parks you go to? We go to parks where people "donate" toys to the park. So, there are toy castles, and toy kitchens and balls and buckets and shovels that live at the park permanently. I know they are community toys because I see the exact same toy at the park repeatedly over a period of months. Would you let your child play with those toys?

I think there's just a pretty big difference in customs at different parks on this issue.

Catherine

This must be true. I'm totally confused....are you guys talking about sand toys? I've never in my life seen a public sandbox....is this at the beach? I don't think any park we've been to has any toys of any kind beyond playground equipment, sprinklers, and trees....your parks sound like more fun!

[crl]

This must be true. I'm totally confused....are you guys talking about sand toys? I've never in my life seen a public sandbox....is this at the beach? I don't think any park we've been to has any toys of any kind beyond playground equipment, sprinklers, and trees....your parks sound like more fun!

No, not the beach. Sandboxes. At the park. I've seen them in lots and lots of parks, both in NoVA and in San Francisco. Plus some parks use sand as their material for below swings and such. And yes, there are community sand toys at many of these parks: shovels, buckets, plastic kitchens, etc. I've also seen lots of dump trucks and a fair number of balls that are community toys. I've even been to one park in NoVA where people "donated" cozy coupes and such. Really. Truly. I've been to that park multiple times and there were the same 4 or 5 of those kinds of toys there all the time. I've also been to one park in SF where people have "donated" old trikes and scooters. Really.

And yes, those parks are a lot of fun. They tend to have lots and lots of kids playing at them. And everyone shares the toys, sometimes with some learning moments along the way. And the kids get to play with something different from what they've got at home.

And yes, the parks I'm talking about also have swings and slides and so on. But before my kid started preschool we went to the park two times a day most days of the week, so a variety of possible activities at the park were a very good thing. And little kids often like to sit in sand and play after they've worn themselves out a bit on the slides and all. Not to mention that sand is great sensory input.

I think community toys at the park are great. And I think they stem from a really generous and sharing approach to public spaces and toys.

Catherine

[mamicka]

I agree with this 125%.



And this.



I can see why you might be confused :D. I am not talking about those kinds of toys, but about things like sand toys or other "outdoorsy" things. I don't allow my kids to touch other people's bikes or wagons, but those are generally parked outside of the gate of the park so I can't say that's ever been an issue. But sand toys in the sand box? I would expect that a toy in the sandbox not being played with is probably OK for my kid to use (but not wander off with). And we expect to share our toys as well. While I think it's fine to say no to a child who wants to play with a toy my kid is actively playing with, I wouldn't bring a sand toy that I didn't expect to share when not in use. I am truly surprised that so many people feel differently.

:yeahthat:
Wagons & strollers are not toys to me. But more than that they can be dangerous if played with unsupervised (not to mention the snacks that they may contain & FA's). That's a risk I'm not willing to take.

The only toys I've seen brought to parks here are balls, frisbees, & sand toys. All of these are fair game if left unattended, IMO. If the owner is known then we ask first. We always return toys to where we found them.

[Ceepa]

Honestly, the public uncovered sandboxes at playgrounds give me the heebie jeebies. Grew up seeing (and smelling) ones used as litterboxes by feral cats among other things. I've also seen kids unearth cigarette butts and old snack foods.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

I always tell DD to ask when she starts playing with another child's toy, most of the time, the DP jumps in and says it's fine.

[mamicka]

Honestly, the public uncovered sandboxes at playgrounds give me the heebie jeebies. Grew up seeing (and smelling) ones used as litterboxes by feral cats among other things. I've also seen kids unearth cigarette butts and old snack foods.

I agree. There is one park with sand around here that I know of. I avoid it because I think it's gross.

[crl]

Honestly, the public uncovered sandboxes at playgrounds give me the heebie jeebies. Grew up seeing (and smelling) ones used as litterboxes by feral cats among other things. I've also seen kids unearth cigarette butts and old snack foods.

Yep. And I've seen broken glass at the bottom of slides. And birds poop on the picnic tables. And dogs poop on the grass, even if their owners clean up after them it's not exactly sterile. I guess I just don't have very high standards 'cause I still let my kid play at the park.

Catherine

[mamicka]

Yep. And I've seen broken glass at the bottom of slides. And birds poop on the picnic tables. And dogs poop on the grass, even if their owners clean up after them it's not exactly sterile. I guess I just don't have very high standards 'cause I still let my kid play at the park.

Catherine

You sound very offended & I'm not sure why. I've not seen anyone critical of people who play at parks. I can't imagine why anyone would criticize that.

Different parts of the country have different kinds of parks & I'm sure that urban parks are different from suburban & rural... it's hard to give opinions on things when you aren't sure what someone else's norm is, YK?

[egoldber]

And yes, there are community sand toys at many of these parks: shovels, buckets, plastic kitchens, etc. I've also seen lots of dump trucks and a fair number of balls that are community toys. I've even been to one park in NoVA where people "donated" cozy coupes and such. Really. Truly. I've been to that park multiple times and there were the same 4 or 5 of those kinds of toys there all the time.

I think we may be talking about the same park. :ROTFLMAO: Our park is like this and we love it. The only thing I take is a shovel, because there tend to only be 3-4 and if there are 8 kids in the sandbox, it gets to be an issue.

And this is about as suburban, high socioeconomic an area as I can think of.

[mamicka]

And this is about as suburban, high socioeconomic an area as I can think of.

I'm missing something.

[egoldber]

I'm sure that urban parks are different from suburban & rural

I thought you were saying that this might be an urban phenomenon, but the park I am thinking of (and probably the same or similar as crl) is in an affluent suburban area. This type of park, where there are a large number of communal toys in a large sandbox is very common in this area, and it sounds like others. It was merely an attempt to clarify (obviously not very successfully ;) ) the type of area where these parks exist.

[pb&j]

Typically we don't bring stuff to the playground that we don't expect to share.

Usually, if a kid starts playing with whatever toy DS brought to the playground, I'll say, "DS, is it okay if X plays with your toy?" and after DS says yes, "X, DS said it's okay if you play with his toy while he is on the swings."

I always tell DS to ask permission before playing with others' toys. I don't necessarily expect others to ask permissions to use our toys, but I would prefer it, honestly.

And I have no qualms about saying, "Sorry X, that does not belong to you, please find something else to play with" if I'd rather not have X playing with our toy for whatever reason.

I will say that we know all of our neighbors, and everyone knows whose toys are which - it's not like strangers playing with our toys.

[1964pandora]

Yikes, I'm feeling like a real ogre reading this thread because I don't expect my kids to share everything upon request. We sort of work it out as we go along, but I don't expect them to share every toy we've brought to the playground the moment another child asks for it. Sometimes we bring a scooter or a small glider to our playground because there is also a black top there. I don't expect them to get off their scooter or glider when someone asks for it.

[ett]

No, not the beach. Sandboxes. At the park. I've seen them in lots and lots of parks, both in NoVA and in San Francisco. Plus some parks use sand as their material for below swings and such. And yes, there are community sand toys at many of these parks: shovels, buckets, plastic kitchens, etc. I've also seen lots of dump trucks and a fair number of balls that are community toys. I've even been to one park in NoVA where people "donated" cozy coupes and such. Really. Truly. I've been to that park multiple times and there were the same 4 or 5 of those kinds of toys there all the time. I've also been to one park in SF where people have "donated" old trikes and scooters. Really.



I'm in suburban MA, and the playgrounds in my town are like this too. Besides the playground structures, there's ride on toys, trucks, sand toys, etc. that people have donated. There is a very nice playground in a bordering town and there's cozy coupes, tricycles, and other ride on toys. We don't usually bring any toys to the playground because of these communal toys. The only thing we might bring is a playground ball because there aren't any of those. I am totally fine with another child playing with it if we aren't. Sometimes people don't even realize that they belong to someone else because of the communal toys.

[Ceepa]

Yep. And I've seen broken glass at the bottom of slides. And birds poop on the picnic tables. And dogs poop on the grass, even if their owners clean up after them it's not exactly sterile. I guess I just don't have very high standards 'cause I still let my kid play at the park.


Not casting judgment. Simply stating my experience and how it influences my opinion.

[C99]

I don't let my kids ride another person's trike unless it's IN the playground area (as opposed to on the side, parked). But the flip side is that I do not care if little kids get on our trikes, etc. while we are at the playground and the trikes are parked. I think any kind of outdoor or washable toy in the playground is fair game.

[MamaSnoo]

We have not really run into this at parks. Most kids do not bring toys to the parks we go to, and just play on the equipment there.

It is an issue at our pool. I expect that kids will share DDs pool tools, and she is young, so I explain to her about sharing. If an older child takes one of her toys away from her, the parents of that child usually are on top of it (so appreciated!). I ask if I can identify who the owner is before she uses something of someone elses. Sometimes, older kids have left the little kid area and leave toys behind, so she does pick those up sometimes. Most other parents have seemed comfortable with sharing, but sometimes I get the sense that they would rather not. Then, I just try to shift DDs attention to something else to play with.

I think I am more involved in working it out with her because of her age, and the fact that we are in the water (so I am right.there.with.her.). As she gets older, I think it would be good for her to learn to negotiate these things on her own in a nice way (with supervision, in case she does not treat others right!;))

[deborah_r]

I've never brought any toys to the playground and I can't think of ever seeing anyone else with toys there. I guess we go to the playground to play with things that aren't in my backyard or my house :). So, curious, why do you bring toys to the playground?

My kids don't have a backyard, so if they want to play with outside toys that we own we bring them to the park.

[crl]

You sound very offended & I'm not sure why. I've not seen anyone critical of people who play at parks. I can't imagine why anyone would criticize that.

Different parts of the country have different kinds of parks & I'm sure that urban parks are different from suburban & rural... it's hard to give opinions on things when you aren't sure what someone else's norm is, YK?


Not offended. But people were specifically commenting that sand in public sandboxes is gross. I'm just pointing out that lots of stuff at parks is gross and worse than gross.

Catherine

[crl]

I thought you were saying that this might be an urban phenomenon, but the park I am thinking of (and probably the same or similar as crl) is in an affluent suburban area. This type of park, where there are a large number of communal toys in a large sandbox is very common in this area, and it sounds like others. It was merely an attempt to clarify (obviously not very successfully ;) ) the type of area where these parks exist.


Quite likely the same park. LOL. I loved the parks in NoVA!

Catherine

[salsah]

i've never seen a public park with communal toys. i'm surprised that no one steals the toys.

[salsah]

Would you rather they assume that you do not want to share?

yes, it is a common courtesy to ask first. if you are visiting someone in their home and want something to drink, do you open the fridge and help your self w/o asking? you know that they won't mind, but the polite thing to do is ask first.

[salsah]

Yikes, I'm feeling like a real ogre reading this thread because I don't expect my kids to share everything upon request. We sort of work it out as we go along, but I don't expect them to share every toy we've brought to the playground the moment another child asks for it. Sometimes we bring a scooter or a small glider to our playground because there is also a black top there. I don't expect them to get off their scooter or glider when someone asks for it.

i want my dc to share but i don't think that they have to do it immediately, especially if they are using it. a lot of it depends on the situation, the place, the people (if we know them or not), the type of toys. if my dd is playing with a shovel and bucket in the sand box, i don't expect her to hand it over to a kid who asks for it. however if she leave them to go play on the swing, then i think it is nice to let someone else use them. in some situations, i might encourage dd to share something even if she is using it. she doesn't have to give it up immediately, she just needs to take turns.

[elektra]

Well I didn't respond to this thread at first because I have always felt totally uncomfortable at the playground in regards to etiquette, and so I felt I didn't have any good advice, and now I am as confused as ever!
I never know if I should try and track down the owner of an abandoned toy that DD has picked up or what. I never know how far away I should be or exactly when I should intervene if a conflict arises.
I kind of make it up as I go, and just try to think about how I would feel if i was the other parent or child.
I don't think I would care if another child played with a toy we had brought that DD had abandoned to go play somewhere else. But I would expect the other child to return it to DD promptly if she decided she wanted to play with it again. So that is what I would try to do in return if the situation was reversed. But unless I am right behind DD at the park, it's hard to make sure the right child always has the toy they are entitled to at all times, you know?

[tiapam]

yes, it is a common courtesy to ask first. if you are visiting someone in their home and want something to drink, do you open the fridge and help your self w/o asking? you know that they won't mind, but the polite thing to do is ask first.

If I assume a person does not want to share, then I am getting a bad vibe from them, so why would I bother asking at all? I would probably steer clear of them and their kids.

As for the fridge, there are some friends (and pretty much all extended family members) whose fridges I would go into, but I don't think it's a very insightful comparison. Different environment, different relationships.

I think the point some of us are trying to make is, it's a park. For kids. To be kids. Why do people get upset when kids act like kids?