Have you ever declined to write a letter of recommendation?

[Sillygirl]

And if so, did you say so immediately when asked?

A colleague of mine (different field) was recently let go and asked me to write a letter of recommendation. I was surprised when he called me and sprung this on me and honestly, I was happy when he was let go - my patients didn't have good things to say about him. I said "yes" at first but the next day told him I was drafting it and found I couldn't write a very strong one, so I preferred not to do it.

Has anyone got an easier way of letting people down gently? I would have SO MUCH preferred to get a request like that over email, rather than be put on the spot.

[kmillini]

I haven't, but I wished that I had. A colleague of mine, once submitted my name for a LOR and he didn't even ask me! I had only been working there for 3 months. It was just for a teaching position and not for a job. I knew that he was desparate for a LOR when he submitted my name! I just wrote a really lack-luster LOR. I made sure to emphasize that I hadn't worked with him for very long.
How well do you know this colleague? How much have you worked with him? Could you just send him an e-mail and tell him that when you sat down to write the LOR you just realized that you hadn't had enough interaction with him to write a really strong LOR ? Sorry, that is the best that I can come up with. Unless I was really desparate, I would want someone to tell me if they couldn't write me a good LOR. I mean it would be uncomfortable, but at least I could look for another LOR and not have a really weak one. Otherwise, I wouldn't feel comfortable not telling the truth in a LOR.

[wendibird22]

Yes. I work with college students and get asked regularly to write letters for grad school and jobs. I have told students that I don't think I am the best person to write a strong letter. I'd rather be upfront with them then struggle to write what will end up being a mediocre letter at best. They are asking me because they think I'll be able to write a letter that is helpful to them and their goals and I think I owe it to them to be honest that I can't do so.

[elephantmeg]

twice. Once with a friend who I (thankfully) had never worked with as a nurse and as a friend knew she went from job to job being "unfairly" fired. Secondly and recently a former coworker that was let go asked me for one. We had worked together on peds many years ago, was forced into the med surg floor at some point (too many patient complaints mainly) and now out. I told both of them I hadn't worked with them recently enough to write a good reccomendation.

[karstmama]

i did have someone ask once & i told her that i'd be truthful about good & bad points (lor for getting into grad school) and if she was ok with that, i was willing. she was, i wrote it, she got in & was doing great.

so i'd say if you hang it all out there ('yes, i'll write you a letter if you want, but you need to know i'll say x,y, and z as well as a,b, and c...') and they say 'ok' - go for it.