things the prego books don't tell you.......

[newg]

I've been laughing at myself all day thinking about the silly stuff I have to remember now that I have a belly...........things those pregnancy books don't tell you!

So please add your own........I can't be the only one!!!

* when I dry off from a shower I have to remember to dry under my belly, because my normal "front-side pat down" stops at my belly button now.

* I have to check my shirt before I leave the house.....lifting up the shirt no less.....to make sure there aren't any hidden surprises in the "blind spot"!!

* if I sit in a deep chair or couch I need help to get out.

* I now need two napkins when I eat..........one for my belly and one for my lap!

uggghhhh........and it's only going to get worse!!! :rotflmao:

[SkyrMommy]

* When you're pregnant in the summer... wear sandals & if you have your toes done make sure they're the right color (especially if your DH helps!)

* Turning quickly near the right level tables can sweep things off - with the belly!!!

:hysterical: I like this... reminds me of the funnies of being pregnant!

[sewarsh]

That the "stomach massage" the OB gives you after delivery to rid your body of the after-birth/uterus is NOT what i would classify as a massage.

[ewpmsw]

Seems to be an unwritten rule that maternity undies and materntiy pants/shorts will never be in sync. If one is having a good day and staying up and in place, the other is sliding down.

[boogiemomz]

that you will basically need 3 entire new wardrobes--1) transition clothes for early pregnancy while maternity clothes still look ridiculous but your pre-preg clothes are too tight, 2) maternity clothes, and 3) clothes for the year or so after delivery when your body is pretty much unrecognizable. and start over for next pregnancy, unless the timing (in the calendar year) is almost exactly the same as before!!

[WatchingThemGrow]

If you take Zofran, add colase to the routine also.

[VClute]

If you take Zofran, add colase to the routine also.

I think colace should be a part of ANY pregnant woman's routine - zofran or no.

[AnnieW625]

I think colace should be a part of ANY pregnant woman's routine - zofran or no.

No Zofran here but DH would not agree to me taking colace. I usually have IBS w/constipation soo bad that I have to cut out most wheat out of my diet just so I can be regular. With this pregnancy I have clogged the toilet so many times it's not even funny, and I am still not 100% regular. My IBS is in reverse. It's driving DH nuts.

These are funny. Thanks for sharing.

[fortato]

Cross your legs if you feel a sneeze come on... or if you're going to laugh... or if you're going to cough...or breathe.

Your kids are going to notice the cup of pee that you have ready to take to the doctor, but they won't mention it until they get to preschool...and need to tell everyone during circle time that "Mommy has a cup of pee in her pockybook!"

And.... those preggo farts you had with your first child are much more discreet than the ones you have with your second...because the first child WILL again, tell his class that "Mommy's got a tootie ass".

[newg]

Cross your legs if you feel a sneeze come on... or if you're going to laugh... or if you're going to cough...or breathe.

Your kids are going to notice the cup of pee that you have ready to take to the doctor, but they won't mention it until they get to preschool...and need to tell everyone during circle time that "Mommy has a cup of pee in her pockybook!"

And.... those preggo farts you had with your first child are much more discreet than the ones you have with your second...because the first child WILL again, tell his class that "Mommy's got a tootie ass".

:rotflmao:

[JoyNChrist]

that you will basically need 3 entire new wardrobes--1) transition clothes for early pregnancy while maternity clothes still look ridiculous but your pre-preg clothes are too tight, 2) maternity clothes, and 3) clothes for the year or so after delivery when your body is pretty much unrecognizable. and start over for next pregnancy, unless the timing (in the calendar year) is almost exactly the same as before!!

Ooh good one!

* That people will tell you that you are too small and that you are huge...often on the same day, and sometimes within minutes of one another.

* That you won't look even remotely as cute as pregnant chicks in magazines or advertisements. I don't think they're really pregnant. ;)

[boltfam]

Ooh good one!

* That people will tell you that you are too small and that you are huge...often on the same day, and sometimes within minutes of one another.

* That you won't look even remotely as cute as pregnant chicks in magazines or advertisements. I don't think they're really pregnant. ;)

I totally agree!

[MamaMolly]

That the 2 hole breast pump bra you snorted at while poking through preggy mags will suddenly become a very groovy addition to your wardrobe. I'm typing 2 handed ya'll! :)

[Indianamom2]

The books don't tell you that:

~ Your feet can not only change in width, but in length...and stay that way permanently!

~ The mesh undies you get in the hospital are your friend, at least for the first week after delivery.

~ That using the restroom for at least a full week, post-partum, will be a massive and long undertaking involving squirt bottles, tucks pads, spray medication, and pads....

~ Speaking of pads, you will feel like you are wearing enough pads to play football when you add in the nursing pads too. Fun stuff!

[c&j04]

* That people will tell you that you are too small and that you are huge...often on the same day, and sometimes within minutes of one another.
.....and the SAME person who tells you at 6 mos that "you're really poppin out there" will tell you at 9 mos that "you don't look that close to having a baby at all"..... haha

[SnuggleBuggles]

.....and the SAME person who tells you at 6 mos that "you're really poppin out there" will tell you at 9 mos that "you don't look that close to having a baby at all"..... haha

Just checking to see if baby is on the outside yet or still cooking?! :)

Beth

[c&j04]

Just checking to see if baby is on the outside yet or still cooking?! :)

Beth
still cookin-DH says half baked :)
but.....I'm goin in tomorrow night!!!!!!! So excited :)

[natness]

That the first real poop after giving birth will require you to use your labor breathing techniques. :38:

[salsah]

Cross your legs if you feel a sneeze come on... or if you're going to laugh... or if you're going to cough...or breathe.

Your kids are going to notice the cup of pee that you have ready to take to the doctor, but they won't mention it until they get to preschool...and need to tell everyone during circle time that "Mommy has a cup of pee in her pockybook!"

And.... those preggo farts you had with your first child are much more discreet than the ones you have with your second...because the first child WILL again, tell his class that "Mommy's got a tootie ass".

:hysterical:

[Momit]

That you will find yourself having conversations about bodily functions, fluids etc. that you never would have discussed before - and not think anything of it!

[citymama]

That you will find yourself having conversations about bodily functions, fluids etc. that you never would have discussed before - and not think anything of it!

OMG, so true! I'll never forget the silence on the other end of the phone when I told my Dad I was fully effaced and my cervix was a couple of centimeters dilated! I will spare him the details this time.

All of these are cracking me up! I am at the point right now where I cannot bend down to tie shoelaces, but it isn't sandal weather yet. Kicking myself for not buying those Dansko clogs I wanted last Fall!

Peoples' insensitivity is definitely something that you are not prepared for. At my sister's last weekend, my sis was saying that unless you saw me in side profile, you wouldn't even know I was pregnant, let alone a few weeks from due. So my sister's nanny (attractive and skinny 24 yr old) interjects that I definitely look like I'm about to pop, and that my face has gotten quite fat! Hello, young lady? That is how I look at the best of times!

[hopeful_mama]

That trouble with your balance will be worse before you're even showing, than when you're as big as a house. And that if you do fall down the stairs then (or, say, 3 days after the birth), you will be more likely to sprain your ankle or something due to the hormones softening the ligaments.

That you really will get over any nervousness about a male doctor, and about breastfeeding in front of random strangers, as the never-ending parade of strangers into your hospital room just inures you to it.

That upon returning home from the hospital and thanking the neighbor for feeding your cat, she will take one look at you and blurt out, "Oh, so you didn't have the baby yet!" (Um, yes, I told you my water broke 2 days ago, they don't just send you home after that...) (And the joke's on her - she was newly pregnant at the time and due this month!)