advice needed on what to - DS got in trouble at school

[mom2one]

I need advice here. DS keeps getting in trouble at school. This has been going on all year off and on and with different things. He got in trouble last Friday for playing with his food- I did not think this was so bad, but it is a big no-no at school. He mixed his milk, jello and ketchup together. He was given an assigned lunch spot because of this for the rest of the year.

Today the teacher calls, my DS kept getting up out of his lunch seat and throwing the lost and found items around the lunch room. He was given warnings, but kept doing this. He is now spending an hour in the principals office for doing this. And will have to eat by himself the next three days at lunch.

I have no problem with any of the above. My question is how to talk/punish him at home. He has been acting out a lot lately, talking back and doing what he wants no matter what I say. I thought he was fine with his dad being in CA and us here. (We have not seen Dad for about a month, but will be going to CA next week to visit) I am not sure what is going on with him. WOuld you punish your child at home? I am thinking no tv/computer for the next 4 days.

[maestramommy]

Wow, that sounds really tough:hug: I think I read your post about your family making a big move, right?

Really no BTDT, so take this with a grain of salt. But I think whether or not you punish him, you probably need to have a long sitdown with him about what's going on. Not necessarily just at school, but how is he doing? Is he unhappy, bummed about his dad being far away, nervous about moving, etc. Is he not hungry enough at lunch to actually stay in place and eat it? You probably already know this, just sounds like there's a lot more going on in his head than just mishbehaving at lunch.

[egoldber]

I thought he was fine with his dad being in CA and us here. (We have not seen Dad for about a month, but will be going to CA next week to visit) I am not sure what is going on with him. WOuld you punish your child at home?

And you are moving soon right? And your house is on the market? This is all pretty stressful for a kid his age. These types of stressors often causing acting out behaviors in children. So while the behavior is not OK, it is being addressed at school. I would not punish at home at home for behaviors in school. I would, of course, talk to him and reinforce your behavioral expectations.

I also would consider talking to the school counselor about what is going on with your family and asking for suggestions. I would also consider going yourself or with him to a therapist for suggestions on dealing with what is certainly a very anxious time for him.

[mamicka]

And you are moving soon right? And your house is on the market? This is all pretty stressful for a kid his age. These types of stressors often causing acting behaviors in children. So while the behavior is not OK, it is being addressed at school. I would not punish at home at home for behaviors in school. I would, of course, talk to him and reinforce your behavioral expectations.

I also would consider talking to the school counselor about what is going on with your family and asking for suggestions. I would also consider going yourself or with him to a therapist for suggestions on dealing with what is certainly a very anxious time for him.

:yeahthat: His behaviors at school are not OK, but they're handling it. (If anything I think it may be too harsh, but that's me.) I wouldn't punish any more at home but I would discuss it. More importantly, I would try to get to the root of the problem - take the focus off of the misbehavior at school & hash out his feelings about all that's going on.

[crl]

I'm of the general view that what happens at school stays at school. I would talk with him about it, but I wouldn't punish him further at home over it. I think I would also make contact with someone at school to discuss the problems. It sounds like the issues are all at lunch time? I wonder if there's something that could be done proactively to help him follow the rules at lunch.

Catherine