Some people should not be allowed to work with children...

[sarahsthreads]

There is a woman at our local rec center who does a *lot* of the camps and classes for 3-7 year olds. Last summer we took a gymnastics "camp" with her and she was horribly cruel to DD1 (4.5 years old at the time) because she couldn't do a "proper" somersault. (She could roll over, but didn't have enough momentum to carry her through to standing up after.) Among other little digs, she said, and I quote, "I must be that her head is pointy under all that hair!" and "I've never had a child I couldn't teach how to do a somersault before, I can't imagine what's wrong with her." These things were said to the audience of parents, in front of DD1 and the rest of the class.

I didn't complain, although I probably should have, because I had no idea how to do it without becoming "that" family. We live in a pretty small town, everyone knows everyone else's business, and we use the rec center a lot - I figured complaining would make it really awkward. I just vowed to never put any of my children in any of her classes again.

Well, today, we were walking out of another class, through the main room at the rec center, while this person happened to be setting up for one of her classes. DD1 was skipping through the room, but not right next to me, and the "teacher" (I can't even call her that without flinching) said to her (not me, directly to my child) "You have to leave. We're about to have a class here." in a really nasty tone.

We were already more than halfway through the room, nowhere near the tables she was setting up, headed for the door. The class had not started yet, so DD1 was not disrupting *anything*, she was just skipping.

I replied, "We are already leaving, and I would appreciate it if you would not yell at my child" but I don't think she heard me. As we walked out the door, DD1 said, "but Mommy, I was just skipping diagonally".

The only thing I can think is that this woman doesn't like happy children, so tries to make them unhappy whenever she can. Now I'm wondering if I should finally file a complaint, because apparently my "ignore her very existence" strategy is not going to work...

Sarah

[DrSally]

That's terrible. I think a written complaint might be in order, something that the director of the center can read and have a talk with her about. You shouldn't have to go there and fear your daughter will be treated with such meanness.

[elektra]

That sucks. I can see why you don't want to stir the pot if you might be stuck dealing with this woman.
I would be trying to think of a nice way to let someone in charge know how unpleasant she is being though, and just cross my fingers that they really would keep in confidential.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

That's terrible. I think a written complaint might be in order, something that the director of the center can read and have a talk with her about. You shouldn't have to go there and fear your daughter will be treated with such meanness.

:yeahthat:

i would definitely write a letter of complaint. good chance that others may have issues with this woman, and if they get enough complaints they may do something about it

as a kid i remember some of the "teachers" who worked with kids at camp, rec centers etc were the meanest out there...and indeed it would make me wonder why they work with kids in the first place if they seem to hate them so much.

[sarahsthreads]

I suck at written complaints, but I think I'd be even worse at trying to complain in person or over the phone - I get too emotional. So does this sound reasonable?
____

To <director>,

I am writing to express some concerns over a member of your teaching staff.

My oldest daughter took a gymnastics class last summer with <teacher's name>. I was extremely unhappy with some of the unkind comments <the teacher> made to and in front of my daughter about her inability to execute some of the gymnastics moves, but I chose to not complain at that time and instead resolved to not enroll either of my children in any of <the teacher's> classes going forward. I was concerned that a complaint would make it difficult for us to avail ourselves of the rec center offerings in the future.

However, we have recently had another encounter with <the teacher>. We were walking out of the preschool room after a class, through the main rec center room where <the teacher> was setting up for another class. She confronted my daughter and told her that she needed to leave in a very unkind tone. My problem with this is threefold: a) we were already leaving; b) my child was not being disruptive in any way; and, most importantly, c) I was right there - any concerns <the teacher> had with my child's behavior should have been taken up directly with me, not with my young child. Unfortunately, I did not confront <the teacher> right then and there, but I feel that her behavior was out of line and unreasonable considering that there is no way to leave the preschool room without walking through that main rec center room, and we were not interfering with her class - which had not even started yet - in any way.

My children respect and look up to the adults at the rec center; we have taken many, many classes there. To have an adult in a position of authority berate her for doing nothing wrong is upsetting and confusing to her, as it would be to any five year old. I was willing to let the bad class experience go, but when <the teacher's> actions and words affect my child when we are not even signed up for one of her classes, I can no longer ignore her behavior.

We would like to continue using the rec center and taking classes with all the other wonderful teachers, so I would appreciate it if this complaint is kept as anonymous as possible. If you have any questions or want to discuss this matter further, you may call me at <phone number>.

Sincerely,
<my name here>
______

I guess I should address it to the director of the rec center, although I'm assuming someone will read it before it gets to his desk...just hopefully not the teacher!

Sarah

[Snow mom]

Why would anyone other than the director read it? Can't you just address it to her in a sealed envelope? Even before I opened this thread I was thinking of the incident with the gymnastic teacher. Just seeing the thread title and your name made me think of her. Personally I think this is evidence of how horrible her behavior was initially. I think your complaint is really reasonable. If you wanted you could provide slightly more detail about how the teacher berated your child in front of other parents and her peers.

[hillview]

Looks good! I would assume it will get to the teacher. I would mention your child's age. I would be chicken and just talk to the director vs papertrail.
/hillary

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i think the letter is great. very calm, even tone and to the point. i would address it to the director and then let him/her be the one to decide how to deal with this teacher. hopefully the director will ask this teacher about it (without mentioning you) and it will cause her to consider that her comments can be hurtful to some kids. and as i mentioned before, you never know, maybe other people had issues with this same teacher and this letter is further evidence of how maybe she shouldnt' be working there anymore if she is acting like this to so many ppl

[DrSally]

A couple suggestions on the letter. Maybe start with stating that you have had 2 incidents with the same teacher that are of concern to you. That way, you are talking about the incidents, not the teacher. The director can draw her own conclusions. Then, if it were me, I'd specifically give direct quotes about what happened in class. What she did was bad, and the director needs to hear what happened. If you go with quotes, the paragraph won't get to long, just be very matter of fact about what happened in incident #1. I think that will make your letter stronger. Managers really need specifics of incidents to do anything, so I think the more you can do that, the better.

[MamaSnoo]

ITA with Sally. Specifics, like quotes, help to keep it objective and factual, and are what supervisors need in order to take action. The quotes will also make it clear that her actions were hurtful and inappropriate, and that you & DD1 are not "just oversensitive." I would also include DD1's age in the first few lines so that they have that context up front when they read the letter.

Otherwise, I thought your tone was perfect, and I think it is a really good letter! You are brave to stand up for DD1 like that! Way to go, mama!

[MamaMolly]

ITA with Sally. Specifics, like quotes, help to keep it objective and factual, and are what supervisors need in order to take action. The quotes will also make it clear that her actions were hurtful and inappropriate, and that you & DD1 are not "just oversensitive." I would also include DD1's age in the first few lines so that they have that context up front when they read the letter.

Otherwise, I thought your tone was perfect, and I think it is a really good letter! You are brave to stand up for DD1 like that! Way to go, mama!

:yeahthat: Keep it simple and to the point. Go get her, Mama Bear!

[sarahsthreads]

A couple suggestions on the letter. Maybe start with stating that you have had 2 incidents with the same teacher that are of concern to you. That way, you are talking about the incidents, not the teacher. The director can draw her own conclusions. Then, if it were me, I'd specifically give direct quotes about what happened in class. What she did was bad, and the director needs to hear what happened. If you go with quotes, the paragraph won't get to long, just be very matter of fact about what happened in incident #1. I think that will make your letter stronger. Managers really need specifics of incidents to do anything, so I think the more you can do that, the better.

Thank you for the suggestions! I'm going to work on it a bit more while DD2 is napping today, and have DH proof it for me. He thinks I'm making mountains out of molehills, but respects my decision to complain about it.

Sarah

[mommy111]

Agree with all the above suggestions except I would remove the following line:
I was concerned that a complaint would make it difficult for us to avail ourselves of the rec center offerings in the future.

There is no reason on earth why you should feel threatened about using the rec center svcs because you wrote a complaint.

[Laurel]

The reason why people like this "teacher" get to keep working with kids is that it is rare for someone to formally complain. I agree with PP who suggested you give specific quotes and focus on the incidents.

Stay strong Mama Bear. I have had to deal with a similar issue, it's amazing what we can do when we are standing up for our kids!

[sarahsthreads]

The reason why people like this "teacher" get to keep working with kids is that it is rare for someone to formally complain.

See, that's why I think I have to do this.

DH and I talked about it, though, and he doesn't think a letter is the best idea. So I'm going to suck it up next week when DD2 and I go for her class, and I'm going to knock on the director's door and ask for a moment of his time. I actually think writing it out helped me organize it enough in my mind that I can be coherent discussing it in person.

I'll let you all know how it goes!

Sarah :)

[JustMe]

Good luck with your meeting. I actually think the comments from last year were a lot worse than "the teacher's" recent behavior, so IMHO, I would make sure that I remembered those quotes and, also, talk about how its not just like one negative things happened, but this seems to be a pattern for this person.

[shawnandangel]

Sorry about her nasty attitude. Must be something in the water. Today we were at Macy's and using the restroom and my 18 month old DD was jabbering loudly and laughing as we were leaving. We are walking out and this woman is walking in and she gave DD the NASTIEST look I've seen in awhile. I looked at DD and said "I guess she thinks she was never 18 months old"