Sorry Mom, my home is not always perfect.

[salsah]

my mom stopped by today unexpected. she walked in and started complaining about the mess. "what is the mess. who made this mess. i can't believe anyone would want to live in messy house like this. this mess is unbelievable." she went on and on. and making these faces that she makes! even dd1 told her that dd2 made one of the messes and i made but the other, but the mess that i made was an accident -- it was like she felt that she had to defend me.
yes there was a mess. two messes actually. both in the kitchen/eating area. dd2 had cut up some paper into tiny little pieces and there was a huge pile of paper scraps on the table, chair, and floor. the second mess was spilled peanut butter on the counter. i had to open a new jar and while i was mixing the oil in, i lost my grip on the jar and it tipped, spilling peanut oily butter on the counter. i started cleaning up the urgent areas but stopped because i need to finish making dd1's lunch so she could eat before going to school. while she was eating, i decided to do her hair too so that she would be ready to go to school. i figured that the peanut butter on the counter could wait until after she went to school. well, of course that is when my mom showed up, while i was doing dd1's hair. so she saw the messes!
you know what mom, messes happen! accidents happen. the house can't always be perfect. and other than those two messes today, the house looked pretty good. i even swept and mopped the kitchen/eating are floor yesterday even though i am sick and exhausted.
you know mom, while you were here, you could have helped out a little. even stayed to play with dd2 while i rested (while dd1 was at school). but no, you are a very busy person, even though you are retired, and it's just you and dad now (and my dad is so low maintenance). you had to run errands (shopping for more overpriced clothes for my sister's kids that they don't need) and take care of your home (iron your sheets, towels, socks, underwear).
and the only reason that she stopped by, was to visit my neighbor, she didn't actually come to see us.

oh, i forgot, thank goodness she didn't see the unmade beds! (my bed's sheets were in the wash and the girls' bed is just too big a pain to make so i didn't bother today since i was expecting anyone and i'm sick.)

[SnuggleBuggles]

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry!!! I am lucky- both my parents' and my IL's houses are far messier than mine! Next time she gives you a hard time, send her over here- she'll never complain about your mess again. Or just go to the "hot mess" thread in the Lounge for some of our pictures to make you feel better.

Beth

[niccig]

That constitutes a mess???

Send her over here to see a REAL messy house!

I'm sorry she is so critical about your house, but don't you apologize. My parents do something similar, but it's about the regular house maintenance/garden "why didn't you fix this months ago etc." They were talking about visiting, they've decide not do (another bitch), but I was complaining about all the things I would have to do before they got here so I didn't hear critical comments. A friend, who is a therapist, told me that I have different priorities to my parents. I spend time with my family and get to other things as I can. Sounds like you do the same. The priority of getting DD ready for school was higher than cleaning up. Never apologize for putting your DC first over cleaning.

[sste]

Ignore this! Ignore it. Don't pay her any mind. Some mothers just need to criticize and it is generally about them, not you. I remember years ago my mother - - who is a pathological hoarder and such a slob that we lived in total clutter and chaos and were mortified to have our friends over - - came over to my pre-kids, pretty darn clean house. She actually went outside, peered at the windows which I guess had some amount of outdoor dust and pollen, came back in and said "How can you stand to live with this filth. Those windows are disgusting. Don't ever let me see that."

Kind of makes you wish you could install in your home one of those korean street corner kicking/punching games where you get to pummel it (after your mother leaves) and it gives you a score . . .

[sarahsthreads]

Good gracious! Hand that woman a broom and a sponge! If she doesn't get the hint when you hand her the sponge, maybe you could just stuff it in her mouth before she says any other rude things to you...? ;)

Seriously, my mom comes over, sees a mess, and without a word helps clean it up - not in a judgemental, "you live like a slob" way, but in a, "you have your hands full and I love you and want to help out" way. I expect that I'll do the same when my girls are in their own houses too.

On the other hand, I have other relatives who are not so nice about the state of my house - even after I've especially, thoroughly, cleaned for their visit - and someday I'm going to hand them the bucket of cleaning supplies and tell them to go to town.

Sarah :)

[elliput]

Good gracious! Hand that woman a broom and a sponge! If she doesn't get the hint when you hand her the sponge, maybe you could just stuff it in her mouth before she says any other rude things to you...? ;)
:yeahthat: Put Mom to work if she's going to complain.

[LexyLou]

OMG! So frustrating. My mom would totally make a comment about the mess but then she'd jump in and help me clean up or at least take care of/entertain the girls!

[deborah_r]

yes there was a mess. two messes actually. both in the kitchen/eating area. dd2 had cut up some paper into tiny little pieces and there was a huge pile of paper scraps on the table, chair, and floor. the second mess was spilled peanut butter on the counter. i had to open a new jar and while i was mixing the oil in, i lost my grip on the jar and it tipped, spilling peanut oily butter on the counter. i started cleaning up the urgent areas but stopped because

Ok I stopped reading there because I started hearing blah, blah, blah, because you SO DO NOT NEED to explain yourself! It's your home! You are a busy mom! Messes happen! Better you are interacting with your kids and letting them make some mess than spending all of your time cleaning and tsking them for the slightest mess!

If anyone was that invested on commenting on some mess in my home, I would realy think they need some of their own problems to worry about (no offense to your mom, sorry)

[chlobo]

Wow, just wow. Next time tell her if she doesn't want to see a mess, don't bother coming over.

[JTsMom]

You've got to be kidding! Neither of those even constitutes a mess in my book! Those things are just life happening. Are you all supposed to be sitting still 24/7 with your hands in your laps or something? Give me a break!

[hillview]

Sounds like a negative impact on your life. I'd filter her and put her in her place or limit my visits. HUGS. She should SEE our place!
/hillary

[boogiemomz]

You've got to be kidding! Neither of those even constitutes a mess in my book! Those things are just life happening. Are you all supposed to be sitting still 24/7 with your hands in your laps or something? Give me a break!

:yeahthat: she should not have the power to make you feel this way. so tough to let things roll off your back when it's your mom, but she is being WAY harsh and critical, and seems to have a need to make you feel inadequate or something. not to mention the fact that she showed up unannounced!! you NEVER do that!! if you show up at someone's home univited, you should be prepared to see ANYTHING, and it sounds like she found NOTHING to bat at eye at, just a busy household with small children. from the sound of it, you have it WAY more together in your house than i do... those are both acute messes, not cumulative messes like the ones taking over my life. and... i'm not sure i can remember the last time i made my bed. you're doing GREAT, mama, don't let her petty comments get you down. :cheerleader1:

[bubbaray]

"If it bothers you so much that you have to comment on it, feel free to clean it up yourself".

FWIW, I haven't made a bed in over 20 years. I HATE making beds. HATE it. I"m still waiting for room service. LOL.

[elizabethkott]

And it's upsetting situations like this that made me put my foot down and tell my mother that she MUST call before she comes over - and not from her cell phone sitting in her car in front of my house. It's just easier for *me* to have a heads up that Madame Perfection is on her way over so I can straighten up the "mess" of a toddler, two dogs, a cat in a house undergoing construction than deal with her snotty passive aggressive side comments.
And I frequently hand her a sponge. :icon_twisted: Fortunately, her craziness also borders on OCD, and she is most happy when cleaning my bathrooms. :D Hey - she can judge me all she wants when she's down on her hands and knees scrubbing my potty... 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT!!!!!

[hillview]

"If it bothers you so much that you have to comment on it, feel free to clean it up yourself".


:yeahthat:

You don't have to take her crap :)
/hillary

[frgsnlzrds]

Good gracious! Hand that woman a broom and a sponge! If she doesn't get the hint when you hand her the sponge, maybe you could just stuff it in her mouth before she says any other rude things to you...? ;)
Sarah :)

LOL

My response would have been, "Yeah, Mom, I have kids. Maybe you've forgotten what that's like, but if you need to step into a clean house, maybe you should have called first."

[wellyes]

It's astonishing how rude people feel free to be to their own family. Astonishing. If a stranger said those things, regardless of whatever state my house was in, I'd ask that person to leave immediately.

[hellokitty]

I'm sorry your mom was so critical, I agree that the least she could have done was just pull up her shirt sleeves and helped out if it looked obvious to her that you needed help cleaning the house. It's hard having little kids and trying to keep a house clean. I always think a person's house is really weird if they have little kids and it is so clean, it doesn't look lived in at all. Our house is kind of in btwn. It is clean, but often messy if that makes any sense. We tend to have an issue with clutter more than anything.

I get comments from my mil and mom too. The screwed up part is my mom's house is a pig sty and she will come over and make snide comments. She once complained that my house looked too clean for someone with little kids (which it isn't, b/c I've been to other houses where actually wondered if they had a secret maid hidden somewhere). Then another time, she saw ONE spot on the floor and decided to make a federal case about it. I was annoyed that of all ppl, SHE would choose to make comments about the cleanliness of my home, when her entire house is one big nasty spot. My mil, I know she thinks that my house is not as clean as hers, to the point that I don't really even try to tidy up the house anymore when she comes, b/c I have no desire to waste the effort to try to gain her approval. What is screwed up is that my mil will compare her house to mine, YET I have three young children, a slob of a husband and a dog and she just has she and fil. How is that even a fair comparison???

[deborah_r]

Fortunately, her craziness also borders on OCD, and she is most happy when cleaning my bathrooms. :D

Maybe you could loan her out to all of us with less than spotless homes! We'll keep her busy and very happy!

[m448]

"Oh, did you come to visit us or visit the house?" Let her own her OCD, you and your kids ignore her comments. She won't have anyone to engage the crazines and MIGHT just realize she's not welcome to make comments.

[AshleyAnn]

That would be my mother. You have my sympathies. In my house thats not a mess thats life happening. My mother always acts shocked when my house is clean and makes comments "I didn't think you knew how to clean" ect. Or they pick on me about how my place is probably messy or normally messy when they have only been there a few times in the past year. My mom has OCD and cleans obsessively - always has. Now that she has grandchildren she admits that she wasnt the greatest mom because of it but she still expects me to do it how she did it.

Both of them should see my toilet seat. A cat had dirty feet and played in the toilet so there are a set of muddy cat prints across the back that I thought were cute so I left them for 3 days and have been careful not to sit of them for fear they'll smudge. :) Saturday is bathroom day I WILL clean them off but for today they make me smile.

[salsah]

My mother always acts shocked when my house is clean and makes comments "I didn't think you knew how to clean" ect.


my mom said that about my sister. after i last visited my sister, my mom asked me about her place and how clean it was. i told her it was clean and she was shocked. she said "how can that be? her home is always so messy." i told her that she is probably just remembering when my sister had two kids under three and was pregnant with her third. now that her kids are older, it is easier to keep a clean home. my mom just shrugged her shoulders, still not convinced.

it's no wonder my sister moved so far away!

[DrSally]

My goodness! She should see my house. Piles of cut up paper on the table are normal around here. I would be cleaning up nonstop if I wanted to have everything under control. I just don't have the energy/time for that. Like PP said, Ignore, ignore!

[salsah]

LOL

My response would have been, "Yeah, Mom, I have kids. Maybe you've forgotten what that's like, but if you need to step into a clean house, maybe you should have called first."

my mom was once saying that she doesn't understand why i'm having such a hard time staying on top of everything and not wanting to take on extra responsibilities (this was while i had a 2 yr old, new born, and a slob of dh who for medical reasons was limited in how much he could help). i told her that she probably just forgot what it was like to have a baby or toddler. her response: "when you girls were babies, i did all the cleaning and cooking, i made real dishes and baked, entertained, my home was spotless, and i still had time to take care of my self so that i always looked presentable and put together, hair done, nails done . . ."

[DrSally]

her response: "when you girls were babies, i did all the cleaning and cooking, i made real dishes and baked, entertained, my home was spotless, and i still had time to take care of my self so that i always looked presentable and put together, hair done, nails done . . ."

OMG, what planet does she live on? I overheard some older ladies commenting on a mom who's kids were misbehaving at the post office. Something to the effect of some people shouldn't have children, and I never had that amount of trouble with my kids. I think the older generation sometimes has rose colored glasses about how well they did things when they look back to the past.

[salsah]

I think the older generation sometimes has rose colored glasses about how well they did things when they look back to the past.

or they didn't waste time on the bbb and etsy so they were able stay on top of everything. ;)

[mamicka]

or they didn't waste time on the bbb and etsy so they were able stay on top of everything. ;)

Or they were too busy being perfect that they resented their life & suffered from depression in the closet. I chose to be happy with my life instead :bouncy:.

OP, sorry your mother was so insensitive. Don't let it get to you. My mother has learned to keep her mouth shut since I'm so uninterested in her comments.

[niccig]

Or they were too busy being perfect that they resented their life & suffered from depression in the closet. I chose to be happy with my life instead :bouncy:..

:yeahthat: My mother in law told me that she wished she spent more time playing with her kids and less time cleaning/cooking. She's told all of us to forget the housework and be with the kids.

[JoyNChrist]

"Oh, did you come to visit us or visit the house?"

:yeahthat: If you want to see me, come on over. If you want to see my house, make an appointment.

[salsah]

:yeahthat: My mother in law told me that she wished she spent more time playing with her kids and less time cleaning/cooking. She's told all of us to forget the housework and be with the kids.

you are lucky! especially to hear that from your MIL.

[salsah]

Or they were too busy being perfect that they resented their life & suffered from depression in the closet.

that's my mom.

[AshleyAnn]

that's my mom.

Mine too.

My place maybe messy but I'm happy.

[KBecks]

I'm so sorry. Hope it was a short visit.

[salsah]

I'm so sorry. Hope it was a short visit.

actually it was, but i would have liked if she stayed because dd2 was begging her to stay and play with her. i felt bad for dd2. and i was still sick, so if she stayed to play with dd2, i could have rested a little.

[niccig]

you are lucky! especially to hear that from your MIL.

My MIL is like this because her mother was like your mother/my mother. She was determined to NOT be a critical mother. And, she went to therapy. As my mother gets more difficult, I appreciate my MIL more and more.

[JTsMom]

I agree that the "perfect" moms are missing out on something else far more valuable to be able to pull of said "perfection". I think our generation is much more inclined to just spend time playing with our kids, and enjoying them.

I have to say, not that I don't have other issues with my mom or anything, but she couldn't care less if my house is messy. I'm sure if it was actually disgusting or something, she'd notice, but it's usually just "lived in". I can't even fathom her saying something about paper scraps from an art project! She'd probably be more concerned about what DS was making, and if she could play too! LOL She's actually the person I worry least about seeing my house in it's natural state. If I know she's coming, I make an effort, but I don't stress about it. It's usually more of a mess when she's here than it is normally b/c we're too busy doing other things to worry about cleaning.

I do know someone who is crazy anal about cleaning though, and to hear her talk about it makes me laugh hysterically! It's kind of a family joke. I just can't imagine living like that! Are you seriously going to care in 20 years whether your floors were mopped every day, or whether your kids left toys in the family room for a week at a time? I barely care now. LOL