Is it a big deal to go out of town on DS's birthday?

[elektra]

Honest opinion:
I was asked to do a work trip next week, just a one day thing to our SB office, but it falls on DS's first birthday. When I first said I could do it, it didn't seem like that big of a deal.
But now I feel like I should be home for that. I don't have anything planned but maybe we can do a little cake or something.
We do have a small party planned for next Saturday to celebrate with family and a few friends possibly.

I could back out. I am also scheduled to go up to the office the following week too.

What do you think?

[JoyNChrist]

It wouldn't bother me and your DS certainly won't notice. Missing the party would be a big deal, but the actual day of his birthday...it wouldn't matter to me.

[bubbaray]

*I* probably wouldn't do it because my job requires me to be 100% focused and I think I would be distracted on that day, especially if it were out of town.

I would only do it if there was no choice or I was needed to pinch hit for a co-worker who was sick or something....

I think it really depends, though. My DH would probably do it and not even worry about it.

[elektra]

I think it was my DH who was like, "you are going to be gone on his birthday?!?!"
I just really have trouble gauging what is acceptable in regards to birthday ettiquete. I only realize now as an adult that my parents just never made a big deal out of birthdays but most people do.
I never really had parties or anything.

[arivecchi]

It wouldn't bother me and your DS certainly won't notice. Missing the party would be a big deal, but the actual day of his birthday...it wouldn't matter to me.:yeahthat:

[crl]

Wouldn't bother me.

Catherine

[♥ms.pacman♥]

It wouldn't bother me and your DS certainly won't notice. Missing the party would be a big deal, but the actual day of his birthday...it wouldn't matter to me.

:yeahthat:

at that age (1 year) i don't think it's a big deal to not be there on the actual day. i think it would be different it was like a 5-year old, but at 1 year of age i'm pretty sure they're not going to notice

[SnuggleBuggles]

Imo, I think that in the future you might look back and wonder why you made the choice not to spend that special day together. I know he won't know but you will. But, I don't know if I personally would feel that bad. I just know a friend recently had to make this exact choice and opted to stay home with her ds b/c he only gets one 1st b-day. I thought it was a fair point.

Beth

[elektra]

Thanks everyone. You have helped me get the perspective that I really lack on this topic.
I do think it would be a bigger deal when he is older but at 1, I don't think being gone on the actual day will matter much, especially since we are having the party for him too.

[sunshine873]

Yeah, next year and beyond, I think it will be more important. But this year...he certainly won't care. Plus, you'll be there when you're having the party. No worries.

[Sillygirl]

I was gone for Jonathan's 5th birthday this year for a work conference. And it's Halloween, so it's not as though I could hide it. I just told him I was sorry and we celebrated a different day. He's a pretty easy-going kid and didn't mention it at all. And the conference turned out to be really, really important for business reasons. Families find ways to work things out is my philosophy.

[salsah]

not a big deal at all. you'll still celebrate together on another day. and a one yr old probably wouldn't even know the difference. although even with an older child, i think it could still be fine.

[Gena]

My Dad travelled for work nearly every week when I was a kid. And I was born at a time of year that was vey busy for his industry, so trips could not be cancelled or postponed. As a result he missed all but 3 of my birthdays my entire childhood. And except for rare occassions (when I was being manipulative), it did not bother me at all becuase that's just how things were. We celebrated on other days, usually the following weekend.

Even now with DS, DH and I don't put a lot of emphasis on the exact day itself. Instead we spread the celebration out: one day with some relatives, another day with others, a day for just DH, DS, and me. We think it's more fun that way and it's definately less stressful on DS.

[TwinFoxes]

I don't think your DS will care (obviously) but I'm a softie about things like that so I would regret it (I'd spend the day thinking of what I was doing one year ago, what the year had been like). But if that's not your personality, and DH isn't bummed you're not there, then it's no big deal. :)

[Momit]

Obviously a 1 year old doesn't notice, but it may seem sad later on if there are pictures taken on that day and you're not in them.

My DH had to be away for work for our first Father's Day with DS, and he (DH) was very sad even though DS didn't notice. DS and I still had a nice day and went to a BBQ with friends, but when DH looked at the pictures he was really sad that he wasn't there and felt bad that DS would see pictures from his first Father's Day with his Dad not in them.

[KrisM]

Imo, I think that in the future you might look back and wonder why you made the choice not to spend that special day together. I know he won't know but you will. But, I don't know if I personally would feel that bad. I just know a friend recently had to make this exact choice and opted to stay home with her ds b/c he only gets one 1st b-day. I thought it was a fair point.

Beth

I agree with Beth. No, it's not a big deal for him for you to miss, but I think that in a few years, I'd wonder why I chose to miss it.

[infomama]

For me it would be a big deal. I agree with Beth and Kris

[arivecchi]

Am I missing something here?

She would not be missing the birthday party, just not be there for the actual b-day, so she will be there for pics, cake, etc.

Her 1 yo will not have a clue and what is important IMO is the family celebrating the b-day together, not the actual day.

Elektra, I would not feel guilty. Like Sillygirl said, families are all about compromise and in this case it is not even a compromise for your DS because he does not know it is his b-day. :)

Really, DS2 did not really know what happened that day. He just knows we allowed him to have a huge piece of cake. ;)

[KrisM]

Obviously a 1 year old doesn't notice, but it may seem sad later on if there are pictures taken on that day and you're not in them.

My DH had to be away for work for our first Father's Day with DS, and he (DH) was very sad even though DS didn't notice. DS and I still had a nice day and went to a BBQ with friends, but when DH looked at the pictures he was really sad that he wasn't there and felt bad that DS would see pictures from his first Father's Day with his Dad not in them.

I don't think they'd have a party for him with her not there. Party would be the next day or something. She'd just miss the actual DAY of the birthday.

[egoldber]

I dunno. I once arranged to be out of town on younger DD's actual birthday thinking it would be no big deal, but for various reasons ended up not going on that trip. When it came to the actual day, I was glad that I had not gone on the trip and was home on the birthday day, even though her party was not until another day. It was actually more of a big deal to my older DD than to my younger. I know for us, we always do a small family celebration on the actual day even if the party itself is another day, so that does play into it in my mind.

[bubbaray]

I know for us, we always do a small family celebration on the actual day even if the party itself is another day, so that does play into it in my mind.


:yeahthat:

I disagree with the PP that the actual day is not important. Its more important *to me* than the party. I have found that especially with the 1st b-day, while its not a big deal to the child, it IS a big deal to me -- thinking back to the birth and all, what the past year has been like, etc. Like I said, *I* would be distracted on the day, regardless of when the party was.



JMHO.

[infomama]

The actual day is more important *to me* than the party. I have found that especially with the 1st b-day, while its not a big deal to the child, it IS a big deal to me -- thinking back to the birth and all, what the past year has been like, etc.
:yeahthat: exactly.

[elektra]

I truly appreciate all the respectful yet honest opinions. :)
I have been thinking about this quite a bit after reading your replies, asking myself if I would regret making the work trip, taking into consideration how I might be distracted and thinking about DS, and reflecting on his first year.
But I am not feeling the usual torn feeling that I get for decisions like this. And speaking for myself and my family only, I think it will be ok to go.
I am actually a very sensitive and emotional person, and can get myself into tears thinking about my kids, how much I love them, how much they have grown up, etc. So it's not that I don't get emotional, because I do.
But I feel like we will still have our celebration and it won't be something we look back on and regret.

On a side note, when I first said ok to the trip, I was thinking that DS's birthday was May 5th and not May 4th. :bag We had joked all along that he would probably be born on Cinco de Mayo, because DD was born on St. Patrick's Day and it was a sort of joke that I would have both of my kids on what amounts to drinking holidays. ;) He was a day early though. ;)
But even after I realized his birthday was actually on the 4th I still was not thinking it would be a huge deal to go, as I originally posted.