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View Full Version : Do you buy your MIL a gift for Mothers Day?



tmarie
05-02-2010, 11:05 PM
If so, what? And do you spend equally on your dear mother and MIL?

tmarie

JBaxter
05-02-2010, 11:13 PM
I let that up to DH... its HIS mom its HIS job to buy something.

Now my mom is getting a new grill. My sister and 2 brothers are going together to purchase it. Its what she wants

fivi2
05-02-2010, 11:17 PM
I let that up to DH... its HIS mom its HIS job to buy something.



:yeahthat:

same with birthdays, etc. Dh's job. I may have the girls make and send a card, but I don't do anything else.

elliput
05-02-2010, 11:21 PM
:ROTFLMAO: No. We may have sent flowers in the past, but both our mothers have told us they would prefer getting pictures of the grandkids.

pinkmomagain
05-02-2010, 11:25 PM
I do pick up something for MIL after bringing it up and talking it over with DH. I'll usually spend the same amt for my mom.

My dh works really hard and generally is in a constant stressed out state! I'm more than happy taking charge of gifts/cards for all occassions for my and his side of the family.

urquie
05-02-2010, 11:44 PM
both our mom's get potted orchids each year. i'm getting a bit worried though... i haven't seen any in costco yet!

i used to get them hanging fuchsias, but they are both out of town too often to water them enough.

sariana
05-02-2010, 11:53 PM
both our mom's get potted orchids each year. i'm getting a bit worried though... i haven't seen any in costco yet!

I saw one in our Costco last week. There may have been more, but I saw only one. You should be able to ask a manager whether your warehouse will be getting some.

To the OP, we don't do gifts for Mother's Day. I do send my MIL a card because she is awesome and I like to do that for her. My mom died several years ago, but I didn't do gifts for her (just a card) either.

conniez
05-03-2010, 01:33 AM
Yes, DH is not the type to know how to pick gifts so I get gifts for both my mom & MIL. They don't expect it, but they know if I bought gifts that I've always looked for the best deal. One year I got them a Jcrew sweatercoat for $9.99 that was normally $100 (some kind of secret sale).

jgenie
05-03-2010, 02:20 AM
Yes, I order flowers for both of them and generally order for the same amount - although at times I have ordered a less expensive arrangement for one or the other depending on other gifts they may be receiving around the same time.

MontrealMum
05-03-2010, 02:24 AM
No...well, we do something very small and in no way equivalent to what I do for my mom. :bag DH's family is WEIRD about gifts. Really. I remember back when we were first dating and we were going up to their (the ILs) cottage for Mother's Day weekend. I was mortified to be arriving empty-handed (MD or not) and made DH stop at a garden center where I bought her a hanging basket of geraniums. Now, c'mon, geraniums are cheap, but it's what they had and they looked to be in good health. But when I handed it to her you would have thought I'd given her a diamond ring. Or a live fish. Hard to tell :D

Anyhoo, after that super-fun incident, I left the Mother's Day buying for MIL up to DH. After we married I opened the discussion again, but didn't get very far. For many years she didn't get anything. Even a card. She doesn't get anything from SIL either. This year I'll probably do a card + some small gift like jewelry.

I go all out for my mom (of course, her b-day's the day before), and kinda feel guilty about it because I really do like my MIL, but they've been so *odd* about all gifting holidays that I've learned to take a step back.

MIL's getting a *big* gift this year for her b-day because I bought her and my mom the same thing. They both have birthdays in May, so it's sometimes easier to do that. No idea how it'll go over. I gave her a framed picture of DS for no reason at all a few months back and she seemed touched, but also flustered. I really feel for her, she's gone for years w/o what I would call adequate appreciation, or, um, love :(.

klwa
05-03-2010, 06:32 AM
DH is SUPPOSED to at least come up with an idea about what to get his mom, but usually doesn't. (He still hasn't gotten her her birthday present that I told him was HIS responsibility this year, and it was in January.) So, it always falls to me to figure something out, because I've heard how badly she talks about other people behind their backs. (Sort of like, BIL is never in trouble for not having gotten her gift to her on time, but his wife is the spawn of Satan because the gift wasn't there on time. Okay, I exaggerate a little, but it's ALWAYS the DIL's fault.) Before my mom passed, I always tried to spend an equivalent amount. And that reminds me that I've been meaning to research where I could give money in Momma's memory at MD, birthday, etc.....

TwinFoxes
05-03-2010, 06:52 AM
Mil gets a nice gift, my mom has passed away. I buy all the gifts in the family. His mom and sisters are sooo glad! ;) DH isn't horrible at picking gifts, but I've pretty much attained expert status when it comes to shopping. Why have an amature do it? :)

wellyes
05-03-2010, 06:56 AM
It's DH's mom, not mine, so no.
Father's Day too until his dad passed away.
He has few gift buying responsibilities - those, my birthday, Xmas for me.

egoldber
05-03-2010, 07:07 AM
DH does all the shopping for his family. Usually he and his sisters do some sort of group gift.


I gave her a framed picture of DS for no reason at all a few months back and she seemed touched, but also flustered. I really feel for her, she's gone for years w/o what I would call adequate appreciation, or, um, love

If it makes you feel any better, some people/families are just not that into gift giving. My family is not and DH and I are not. It doesn't mean I feel unappreciated. Hopefully it's the same for your MIL. :)

mamicka
05-03-2010, 08:24 AM
If it makes you feel any better, some people/families are just not that into gift giving. My family is not and DH and I are not. It doesn't mean I feel unappreciated. Hopefully it's the same for your MIL. :)

:yeahthat: I can totally relate to how your MIL feels. I'm very uncomfortable with receiving gifts but I'm married to a very gifting family. I think your MIL probably appreciates that you've realized her feelings & aren't as generous with her gifts as you are with your own family. As weird as that sounds.

OP - DH is responsible for his own mother's gifts. Sometimes we discuss it & I'll physically buy it but it's not my job to worry about it.

Green_Tea
05-03-2010, 08:25 AM
Yes, I do. I am in charge of all gift giving in the family, and I wouldn't want MIL to feel forgotten. I spend equal amounts on her and my mom.

SnuggleBuggles
05-03-2010, 08:28 AM
I'm also the one in my family in charge of gifts. My mom is far pickier and more sensitive about things so I tend to do a little more for her. But, for both I have been buying hanging baskets for a few years now. They seem to look forward to this tradition now.

Beth

♥ms.pacman♥
05-03-2010, 10:21 AM
yes, i am always the one that get something for my MIL..DH is pretty clueless on what to get and he's not the type to pick out gifts...sometimes he would even forget it was mother's day. i usually buy MIL a Coach bag or some other Coach accessory..i get a similar thing for my own mom. i guess it's because i know my MIL loves purses/Coach and i'm a handbag junkie, so it's another excuse for me to go to shopping and buy more bags :) sometimes if MIL is in town we'll just let her pick the bag herself and we'll pay for it as her mother's day or birthday gift. i do the same thing for my mom.

elephantmeg
05-03-2010, 10:22 AM
We generally give her cash to buy plants at the local greenhouse. DH said snarkily that we should just buy her a flat of dead plants. THey have a tendency to buy plants and then not plant them...

infomama
05-03-2010, 10:37 AM
No I don't.

tmarie
05-03-2010, 12:33 PM
Thanks for all the responses!

My dilemma is that my mom is super generous and even gives ME a gift and card on MD because I am a mother. (she lives far away and if we don't get to see her on MD, goes to the trouble of shipping me a big package). Then there is MIL, who has never been warm towards me, gave me a $10 snuggler(or whatever they're called) for xmas, and even though she invites herself to visit us on MD weekend, doesn't even acknowledge that MD is honoring me as well (hello, the mother of her only grandkids). Last year I bought both MIL and my mother a Vera Bradley bag. I spent equal amounts on MIL and my mom. I didn't get the feeling that MIL appreciated the bag, she never wished ME happy mother's day even though she was AT our house on the MD, and certainly didn't give me a gift or card. Because of all this, I just have no desire to get her anything. Which of course I feel guilty about. Hmmmm....do I get her a gift or not?

tmarie

lchang25000
05-03-2010, 12:44 PM
We usually give a check to both moms for the same amount.

hellokitty
05-03-2010, 01:47 PM
You know, I used to be very fair and get both my mom and mil the same thing. The problem is my mil is a sh*t and is ALWAYS ungracious when you give her a gift. She scowls, loudly complains about the gift and doesn't even say thank you. So, I pretty much got sick and tired of having her act like a total brat every time I went out of my way to get her a nice gift My mom always likes it, my mil doesn't like gifts, unless are extremely expensive, all she cares about is that it cost a whole lot of $. So she doesn't really go by the motto of, "it's the thought that counts." She literally expects things like cars, fur coats and jewelry, which is really funny, b/c that's NEVER going to happen, so each yr she is disappointed.

So, this yr, I got my mom two callaway golf/tennis shirts that I know she will love. I got nothing for mil and reminded him last wk that he needs to get something for HIS mother. He says he will just do an IOU to take her out to dinner. He won't even send a card, b/c she won't read it anyway (this is the same woman who told me that her friends thought that our wedding invitation was, "junk mail," b/c we did not put mil and fil's name at the top of the invitation... I told her it's not my fault her friends can't read, since there names were further down in the invitation). It might sound like a lame gift, but whenever we treat my mil to a dinner, she picks places that are like $50 per person, so it's not like we're taking her out to applebee's or something.

crl
05-03-2010, 01:49 PM
I do as a favor to DH. I pick out what I think my mom would like and then MIL gets the same thing. If DS doesn't think that's a suitable choice, he can pick something out on his own (never does). I do NOT do anything for her birthday--don't even keep track of when it is.

Catherine

MommyofAmaya
05-03-2010, 02:02 PM
My MIL is a saint and she usually gets a better gift than my mom, b/c she is incredibly generous to us and I always feel the need to repay her in some way.
She is getting an Ipad from FIL for her combined MD/Bday gift, so we got her a Borsa Bella Ipad bag and matching gadget bag. I'm actually jealous. I have BB Kindle bag and now I want another.

This is the print we got for her. I hope she likes it. It was fun to pick out.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/44704079/slingtravel-purse-also-fits-kindle-dx

newg
05-03-2010, 02:06 PM
Yes, I pick a gift out for both of them. They are both moms and grandmas and important in all of our lives in different ways.
Since DD was born I've done pictures (or something similar) for each mom.

I guess I would feel differently if DH, or I, had a bad relationship with his mother.

BigDog
05-03-2010, 02:07 PM
The MIL is DH's responsibility. When it comes to the ILs, my response is usually "not my family!" - but that's because I dislike my ILs! And DH doesn't really care so he usually winds up doing nothing and then at the last minute I'm running out and buying a flower or something to give her. My family on the other hand is totally different. I adore my parents so I would go above and beyond for them.

firstbaby
05-03-2010, 02:44 PM
I do all of our gift shopping. Like a PP said, it would stress DH to fit in the shopping for gifts so I take care of it. Also, I talk with MIL on a regular basis and we have some hobbies in common, so it's not difficult to come up with ideas. I generally spend about the same on MIL as my mom.

BUT, if my MIL was not gracious or friendly with me, I would not hesitate to stay firm that her gift is DH responsibility and I would feel absolved of any guilt if he didn't follow through.

OP, it sounds like you have a treat for a MIL :)

BelleoftheBallFlagstaff
05-03-2010, 02:45 PM
I will get her a card and a Shutterfly book, or a flowering tea set or something. My mom died when I was little, so no gift for her. I have a love/hate relationship with Mother's Day. I ignored the day (besides a card for my dad aka Dom or Mad, before he died) until I had DD.

MIL hates I won't call her Mom, which annoys me. I mean my mom died when I was 5, and I refuse to call anyone else mom....She cannot understand this.

mamicka
05-03-2010, 02:47 PM
MIL hates I won't call her Mom, which annoys me. I mean my mom died when I was 5, and I refuse to call anyone else mom....She cannot understand this.

:hug: I'm so sorry. That's awful. I don't call my MIL "Mom" either & I don't have an obvious reason like you do.

fauve01
05-03-2010, 02:57 PM
DH wants his mom to just have a card, so I go out and find one that says "happy mother's day" only (it's not that easy to find a plain card like that!). NO "you're the greatest" sayings or anything like that. I make sure it's mailed to get there on time. DH is pretty bitter about his childhood and parental experience, so it's pretty good he is sending anything at all. sigh.


For my mom, i usually send a couple fiction books (something i've read and enjoyed), and a card. Her birthday is in early june, so we have another gift opportunity coming up pretty fast!

Anne

BelleoftheBallFlagstaff
05-03-2010, 03:00 PM
:hug: I'm so sorry. That's awful. I don't call my MIL "Mom" either & I don't have an obvious reason like you do.

Thank you!!!!!! To this day 10 years later she says, you can call me mom. Umm no my mom died in 1983, and that was when I stopped calling anyone mom! She is very passive aggressive about it. Complains to people how it makes her feel bad, geez lady try not having a mom! :waving4:

JoyNChrist
05-03-2010, 03:12 PM
I usually pick out the gifts for both my mom and MIL, and also get cards and flowers or pics for our grandmothers (we're blessed to have all of our grandmothers still living). But this year I'm not buying a damn thing for anybody. I have SO much on my plate right now and I'm stressed and pregnant and cranky and DH can do it or it's not getting done.

Of course, I better get a gift, and a good one at that. :p

fivi2
05-03-2010, 03:20 PM
Thanks for all the responses!

My dilemma is that my mom is super generous and even gives ME a gift and card on MD because I am a mother. (she lives far away and if we don't get to see her on MD, goes to the trouble of shipping me a big package). Then there is MIL, who has never been warm towards me, gave me a $10 snuggler(or whatever they're called) for xmas, and even though she invites herself to visit us on MD weekend, doesn't even acknowledge that MD is honoring me as well (hello, the mother of her only grandkids). Last year I bought both MIL and my mother a Vera Bradley bag. I spent equal amounts on MIL and my mom. I didn't get the feeling that MIL appreciated the bag, she never wished ME happy mother's day even though she was AT our house on the MD, and certainly didn't give me a gift or card. Because of all this, I just have no desire to get her anything. Which of course I feel guilty about. Hmmmm....do I get her a gift or not?

tmarie

That's tough. If it were me, I would do something small for her just because she will be at your house. Maybe a framed photo of the grandkids or some nice chocolates. If she isn't coming to visit, I think a small flower arrangement is perfectly acceptable. And a card from your dc. But I don't think it is a huge deal if you leave it up to dh!

tmarie
05-03-2010, 03:24 PM
My MIL is a saint and she usually gets a better gift than my mom, b/c she is incredibly generous to us and I always feel the need to repay her in some way.
She is getting an Ipad from FIL for her combined MD/Bday gift, so we got her a Borsa Bella Ipad bag and matching gadget bag. I'm actually jealous. I have BB Kindle bag and now I want another.

This is the print we got for her. I hope she likes it. It was fun to pick out.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/44704079/slingtravel-purse-also-fits-kindle-dx

how fun! i'm so envious you have a MIL you get along with and truly love! :)

♥ms.pacman♥
05-03-2010, 03:24 PM
Thank you!!!!!! To this day 10 years later she says, you can call me mom. Umm no my mom died in 1983, and that was when I stopped calling anyone mom! She is very passive aggressive about it. Complains to people how it makes her feel bad, geez lady try not having a mom! :waving4:

wow, that is horrible. i can't believe that. how self-centered and insensitive of her. if this is what she complains about, sounds like she has some serious issues!

my MIL is great but i'd don't call her mom, and never will. she doesn't expect me to either. she doesn't call her MIL mom, still calls her Mrs. Lastname. both DH & I think it's really really weird to call someone else "Mom" or "Dad", no matter how involved/nice they are.

tmarie
05-03-2010, 03:29 PM
MIL hates I won't call her Mom, which annoys me. I mean my mom died when I was 5, and I refuse to call anyone else mom....She cannot understand this.

I am so sorry. Your MIL sounds lovely. My MIL is the queen of passive aggressive, but yours sounds pretty forward. Sigh. I don't know which is worse!

Hope YOU have a happy MD!

BelleoftheBallFlagstaff
05-03-2010, 03:57 PM
She is coming for ten days at the end of May, I posted in the BP. She booked the reservation last week, but felt that an email to an account DH hardly ever checks was sufficient to let us know when and how long she is coming for. Still no call....

ciw
05-03-2010, 04:15 PM
even though she was AT our house on the MD, and certainly didn't give me a gift or card.
tmarie

I wouldn't expect her to give you anything but she was at your house and didn't wish you a happy mother's day? Nope, uh-uh, not cool. I guess I must not be as nice as everyone else because I certainly wouldn't be going out of my way to get her something. My attitude would be that DH could get her something if he wanted and I'd help DC make her a card and that would be that.