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View Full Version : Q? for Moms of sons (long-sorry)



PunkyBoo
05-03-2010, 05:17 PM
Punkin is 6. He and I have always gotten along really well and for a long time, he and I would spend 90% of our time together since I'm a SAHM and he was an only child until he was 5 and Boo came along. He loves kindergarten, but the K program at his school is only 3.5 hours a day- he gets home at 12:30. He's a pretty independent kid, has always been pretty content playing by himself, which was a blessing when I had to have 2 surgeries before preg. with Boo and had bad sciatica during the pregnancy with Boo. But in the afternoons when Boo is napping, I'd like to spend some quality time with Punkin. He's active in sports and DH takes him to most of his team practices so I can stay home to make dinner and let Boo finish napping, etc. He loves playing sports, but I'm not really athletic and am not into scrimmaging soccer with him or teaching him to perfect his football throw like DH does. We used to read together a lot, but now that he is a really strong reader, he prefers to read by himself.

So we got into playing board games together, but he has a very strong competitive nature and he gets mad and frustrated when I do well and he doesn't. I've tried to take those opportunities as "teachable moments" to show him it's just fun to play even when you don't win, but lately he doesn't buy into that - he just gets mad and often says things he then gets in trouble for, so I end up telling him we're not going to play that game together anymore (and we've burned through pretty much all the games we have, now.)

He likes to help me when I bake something, but I don't do that often. I usually have stuff I need to do, but I'd also like do do things with him while it's just the 2 of us. I just feel like I'm at a loss as to how to engage with him lately- I am and was always more of a girly-girl. I don't have any brothers, so boys this age are pretty foreign to me. I hate saying it, but I kinda feel like we have very little in common- is that normal?? Any ideas to help me make that connection with him? Thanks.

hillview
05-03-2010, 05:20 PM
Tough situation.
Some ideas:
can he help you cook even if not baking?
can you find some cooperative games? Or do a crossword together?
can you go somewhere together (food shopping, errands etc)?
can you research something together on the internet etc (maybe Pele and other great soccer players)?
maybe make a slide show together?

I am thinking more cooperative things vs competitive things if you tend to get bogged down in the competition part?

Good for you to think about this!
/hillary

hillview
05-03-2010, 05:21 PM
Oh and you could ask him for suggestions :)
/hillary

PunkyBoo
05-03-2010, 05:34 PM
Tough situation.
Some ideas:
can he help you cook even if not baking?
can you find some cooperative games? Or do a crossword together?
can you go somewhere together (food shopping, errands etc)?
can you research something together on the internet etc (maybe Pele and other great soccer players)?
maybe make a slide show together?

I am thinking more cooperative things vs competitive things if you tend to get bogged down in the competition part?

Good for you to think about this!
/hillary

Thank you for your (quick!) thoughts! Do you know of any cooperative games that boys his age would like? Everything I THOUGHT was cooperative still has winners and losers, or he gets snippy when he THINKS I'm doing better than he is.
We can't leave the house because Boo is napping when we have that time together.

I like the ides about researching stuff and puzzles... we do some of that, but probably not often enough. I know next year there won't be as much free time to do this stuff together, so I want to lay a nice foundation for us to have a good connection. Thanks again for your input!

m448
05-03-2010, 05:37 PM
Hang in there. If you read Your Six Year Old it will put it all into perspective. Not only is 6 very competitive (to the point of doing ANYTHING to win) but it's also an age where there will be more stress between the six year old and their daily caregiver (usually mom) as they work towards separation a bit and finding their older big kid identity. Doesn't mean he'll forever write you off, just that this is only a speedbump.

PunkyBoo
05-03-2010, 05:38 PM
Hang in there. If you read Your Six Year Old it will put it all into perspective. Not only is 6 very competitive (to the point of doing ANYTHING to win) but it's also an age where there will be more stress between the six year old and their daily caregiver (usually mom) as they work towards separation a bit and finding their older big kid identity. Doesn't mean he'll forever write you off, just that this is only a speedbump.

Is that a book?
Thanks.

m448
05-03-2010, 05:41 PM
Yes, this one.

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Six-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506743

Just ignore the outdated parenting advice.

sariana
05-03-2010, 05:44 PM
Could he help you clean the house? My son is almost 6, and he loves to help with dusting, sweeping, putting things away (except his own toys, of course!). Granted, he's not much of a help, but it is a way to do something together and maybe get some work done at the same time.

Do you have any outdoor space? Could you do any gardening, even if it's in a container?

Just because he's interested in sports doesn't mean you have to be. As long as he has an outlet for that interest, you can do other things with him. It's probably better if they are things he doesn't do with his dad.

gatorsmom
05-03-2010, 05:48 PM
I think the cooperative games is a great idea. We have several from this company: http://www.familypastimes.com/ that we really like. i have a 6yo who gets upset when he doesn't win, too. These games have been a blessing.

We particulary love Funny Face (it is a ton of fun), Max, Princess, and the Sleeping Giant. I think I paid about $10 per game for them. No one is a winner unless EVERYONE is a winner.

Sometimes I find that just talking to Gator while I'm making dinner is a great way to connect. I ask him what his favorite part of the day was, what was something he did that he enjoyed, who did he talk to, etc. And I just listen and make dinner. It's a great way to connect.

GL!

Katigre
05-03-2010, 06:14 PM
I would not stop reading aloud - it remains really important through teenage age. The Read Aloud Handbook (http://www.amazon.com/Read-Aloud-Handbook-Sixth-Jim-Trelease/dp/0143037390/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272924795&sr=8-1) by Jim Trelease has great ideas about this. If you get a more difficult chapter book to read to him that would engage him, because you can read aloud at a much higher level than the child can read independently.

I would read Your Six Year Old b/c that will help put some of his behaviors into perspective.

I would try to do a lot of being with him in the same room - so maybe you sit and read while he plays with something nearby, maybe you have him help you do something in the house. Persevere with the board games too - he'll settle down and learn to play by the rules eventually.

elizabethkott
05-03-2010, 07:22 PM
What about something like setting up a domino track?
Is he into legos? Maybe working together on building one of the bigger lego sets would work?
Something crafty like learning how to make balloon animals? (My nephew was really into this when he was about 7.)

hillview
05-03-2010, 07:24 PM
Oh what about magic tricks! That might be fun too -- learn magic card tricks.
/hillary

August Mom
05-03-2010, 07:50 PM
DS was almost 5 when DD was born and it definitely changed our relationship. I also am a SAHM. So, before DD, DS and I were together all the time. Post-DD, DS and DH do more things together and leave me and DD together. So, I get what you are saying about your relationship and how DS and you don't seem as connected anymore. Board games have actually worked out really well for us, but if they aren't working for you, I would look try doing puzzles together, doing building activities (LEGO, blocks, whatever), playing cars or trucks or things like that if he's into it or even playing video games with him if that's his thing. I'm not a great gamer, but DS likes me to play Wii with him so I do on occasion. Is he into arts or crafts at all? That would be a time to work on projects like that too. Around that age, DS and I made some cardboard box projects that he loved. We turned big boxes into different things like cars, an airplane, rocket, etc. He came up with the design, I attempted to execute it, we both painted it and he decorated it. You could also do smaller-scale projects. Good luck. It's hard to do almost everything together for a long time and then have that change.

SnuggleBuggles
05-03-2010, 08:22 PM
I have 5.5y between my boys. Here are some things we like to do, in addition to baking, reading and playing board games:

Indoor scavenger hunts
Wii
iSpy- books or computer game
Computer games (Pajama Sam was a big hit for both of us!!)
build Geotrax
play with Legos
Play-doh (you could kill some time making it from scratch)


Beth

ShanaMama
05-03-2010, 09:57 PM
No BTDT advice but just wanted to comment that I love this thread. You sound like a great mom. I can't wrap my head around the three hour day for a 6 yo! My 4 yo is out from 9:30-2 every day and that feel about right to me.

DebbieJ
05-03-2010, 10:30 PM
Wii
Baking/cooking (such fun and great teachable moments!)
Cleaning together--he loves to vacuum!

--these are the main things my 6 yo and I do when we have together time.

PunkyBoo
05-03-2010, 10:39 PM
You all are so sweet :love-retry:. This afternoon, we put together a puzzle together (something we haven't done in a LONG TIME- he's obsessed with not bringing out "choking hazards" lol) and we both really enjoyed it, and the focus on working TOGETHER was great- and I gave him lots of praise for how nice it was to help eachother and what a good job he did... It's great to generate the ideas to have in my "mommy toolbox", you know? Those family games also look good... Yeah, we have some looooonnnnggg afternoons in this house!

gatorsmom
05-03-2010, 10:43 PM
Oh, some of the other responses made me think of some of the things my 6 yo and I enjoy. I love to do Quadrilla marble mazes with him. And we like to work on the more complicated lego sets (although admittedly he enjoys this more than me). We also really like working on snap circuits together.

I know you said your 6yo is already an avid reader but I recently read a couple of the Captain Underpants chapter books with my boys and we were giggling like crazy together. Very fun books for that age.

Raidra
05-03-2010, 10:48 PM
My boys are home with me all day, so we do a lot together. :) We bake, garden, watch the birds at the bird feeders, play board games, read books (*huge* yeah that to the PP who said you should definitely keep doing read alouds.. has he gotten into Harry Potter or other similar series?), do puzzles, play Play Dough, Legos, we make books (usually he dictates to me 'cause it's faster, then he illustrates), forts, we play with Snap Circuits and Magnetix. You could get some science experiment kits, those are always lots of fun. Besides sports, is there anything he's really interested in that you could create a long-term project out of? Like.. when the boys have gone through dinosaur phases, we've made dioramas/habitats for their toy dinos to live in. We've created stuff for them to use when playing Star Wars guys, like secret bases, space stations, etc. You could try some of the challenges from kidswhothink.blogspot.com.

niccig
05-03-2010, 10:49 PM
Is into science at all?

We have some science kits that DS got for Christmas. Crystals, volcanoes, wind turbine, digging out a dinosaur etc. You don't have to buy a kit, you could find some science experiments on line.

I would still read as well.

DS is nearly 5.5 yo and an only child. He helps me out around the house and in the garden. I do play sports with him. DH gets home late during the week, so I'm often the goal keeper so he can practice his shooting - I know nothing about soccer, but I can stand in front of the goal and pretend. We also got a basketball hoop and we do that together. DH does it more and can teach him HOW to do these sports on the weekend, but I practice with DS after school some days.

HTH